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fighting demons in my mind...


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I have this little demon... I hate him... see... he is all of these voices in my head that I have given power to... he  lives in my head and tells me I'll never be pretty... I'll never be good enough... I'll never be thin enough or strong enough... I'll never be enough...

He's all the men who ever called me fat... All the girls in the locker room who laughed when I wheezed... All the guys who didn't want to know me because big girls aren't their thing... He's my dad who called me thunder thighs... He's my ex husband who brought home a box of donuts to "soothe" me when another diet "failed" and told me that maybe God just wanted me to be big... He's the airline stewardess who sneered when the belt wouldn't fit... he's the sales woman who told me "people your size can't find anything here"... He's the gym teacher who laughed when I puked...


He's everything that ever contributed to my self hatred... he's ugly... And bloby...,

But he's weak... And he doesn't know it... He has no power but the power I give him... And he doesn't know it...

 

 

 

 

 

the time has come to slay this demon...

 

I have concocted a demon slaying battle plan...

 

I will take a photograph of myself every day... and post it here... and I have to say three nice things about myself...

 

EVERY DAY... no exceptions...

 

now I work nights... so I am allowing that this photo must happen at least once in a 24 hour period... and I am not saying *every day at X time*... because that will set me up for failure... I don't do ANYTHING at the same time every day...

 

 

this is eventually going to become a book... right now... this demon is giant in my head... he has no power but that what I give him... except for the power of illusion... he appears very large and strong but he isn't... this is the first artist rendering... I am not happy with it... and it isn't the final picture...

 

 

first picture will be posted today :) later...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

11942_4428073064815_158035759_n.jpg?oh=b

  • Like 1

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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hi alienjenn,

 

first off, f*** all those people.  it's good that you recognize that those voices in your head are theirs NOT yours and not true.

 

i needed to read this post,. truth be told, i relate and that whole being nice to yourself?

 

that's the hardest part.

 

oh i know! i'll start. i read your post and it made me feel better and it reminded me that the voices that say that say all those awful things in MY head ... are other people's voices and not my own.

 

alienjenn is a good writer

 

-and kick ass demon slayer :)

 

 

 

now off to slay some f****ing demons

 

godspeed!

 

dm

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u9yduteh.jpg

 

ok... so three nice things...

 

thinking... thinking... thinking....

 

shoot... this is harder than I thought :(

 

I love my smile... and the fact that I am always able to find SOMETHING in a situation worth smiling about... even if it is only that things could be worse... I am very good at finding the positive in things

 

I love my shoulders... they are very sturdy... and I am good at hugging people :) and everyone I know loves laying their head on my shoulders and says I am good at cuddling :)

 

I love my heart... it is very easy for me to love :) (other people) and I love everyone (even those cranky old but faces :( that everyone else hates... could be because of point one... but I always try to put myself in other people's shoes... and it makes it easier for me to forgive people and love them)

  • Like 1

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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hi alienjenn,

 

first off, f*** all those people.  it's good that you recognize that those voices in your head are theirs NOT yours and not true.

 

i needed to read this post,. truth be told, i relate and that whole being nice to yourself?

 

that's the hardest part.

 

oh i know! i'll start. i read your post and it made me feel better and it reminded me that the voices that say that say all those awful things in MY head ... are other people's voices and not my own.

 

alienjenn is a good writer

 

-and kick ass demon slayer :)

 

 

 

now off to slay some f****ing demons

 

godspeed!

 

dm

 

 

thanks Xgfd12 :)

 

I can tell this is going to be a prolonged battle... I have given in and listened for so long that I have given this demon a giant foothold... and I am going to have to work hard with myself to stop giving him power!!!

 

I went and read your posts and saw you are a spanish lit nerd :) I love spanish (the language) have studied for a long time so I was wondering if you read spanish lit in spanish?? or in english??

 

 

thanks for the kind words :):onthego:

  • Like 1

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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Huzzah. You do have a great smile. 

 

I'm a native Spanish speaker; my parents are Colombian and I learned English when I started school. I did philosophy as an undergrad and then when I started working in translation (as a project manager, i translate a little now but not then) it dawned on me that I'd spent all this time studying various languages (dabbled in arabic, german, french, a lil italian and even greek and latin) and never worked with what i already had i.e. Spanish. So i started reading in Spanish and lo and bhold I'm working on an MA which hill hopefully turn into a PhD -knocks on wood-

 

Keep posting and kicking demon butt.

