alienjenn Posted February 12, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2013 Hey alienjen - I just wanted to say what an amazing, excellent and thoughtful idea your battle log is. Can I just say what you are doing takes an incredible amount of confidence. I work with extremely confident people everyday (in the military) and yet the majority of them would not be brave enough to face the parts of themselves they dislike as you have (and are!). Take solace in the fact you are doing what many supposed 'perfect people' are too afraid to do. Keep it up any may happiness find and follow you forever in your journey. I seriously laughed and cried when I read your post I have ZERO self confidence... I just know that I will never love myself if I don't start... and I know that this is a method that works (God tells us that the power of life and death is in our words... and that what we speak is an overflowing of the beliefs of the heart... so I am trying to change my words in an effort to change my heart ) I have to face myself and my demons... it's the only way to defeat them!!! I just know... that I want to feel pretty... I want to feel beautiful... I want to feel sexy... that's all I know... Quote Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting "doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom facebook battle log level 50 WOOT Backstory CNF2014 current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time) Spoiler * This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda * There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. * level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom * I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ... - I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move Link to comment
alienjenn Posted February 12, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2013 todays... yesterdays... whatever... the picture of the day.... a little wierd maybe... ok yeah... but today??... yesterday?? when (I have no clue) I love my hands... I love the calluses that I am starting to develop... I love the strength represented by these hands... I love that today (yesterday?) I was able to support my weight on this thing at the park that my friend likes (it's a pole with a rotating thing on the top... he hangs on and runs until he can't and then spins from it... last time I couldn't hold on at all and fell and hurt myself... this time I held on for almost 2 seconds!! (maybe not much to you... but to me HUGE!)) I love that those hands have been learning how to discipline my children... I used to scream and yell and hit them... and it wasn't pretty... but I have been studying and learning and studying and working hard to get things in line... and things are much better now!! I love that those hands bring comfort to my patients... as a nurse I use my hands to rub a painful back or to change a bandage or to deliver medicine... my hands are my ministry... I love my hands I want everyone to know that I am not as good outside of this little box (the computer) at being positive about myself... I had a major melt down today... I was VERY frustrated this afternoon when we were biking because my allergies were bothering me and I wasn't able to go as far as I wanted (because it got dark... and because I was having a hard time breathing...) [please keep in mind that I rode 6.9 miles today in 73 min... I wanted to do about 15...] I was very upset about my time being so slow... and about the asthma issues... and my friend reminded me that when I started I could barely do 1/4 mile... TOTAL... and today I did 6.9 miles... and that I was excited when I had my first twenty five minute MILE... and today I did roughly 10 min miles... (it included some off roading and some hills) and I average 5-6 min miles on flat and paved.... and I have a piece of crap bike... and I was SOOOO upset about my time and my miles and and and and andddd... but I felt better when I looked at how far I had come... and I know... eventually I will love my body.... eventually I will feel pretty... eventually I will *FEEL* beautiful... and then.... I will have this log to remind me... when I have slip ups... THIS is how far I have come... Quote Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting "doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom facebook battle log level 50 WOOT Backstory CNF2014 current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time) Spoiler * This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda * There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. * level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom * I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ... - I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move Link to comment
tracer-actual Posted February 12, 2013 Report Share Posted February 12, 2013 I seriously laughed and cried when I read your post I have ZERO self confidence... I just know that I will never love myself if I don't start... and I know that this is a method that works (God tells us that the power of life and death is in our words... and that what we speak is an overflowing of the beliefs of the heart... so I am trying to change my words in an effort to change my heart ) I have to face myself and my demons... it's the only way to defeat them!!! I just know... that I want to feel pretty... I want to feel beautiful... I want to feel sexy... that's all I know... Find why you do not feel this way and have a long think about it would be my advice - if you do not feel pretty because some magazine is 'telling' you what is/is not pretty then think to yourself, 'says who? who said the magazine is the font of all knowledge?' Why should any external force influence how you feel about yourself - sounds like trying to conform to what others expect to make them happy. Stuff them - live for yourself. Besides... most girls I see reading silly magazines that show you what you must be to be 'pretty' I turn away from in disgust. Not from physical looks, but because they are not worth anything if they read such garbage! Morons! Quote Race - Human Class - Jedi / Sentinel Level - 4 / 0.5 Battle Log: Holo-Log Current Challenge: Nil Link to comment
Kristen Posted February 12, 2013 Report Share Posted February 12, 2013 I don't even know you, but I love you! I love your optimism, your humor, your kindness, your sense of adventure and your ability to minister and love and give so much to others. (I love nurses, I admire you all for such immense strength that's big enough to share. There's no way I could do what you do--sometimes I feel like I can barely take care of myself!) Quote Link to comment
