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Siferiax

Kibcy follow in Wolf's paw prints

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Sweet! Glad you had the energy to write it up, excited to read it.

:D Well energy to write is never the problem... words coming into my thoughts is what is difficult.

So I was actually done with work and wanted to start closing down etc. Then this story mode got activated and I totally had to put it down on paper first :tongue:

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Kill me now... goddamn day started out so lovely!!!! *grumble*

I have this excel sheet I use at work, it has stuff like my to do list on it, as well as a registry of the hours I've made and for what projects.

SO THIS MORNING IT WAS CORRUPTED! SO IT WAS GONE!! THE FILE SIZE WAS 0.

FML.

Fortunately I have a backup, but it's from Thursday... and I've been productive and... now I'm just annoyed.

AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF... Kib wasn't at her best yesterday and so didn't complete her assignment yet. She had been asked to inform when she did. BUT STILL that person just assumed she had and was all "could you please put it in the test environment, because there's no data in the development environment?"

NO SHIT SHERLOCK I'M NOT DONE WITH THE PROGRAM YET!!!!

Fuck this. And the day barely started.

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Tip 1 for the working world: if you can do something super fast, DON'T. Because the moment you can't for whatever reason... see my previous post. Fucking expectations. I can't be AT MY FUCKING BEST, all the time :|

Did I vent my anger yet? ffffff >.>

This is gonna be a long day... I just know it!

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tumblr_m9rxcjOEZf1r5kyvmo1_500.gif

 

Just kidding, Kibcy,

 

what I usually do when I'm ranting and just about going on a Raging Warpath that'd put the Hulk to shame, is that I'd close my eyes, and take a few deep breaths, and for those few moments, you let go of the entire world, you simply surround yourself with the darkness of eyes closed, it's easy, you just focus on what you can 'see' when you're eyes are closed, this infinite space is where you go to gather your wits and prepare yourself for the world again, and it's as easy to get to as blinking. See if this can help you when you feel like all of the world is leaning on you.

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Just kidding, Kibcy,

 

what I usually do when I'm ranting and just about going on a Raging Warpath that'd put the Hulk to shame, is that I'd close my eyes, and take a few deep breaths, and for those few moments, you let go of the entire world, you simply surround yourself with the darkness of eyes closed, it's easy, you just focus on what you can 'see' when you're eyes are closed, this infinite space is where you go to gather your wits and prepare yourself for the world again, and it's as easy to get to as blinking. See if this can help you when you feel like all of the world is leaning on you.

Thanks for the tip Red!!! I'm alright... usually just writing down my thoughts/anger already helps a great deal :)

It's just like life is dead set on continuously slapping me in the face. After a while that starts to hurt.

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Sorry to hear today's started out so badly. Sadly, I have no words of comfort, it's the same on my end so I'll just give you enormous hugs and hope it gets better <3

Thank you!!! Enormous hugs back!!

Also on the bright side, IT CAN ONLY GET BETTER :D

At least I'm feeling a bit better now :)

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"we're going to test a backup"

Ok!

"no actually we're just going to test this part"

Oh...

So that happened... I had to do something... then I didn't.

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I'm going to be rebuilding my excel sheet today I think. Been meaning to, but haven't gotten to it yet.

It's something I can totally get emerged into.

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Thank you!!! Enormous hugs back!!

Also on the bright side, IT CAN ONLY GET BETTER :D

At least I'm feeling a bit better now :)

Glad you are!

I feel empty but at least I don't want to post my rant on my thread anymore... Guess that's a good thing :)

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Glad you are!

I feel empty but at least I don't want to post my rant on my thread anymore... Guess that's a good thing :)

That's a good thing indeed!

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So yes I did actually do what I said and completed changed my excel sheet... okay not COMPLETELY...

Just finished it.

Basically just changed the way I input stuff.

Making the sheet 100x more complicated, BUT easier to use... huh?

Just loads of formula added to give me 1 place to fill in and that feeds data to all the other pages were graphs are made.

ERH... that sounds complicated I know... it's simple to use though.

Putting the data from the old format onto the new one took the longest. I mean data since December 31st 2012.

Now I'm gonna prepare a 2014 sheet (because I'm crazy)

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Yeah I don't really wanna talk about this challenge... or what I'm not doing in exercise land.

I just don't wanna get all upset again... which happened yesterday as I got so frustrated with AC2 I was literally crying. And closed the game wow.

Obviously I wasn't just crying because I was failing at the game and felt it was unfair... but still I don't wanna go there... so I'm just moving forward.

I'm a little upset with cookbook meals, because I'm having difficulty cooking anything at all.