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Wahooo! You da bomb, girlfriend! Proud of you for doing pictures, So glad you are saying nice things about yourself, that helps a lot! Good luck on your journey. 

 

I have been working on this project for MONTHS now... and I keep not working on it because it is difficult to get on the laptop every day... and it frustrates me... and.... anyways... stupid excuses... 

 

 

 

no excuses! we can not suffer the demons to survive!!!

 

 

Huzzah. You do have a great smile. 

 

I'm a native Spanish speaker; my parents are Colombian and I learned English when I started school. I did philosophy as an undergrad and then when I started working in translation (as a project manager, i translate a little now but not then) it dawned on me that I'd spent all this time studying various languages (dabbled in arabic, german, french, a lil italian and even greek and latin) and never worked with what i already had i.e. Spanish. So i started reading in Spanish and lo and bhold I'm working on an MA which hill hopefully turn into a PhD -knocks on wood-

 

Keep posting and kicking demon butt.

 

 

awesome... I studied spanish for many many semesters... and I love the language :)

  • Like 1

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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it's amazing how I think I am wielding a giant sword and attacking this demon... and that he will soon fall... and just a few words from a misguided idiot are enough to make me realize that I am really using a toothpick!!

 

but that's ok... because if you stab something with enough toothpicks... it WILL die!

 

 

54zqdc.jpg

 

todays picture... 

 

kinda tough

 

I am exhausted... and tired... and crabby... and I had a rough day... there was a plethora of idiocy... and arguing... and fussing... and fighting... and TRYING to do the right thing and get stuff done... and people trying to interfere with said attempts :(

 

 

sigh... they are nothing... I shall do the right thing... I shall get all the stuffs done... 

 

 

so... todays pic... 

 

 

this girl... this girl in this picture... 

 

she has a waist... and... it is easily noticeable... and... it is an indication that this girl... she is willing to do what it takes to get the stuffs done... she is willing to sacrifice and work hard and walk the walk while talking the talk... this girl... she has "pluck"... determination if you will... 

 

she has a good mind... she is intelligent and learns easily (mostly) and loves to learn... about all things... one of her favorite sayings is "a day in which you learn nothing is a wasted day"

 

she has imagination... she is good at stringing thoughts together... and putting thoughts to words... and figuring things out... she loves a good story :)

 

 

 

also... on a side note... she find it easier to write about herself in the third person

  • Like 1

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

Link to post

About the toothpicks, I once witnessed a loud 'demon' slain by toothpicks. He was an arrogant, obnoxious sort of demon, loud, at a local watering hole. Now a defining characteristic of this watering hole, were the toothpicks. Hardwood, and extremely sturdy. A real mans toothpick.

 

I saw a toothpick rapidly inserted into the knee of a demon once. That demon was solidly slain. You can totally slay a demon with toothpicks.

 

Kick some ass and stab your demon!

 

Edit--

 

With metaphorical toothpicks! Don't like, stick a toothpick in your ear >_>

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thanks Pyth :)

 

 

wow... some demon slayer I am... it's almost midnight and I am falling asleep... and I realized something... I didn't take/post a photo today... now the rules of the fight specifically say... TAKE a photo every day... well I took some photos today but none of me... I need to buy a full length mirror (mine broke) and I get tired of head shots... and everyone was busy and didn't take one of me... and I had a rough day... and I spilled coffee on my laptop and killed it... and and and and and and 

 

 

now before you think that I am going to let these things... these piddly little excuses... become my crutch for missing day three of my battle... don't you fret... I hereby an going to modify my thought and say that as long as MOST pictures are current I can pic ones from the recent past if they are noteworthy or inspire a special amount of pride :)

 

so without further adieu... 

 

154489_4363717766018_102784648_n.jpg

 

before I tell you how proud I am of this girl let me first introduce you to Shakespeare (that's his trail name)... he is my fabulous son who will be 16 next month... this was posted to fb at the beginning of Jan... 