alienjenn Posted February 12, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2013 I feel like a beast today... I was horribly beating myself up this morning... I overslept... I didn't want to go to the gym... I was lazy... and a bum... and horrible... and I was just stupid... and I wasn't even gonna go because.. I just wasn't... I couldn't muster the motivation... I just couldn't think about going... and all those DAMN mirrors in there... and the people and the eyes... and the reminders that I wasn't good enough because I wasn't there early... and I had to rush.... but then I realized.... I could beat myself up... or I could beat up my demon... with reps so I went... and I busted the hell out of my numbers... sigh.... I love my lopsided smile... it's unique.... and it comes easy I love my muscles... the fact that you can actually see them... I love that I have determination to do what's right even when I don't want to Quote Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting "doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom facebook battle log level 50 WOOT Backstory CNF2014 current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time) Spoiler * This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda * There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. * level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom * I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ... - I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move Link to comment
alienjenn Posted February 12, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2013 Find why you do not feel this way and have a long think about it would be my advice - if you do not feel pretty because some magazine is 'telling' you what is/is not pretty then think to yourself, 'says who? who said the magazine is the font of all knowledge?' Why should any external force influence how you feel about yourself - sounds like trying to conform to what others expect to make them happy. Stuff them - live for yourself. Besides... most girls I see reading silly magazines that show you what you must be to be 'pretty' I turn away from in disgust. Not from physical looks, but because they are not worth anything if they read such garbage! Morons! I have spent the last few years trying to decide what my issues are... most of it comes from years of not being good enough... if I brought home b's I should have had a's... if I brought home a's why not a+... if I brought home a+ why was I not also elected in student government... if I had a part time job why not two... there were a lot of expectations placed on me by y family... I also was in an abusive relationship for almost 11 years... I love my children... but years and years of brainwashing about how you are the cause of all the problems and how things would be so much better if you could just_____ (whatever he wanted from me at that moment that I wasn't) I am trying to undo years and years (about 35 of them) of brainwashing about how I wasn't good enough I wasn't pretty enough I wasn't loved enough I wasn't enough... that's my problem... Quote Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting "doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom facebook battle log level 50 WOOT Backstory CNF2014 current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time) Spoiler * This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda * There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. * level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom * I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ... - I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move Link to comment
alienjenn Posted February 12, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2013 I don't even know you, but I love you! I love your optimism, your humor, your kindness, your sense of adventure and your ability to minister and love and give so much to others. (I love nurses, I admire you all for such immense strength that's big enough to share. There's no way I could do what you do--sometimes I feel like I can barely take care of myself!) Thanks Kristen I try to be all of those things... and I fake it when I am not... because... God didn't put me here to live a ho hum life... Quote Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting "doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom facebook battle log level 50 WOOT Backstory CNF2014 current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time) Spoiler * This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda * There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. * level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom * I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ... - I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move Link to comment
alienjenn Posted February 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 this is a message that I received by pm... I asked for and received permission to share as long as I withheld the name... If you'll forgive the intrusion, I felt perhaps this was a message best sent in private.Without airing my past, I have fought (and am still fighting) mental demons. Swords, toothpicks, or clawing the demon's eyes out, in the end your weapon doesn't matter. What matter is that you fight the hell-born bastard and never yield. Never. Some days he'll take ground but you make him pay for every single inch of with with blood and tears. Eventually you'll learn to keep all the ground you take and you'll take the whole battlefield. But you can't ever quit. Every morning when you wake up, make the deliberate decision to take up arms against him. Every night when you're tired and exhausted, tell yourself you've got another day's worth of fight left in you, because you do. You're stronger than you realize.Stay the course.With apologies for overly-dramatic and verbose prose, and with sincere respect,N Quote Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting "doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom facebook battle log level 50 WOOT Backstory CNF2014 current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time) Spoiler * This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda * There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. * level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom * I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ... - I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move Link to comment
Xgfd12 Posted February 13, 2013 Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 Your pictures, honesty, and courage (hair, eyes, boobs :-) are awesome. Congrats on the muscles, lady! Quote Link to comment
kamikaze Posted February 13, 2013 Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 I love this concept. Keep it up! Quote Kamikaze, level 3 scholar-monk(Biology/Aikido)STR 3|DEX 4|STA 2|CON 4|WIS 5|CHA 5 Link to comment
Pyth Posted February 13, 2013 Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 I'd just like to say that bacon explosion looks awesomely delicious. Also the spleunking (sp?) looks really cool. I may add that to my list of stuff to try this summer! Quote Link to comment
