Building onto Success and Redirecting away from Fails

[Terinatum]

Okay, here we go. My second challenge.

...

Feels good to be under the pressure of a challenge again, it gives me motivation because I know this is my own self-imposed pressure. No culture demands, family assumptions, or perfection seeking going on here!

...

I'm searching for self-congratulations and personal responsibility.

I feel like I'm at a tipping point in my life. I have gained amazing goals in my mental health and my contentment gauge is usually steady. It's refreshing and makes the challenges enjoyable. I feel like I'm doing an experiment instead of a chore. I want to work hard. Now, I'm trying things to see if they work. It's awesome to be so active in my life.

I hope to keep this battle log going especially around my food goal. Food is the last bastion of pain in my life. I have gone to it so often for comfort and escape that my brain knows little else about calming itself down without it. This will be a time of important conversations with my mind and my memories. The young ones in me are angry, scared, and still living in the pain of the past. I need to reach them, protect and reassure them, bring them to the present with me so they know I'm taking care of things now. That way they can relax and have fun as they were meant to. I got their backs now!

With my recent experiences, my friends, and my fellow Rebels,

I can do this!

[Terinatum]

10 minutes and counting!

[Terinatum]

Yesterday was an easy 'rest day.' I did some morning routine things and tracked food and movement throughout the day. I will post that info every Sunday. I am getting a bench today! I'm not sure if the uprights go high enough to use for squats but I hope so. I'll be pretty limited for weight if I don't have a rack.

 

Lost a dog job out of memory loss and bad note taking. Uuurrgggg!

 

Found a great little Inn for my parent's 50th Anniversary party on May 4th. Right on Lake Champlain!

I'll report tonight on today.

Hope all are well.

[Terinatum]

My workout was breaking down my new to me Brutus Excel Olympic Weight Bench and Precor rower!!

I hauled them up the basement stairs and into my car (dude helped)

Then hauled them up my stairs to my second story apt.

Then put it back together.

PHEW!

But sooooooooo cool.

 

Food intake was lower than it should have been for a workout day. I didn't eat sugar-based snacks. Water intake is getting better as well.

[Terinatum]

My second day of rest. I did some shopping and walked a bit downtown, feeling the soreness of my legs from all the stairs (with weight) I did getting my equipment. That is not a complaint!

 

I'm tracking my food and wondering how I can eat with a deficit without alarming my tender, frightened peeps inside. I know they hear me, but they haven't had a lot of evidence of me being able to push through initial attempts into the heart of change. I'm certain they're worried. I don't blame them, up until a few months ago, I was too.

The reason I treat the younger parts of me as separate is based on a theory model Internal Family Systems. It helps me give a voice to all the concerns and fears I have. And then letting Me take care of it for them. They relax and don't continue (as much) to get my attention via my nervous system!

 

The door will begin on May 10th, after my 3 week dog-sitting job.

[Terinatum]

Warm up: drank some water about 10 minutes prior. Did 6 air squats, run in place a moment or two, calf lifts on a good sized rock (bouncing the foot off the rock a bit and down to flat foot), walked up a moderately steep grass hill up to the park's ball field about 1/8 mile away. 

 

Did 1 cycle: walked 2 minutes, ran at 70% for 1/2 minute, walked 2, ran 85% for 1/2, walked for 2, ran 100& for 1/2. 

 

Warm down: bent over and looked for some air I could breathe. Later I walked to the backstop and leaned on the upright and looked for more. Finally, I walked back to the car. Got home and put heating pad on my knees and then ankles just so they would keep warm awhile longer. Sat and now writing this and then I'm hopping into the shower. After, I'm going to try my new whey protein powder since I can't stand eating after working out. See ya!

 

I tried canned green beans with no added salt. Woah, that was tough. I think I need some butter!

I had a cheeseburger with lettuce tomato and onion later.

Decent amount of water so far today. And after the run, I feel my body screaming for it - "yes, mistress"

[Terinatum]

Friday, April 19th - Worked out at 4:25 until 4:48 (23 minutes)

ecent Warm-up

Squats  50# x 5 x 3

·         I really have to stop and check my form around set 3 - first two were fine

·         I can't really tell where my meat shelf is - I know where it should be, but it feels like a high bar placement - ??

·         My knees are still crackling a bit, but there's never been any pain

·         the weight seems light, I will go up to 65# on Sunday

Good Mornings 15# x 5 x 3

·         I like these, they should really help my lower back get stronger.

·         I will need to go up slower than normal as I can't to f**k with my back.

Push Ups 8 x 3

·         Did them on the porch wall at about 2 wide boards away

·         Tough, but good!

Deadlift 50# x 5 x 3

·         I need a bit more weight, but need to really keep an eye on how I bring down the bar - it drifts out away from me

·         foot position feels good

·         need to look at vids again or even do a form vid and post it for comments

OHPress 50# x 5 x 1

·         I'm going to drop down a bit for weight

·         I will do these instead of BW Rows until I get out to the park (it needs to be drier)

Decent Stretches

6 oz. of protein drink

It was good to get back to lifting. I had let if fall away during the week between challenges. 