 

we were spelunking... this is probably one of the ONLY "dirty" pictures of me in existence :D

 

I am proud of this girl... I am proud to BE this girl... one year ago we tried to do this cave... I couldn't get very far into it for two reasons... 1) I was TERRIFIED... not just scared... but bad enough that I about collapsed in tears (but I hid it by sitting down and saying I wasn't strong enough to go further)... I nearly died inside I was so scared.... at the time I was claustrophobic... AND afraid of the dark... so I maybe got 10 feet past the actual cave beginning (there was a very wide area that I made it through fine... but you could have parked three buses in that part... I made it about 10 feet past where it got small)... I love this girl... I love to be this girl... because I am no longer claustrophobic... I am no longer afraid of the dark :D:tickled_pink:  :triumphant:  B)

 

2) I wasn't strong enough... I couldn't pull myself or support myself or crawl or anything... I had very little strength and the first obstacle we came too made me feel like a wussy mcwusserson... I had to be helped over the tiny bit I did get over... and it was horrid!

 

 

 

this day... we climbed in this cave... for about an hour...before I decided it was time to turn around and go back...  when we got to the end of an hour of constant crawling we came to a crevasse that was *slightly* larger than I was comfortable with (mainly because it was my first time out after coming back from a broken foot... I think *some* hesitation was acceptable... and it WASN'T hesitation based on FEAR it was based on knowing my body... besides... there was an area... about 3-4 times the length of my body where I had to CRAWL... like on my belly... because the ceiling was so low it scraped my back... in a couple places... I had to reach ahead with my arms and just move my feet to push me because it was so short that I couldn't come off my belly AT ALL!!!)

 

 

before we turned back I told the boys I didn't care if they went 20 more minutes and I would start back after a break... the crevasse had a bubbling creek at the bottom of it... so I TURNED OFF MY light and sat there in total darkness and just listened to it and was in awe... for almost 5 whole minutes... and then I felt the need to sing "How great is our God" with my light off... and just let it echo through the cave and all around me... I can't begin to describe the pleasure that welled up in my soul at the sense of contentment I felt in that moment... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

so... three things I like about this pic.. 

I wasn't afraid :)

I was strong

I was able to do something with my son and his friend that created a wonderful memory... that most kids don't get to do... and I was totally cool with it... and we had fun :) and that would have never happened a few years ago

 

 

 

 

and... because this isn't a today pic... I will reward you with one more pic of awesome nerdery... from the same day... this is the end of the belly crawl... 

 

262610_4363769327307_1215909553_n.jpg

 

 

or two... 

 

406006_4363676164978_905525877_n.jpg

 

they were pretending they had star trek flash lights... ok well Rhino was... 

 

 

 

ok... well maybe three... but only because I love them so much

 

74575_4363723246155_54641078_n.jpg

 

 

 

 

so I know it's 12:11 on 8 feb 13... but I started before midnight... so I think it counts :)

 

the cave is Island Ford Cave in Covington, VA... google it... there is a map... but it is a pdf file :) and idk how to share it :)

  • Like 1

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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wow!

 

spelunking! i don't think i've ever *met* anyone who's spelunked.

 

i'm grateful you posted these pictures/ this story! getting over our fears, or not and just doing stuff even if you're terrified, takes guts. and strength. and and and...

oh look...is that a demon i see at the bottom of a spelunked cave?

 

those are lovely boys. they get to tell people, MY mom went spelunking with us.

 

star trek flashlights .... you say.

 

i like these people already :) 

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Well... Nice to meet you...

Shakespeare is my boy... Rhino (the one with the bandana on his head) is his best friend... He goes with us frequently... Has been on biking and hiking trips... Camping and hammocking... has learned the joy that is food cooked over fire (that tastes so much better because you had to carry it five miles!)

The whole family has trail names :) we spend a lot of time on the appalachian trail :ph34r:

It's been a long time getting here... But I learned a very important thing... God didn't give me a spirit of fear.. But of POWER... And every time I start to feel afraid I remind myself of that secret... When I started trying to overcome my fears I had to repeat that every minute... Sometimes over and over "I don't have a spirit of fear I don't have a spirit of fear I don't have a spirit of fear I don't have a spirit of fear I don't have a spirit of fear"... Now... There are some days I don't have to remind myself at all!

I know this method works... so my mantra now is "the king is enthralled with your beauty" for the king to be enthralled with my beauty means that I have to have beauty... NO MATTER WHAT I FEEL! The tricky part now is transforming this from known knowledge into felt knowledge... Which is sometimes the most difficult battle

Sent from my DROID X2 using Tapatalk 2

  • Like 1

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

Link to post

Aw, that story was awesome! I am so glad you went and were able to experience all of that with them. The pictures are great! I live semi-near the Appalachian Trail as well, though I have to drive northwards to get there, and I have a lot of fond memories doing the trails with my mom on weekends growing up and now. What a wonderful memory to have with them.