alienjenn Posted February 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 Your pictures, honesty, and courage (hair, eyes, boobs :-) are awesome. Congrats on the muscles, lady! thank you dear I intend to find many more things I love about my body... or rather should I say... find reasons why I love them... or... find reasons not to hate myself?? LOL I love this concept. Keep it up! thanks I intend to I'd just like to say that bacon explosion looks awesomely delicious. Also the spleunking (sp?) looks really cool. I may add that to my list of stuff to try this summer! I really recommend doing lots of research... and investing in a GOOD head lamp... (one that has NO risk of dying LOL) we kinda just went in this cave and crawled through it... and it was awesome... afterwards I went and looked up what some of the different features were... one of my sons wants to be a geologist... and so it was nice to be able to say... hey look at that it's a ____ whatever... and it was neat to know how stuff was formed and what it was... I also recommend not going alone it's easy to get stuck... and that kinda stinks... you should also explode some bacon... someone will love you forever for that Quote Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting "doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom facebook battle log level 50 WOOT Backstory CNF2014 current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time) Spoiler * This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda * There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. * level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom * I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ... - I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move Link to comment
alienjenn Posted February 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 Sigh... I'm laying here in bed unable to sleep... This is the worst time for me... This is the saddest time for me... When I feel most ugly and unlovable... When all the voices crash in waves through my head washing away my sand castle... If I were pretty and lovable I wouldn't be lonely... Right? WRONG! this is what my demon wants me to think! I AM LOVED AND I AM LOVABLE! God didn't make any junk when he made me... If there weren't one other human on this earth who loved me I am loved by the king of kings... And he kicks ass... And he gave me power over my mind and power over these demons... If the king is enthralled with my beauty it means I am beautiful... If Jesus loves me it means I am lovable... Now to try sleeping again Sent from my DROID X2 using Tapatalk 2 Quote Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting "doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom facebook battle log level 50 WOOT Backstory CNF2014 current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time) Spoiler * This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda * There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. * level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom * I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ... - I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move Link to comment
Elastigirl Posted February 13, 2013 Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 I can't begin to tell you how inspiring this thread is. How inspiring you are. I'm sitting here crying as I read it. As women we all struggle with the lie that we aren't pretty enough, that we don't make the cut. I love your mantra of "the king is enthralled by your beauty" Thanks for the reminder that God made us, and he loves us inside and out. I love all your smiles in your pictures, you radiate joy! And then when I got to the pictures of you spelunking,WOW. You made a special memory with your son. And then God blessed you that while you were in the dark you were able to praise Him. I've been working at not having a spirit of fear too. Next time I am afraid I will remember that God has indeed not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power.Thanks for your beautiful thread and your willingness to share, you are an inspiration to me. Quote Wisdom 22.5 Dexterity 13 Charisma 15 Strength 21 Constitution-13 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind' Luke 10; 27 Link to comment
alienjenn Posted February 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 I can't begin to tell you how inspiring this thread is. How inspiring you are. I'm sitting here crying as I read it. As women we all struggle with the lie that we aren't pretty enough, that we don't make the cut. I love your mantra of "the king is enthralled by your beauty" Thanks for the reminder that God made us, and he loves us inside and out. I love all your smiles in your pictures, you radiate joy! And then when I got to the pictures of you spelunking,WOW. You made a special memory with your son. And then God blessed you that while you were in the dark you were able to praise Him. I've been working at not having a spirit of fear too. Next time I am afraid I will remember that God has indeed not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power. Thanks for your beautiful thread and your willingness to share, you are an inspiration to me. I'm glad that I can be an inspiration... I just want to be able to love myself and I'm out of ideas as to how... I never was able to really sleep last night... Woke up like every hour... Sigh I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me... And this is one of them Sent from my DROID X2 using Tapatalk 2 Quote Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting "doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom facebook battle log level 50 WOOT Backstory CNF2014 current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time) Spoiler * This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda * There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. * level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom * I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ... - I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move Link to comment
Kristen Posted February 14, 2013 Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 I'm also trying to take down the demons of negative thoughts. You're inspiring me to make changes in myself, too! Our Chaplain always ends services with this: "Glory to God, whose power, working in us, can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine" and I think keeping that in mind throughout the week will be a huge part of the fight against these demons. When I catch myself worrying or saying "I can't do it" I will pray that verse instead. Quote Link to comment
