Nomad Jay Posted May 6, 2018 Report Share Posted May 6, 2018 On 4/29/2018 at 5:40 PM, Rubik'sCat said: If you keep posting jokes in this thread it could become a force of hobbit for you. True, but it does keep me from getting any Shire. 1 1 Quote "If you would improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus "You just gotta listen to your body, unless it's saying anything about stopping, pain, your joints, or needing water." Level 20 Pilgrim (Adventurer 7, Assassin 3, Druid 2, Monk 10, Ranger 5, Rebel 9, Scout 10, Warrior 4) Link to comment
RubiksCat Posted June 10, 2018 Report Share Posted June 10, 2018 It's been a while since the last post... Whenever people ask me what my life will be like 1 and a half years from, I always tell them I don't know. I don't have 2020 vision. 1 6 Quote Link to comment
Nomad Jay Posted June 12, 2018 Report Share Posted June 12, 2018 One that no longer works in the age of cellphones: Teacher: "Hey! You two! I thought I told you to quit passing notes!" Student: "We aren't passing notes, we're playing cards." 1 1 Quote "If you would improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus "You just gotta listen to your body, unless it's saying anything about stopping, pain, your joints, or needing water." Level 20 Pilgrim (Adventurer 7, Assassin 3, Druid 2, Monk 10, Ranger 5, Rebel 9, Scout 10, Warrior 4) Link to comment
Butternut Posted July 28, 2018 Report Share Posted July 28, 2018 What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!! 3 Quote "One should eat to live, not live to eat." -Molaire- "People always forget their hangover" -My dear ol' dad "People are born to live, while some are born to evolve." Link to comment
Scaly Freak Posted July 28, 2018 Report Share Posted July 28, 2018 This joke has been rated 'M' for Mature. Spoiler Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife is out of town. 4 Quote The Great Reading Thread of 2024 “I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior. Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14; Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission III; Ch 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37; Ch 38; Ch 39; Ch 40; Intermission V; Ch 41; Ch 42; Ch 43; Ch 44; Ch 45; Ch 46; Ch 47; Intermission VI; Ch 48; Ch 49; Ch 50 Link to comment
Jittersthe.Clown Posted July 30, 2018 Report Share Posted July 30, 2018 Why can't a Tyrannosaurus Rex clap it's hands? It's extinct. 2 3 Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted August 10, 2018 Report Share Posted August 10, 2018 I stole my ex-girlfriend's wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back to me... 1 3 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Basement Cat Posted August 13, 2018 Report Share Posted August 13, 2018 1 1 Quote Current form: Chubby House Cat (lvl4) Weight objective: 20% S. 4 P. 6 E. 4 C. 7 I. 8 A. 4 L. 5 Battle log Current Challenge Handy linky. Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted August 13, 2018 Report Share Posted August 13, 2018 What does it sound like when whales cry? Blubber, blubber, blubber! 1 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Bob the Bardbarian Posted August 14, 2018 Report Share Posted August 14, 2018 What did the doe say after she came out of the woods? ... ... ... ... ... "I'll never do that for two bucks again." 2 Quote Level 4 | Character Sheet | Current Challenge | | Past Challenges | #1 | #2 | #3 | #4 | Educate - Entertain - Inspire Link to comment
Basement Cat Posted August 14, 2018 Report Share Posted August 14, 2018 What do you call it when you fall asleep on a book or piece of paper and your saliva smudges the ink into funny shapes? A droodle. And if you manage to make a self portrait that way, it's a spitting image! 2 Quote Current form: Chubby House Cat (lvl4) Weight objective: 20% S. 4 P. 6 E. 4 C. 7 I. 8 A. 4 L. 5 Battle log Current Challenge Handy linky. Link to comment
Bob the Bardbarian Posted August 19, 2018 Report Share Posted August 19, 2018 So this lawyer is talking to this widow. "Did you know your husband left you 48 million dollars lady? 48 million dollars, and he couldn't even read or write?" "Yeah he couldn't swim either." 1 1 Quote Level 4 | Character Sheet | Current Challenge | | Past Challenges | #1 | #2 | #3 | #4 | Educate - Entertain - Inspire Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted September 18, 2018 Report Share Posted September 18, 2018 People are shocked when they find out that I'm a lousy electrician. 1 2 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Scaly Freak Posted September 19, 2018 Report Share Posted September 19, 2018 12 hours ago, Tomu-san said: People are shocked when they find out that I'm a lousy electrician. This one is actually funny Quote The Great Reading Thread of 2024 “I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior. Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14; Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission III; Ch 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37; Ch 38; Ch 39; Ch 40; Intermission V; Ch 41; Ch 42; Ch 43; Ch 44; Ch 45; Ch 46; Ch 47; Intermission VI; Ch 48; Ch 49; Ch 50 Link to comment
Scaly Freak Posted October 5, 2018 Report Share Posted October 5, 2018 How many grammar nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb? Spoiler Too. 4 Quote The Great Reading Thread of 2024 “I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior. Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14; Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission III; Ch 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37; Ch 38; Ch 39; Ch 40; Intermission V; Ch 41; Ch 42; Ch 43; Ch 44; Ch 45; Ch 46; Ch 47; Intermission VI; Ch 48; Ch 49; Ch 50 Link to comment