 

I like all the nice things you are saying about yourself! You are doing so well! 

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ok... so this is yesterdays photo... since it is now 1206...  and... I am going to count this... as on time... (although I am not doing this for a challenge or anything other than my own personal self worth so I don't know why ... other than my own personal OCD I am worried about it)

 

 

spent the morning with the youngest (poor thing had an eye doc appointment and then worked himself up with his nerves to vomiting... poor guy... he wrote me a note a while ago that says 

 

75937_3428364422769_1981423412_n.jpg

 

(translation: Dear mom autism can be hard I won't surrender. ... he has asperger's)

 

and he tries so hard sometimes... but when he has extra stresses it makes it difficult... and he is cutting molars (dang 12 year molars) and getting a growth spurt (only time he gains weight he is about to grow and he just put on 5#) and then the eye doc had to dilate his eyes... so we spent time together... 

 

then time with mom... (which is stressful because she is even more nuts than me... and... sigh...)

 

then I got to drive 1.5 hrs to get the oldest from school... lunch with him and his besty and driving back... 

 

then!!

 

bacon explosion :)

 

 

 

73460_4622391152691_468480224_n.jpg

 

with a cheerwine photobomber

 

anyways... all in all a GOOD day! (I am going to post more specifically in my challenge thread... got some good work on my financial goals done today) 

 

 

so three things I like about myself today :) 

 

I have patience... even though my mom was crazy... and Zombie had a horrible day... I didn't lose it.. I was calm with all of it... my mom has specifically said that she doesn't understand how I can be so calm with her and that she knows that I must really love her because I don't go nuts and I am able to be calm with her... she says that she knows that I am working very hard to deal with my mental issues and let me know that she appreciates how hard I work to try and make sure everyone has what they need... physically and emotionally... 

 

I have fun... every day... having fun is very important... there used to be months or years at a time when I didn't do that.. we had fun with the cool bacon explosion... and it was yummy... we did a photo log (check me on fb to see!) and it was awesome... 

 

I am loved... my family loves me... God loves me... I am loved... which means I am lovable :)

  • Like 1

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

Link to post

Aw, that story was awesome! I am so glad you went and were able to experience all of that with them. The pictures are great! I live semi-near the Appalachian Trail as well, though I have to drive northwards to get there, and I have a lot of fond memories doing the trails with my mom on weekends growing up and now. What a wonderful memory to have with them.

 

I like all the nice things you are saying about yourself! You are doing so well! 

 

 

thanks marybelle!

 

I love spending time with them... and I love that they get to take their friends with and so we have fun and then their friends get to experience things that they never knew existed... 

  • Like 1

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

Link to post

Yay! That is a really good picture of you. Glad you were able to stand strong through the crazy. You are doing great!

 

I was reading your earlier post about not have a spirit of fear but of power, and that is awesome! You should check out Psalm 27. Psalm 27 verses 1-3 are probably my favorite verses in the Bible and always lift my spirits up when I am feeling overwhelmed. 

 

Its great that you are that close to your kids, I think you can add best mom ever to your long list of wonderful qualities. 

  • Like 1
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David.... he kicks butt... and like serious butt too... :)

 

one of my favorite songs recently is Whom Shall I Fear, by Chris Tomlin 

 

I am tired.. and it's midnight... and I am cranky :( so here is today's pic...)

 

 

2wpqb5u.jpg

 

 

ok... I love my hair... it is arguably one of my best/favorite features... and one of the few that I ALWAYS love :) it does whatever I want it to... it can be straight, curly or wavy depending on how much and what kind of product I use... it's soft and thick and beautiful... I love that when I die it... it always looks nice... the only thing that I don't like is that it is starting to go gray around the temples and at the top of my forehead (which you can't see because of the light)

 

I love my chin... I like that my face has lost enough to be able to see the definition in my chin and cheekbones... I like that my chin (and my jaw when i am very thin) are very well defined and they are make my face heart shaped... I like that I have a chin butt... I never used to like it when I was younger... I was teased unmercifully... but now it is an indication of how much I have lost :)

 

I like that wrinkle... up there on my forehead... and the ones I get around my eyes... they are proof that I have been through a lot and I am still going... (because dead people don't develop new wrinkles!!) I smile a lot... and my face crinkles... and I wouldn't have it any other way... 