alienjenn Posted February 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 I'm also trying to take down the demons of negative thoughts. You're inspiring me to make changes in myself, too!Our Chaplain always ends services with this: "Glory to God, whose power, working in us, can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine" and I think keeping that in mind throughout the week will be a huge part of the fight against these demons. When I catch myself worrying or saying "I can't do it" I will pray that verse instead.I'm glad I inspired you we can do this! Quote Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting "doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom facebook battle log level 50 WOOT Backstory CNF2014 current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time) Spoiler * This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda * There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. * level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom * I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ... - I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move Link to comment
alienjenn Posted February 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 I have been battling this for about the last three hours... I have taken 4 webcam photos... and seriously... I got nothing... so... When a job went wrong, you went back to the beginning. And this is where we got the job. So it's the beginning, and I'm staying till Vizzini comes.... I am posting an old pic tonight... and I am going back to the beginning... and for me... the beginning is what God says about me... http://www.joycemeyer.org/articles/ea.aspx?article=knowing_who_i_am_in_christ I am complete in Him Who is the Head of all principality and power (Colossians 2:10). I am complete... I am enough... I am good enough... no matter the voices in my head... no matter the tears in my heart... I AM ENOUGH I have received the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Jesus, the eyes of my understanding being enlightened (Ephesians 1:17-18). I know that if I continue on this path I will be transformed by the renewing of my mind... I know that Jesus wants me to see and understand just how much I am loved... and He wants me to know that I am beautiful... no matter what... I have put off the old man and have put on the new man, which is renewed in the knowledge after the image of Him Who created me (Colossians 3:9-10). I am created in God's own image... God is beautiful and God is love... so that means I am too... I can quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one with my shield of faith (Ephesians 6:16). this demon... my shield quenches his darts... I know that I have faith... which is a noun... which I will show to myself with the actions of my fingers... faith isn't a verb... and in and of itself can do nothing... but... a shield is a noun... and it can defend... so... I lift my shield I am greatly loved by God (Romans 1:7; Ephesians 2:4; Colossians 3:12; 1 Thessalonians 1:4). God is enough... He is enough so that I don't have to be enough... God loves me... and I honestly believe that He has a plan for my life... that includes love... and I must be patient... I am far from oppression, and fear does not come near me (Isaiah 54:14). I am... I feel a little better this is not a picture from today... this is my little girl... RAS... she is my mini me... she looks just like me... and I have no problem looking at her and knowing she is beautiful... :/ three things... I like my eyebrows... I never have to do anything to them... they aren't bushy unibrows... they aren't huge... they are just the right shape and size and I actually like them.... I like my ears... when I was younger I hated them... because they stuck out... I shall have to share an ear picture from childhood... they were the source of many many teasing arguments... but I like them now... I have grown into them... they aren't huge... they don't stick out... they listen well... and allow me to show compassion to others... I love my cheeks... they are... so.... I don't know what the word is... so apple? they are nicely shaped when I smile... so I did it... even though it took me four hours at this point to write this... sigh... and now it is my least favorite day of the year.... Quote Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting "doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom facebook battle log level 50 WOOT Backstory CNF2014 current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time) Spoiler * This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda * There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. * level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom * I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ... - I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move Link to comment
Elastigirl Posted February 14, 2013 Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 Love the picture of you and your daughter. How sweet. And you are right she looks like you-same beautiful smile.I love how you use scriptures to remind yourself of the truth. Quote Wisdom 22.5 Dexterity 13 Charisma 15 Strength 21 Constitution-13 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind' Luke 10; 27 Link to comment
marybelle Posted February 14, 2013 Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 What a lovely picture. I am sorry this is a hard day for you, but you have many people who love you. You have inspired so many people here, just looking at your thread it is easy to see it. You are an inspiration, and a motivation to others. You are amazing. Thank you for all the positive energy you put out in the world. You are a woman who shines with beauty, grace, and wisdom. Be proud of yourself. Quote Link to comment
alienjenn Posted February 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 Love the picture of you and your daughter. How sweet. And you are right she looks like you-same beautiful smile.I love how you use scriptures to remind yourself of the truth. If I'm going to base my understanding of me on who I am in Christ... Then the scriptures are where to go.... What I think of me doesn't really matter... Because I should think of me what God thinks of me... And that's found in the scriptures That's one of my favorite pictures... I got a starbucks card from secret santa at work... And took my girl on a date:wub: Sent from my DROID X2 using Tapatalk 2 Quote Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting "doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom facebook battle log level 50 WOOT Backstory CNF2014 current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time) Spoiler * This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda * There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. * level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom * I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ... - I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move Link to comment