RubiksCat Posted October 5, 2018 Report Share Posted October 5, 2018 1 hour ago, scalyfreak said: How many grammar nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb? Reveal hidden contents Too. Hmm, I thought it only took won. 3 Quote Link to comment
TimovieMan Posted October 5, 2018 Report Share Posted October 5, 2018 7 minutes ago, Rubik'sCat said: Hmm, I thought it only took won. Unless they're German, then it takes nein. 4 Quote Active challenges: Spring Respawn: Winter Blues to Summer Bod | Walk to Mordor - (spreadsheet) | DailyDare | Weight Loss PVP 10/12 lbs in 10/12 weeks - (spreadsheet) 2023-24 threads: Challenge VIII | IX | X | XI | XII | XIII | XIV | XV | XVI | XVII | XVIII 2018-19 & 2021 threads: Battle log | Challenge I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII Link to comment
TimovieMan Posted October 5, 2018 Report Share Posted October 5, 2018 Awesome thread, btw. Why did Adele cross the road? Spoiler To say hello from the other side. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.... What's purple, and when you throw it against the wall, your neighbour's phone rings? Spoiler Pure coincidence. And the best Knock Knock joke I ever heard: 1 4 Quote Active challenges: Spring Respawn: Winter Blues to Summer Bod | Walk to Mordor - (spreadsheet) | DailyDare | Weight Loss PVP 10/12 lbs in 10/12 weeks - (spreadsheet) 2023-24 threads: Challenge VIII | IX | X | XI | XII | XIII | XIV | XV | XVI | XVII | XVIII 2018-19 & 2021 threads: Battle log | Challenge I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII Link to comment
TimovieMan Posted October 7, 2018 Report Share Posted October 7, 2018 There, caught up with the entire thread. I'll never get those hours back... Pirate jokes: Why are pirates called 'pirates'? Because they ARRRRR! How many 'R's do pirates use to say 'ARRRRR'? All of them. Football jokes: (that's "soccer" for you North Americans ) Why do the residents of Dortmund drink their wine straight out of the bottle? Because Bayern Munich has all the cups. Pardon me, but this one's racist: Why doesn't Pakistan have a national football team? Because every time they'd get a corner, they'd open a shop. 1 1 Quote Active challenges: Spring Respawn: Winter Blues to Summer Bod | Walk to Mordor - (spreadsheet) | DailyDare | Weight Loss PVP 10/12 lbs in 10/12 weeks - (spreadsheet) 2023-24 threads: Challenge VIII | IX | X | XI | XII | XIII | XIV | XV | XVI | XVII | XVIII 2018-19 & 2021 threads: Battle log | Challenge I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII Link to comment
TimovieMan Posted October 7, 2018 Report Share Posted October 7, 2018 The Big Bang: And on the Eighth Day, God pointed at Adam and said: "Pull my finger!" Little known facts: It was not Alfred Nobel but in fact Chuck Norris who invented dynamite. Chuck was experimenting with powders to make a protein shake. Chuck Norris once participated in a show of "Celebrity Wheel of Fortune" in the early '80s. They're still waiting for the wheel to stop spinning. Chuck Norris currently starts his day with a protein shake made out of gunpowder, liquid XTC, enriched uranium, stem cells, egg white from a dodo egg, pure Colombian cocaine, rattlesnake venom and Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson. Chuck Norris once built an entire hospital from the ground up, with his bare hands. It was the hospital he was born in. I've got hundreds more where these came from. 2 2 Quote Active challenges: Spring Respawn: Winter Blues to Summer Bod | Walk to Mordor - (spreadsheet) | DailyDare | Weight Loss PVP 10/12 lbs in 10/12 weeks - (spreadsheet) 2023-24 threads: Challenge VIII | IX | X | XI | XII | XIII | XIV | XV | XVI | XVII | XVIII 2018-19 & 2021 threads: Battle log | Challenge I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII Link to comment
RubiksCat Posted October 8, 2018 Report Share Posted October 8, 2018 Lol those Chuck Norris ones are hilarious. Can you post a link for more? 1 Quote Link to comment
TimovieMan Posted October 8, 2018 Report Share Posted October 8, 2018 4 minutes ago, Rubik'sCat said: Lol those Chuck Norris ones are hilarious. Can you post a link for more? These were all from memory (and paraphrased). Just Google "Chuck Norris facts", you'll find hundreds of lists. And while we're at it: What do you call an Arab flying a plane? A pilot, you racist bastard! What do you call ten lawyers at the bottom of a lake? A good start! What do you call ten Arabs at the bottom of a lake? A group of divers, you racist bastard! 3 Quote Active challenges: Spring Respawn: Winter Blues to Summer Bod | Walk to Mordor - (spreadsheet) | DailyDare | Weight Loss PVP 10/12 lbs in 10/12 weeks - (spreadsheet) 2023-24 threads: Challenge VIII | IX | X | XI | XII | XIII | XIV | XV | XVI | XVII | XVIII 2018-19 & 2021 threads: Battle log | Challenge I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII Link to comment
Artinum Posted October 8, 2018 Report Share Posted October 8, 2018 1 hour ago, TimovieMan said: What do you call ten lawyers at the bottom of a lake? Hide contents A good start! What do you call ten Arabs at the bottom of a lake? Hide contents A group of divers, you racist bastard! But what do you call ten Arabian lawyers at the bottom of a lake...? Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted October 9, 2018 Report Share Posted October 9, 2018 22 hours ago, Artinum said: But what do you call ten Arabian lawyers at the bottom of a lake...? Still a good start, you racist bastard! 2 3 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Butternut Posted October 21, 2018 Report Share Posted October 21, 2018 Violets are grey Roses are grey Tulips are grey Everything's grey! because I’m a dog 3 1 Quote "One should eat to live, not live to eat." -Molaire- "People always forget their hangover" -My dear ol' dad "People are born to live, while some are born to evolve." Link to comment
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