 

good night all :)

  • Like 1

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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and... I just realized my jamies are inside out... sigh... they are more comfie that way... no seams to rub me :)

  • Like 1

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

Link to post

You have beautiful hair! Also, I have a necklace just like that. :) You make me smile. Strength to you!

 

 

thanks :) 

 

I have allergies to all things :( I can wear natural (glass, shell, hemp, rock etc) but not really any metal (other than titanium and platinum...)

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

Link to post

Wow! Your hair is something special, it takes me and a whole lot of products to wrangle my hair into something besides Medusa hair. It is very lovely. And who cares about the grey, I have a big streak of grey hair and I am only 25! That is what dye is for.

 

I am so proud of you, that you have lost enough weight to start seeing the changes. I know that is always a big confidence boost! You are doing great.

 

Chris Tomlin is cool! my in-laws go to Passion City Church, where he is the music director, and they love love it. Glad you have an uplifting song to get you through! Another awesome song is Smile by Kirk Franklin. You should check it out! 

  • Like 1
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this is for yesterday... I took a video... and uploaded it... but vimeo wants me to wait another hour... 

 

 

anyways... here is the pic... I am tired... drove for like 6 hours today... and just got home an hour ago... 

 

 

LOL :)

 

o9le9h.jpg

 

 

ok... what do I love today... or yesterday... darn it this is confusing... 

 

so.... I love my sense of humor... it is unique... and it sometimes gets me in trouble (because I often find ridiculous things funny... and I often laugh just because it pisses off the devil :) and... because the bible tells us that the joy of the Lord is our strength... so when I am going through something difficult I try to find something to laugh about... because my joy is MINE and I don't want anyone to steal it and then my strength!!) ... my kids have the same weird sense of humor... so we often get weird looks when we just bust up laughing uncontrollably in public :) but that's ok... because sometimes it's us against the world :)

 

ummm.... you can't see it very well in this photo... but I love my eyes... they are the most beautiful shade of blue... and they sparkle... and I love them... :D 

 

let's see.... this is hard tonight my brain is addled... 

 

uhhhh..... 

 

 

ok... this may be a stretch.. but I love my breasts... they nursed my babies... they aren't large enough that they hurt my back anymore... they aren't perky .. but they are me :) ... hopefully I will be able to have another baby (or two or three.... you know... once I find a husband/man figure LOL) but... I like my boobs...

 

enough now :) maybe I will come up with an outside pic tomorrow!

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

Link to post

Wow! Your hair is something special, it takes me and a whole lot of products to wrangle my hair into something besides Medusa hair. It is very lovely. And who cares about the grey, I have a big streak of grey hair and I am only 25! That is what dye is for.

 

I am so proud of you, that you have lost enough weight to start seeing the changes. I know that is always a big confidence boost! You are doing great.

 

Chris Tomlin is cool! my in-laws go to Passion City Church, where he is the music director, and they love love it. Glad you have an uplifting song to get you through! Another awesome song is Smile by Kirk Franklin. You should check it out! 

 

 

if it's dry and I brush it... it's straight... it it's wet and I put a lil gel and finger comb it... it's wavy... if it's wet and I put mousse and braid it before I go to sleep... it's curly... I love my hair :D

 

nearly every song I hear is "one of my favorites" my friends all laugh at me :) they tell me everything is my favorite! LOL

 

I will have to look up that song :) tomorrow after much more sleep!!

 

thanks so much for your kind words :D

 

this is what I need to stay on track with this project... I was trying to do it on my own and I kept getting sidetracked... because I didn't feel accountable to anyone... I just kept failing... and that was another thing I was beating myself up over... hence the battle log... now I feel like people want to know about my project... and they want to help :) and it isn't just me!

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

Link to post

and... the shirt says "talk nerdy to me"

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

Link to post

Hey alienjen - I just wanted to say what an amazing, excellent and thoughtful idea your battle log is.

 

Can I just say what you are doing takes an incredible amount of confidence. I work with extremely confident people everyday (in the military) and yet the majority of them would not be brave enough to face the parts of themselves they dislike as you have (and are!).

 

Take solace in the fact you are doing what many supposed 'perfect people' are too afraid to do. Keep it up any may happiness find and follow you forever in your journey.

Race - Human

Class - Jedi / Sentinel Level - 4 / 0.5
Battle Log: Holo-Log

Current Challenge: Nil

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