alienjenn Posted February 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 What a lovely picture. I am sorry this is a hard day for you, but you have many people who love you. You have inspired so many people here, just looking at your thread it is easy to see it. You are an inspiration, and a motivation to others. You are amazing. Thank you for all the positive energy you put out in the world. You are a woman who shines with beauty, grace, and wisdom. Be proud of yourself. Thank you mary belle... I had to go through and read this thread several times yesterday... And today when I woke up... I know that people love me.... It's hard though to reconcile that with the deep aching loneliness and desire to just be cuddled by an adult (cuddles with children just aren't the same).... I know I am deeply loved by the king of kings and lord of lords... But sometimes I want someone with skin on! I wax melancholic when I'm tired... And it's been a long stressful week.... Month... Year.... Decade... I'm ready for a break... I'm also willing to accept the fact that the reason I'm lonely is partially because... God wants me to love myself before He sends someone to me... I can't love another person until I love myself... On a side note... I had gotten in touch with an old boyfriend this last fall while I was laid up with my rrbf... He and I had got to talking/texting/flirting/etc.... Things were going great... I was liking him... I REALLY liked him... There was one problem... He wasn't christian... And God was talking to me about being unevenly yoked... And I was flirting way too heavily and inappropriately .... I felt like I was leading him on because I had told him we wouldn't work out... But I still let him flirt with me and I flirted back because it felt good.... But God reminded me that I should not sacrifice my long term goals my morals my ethics for feeling good now... I shouldn't be placing my heart in the hands of the wrong man because I would miss when the right man came along... So I listened to God and told him that we couldn't talk anymore (because I can't just be friends and not flirt) and I felt like I was leading him on and that I respected him too much to do that... So we didn't talk for weeks... and I felt like I had broken up again... Then he calls me yesterday and tells me that he has felt so pulled by God to return to church... And he didn't want me to think he has done it for me... Because he gave up women for lent... And that because I was a non pushy christian and I stuck to my morals... That was one of the things that helped him... So... I'm alone this valentines day... But I know that God has a plan for me and I know that God loves me... And I'm going to let that be enough... I'm going to rejoice with heaven over my ex ex boyfriend.... I'm going to continue to pray for him... I'm going to continue yup pray for me... And I'm grateful that I work today so I slept most of it and I'll be busy the rest... Hopefully next valentines day will find me in a different situation... If I'm still alone I'm hoping a year of positivity will change my mind.... My situation shouldn't influence how I feel about myself... Sorry this was long Sent from my DROID X2 using Tapatalk 2 Quote Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting "doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom facebook battle log level 50 WOOT Backstory CNF2014 current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time) Spoiler * This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda * There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. * level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom * I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ... - I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move Link to comment
Kristen Posted February 15, 2013 Report Share Posted February 15, 2013 I'm alone for V-day, too, but it's for the best! I wrote a note to my mom and a friend in boot camp, and I'm hanging out with my brother this weekend. It all reminds me what is more important than romance--family! I accepted a date with someone I met online (yeah, internet dating is weird) but backed out because I just don't feel like it's right now. I need to get right with myself and my God before I let another man into my life. So in that, we're in the same boat. We can do this! Quote Link to comment
alienjenn Posted February 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2013 I am at work so brief and to the point today was a somewhat better day... had a long talk with a friend last night and was just engaged with the outside world... when I feel poorly I tend to disengage... which leads to an incredible feedback loop that spirals out of control quickly... so... woke up and ate with the kids... snuggled and got my loving in so I could come to work... I love getting my snuggles before I come to work so.... my daughter took this as we were walking on the trail before work this is the greenway in Waynesboro, VA near my home so three things I like today... I have patience... and an ability to understand ... we have a patient tonight who is a total control freak... and I can be calm with her because I understand *WHY* she is... and I was able to teach my coworkers who were freaking out about her being a "b*tch"... and it felt wonderful because they were like "I never thought of it that way" so that felt good sigh... I am having a hard time coming up with three things... I like my forehead... it is strong... and has just the right amount of wrinkles... and it hides a good brain ummm.... uhhh.... ehhhh..... mmmmmm.... I like my hips I had no problem birthing my babies... and they are steadily shrinking there Quote Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting "doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom facebook battle log level 50 WOOT Backstory CNF2014 current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time) Spoiler * This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda * There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. * level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom * I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ... - I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move Link to comment
alienjenn Posted February 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2013 this is the newest draft of the demon.... I think I like him... Quote Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting "doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom facebook battle log level 50 WOOT Backstory CNF2014 current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time) Spoiler * This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda * There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. * level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom * I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ... - I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move Link to comment
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