Butternut Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 (Please pardon my words, but an older woman told me this one in front of customers the other day) What do you call it when a whore farts? prostitoots 2 3 Quote "One should eat to live, not live to eat." -Molaire- "People always forget their hangover" -My dear ol' dad "People are born to live, while some are born to evolve." Link to comment
Nomad Jay Posted November 5, 2017 Report Share Posted November 5, 2017 I read a study the other day that found six out of seven dwarfs are not happy. 4 3 Quote "If you would improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus "You just gotta listen to your body, unless it's saying anything about stopping, pain, your joints, or needing water." Level 20 Pilgrim (Adventurer 7, Assassin 3, Druid 2, Monk 10, Ranger 5, Rebel 9, Scout 10, Warrior 4) Link to comment
Basement Cat Posted November 16, 2017 Report Share Posted November 16, 2017 Found this on the interwebs. 1 1 Quote Current form: Chubby House Cat (lvl4) Weight objective: 20% S. 4 P. 6 E. 4 C. 7 I. 8 A. 4 L. 5 Battle log Current Challenge Handy linky. Link to comment
GodzillaKong Posted November 16, 2017 Report Share Posted November 16, 2017 Bilbao Baggins... ... I'll get me coat. 1 1 Quote Link to comment
Scaly Freak Posted November 16, 2017 Report Share Posted November 16, 2017 What do you call an alligator who is wearing a vest? Spoiler An investigator. 3 3 Quote The Great Reading Thread of 2024 “I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior. Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14; Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission III; Ch 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37; Ch 38; Ch 39; Ch 40; Intermission V; Ch 41; Ch 42; Ch 43; Ch 44; Ch 45; Ch 46; Ch 47; Intermission VI; Ch 48; Ch 49; Ch 50 Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted November 20, 2017 Report Share Posted November 20, 2017 A lawyer dies and winds up at the pearly gates. He walks up to St. Peter and says, "There must be some mistake! I'm too young to die!" St. Peter looks at his book and says, "No, you were scheduled to die at 83." The lawyer says, "But I'm only 42!" St. Peter says, "Not according to your billable hours." 2 2 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Basement Cat Posted November 20, 2017 Report Share Posted November 20, 2017 Three mothers meet for tea and brag about their sons. Mother one: My son is an assistant manager. His boss says 'that's my right-hand man' when he sees him. Mother two: My son is a firefighter. He saved a a young woman last week and she calls him 'my hero' when she sees him. Mother three: My son is a stripper. His clients say 'my God!' when they see him. 3 2 Quote Current form: Chubby House Cat (lvl4) Weight objective: 20% S. 4 P. 6 E. 4 C. 7 I. 8 A. 4 L. 5 Battle log Current Challenge Handy linky. Link to comment
Artinum Posted November 21, 2017 Report Share Posted November 21, 2017 17 hours ago, Basement Cat said: Three mothers meet for tea and brag about their sons. Mother one: My son is an assistant manager. His boss says 'that's my right-hand man' when he sees him. Mother two: My son is a firefighter. He saved a a young woman last week and she calls him 'my hero' when she sees him. Mother three: My son is a stripper. His clients say 'my God!' when they see him. Mother four doesn't like to boast about her son, the assistant manager of a local nightclub, where he also dresses as a fireman for a nightly striptease. But enough about my boyfriend... (I wish!) 4 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted December 6, 2017 Report Share Posted December 6, 2017 ♫♪ He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake; He knows if you've been bad or good; Because you share too much online...♫♪ 3 3 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Butternut Posted February 2, 2018 Report Share Posted February 2, 2018 Knock knock Who’s there? Europe Europe who? No your a poo! 1 3 Quote "One should eat to live, not live to eat." -Molaire- "People always forget their hangover" -My dear ol' dad "People are born to live, while some are born to evolve." Link to comment
Butternut Posted February 13, 2018 Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 Doctor, I need a need butt Why? Because my old one has a crack in it! 2 Quote "One should eat to live, not live to eat." -Molaire- "People always forget their hangover" -My dear ol' dad "People are born to live, while some are born to evolve." Link to comment