Like yesterday I didn't really have "ready to eat" food... I had food that could be cooked into a meal.

Still I didn't. I had 1 boiled egg and a couple of hazelnuts... but neither was very appealing.

Basically I was in bed hungry. I know of people who don't want to cook and eat out... between cooking and eating out, eating out requires even more effort.

Basically I suck at properly feeding myself at dinner time.

So there's that.

My to do list goal is just simply not happening either. Even maintenance is really hard to do.

Not to say that this challenge was for nothing, but I kinda wanna stay away from it...

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Do you have a slow cooker? I made this with chicken breasts yesterday, and it was delicious! I put stuff together during my workout rest periods. It seriously took only about 5 minutes of work. That site has a lot of different ideas, so you could probably find something for your tastes, and then you would have leftovers for days. :)

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Do you have a slow cooker? I made this with chicken breasts yesterday, and it was delicious! I put stuff together during my workout rest periods. It seriously took only about 5 minutes of work. That site has a lot of different ideas, so you could probably find something for your tastes, and then you would have leftovers for days. :)

Let's start this discussion of with "what the hell is a slow cooker?" :tongue:

But any second is too much effort when I get in these moods I'm afraid :(

Besides that I don't actually have all kinds of foods lying around, for the reason that they spoil because I don't cook...

I made a dinner tonight... heated up a jar of veggies and microwaved some meat... and overcooked some too... microwaving meat is not a recommended step. Though it was pre-cooked already, the taste was awful haha.

And the overcooked one could injure someone... it's black/brown, even on the inside. It's hilarious, but not practical.

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I will not use the word depressed, because I know it's way worse than I feel.

So I will just say I'm upset and battling my upsetness. I'm both upset as in sad and as in angry.

I pretty much cannot normally function. Hell I have not started up AC2, because I'm afraid I can't even handle it.

Been just... zoning out to the internet... browsing around...

Been chatting with Mily and I barely remember about what... because that's just how my brain is.

Bah. The problem is I'm also in a cheerful mood... SO YOU CAN'T GO AND FEEL SORRY FOR ME OR ANYTHING.

My mom calls me a drama queen... because I blow stuff up and make a fuzz out of everything.

Calling me a drama queen is very unhelpful. It's a big scary world out there.

I dunno where that exactly came from... but I guess it was my thought on the way home.

I have a definite need to express myself somehow... But whatever flows out of me... feels inadequate somehow.

Wow I'm being very ranty on my thread these past few days. I don't even know what's going on with me mentally.

Guess I'm just f-ed up for some reason.

Maybe it's the creeping sensation I'll be in New York in a mere few weeks without any time to prepare for that.

Also that I just came back from Berlin and these trips... I wouldn't call them vacations... more sensory overload.

So I'm called crazy for going on vacation for a week in my own country to sit in a vacation house with my cat, alone. But that's okay, because I KNOW that's just what I need and I KNOW most extroverts don't get that.

Also I may have found my issue with exercising/moving my body. It's called breathing... and you know what? I randomly forget to do that at times.

No I'm not talking about while I'm asleep... I'm talking wide awake... I just... get jolted into taking a deep breath and realize I wasn't actually breathing.

So there's that. And doing things with your body and not breathing... DOESN'T WORK! Which is probably why cardio goes better than any other kind of training, because you kinda get forced to breath. But I hold my breath during every other exercise out there, and that's probably making them terribly hard. And I just for the life of me can't FOCUS and BREATH at the same damn time. Like I will focus on doing a push up... so I can't breath because I'm too busy focusing?! I don't even know.

*takes a breath* I think I forgot several times while writing that piece... and this and... oh... well damn...

This especially happens when I focus on breathing itself... WEIRD THINGS HAPPEN.

Okay... that's enough dear Kib... what was you talking about...

I'm gonna go to bed and hope this tiredness wears off soon enough.

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Come on Kibcy! I'm going to give you a little tough love, ofc I hope you'll forgive me for it, but I think it's the best I can give you right now so even if you won't forgive me that's ok too! 

 

 I'm having difficulty cooking anything at all.

 

I pretty much cannot normally function.

Those two thing stood out to me because it makes you seem so helpless... Which you are not! You are making these choices. It's not just happening to you, completely out of control. Yes- it sucks that you keep having shoulder problems, health problems, breathing problems- it sucks a lot! But it's your choice what you're going to with the situation... Right now you're not making very great choices if the most basic taking care of yourself isn't happening. I know it's HARD sometimes, but you can DO this! I'm sure you actually know this, but I think you need to be reminded because you seem to be feeling really helpless and not able to do it. So I'm here to tell you that you are NOT helpless. You CAN do this! Part of why you're feeling so overwhelmed right now is because you're letting yourself feel that way, don't let yourself! Tell yourself a different story. Tell yourself that you will be fine, that you will do everything you can and that it will be enough! Tell yourself that you're actually pretty damn awesome, that you're fighting through all these health problems, that you went to the doctor and to get your blood examined. Tell yourself that you're actually pretty fucking awesome and that you can do lots more of these awesome things! 

