cracked_belle Posted January 28, 2013 Report Share Posted January 28, 2013 if you're Italian in the kitchen and American in the living room, what are you in the restoom?European. and what what about en route to the restroom?you're Russian. 1 Quote just another cracked southern belle, and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi. Current Challenge Accountability: Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies Epic Quest: Adventures in Badassery [under construction] Spoiler There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way. ― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia Link to comment
alienjenn Posted January 29, 2013 Report Share Posted January 29, 2013 how do you make a kleenex dance... put a little boogie in it also... whenever my 12 year old says something silly/stupid/overly annoying he says "pardon me my Asperger's is showing, I should cover it" and puts his hands on his butt 1 Quote Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting "doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom facebook battle log level 50 WOOT Backstory CNF2014 current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time) Spoiler * This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda * There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. * level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom * I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ... - I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move Link to comment
OrangeJorwell Posted January 29, 2013 Report Share Posted January 29, 2013 if you're Italian in the kitchen and American in the living room, what are you in the restoom?European. and what what about en route to the restroom?you're Russian. And what are you afterward? You're Finnished. Quote Level 3 RangerSTR: 6 | DEX: 3 | STA: 9 | CON: 4 | WIS: 6 | CHA: 5 Current Challenge Link to comment
cracked_belle Posted January 29, 2013 Report Share Posted January 29, 2013 And what are you afterward? You're Finnished.bahaha, yessssss. ::adds that to her list:: Quote just another cracked southern belle, and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi. Current Challenge Accountability: Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies Epic Quest: Adventures in Badassery [under construction] Spoiler There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way. ― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia Link to comment
Nomad Jay Posted January 30, 2013 Report Share Posted January 30, 2013 One for my fellow math nerds:Q: What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?A: Nothing. Everyone knows you can't cross a scalar and a vector. 1 Quote "If you would improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus "You just gotta listen to your body, unless it's saying anything about stopping, pain, your joints, or needing water." Level 20 Pilgrim (Adventurer 7, Assassin 3, Druid 2, Monk 10, Ranger 5, Rebel 9, Scout 10, Warrior 4) Link to comment
Artinum Posted January 30, 2013 Report Share Posted January 30, 2013 Not following that one. How is a mosquito a vector? Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
timelovesahero Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 From some masters of bad jokes: http://youtu.be/RCBn5J83Poc Also, I am amazed that they did that joke on The Muppet's Show. Quote Level 4 Secret Agent AssassinSTR - 5 DEX - 4 STA - 6 CON - 4 WIS - 10 CHA - 76 Week Challenge - Mission 160 Link to comment
Nomad Jay Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Not following that one. How is a mosquito a vector?In biology, a vector is an organism that can carry pathogens from a resovoir to a host. Mosquitos can be a vector for yellow fever, West Nile virus, malaria, ect. Yes, this one is a particularly lame pun. Quote "If you would improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus "You just gotta listen to your body, unless it's saying anything about stopping, pain, your joints, or needing water." Level 20 Pilgrim (Adventurer 7, Assassin 3, Druid 2, Monk 10, Ranger 5, Rebel 9, Scout 10, Warrior 4) Link to comment
Eridian Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Ooh! I love these! Time for some geeky jokes. A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.The bartender promptly serves up a beer."How much will that be?" asks the neutron."For you?" replies the bartender, "No charge!" Argon walks into a bar.The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here!"Argon doesn't react. Heisenberg and Schroedinger are driving and get pulled over.The cop asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"Heisenberg says. "No, but I can tell you exactly where I was."The cop thinks this answer is warrant for a search, and finds a dead cat in the trunk.He asks, "Do you know you have a dead cat in the trunk?"Schroedinger says, "Pfft, well I do now." Two scientists walk into a bar... the first one says, "I'll have some H2O."The second one says, "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he dies.E-flat walks into a bar, The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors." A drunk goes into a bar. The bartender tosses him out as he is too drunk.The drunk walks back into the bar. Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. Again the drunk walks into the bar.The bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk looks at him and says,"How many bars do you own, anyway?" A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"The Screwdriver responds, "You have a drink named Murray?" Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?" 1 Quote ERIDIANLevel 2 | Catfolk AssassinSTR: 3 WIS: 9 CON: 4DEX: 4 CHA: 8 STA: 5 Eridian's Vice to Virtue Challenge: Completed Link to comment
ceethegreat Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 OMG I love this thread. A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but plastic wrap.The psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see your nuts!" Quote Cee, Level 2 Wood Elf Adventurer of the Earth KingdomSTR 4.5 . DEX 1 . STA 3 . CON 5 . WIS 8.75 . CHA 4ch 0|ch 1|challenge 2 Link to comment
