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Ba Dum Tiss (Bad Joke Thread)


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A beloved king who lived in a grass palace on a tropical Island was given a throne by his subjects on his birthday.  He loved it so much his subjects gave him a new throne for his next birthday as well.  He put the old one in the attic of his palace.  Next year he got another throne and put the 2nd throne in the attic with the first. An advisor warned him this might not be a good idea, but the king ignored him.   Each year he got a new throne on his birthday and put the old one in the attic, and each year he ignored his advisor's warnings.  Finally, twenty years later, when he put the 20th throne in the attic, the palace collapsed and the king died.

 

 

The Moral of the story is that those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

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Current Challenge Original 1,2,3, R 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51

52

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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there was a mathematician who frequently sunbathed and often strayed from the topic of conversation.

he was a real tan gent.

 

 

why can a man never go hungry in a great desert?
he can eat the sand which is there.

 

 

they had a vote to decide a theory to replace continental drift.
Plate Tectonics won by land slide.

 

 

ever since my friend had all the digits amputated from his feet, I find him very annoying.
I think I might be lack-toes intolerant.

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just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

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Knock Knock

Who's there?

I eat mop

 

Be sure to say the next part to yourself and enjoy the giggles :)

I'm sure I'm a moron, but I still don't get this one.  what is it supposed to sound like?  O_o'

 

< has no shame; will ask for a joke to be explained

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

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Say the phrase, "I eat mop who?" out loud, that may help.

Current Challenge Original 1,2,3, R 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51

52

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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Say the phrase, "I eat mop who?" out loud, that may help.

bahahahahaha. I was fogetting to add "who". I just kept saying "I eat mop" and like "da fuq am I doing wrong?"

okay, I love it now. thanks!

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

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there was a mathematician who frequently sunbathed and often strayed from the topic of conversation.

he was a real tan gent.

 

Would this, by chance, be the famous Spanish mathematicians, Juan Tuthree?

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"If you would improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus

"You just gotta listen to your body, unless it's saying anything about stopping, pain, your joints, or needing water."

Level 20 Pilgrim (Adventurer 7, Assassin 3, Druid 2, Monk 10, Ranger 5, Rebel 9, Scout 10, Warrior 4)

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What's green and has wheels?

 

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

Grass.

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

I lied about the wheels.

OH

MY

GOSH.

I literally just juttered around my office telling that joke to everyone who would listen.  they all groaned.  I LOVE IT!! :D

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

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as a motorcyclist m'self, I've always enjoyed this one:

 

what's the difference between a Harley and a hoover?

the location of the dirt bag.

  • Like 1

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post

My favourite bad joke: 

 

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.  Ba dum tiss!

this is my favorite one too! :)

Challenge: http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/24724-rain13-hell-yea-im-back/#entry419693

 

level: 2Race: Elf | Class: Druid/Assassin | Height: 5'8 | Weight: 135lbsStrength: 7 | Dexterity: 4 | Stamina: 4 1/2 | Constitution: 6 | Wisdom: 7 | Charisma: 4

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do you have any idea what you just did XD I'm gonna go around telling all of these jokes to everyone! :D I love it!

 

okay here goes nothing.....

 

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

 

 

Because it was dead.

Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?

 

 

 

Because it was stapled to the monkey.

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Challenge: http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/24724-rain13-hell-yea-im-back/#entry419693

 

level: 2Race: Elf | Class: Druid/Assassin | Height: 5'8 | Weight: 135lbsStrength: 7 | Dexterity: 4 | Stamina: 4 1/2 | Constitution: 6 | Wisdom: 7 | Charisma: 4

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I am definitely using some of these!

Now:

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

Level 32 Minifig Jedi Assassin

Current Challenge  | Battle Log | "Epic" Quest

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"A man who wants to do something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." -Stephan Dolley, Jr.

"You don't get stronger by skipping workouts." - me, to myself, about 3 times a week

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I am definitely using some of these!

Now:

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

I've already started using them! XD my sister is about ready to kill me lol.

 

and awesome lame joke :P

Challenge: http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/24724-rain13-hell-yea-im-back/#entry419693

 

level: 2Race: Elf | Class: Druid/Assassin | Height: 5'8 | Weight: 135lbsStrength: 7 | Dexterity: 4 | Stamina: 4 1/2 | Constitution: 6 | Wisdom: 7 | Charisma: 4

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What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

 

XD omg, yes.

 

I'm a big fan of anti-jokes...

 

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Cause she has no arms.

*knock knock* "Who's there?" "Not Sally."

 

A polar bear and a seal are sitting on an ice floe.

The polar bear looks at the seal and says, "RAWRRRRRRRRRGGG" and then kills and eats him.

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