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Am I being sensitive, or is this guy being a jerk?


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So help me out here guys...

 

I'm a lady and I've been using the free-weights section of my gym for maybe about 2 months now.  It was intimidating at first, but I'm pretty comfortable with it now and I always see the same guys when I go. I'm even on a 'head-nod hello' basis with a few of them.

 

Then there's this one guy. It started with him asking me if I was done with which ever machine I had just come off of. I wipe things down and take my weights off the bar when I'm done but I figured he was just being polite and making sure I really was done with the equipment. Fair enough. But yesterday he came over to ask me how many sets I had left when I was on the incline bench press!

 

Let me note that he asked when I was resting, not lifiting. I don't rest for long and I didn't have my phone or MP3 player out or anything that would indicate I was dawdaling. The gym was surprisingly empty so I felt there were plenty of other things he could have been working on.

 

Is this OK in the free-weights section? Am I being a little sensitive here or was he being a jerk? My last set felt rushed because I knew he was waiting for my equipment!  The fact that I'm wearing earbuds says "I'm not here for chit-chat" doesn't it?

 

Help me out here! Do I need to tell this guy to back off or let this slide because it's normal in the free weights area?

 

:nightmare:

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This is pretty normal in the free weights section depending on how much equipment your gym has and how much of it is being used. It just sounds like you found the guy that isn't bashful to approach people and ask, but don't feel rushed unless you have been using the equipment for an extended period of time, and even then, finish out your sets. It's also not uncommon for some people to ask to work in with your sets, especially if they see that you are around the same weight lifting level as you. You do a set, and while you rest, they'll do a set. Also, if I ever ask someone how much longer / how many more sets, it gives me an idea of how long I can go off and do something else before coming back.

 

Again, this all depends on the amount of equipment your gym has.

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A quick afterthought. On the flip side, sadly, none of my gyms have ever had all that many women in the weight lifting area. Although I hope this isn't the case, if you haven't seen him ever approach any of the men lifting, just you....I guess it could be possible that he either (from best case scenario to worst)

 

a. is trying to chat with the only female in the free weights area,

b. doesn't feel confident to ask another man how many sets they have left, but has no problem asking a lady, or

c. worst case, doesn't believe you are "serious" about lifting since you're a lady and is being a douche trying to rush you.

 

Again, these are just possibilities, but I hope they are not the case. Just watch how he interacts with others in the free weight area.

 

With that said, again....asking these questions in the weight area is quite common.

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Yeah. I'd say it's normal, too. If the equipment I need next is in use, I'll ask how many sets are left to get an idea if it's worth waiting or if I should just go do something else and come back. If somebody asks me, then I'll let them know and generally ask if they want to work in with me. Sometimes they will, and some people would just rather wait until I'm finished.

 

That said, I agree with WT that the other options are possible if you're the only one he ever asks. Or maybe you two are just on the same schedule...?

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I wouldn't sweat it if I were you.. I do the exact same thing almost all the time since my gym often gets really crowded. Usually I have a preferred order in which I do my exercises (squats first, then lower back, then the rest eg) and if someone is using the squat rack when I come in I always ask how many sets they have left. If it's 1 I'll wait, if it's 3 I'll move on to the next exercise.

Even if he were trying to rush you, just finish your sets in whatever speed you need to (except if you are the kind of person who just sits there and stares into the abyss for 8 minutes :P).

Also you're not too sensitive. I can see how it could bother you if you're new to the free weights section. Nobody's askin you if you're done running when on a treadmill.

Ps: maybe Renegade was right.. were you looking particularly foxy that day? If so you should get used to being approached :P

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Oh my gosh guys thank you!  So, I don't think I was looking particularly 'foxy' or anything.  :redface-new:  Although I do remove my wedding rings before I lift...   Frankly that guy is there everytime I am but then again, I'm only going 3 times a week and he's always there longer than me.  I'm glad I don't have to tell him to back off or anything! *whew!* Confrontation is not really my thing.

 

I think as a woman you just tend to be on the look out for creeps and sometimes it can make you a little edgy. Plus I was not about to be bullied out of the free-weights section which I thought might be what's going on too.  I need to relax!  Lol.

 

Now I know it's totally normal and not rude or intrusive for him to be asking me that stuff.  He's always been friendly but I guess it's one of those things you have to learn about!

 

Thanks guys!

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I asked that all the time when I still went to the gym.  It's completely normal and he's just trying to figure out if he should wait or switch up his routine.

 

Most lifting guys aren't jerks to women in the free weights section unless they are complete d-bags.  Most of the lifters I knew at my old place loved it when women came into the area and were warm and charming to them.

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I asked that all the time when I still went to the gym.  It's completely normal and he's just trying to figure out if he should wait or switch up his routine.

 

Most lifting guys aren't jerks to women in the free weights section unless they are complete d-bags.  Most of the lifters I knew at my old place loved it when women came into the area and were warm and charming to them.

You know I was kinda prepared for some sort of reaction from the guys, like I would have to stick up for myself at some point. But for the most part, they ignore me and I ignore them so it's pretty perfect.  Lol.  My imagination tends to get away from me sometimes.

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I agree, it's normal but don't let it make you feel rushed.  As long as you aren't hogging the equipments during your rests it shouldn't be a problem.  But some people get pissy. 

 

I had an incident with a guy the other day.  He was resting on the bench for the rowing machine.  He'd been sitting there for at least 10 minutes and when I asked him if he was done with the machine he got all pissy with me because he was 'resting' so I needed to wait.  Was really frustrating as there is only one row machine but lots of other benches to sit on.  But, I live in a country where women hardly hit the gym at all and certainly don't go alone or do more than 3# dumbbells or cardio when there.  The guys at my gym aren't very happy to see me using non-pink equipment. :)

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Sounds pretty standard- especially if you guys are on the same "rotation" of work outs.  Offer to let him work in if you just got started.  I remember in college I used to have this weird thing where people would start within 10-15 min of each other and find themselves tripping over the same equipment for the next hour because they were all doing the same thing- bi's/tri's or back/chest.   

 

It's not that uncommon.  Be careful of "watching him" while he's working- even just to monitor his demeanor with others to get a gauge for how he handles you.  If you start watching too much he'll assume you are essentially checking him out.  I know it's silly - but it's a possibility.

 

I can't think of a single time someone gave me crap in the free weights section- and I've worked out in many a gym.  They may eye you up and down something fierce- but just do your thing and don't sweat it.  At this point I'm in a pretty large box gym and we have lots of women in the free weight section- certainly not as many as the men- but one of the girls just went to the Arnold classic this past weekend- and some of the other women are pretty ripped in their own right- so no one messes with the girls really- I find that happens more in the cardio/machine environment. 

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Standard. I ask stuff like that all the time and I'm a woman. I'll ask men, women... I also ask people to get out of the squat rack of they aren't really using it and I will be. As long as it's polite, it's cool.

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