ceethegreat Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 What does 0 say to 8?"Nice belt" Quote Cee, Level 2 Wood Elf Adventurer of the Earth KingdomSTR 4.5 . DEX 1 . STA 3 . CON 5 . WIS 8.75 . CHA 4ch 0|ch 1|challenge 2 Link to comment
ceethegreat Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 A magician is driving down the street and turns into a driveway. :-D 1 Quote Cee, Level 2 Wood Elf Adventurer of the Earth KingdomSTR 4.5 . DEX 1 . STA 3 . CON 5 . WIS 8.75 . CHA 4ch 0|ch 1|challenge 2 Link to comment
Nomad Jay Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 A rope goes into a bar and orders a scotch. The bartender see him and throws him out. "We don't serve ropes in here!"The rope goes behind the alley, twists himself up, and roughs up his ends. He then walks back into the bar and orders a scotch."Hey", says the bartender suspciciously. "Aren't you that rope I just threw out of here?""No, sir," replies the rope. "I'm a frayed knot." 1 Quote "If you would improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus "You just gotta listen to your body, unless it's saying anything about stopping, pain, your joints, or needing water." Level 20 Pilgrim (Adventurer 7, Assassin 3, Druid 2, Monk 10, Ranger 5, Rebel 9, Scout 10, Warrior 4) Link to comment
Artinum Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 In biology, a vector is an organism that can carry pathogens from a resovoir to a host. Mosquitos can be a vector for yellow fever, West Nile virus, malaria, ect. Yes, this one is a particularly lame pun. Ah! Of course... Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
JasontheKiwi Posted February 1, 2013 Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 A rope goes into a bar and orders a scotch. The bartender see him and throws him out. "We don't serve ropes in here!"The rope goes behind the alley, twists himself up, and roughs up his ends. He then walks back into the bar and orders a scotch."Hey", says the bartender suspciciously. "Aren't you that rope I just threw out of here?""No, sir," replies the rope. "I'm a frayed knot."Bahahahahhahahah!!!!!!! Love it 1 Quote My BlogMy Book Reviews "Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect." - Mark Twain Link to comment
marybelle Posted February 1, 2013 Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 This is my favorite biology joke: If humans go through meiosis what do cats go through? MEOW-sis Lolololol. Its probably lame I still tell and laugh at that joke (five years running). 1 Quote Link to comment
Drewstein69 Posted February 1, 2013 Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 Knock KnockWho's there?I eat mop Be sure to say the next part to yourself and enjoy the giggles Quote "We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us." -- Charles Bukowski Link to comment
Artinum Posted February 1, 2013 Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 Regular drinkers - a man goes into a bar.Heavy drinkers - a bar goes into a man. Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Maj. Bloodnok Posted February 1, 2013 Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 Music joke: Knock knock.Who's there?Knock knock.Who's there? Knock knock.Who's there? Knock knock.Who's there? Philip Glass. Quote "If you get into trouble, you can always eat something, blow something up, or throw penguins." - Jim Henson Link to comment
cracked_belle Posted February 5, 2013 Report Share Posted February 5, 2013 A magician is driving down the street and turns into a driveway. :-DOMG, THIS ONE IS EPIC!! Quote just another cracked southern belle, and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi. Current Challenge Accountability: Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies Epic Quest: Adventures in Badassery [under construction] Spoiler There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way. ― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia Link to comment
ceethegreat Posted February 5, 2013 Report Share Posted February 5, 2013 What did the mama buffalo say when her boy left for college? BYE SON! 1 Quote Cee, Level 2 Wood Elf Adventurer of the Earth KingdomSTR 4.5 . DEX 1 . STA 3 . CON 5 . WIS 8.75 . CHA 4ch 0|ch 1|challenge 2 Link to comment
Artinum Posted February 5, 2013 Report Share Posted February 5, 2013 What did the mama buffalo say when her boy left for college? BYE SON! What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?You can't wash your hands in a buffalo. Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Beanalicious1 Posted February 6, 2013 Report Share Posted February 6, 2013 What do you call a baby owl that falls into a river? A moist-owlette! Heh heh 2 Quote Level 1 Half-Giant Adventurer(STR) -3 (DEX) -2 (STA) -1 (CON) -2 (WIS) -3 (CHA) -4 Goals - 50 concurrent push-ups, 10 concurrent pull-ups, lose 80lbsNoli timere - Mundus mihi est. Link to comment
wildross Posted February 6, 2013 Report Share Posted February 6, 2013 From the checkout lady at the grocery store. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work. Quote Warriors don't count reps and sets. They count tons. My psychologist weighs 45 pounds, has an iron soul and sits on the end of a bar Tally Sheet for 2019 Encouragement for older members: Chronologically Blessed Group; Encouragement for newbie lifters: When we were weaker Link to comment
Artinum Posted February 6, 2013 Report Share Posted February 6, 2013 Two nuns are driving through Transylvania (don't ask, it's a long story) when Dracula leaps out of the darkness!"What do I do?" asks the first nun, a novice only recently inducted into the order."Show him your cross," replies the second nun, the mother superior.The novice winds down her window, leans out and shouts "Oi! Get out of the way, you toothy old git!" 2 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
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