 

You are not helpless, you are awesome! Just gotta think and act like it a bit more! And seriously, next time you decide to go to bed on a handfull of hazelnuts just remind yourself that I will come kick your ass if you don't take care of yourself! It's not that far away, I will do it!

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This is a slow cooker. I have another recipe in mine right now. I tossed in a few frozen chicken breasts, broth, and taco seasoning. It smells great, though I'll have to let you know later how it tastes. It probably took me less time to throw that in there than it did for you to microwave your meal. :)

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Come on Kibcy! I'm going to give you a little tough love, ofc I hope you'll forgive me for it, but I think it's the best I can give you right now so even if you won't forgive me that's ok too! 

Those two thing stood out to me because it makes you seem so helpless... Which you are not! You are making these choices. It's not just happening to you, completely out of control. Yes- it sucks that you keep having shoulder problems, health problems, breathing problems- it sucks a lot! But it's your choice what you're going to with the situation... Right now you're not making very great choices if the most basic taking care of yourself isn't happening. I know it's HARD sometimes, but you can DO this! I'm sure you actually know this, but I think you need to be reminded because you seem to be feeling really helpless and not able to do it. So I'm here to tell you that you are NOT helpless. You CAN do this! Part of why you're feeling so overwhelmed right now is because you're letting yourself feel that way, don't let yourself! Tell yourself a different story. Tell yourself that you will be fine, that you will do everything you can and that it will be enough! Tell yourself that you're actually pretty damn awesome, that you're fighting through all these health problems, that you went to the doctor and to get your blood examined. Tell yourself that you're actually pretty fucking awesome and that you can do lots more of these awesome things! 

 

You are not helpless, you are awesome! Just gotta think and act like it a bit more! And seriously, next time you decide to go to bed on a handfull of hazelnuts just remind yourself that I will come kick your ass if you don't take care of yourself! It's not that far away, I will do it!

 

MEEP!!! *scurries away to do better*

<333 I can take the tough love and even though I probably wouldn't have wanna hear it at that time, it's probably exactly what I need. Because yeah I get down on myself and just feel sorry for myself and everyone who'll go "awww" and what not makes it worse haha.

So thank you for your kind words. And it didn't even feel like tough love, probably because I'm used to my mom's tough love and she doesn't take any of my crap! Plus she's a lot more "stop whining start acting" instead of "you're awesome and have the power to do great things" :D

So really it was a great pick-me-up <333

You know what's really the problem here? Being so tired I can't think clearly. Being tired is the culprit. I'm also more likely to have these rants in the evening. It's even been that way in the past... and so I recognize it.

BUT Today I'm feeling awake! So I hope today's work isn't going to drain my spirit, so I can fist pump and go do the awesome things :D

And you know what? Going to bed on hazelnuts just made me realize that I HAVE to cook dinner, because I got nothing else to eat. Not having anything else to eat is a good motivator I suppose, as yesterday I did make dinner and was a lesson that maybe I should just put in the effort ;)

 

This is a slow cooker. I have another recipe in mine right now. I tossed in a few frozen chicken breasts, broth, and taco seasoning. It smells great, though I'll have to let you know later how it tastes. It probably took me less time to throw that in there than it did for you to microwave your meal. :)

Looks like the rice cooker I have haha.

But is it really that you just put in ingredients, turn it on and out comes a meal? SOUNDS LIKE MAGIC!

Like does it do veggies too?

I must learn more about this insanely magical device!

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Whenever I go into a ranty mood, someone please slap me in the face like KB Girl and put me back on Earth <3

We don't want Kib in cingulate stuck on negative mode. We want Kib in super awesome mode :D

Now let's all go dancing together and enjoy the happies.

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Well KB Girl seems to have done a good job getting you back on track. I just wanted to say that by going to the Dr with your stomach problems, you have done an awesome thing for your health. Now hopefully they can help and when you feel better and get more sleep you will feel more and more like dancing.

 

On breathing, I do the same thing with excercises. I am getting better at breathing during strength ones, but still hold my breath during things like crow and handstand. I'm debating actually making that a goal. Kind of a funny sounding goal- remember to breath :redface-new: - but maybe by really focusing on it it will help

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Looks like the rice cooker I have haha.