[Terinatum]

I couldn't go out today... no excuse sir! Except (HAHA) that it's not yet required. I will however go to twice a week by the third week at the latest. I'm going to time how long I can hold the sprint at the end as oppose to trying to mark the distance.

Instead, i did a quick circuit of 35#: 8 bicep curls, 15 sec rest, 8 OHP, 15 sec rest, 8 BORs, 15 sec rest and repeat. I got through 3 sets before the OHPs did me in!

 

Food wise I have been great today. I said no to candy, chocolate milk, wendy's and cookies. I felt really good. I had a good size breakfast so I knew I was really hungry! I had water instead.

 

I need to find, or take the time, to get a real food fact counter, but I don't want it on my phone. I've tried a few, but still need to look. I guess I'll do that now!

   

[Terinatum]

Sunday, first day of dog-sitting (3 weeks this time)

traded weight training for intervals with the dog (x2)

I need to work my schedule so I can weight train at hoime and interval train here.

ate cookies today

not sure how I feel about that. At first I was like 'i need to cheat!', then I want some and I don't want to call it cheating, then I got some, ate them while making dinner and ate less at a time than normal. So fifty fifty score I suppose

Dinner rocked - chicken breast rubbed with curry powder, sliced onion, 1/4 red pepper, and some baby carrots baked in 1/4 cup of olive oil at 450* for 35 minutes. YUM!!

[otter905]

good job.  Keep killing it!!!

[Terinatum]

good job.  Keep killing it!!!

Thanks, Otter. I'm getting the hang of it.

[Terinatum]

So, note to self.

You're reinventing yourself, finding a way to be in the world that works for you. Please don't get hung up on perfection and absolute completion. it's okay to change gears when something isn't working. It does NOT make you a quitter, I don't care what your dad said.

Finding what works for me will take some time. I'm complicated, a bit moody and too intelligent for my own good sometimes. If I keep a record of how things are going, instead of berating myself for not doing every squat or push up, I'll learn so much more about what I want and need to be happy.

I can'r stay at 260 lbs. but I don't have to lose it all right now. I have to find my daily living mojo. I gotta want to do the things that benefit my body, heart, and mind.
 

I gotta' want it bad enough to push past the old beliefs and habits that I survived on for all these years. Say, thank you and say goodbye. Battle On Teri

[rogaecia]

You can do it! :) keep up the good work and keep your eye on the prize.

[otter905]

So, note to self.

You're reinventing yourself, finding a way to be in the world that works for you. Please don't get hung up on perfection and absolute completion. it's okay to change gears when something isn't working. It does NOT make you a quitter, I don't care what your dad said.

Finding what works for me will take some time. I'm complicated, a bit moody and too intelligent for my own good sometimes. If I keep a record of how things are going, instead of berating myself for not doing every squat or push up, I'll learn so much more about what I want and need to be happy.

I can'r stay at 260 lbs. but I don't have to lose it all right now. I have to find my daily living mojo. I gotta want to do the things that benefit my body, heart, and mind.

 

I gotta' want it bad enough to push past the old beliefs and habits that I survived on for all these years. Say, thank you and say goodbye. Battle On Teri

LOVE THIS!!  Trying new things and deciding they are not working for you is not quitting!! You are learning, evolving and thats why it's called trying.

[Terinatum]

Light Day

I can squat using the Olympic bench that I got! 65 x 5 x 3

8 x 2 push ups at back of bench height - I tried lower and couldn't do it with good enough form so didn't push it.

I walked 3 times with the corresponding dogs. No running or jogging today, my back needed a rest.

I ate a good late breakfast (home fries with shaved steak, cheddar cheese, tomatoes, spinach, red peppers, and onions! With water.

I ate some M&Ms - boo hiss 

I haven't eaten anything this evening, we'll see.

Need more water!!!

Feeling better about my challenge... priceless!

[Terinatum]

 

I want, I want... you know, the tummy rub!

[Sandylion]

Your breakfast on the 27th sounds delish!!

[Sandylion]

So, note to self.

You're reinventing yourself, finding a way to be in the world that works for you. Please don't get hung up on perfection and absolute completion. it's okay to change gears when something isn't working. It does NOT make you a quitter, I don't care what your dad said.

Finding what works for me will take some time. I'm complicated, a bit moody and too intelligent for my own good sometimes. If I keep a record of how things are going, instead of berating myself for not doing every squat or push up, I'll learn so much more about what I want and need to be happy.

I can'r stay at 260 lbs. but I don't have to lose it all right now. I have to find my daily living mojo. I gotta want to do the things that benefit my body, heart, and mind.

 

I gotta' want it bad enough to push past the old beliefs and habits that I survived on for all these years. Say, thank you and say goodbye. Battle On Teri

 

This is good!  Good for you! Right thinking leads to right living.  Changing those old beliefs is hard, but it's what makes the magic happen.