Basement Cat Posted March 14, 2018 Report Share Posted March 14, 2018 - I read a book about anti-gravity once. -Was it good? - I couldn't put it down. 2 5 Quote Current form: Chubby House Cat (lvl4) Weight objective: 20% S. 4 P. 6 E. 4 C. 7 I. 8 A. 4 L. 5 Battle log Current Challenge Handy linky. Link to comment
Nomad Jay Posted March 18, 2018 Report Share Posted March 18, 2018 On 12/6/2017 at 4:33 PM, Tomu-san said: ♫♪ He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake; He knows if you've been bad or good; Because you share too much online...♫♪ Just saw this and now I'm composing the full version in my head...so thanks for that. Quote "If you would improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus "You just gotta listen to your body, unless it's saying anything about stopping, pain, your joints, or needing water." Level 20 Pilgrim (Adventurer 7, Assassin 3, Druid 2, Monk 10, Ranger 5, Rebel 9, Scout 10, Warrior 4) Link to comment
Luds Posted April 9, 2018 Report Share Posted April 9, 2018 My girlfriend is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters... But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly "we need to talk". 4 Quote Remember that sensory deprivation causes hallucinations Link to comment
Drake Alexander Posted April 10, 2018 Report Share Posted April 10, 2018 Saw this online... How much does a Hipster weigh? An Instagram. 4 3 Quote Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted April 18, 2018 Report Share Posted April 18, 2018 What alignment is rice? Pilafal good. 1 1 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted April 19, 2018 Report Share Posted April 19, 2018 A woman is at her husband's funeral. A man sits next to her and asks, "May I say a word?" The woman says, "Yes, please do." The man stands up, clears his throat, and says, "Plethora," then sits back down. "Thank you," says the widow. "That means a lot." 3 8 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Artinum Posted April 23, 2018 Report Share Posted April 23, 2018 How do you keep a Bad Joke Thread reader in suspense? 16 hours ago, Rubik'sCat said: Deleted. Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
RubiksCat Posted April 23, 2018 Report Share Posted April 23, 2018 4 hours ago, Artinum said: How do you keep a Bad Joke Thread reader in suspense? Haha I can't slip it by anyone! Really, I posted a bad joke, I saw someone already posted it before me, then I deleted it. 1 Quote Link to comment
titsworth Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 If I had a pet Ewok, I wouldn't let it go outside.... It would be an Endor pet. 2 2 Quote Ranger - Rheno - Rising Hero Current Challenge Link to comment
RubiksCat Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 I think I'll get into the movie making industry. My first choice for actor will be an elderly Bilbo Baggins and he'll be infiltrating a building with hostages held at gunpoint to save the day. I'll call it "Old Hobbits Die Hard". 2 2 Quote Link to comment
Nomad Jay Posted April 29, 2018 Report Share Posted April 29, 2018 I went through a phase where I carved figurines of Bilbo and Frodo and the others out of wood. I gave it up because it was becoming hobbit-forming. 4 Quote "If you would improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus "You just gotta listen to your body, unless it's saying anything about stopping, pain, your joints, or needing water." Level 20 Pilgrim (Adventurer 7, Assassin 3, Druid 2, Monk 10, Ranger 5, Rebel 9, Scout 10, Warrior 4) Link to comment
Nomad Jay Posted April 29, 2018 Report Share Posted April 29, 2018 Two cannibals walk into a restaurant and demand someone to eat. The terrified waiter stammers out "We don't normally serve cannibals, but by happenstance, we have a businessman from Prague who just died of a heart-attack." One cannibal looks to the other and shrugs "What do you think, could we split the Czech?" 2 3 Quote "If you would improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus "You just gotta listen to your body, unless it's saying anything about stopping, pain, your joints, or needing water." Level 20 Pilgrim (Adventurer 7, Assassin 3, Druid 2, Monk 10, Ranger 5, Rebel 9, Scout 10, Warrior 4) Link to comment
RubiksCat Posted April 29, 2018 Report Share Posted April 29, 2018 10 hours ago, Nomad Jay said: I went through a phase where I carved figurines of Bilbo and Frodo and the others out of wood. I gave it up because it was becoming hobbit-forming. If you keep posting jokes in this thread it could become a force of hobbit for you. 1 1 Quote Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.