But is it really that you just put in ingredients, turn it on and out comes a meal? SOUNDS LIKE MAGIC!

Like does it do veggies too?

I must learn more about this insanely magical device!

 

I've enjoyed every recipe I've followed from this site. And yes, for many of the meals, you just toss stuff in and come back to a meal a few hours later. :)

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Well KB Girl seems to have done a good job getting you back on track. I just wanted to say that by going to the Dr with your stomach problems, you have done an awesome thing for your health. Now hopefully they can help and when you feel better and get more sleep you will feel more and more like dancing.

 

On breathing, I do the same thing with excercises. I am getting better at breathing during strength ones, but still hold my breath during things like crow and handstand. I'm debating actually making that a goal. Kind of a funny sounding goal- remember to breath :redface-new: - but maybe by really focusing on it it will help

 

Yes she did haha! And I've been doing even better today.

Well so far no chocolate has been made of my problem... my body is functioning great! The only thing we don't have an answer to is gluten. And so far the laxative has made everything easier... too easy??? lol

And yes dancing, forever do all the dancing! Even if I can't dance in the "don't embarrass yourself in front of people" way, it's probably one of my favorite ways to move my body :D

I've actually noticed that the deeper I'm in thought the likelier it is to happen. And with exercise it mainly happens when I'm counting reps. If I don't focus on counting reps I can focus more on what I'm actually doing, including remembering to breath.

 

I've enjoyed every recipe I've followed from this site. And yes, for many of the meals, you just toss stuff in and come back to a meal a few hours later. :)

OMG IT IS MAGIC!!! CHEAP MAGIC TOO! I must get me one of those!! The only disadvantage would be the word "hours"....

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OMG GUYS!!! Leave it to Kibcy to start decluttering at the last minute XD

So I decluttered my book closet/cabinet/storage... when I don't know the correct English term...

1/6 declutter jobs down... in week 6... oops.

BUT I'M VERY HAPPY ABOUT IT!!! AND I'M JUST VERY HAPPY TODAY!!!

And I've done the dishes and the laundry!!

I was planning to do grocery shopping as well... and get me some bell pepper rolls for dinner... only... the store closes in 4 minutes meep.

So it's just gonna be meat and veggies instead. Not to mention that my breakfast and lunch were sugar peanuts.

So this means I'll have to shop at my parents grocery store tomorrow, because here everything is closed on Sunday.

Then again I had to go to my parents anyway.

Here's before and after!

BookStorageDecluttered_zpsc3468734.png

I make systems... let me... give you an overview! (on the after obviously)

From top to bottom:

- Some left over electronics, including my external disc I use as backup storage.

- Manga both read and unread.

- Unread books!

- Read books

- Manga series complete and read, box for receipts, and behind that a rolled up work of art I need a frame for... since forever (years)

- All the not-actually-books stuff. Left most pile needs to be scanned (see the list I posted some where at the start of my thread), some misc, some writing stuff, some game strategy guides and 2 magazines.

- An animal encyclopedia that I should probably not throw out, but return to dad. Names dictionary and Wreck this journal. Next to that 2 books on prehistory (walking with beast and more of an encyclopedia), and 3 on cats. Then, the idiot Kibcy printing out all the writing she did with a friend, Papers from my minor Psychology, a folder with the last saved pieces of my artwork, empty slide-in-folders, a notebook I planned to use for work... but then never used paper haha.

AND THAT'S ALL :D

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Also I redid my progress Excel AGAIN, because doing it once wasn't good enough :tongue: Actually I was immediately unhappy after changing it. It was better than before, but not... there yet.

Now it is... took me most of the past 3 days (that includes today), but I did it!

It's now very colorful and automated :) I only have to fill things in at one place.

I've also made a "Play log" though it would be an inaccurate name.

I'll test my skills/strength maybe once a month, where I will count actual sets/reps and log those there.

I keep track of walking and cycling, because it's easy to do and fun!

And I made a whole thing for GMB F1 so hopefully I'll get back to working on that....... with a twist :tongue:

On that note I did some playing today... because I was working on that play log and... why the hell not stop in the middle and try a handstand in the middle of the doorway?

So I cannot do that, but did get my feet a little bit off the floor for maybe a second lol.

Did a headstand and that went much better and I felt I could actually push with my arms and put some weight on them.

Then I did a ton more stuff... but I wasn't actually tracking anything.

So there you have it. If you're curious about the details, feel free to take a look: https://www.dropbox.com/s/sy090n9y9ny65gt/Progress.xlsm

(the longest was transferring all my data to the new format, that took forever as I had to fill it in manually...)

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