Geronimo!

[Vintage]

I've been skulking around the NF forums for quite a while but the idea of introducing myself to the community has always been irrationally intimidating. But the next challenge is about to start and I want to participate, so here goes...

 

I've been tormented by food and body issues since I was a kid. Growing up my family was a chaotic mess and even though my parents generally had good eating habits and no weight issues I developed terrible eating patterns. I've always loved carbs and sugar and used them in a feel depressed/lonely/anxious/angry ---> binge ---> feel guilty and disgusting ---> get even more depressed/lonely/anxious/angry cycle. As I got older I started purging after these binges more frequently until I started having significant health issues related to that. After two years at university I went through a massive depression and ended up leaving school and moving back to my hometown to work. At the time I didn't expect that to last long, but nothing changed in the next few years. Or more precisely, I didn't change anything. I turned 24 last summer and hit 200 lbs about the same time. I had been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis the year before and was constantly feeling sick from the meds I was having to take. I was working two jobs, felt totally stagnant and just didn't have anything in my life that made me feel good.

 

At some point I got the motivation to apply for transfer admission to the university here at home. Just taking that step (even though I didn't know if I was admitted) gave me some momentum. A coworker mentioned that she trained at a nearby crossfit box with her sister (a trainer) and suggested I try it. Later she confessed that she never thought I'd actually do it. But instead of spending a long time thinking about it I impulsively emailed the trainer, Amanda, and set up an intro session. I was overweight and completely sedentary, so the intro session went about as well as you'd expect. 20 minutes in I was laying down on the floor in an attempt to keep from passing out. But getting through it felt so good that I was hooked. I started training twice a week, and quickly started cleaning up my diet. I cut out gluten, limited grains and processed foods, and dropped my 2-3 soda/day habit down to 2/week. In January I added an extra day of cf per week and by the end of March I had lost more than 30 lbs. Any time I see someone who hasn't seen me in a while they comment on how much healthier I look - and I feel much healthier. My arthritis symptoms have decreased and I've lowered my meds to the lowest therapeutic dose, my stomach doesn't hurt all the time, my back feels better and I've gone off my antidepressant and anxiety meds. 

 

But now I've decided to get more focused and deliberate about my goals. I want to be able to look at pictures of myself with friends and family and be able to focus on how much fun we were having instead of "Uggh I'm fat" being my only thought. I want to be able to wear my box's t-shirt in public without feeling ridiculous because I'm obviously out of shape. I want to go on a date and not feel fat and unattractive. Mostly I want to be a person that decides what I want and makes it happen. So I'm taking more specific steps to get there. My first challenge goals are here.

 

Wow, that was atrociously long. My apologies. 

[Teros]

welcome!  Never went the binge route (although I tried).  It's a shame getting stuck into a spiraling negative cycle.  Once you're able to chip away and break the cycle and form good habits, the pieces just start falling together.  I'm starting the 6-week challenge as well (nervous a little bit although idk why). gl and have fun!