Jump to content

Ba Dum Tiss (Bad Joke Thread)


Recommended Posts

if you're Italian in the kitchen and American in the living room, what are you in the restoom?

European.

 

and what what about en route to the restroom?

you're Russian.

  • Haha 1

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post

how do you make a kleenex dance...

 

put a little boogie in it :)

 

 

also... whenever my 12 year old says something silly/stupid/overly annoying he says "pardon me my Asperger's is showing, I should cover it" and puts his hands on his butt :)

  • Like 1

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

Link to post

And what are you afterward?  You're Finnished.

bahaha, yessssss.  ::adds that to her list::

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post

One for my fellow math nerds:

Q: What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?

A: Nothing. Everyone knows you can't cross a scalar and a vector.

  • Like 1

"If you would improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus

"You just gotta listen to your body, unless it's saying anything about stopping, pain, your joints, or needing water."

Level 20 Pilgrim (Adventurer 7, Assassin 3, Druid 2, Monk 10, Ranger 5, Rebel 9, Scout 10, Warrior 4)

Link to post

Not following that one. How is a mosquito a vector?

In biology, a vector is an organism that can carry pathogens from a resovoir to a host. Mosquitos can be a vector for yellow fever, West Nile virus, malaria, ect. Yes, this one is a particularly lame pun.

"If you would improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus

"You just gotta listen to your body, unless it's saying anything about stopping, pain, your joints, or needing water."

Level 20 Pilgrim (Adventurer 7, Assassin 3, Druid 2, Monk 10, Ranger 5, Rebel 9, Scout 10, Warrior 4)

Link to post

Ooh! I love these! Time for some geeky jokes.

 

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "No charge!"

 


Argon walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here!"
Argon doesn't react.

 


Heisenberg and Schroedinger are driving and get pulled over.
The cop asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg says. "No, but I can tell you exactly where I was."
The cop thinks this answer is warrant for a search, and finds a dead cat in the trunk.
He asks, "Do you know you have a dead cat in the trunk?"
Schroedinger says, "Pfft, well I do now."

 


Two scientists walk into a bar... the first one says, "I'll have some H2O."
The second one says, "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he dies.


E-flat walks into a bar, The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors."

 


A drunk goes into a bar. The bartender tosses him out as he is too drunk.
The drunk walks back into the bar. Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. Again the drunk walks into the bar.

The bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk looks at him and says,
"How many bars do you own, anyway?"

 


A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"
The Screwdriver responds, "You have a drink named Murray?"

 


Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

  • Like 1

ERIDIAN
Level 2 | Catfolk Assassin


STR: 3 WIS: 9 CON: 4
DEX: 4 CHA: 8 STA: 5

 

Eridian's Vice to Virtue Challenge: Completed

Link to post

A rope goes into a bar and orders a scotch. The bartender see him and throws him out. "We don't serve ropes in here!"

The rope goes behind the alley, twists himself up, and roughs up his ends. He then walks back into the bar and orders a scotch.

"Hey", says the bartender suspciciously. "Aren't you that rope I just threw out of here?"

"No, sir," replies the rope. "I'm a frayed knot."

  • Like 1

"If you would improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus

"You just gotta listen to your body, unless it's saying anything about stopping, pain, your joints, or needing water."

Level 20 Pilgrim (Adventurer 7, Assassin 3, Druid 2, Monk 10, Ranger 5, Rebel 9, Scout 10, Warrior 4)

Link to post

A rope goes into a bar and orders a scotch. The bartender see him and throws him out. "We don't serve ropes in here!"

The rope goes behind the alley, twists himself up, and roughs up his ends. He then walks back into the bar and orders a scotch.

"Hey", says the bartender suspciciously. "Aren't you that rope I just threw out of here?"

"No, sir," replies the rope. "I'm a frayed knot."

Bahahahahhahahah!!!!!!! Love it

  • Like 1

My Blog

My Book Reviews

 

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect." - Mark Twain

Link to post

A magician is driving down the street and turns into a driveway. :-D

OMG, THIS ONE IS EPIC!!
  • Like 1

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post

From the checkout lady at the grocery store.

 

Why do cows wear bells?

 

Because their horns don't work.

Warriors don't count reps and sets. They count tons.

My psychologist weighs 45 pounds, has an iron soul and sits on the end of a bar

Tally Sheet for 2019

Encouragement for older members: Chronologically Blessed Group;

Encouragement for newbie lifters: When we were weaker

 

Link to post

Two nuns are driving through Transylvania (don't ask, it's a long story) when Dracula leaps out of the darkness!

"What do I do?" asks the first nun, a novice only recently inducted into the order.

"Show him your cross," replies the second nun, the mother superior.

The novice winds down her window, leans out and shouts "Oi! Get out of the way, you toothy old git!"

  • Like 2

What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud?

It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/

 

Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

New here? Please check out our Privacy Policy and Community Guidelines