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Ba Dum Tiss (Bad Joke Thread)


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A polar bear and a seal are sitting on an ice floe.

The polar bear looks at the seal and says, "RAWRRRRRRRRRGGG" and then kills and eats him.

 

A polar bear and a young seal are sitting on an ice floe.

The polar bear turns to the seal and asks, "wanna go clubbing?"

What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud?

It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/

 

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A bear and a penguin and hanging out on an ice floe.  The penguin asks the bear if he wants to go for a swim.  The bear looks scared and tells him no.  The penguin asks him why not and the bear replies, "It's easy for you to go in the water - you aren't polar!"

*groan*

 

I'll just put in what was a flubbed line in my sister's school play (about comedy) yesterday, but ended up being a bad joke:

 

What's an elephant?

 

 

 

 

 

 

An elephant.

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XD omg, yes.

 

I'm a big fan of anti-jokes...

 

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Cause she has no arms.

*knock knock* "Who's there?" "Not Sally."

 

A polar bear and a seal are sitting on an ice floe.

The polar bear looks at the seal and says, "RAWRRRRRRRRRGGG" and then kills and eats him.

these are awesome!

 

My little brother was telling jokes like this at dinner today. Can't remember them though

Challenge: http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/24724-rain13-hell-yea-im-back/#entry419693

 

level: 2Race: Elf | Class: Druid/Assassin | Height: 5'8 | Weight: 135lbsStrength: 7 | Dexterity: 4 | Stamina: 4 1/2 | Constitution: 6 | Wisdom: 7 | Charisma: 4

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With due respect to Garrison Keiler...

Two penguins are standing on an ice floe. One says to the other "You look like you're wearing a tuxedo." The other says to the one "How do you know I'm not?"

"If you would improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus

"You just gotta listen to your body, unless it's saying anything about stopping, pain, your joints, or needing water."

Level 20 Pilgrim (Adventurer 7, Assassin 3, Druid 2, Monk 10, Ranger 5, Rebel 9, Scout 10, Warrior 4)

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Laney, you are my joke hero.

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

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This is EXACTLY what I was looking for when I started this thread!!!

 

If Eric has 10 candy bars and Joe wants 2, how many candy bars does Eric have?

 

That's right 10 candy bars!! 

Élan Scout Level 2STR-5, DEX-4.5, STA-8.25, CON-1.5, WIS-3, CHA-2I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday.

 

Compete Everyday

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307408_430337267045169_1682786391_n.jpg

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post

307408_430337267045169_1682786391_n.jpg

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

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That joke only works in America. Here in the UK he's pronounced more like "van Goff", but I believe the correct pronunciation is more like "van Gokh".

learn something new everyday.

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

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what did the water say to the boat?
nothing; it just waved.

what do you get from a pampered cow?
spoiled milk.

how do you organize a space party?
you "planet
".

 

  • Like 1

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post

yess!! I forgot about this thread! NSFW! NSFW!

why did the fisherman cross the road?

for the halibut

why did the cow cross the road?

he was cowmooting

what was the last thing to go through the bugs mind when he hit the windshield?

his butt

how often does a chemist tell a joke?

periodically

girl: omygosh! You know who you look like?

boy: no, who?

girl: my next boyfriend.

If I told you to take your clothes off of your body would you hold it against me?

what's the square root of 69?

8 something

what did the blind/parapalegic orphan get for Christmas

cancer.

To find piece with myself
I must first find a piece of myself

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What do you call a dog with no legs?

Anything you like, he still won't come.

 

What do you call a dinosaur with diarrhoea?

A reallyitchysaurass.

 

What do you call a man with a car on his head?

Jack.

 

What do you call a man with a rocket launcher?

Sir.

 

I've been reading a book called "The History of Glue."
I couldn't put it down.

 

My pony isn't well. I had to take him to the horsepital.

The doctors assure me his condition is stable and that he's just a little horse.

 

Gregarious lions don't bother hunting. They have too much pride.

 

I think my local camping group are psychopaths.

They're so very in tents.

 

A mongoose, a chimpanzee and a purple ostrich walk into a bar.

That's the last time I mix beer and LSD...

What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud?

It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/

 

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I couldn't figure out why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

 

Two whales are sitting in a bathtub.

One whale says to the other, "AUOOOAAAAOOooooooaaAOOOAOAooouuuuuuuu......." 

The other whale says, "Shut up Gary, you're drunk!"

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Two fonts walked into a bar and the bartender told them, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here." One of them immediately replied, "Yeah? Well we don't like your face!" Then a fight broke out and they had to call the serif.

"The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war." - Unknown

 

"The victorious warrior wins first, then goes to war; the defeated warrior first goes to war, then seeks to win." - Sun Tzu

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I'll probably get in trouble for this one but.

 

Why did the polish person cross the road?

 

Because he took the chickens job.

I'm the Guy who lifts stuff.

 

Bodyfat: 14%   Weight: 74 Kilos

 

ORM Bench press : 58 Kilos     ORM Deadlift : 115 kilos       ORM Squat : 75 kilos

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