Cleaning the Litterbox

[Evicious]

Cleaning the litterbox: it's a daily chore. Actually, it's a twice-daily chore if you don't want your place smelling like cat pee.

 

I tend to look at my life like it's a litterbox. I mean, I have two cats IRL, so I already actually have to clean two litterboxes (my boyfriend helps!) - but RL is the "dumping" ground for a lot of crap, and unless I take care of it on a daily basis, things get unpleasant pretty quick!

 

I feel like I have a strong grasp on most of the stinky parts of living: doing the dishes, doing laundry, keeping the floors swept and the countertops wiped down, making sure my half of the bills are paid on time - and of course, keep the real litterboxes clean. But some parts I don't feel I have a good handle on at all. Those would include my strength and endurance, my ability to entertain myself and/or relax without prerequisite alcohol, and my long-term financial situation.

 

Incentives for accomlishing those things include:

 

- Better ratings on my NCOER, which translates into a better-looking resume' when I get out of the Army

- More personal confidence in myself

- More enjoyment from my normal hobbies (drawing, writing, reading, crochet)

- An easier transition to civilian life (without having to worry about money when I get out)

 

I do feel that I am working through a HUGE hurdle ATT by quitting smoking, and that's been a great confidence-booster for me. I am, however, consistently terrified of losing that momentum and falling back to my old habit, so right now I have a genuine love/hate relationship with the whole episode.

 

On the upside, since I'm not deploying (hence, my new DBL - the old one was "Sandbox Prep") I hope to have more time to devote to really leveling up my life. I may even take some college courses, if I get the chance! But first, I have to keep my head in the game and help get all deploying personnel onto the planes and safely to their respective war posts.

 

LOL Looking back on it, it really seems like my decision to enroll in the Army's ASAP Smoking Cessation program was... well, TBH, a little premature! This is definitely the most stressed I've ever felt in my entire military career - and yet I chose now to quit smoking?! Sometimes I really do wonder about myself. But I've already come this far, and I don't see any benefit in moving backwards (again), so I'll just have to keep pressing forward.

 

Speaking of quitting smoking, I should note that as of this Saturday I will once again be out in the field. I've been slotted to help support this next JRTC rotation. Hurray. I have ZERO clues as to what specifically that entails, but the information I've managed to glean thus far suggests it's a lot of standing around in the LA summer weather and occasionally dirtying my weapon by firing blanks at some 11B's dressed up like terrorists. There is a SLIGHT possibility that we'll be allowed to return to our own housing whenever we're off shift, in order to shower, wash our uniforms, and sleep in our own beds ... but I'm not holding my breath about it. However, I'm far less concerned with being stinky, rashy, and tired than I am with the temptation I'll face to smoke while I'm out there. I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMOKER ANYMORE!!!!

 

Anyway, if I get the chance to update this log while I'm on rotation, fantastic - but if not, at least I'll have it waiting for me when I get back. In the meantime, I'll keep on keeping on trying to keep my "litterbox" clean.

 

Meow.

[smitmk]

I LOVE your analogy. I have a ton of anxiety that has become an issue as of late and I think it is because I let too much stuff pile up in the litter box of life and then it just glowers at me and stresses me out.

Congrats on quitting smoking, I know it is really hard. I haven't smoked in over a year but I smoked for twenty years before that and had countless failed attempts at quitting. I no longer even think about smoking, crazy! It can be done.

[Evicious]

I LOVE your analogy. I have a ton of anxiety that has become an issue as of late and I think it is because I let too much stuff pile up in the litter box of life and then it just glowers at me and stresses me out. Congrats on quitting smoking, I know it is really hard. I haven't smoked in over a year but I smoked for twenty years before that and had countless failed attempts at quitting. I no longer even think about smoking, crazy! It can be done.

 

Wow, somebody actually read my DBL?!

 

Now I feel bad for not updating while I've been temporarily back from the box! Although TBH, I truly haven't had the time - check this out:

 

So, in the wee early hours o' the mornin', the dark o' night still cloakin' me car and no light t'speak o' in me trunk, I managed to misplace a piece of equipment that I needed for the field. However, I failed to discover that I had done this prior to our departure and it was only once we were gearing up that I realized my mistake. I was sent back to retrieve it the next morning, myself TCing and a specialist to drive us; we were both pretty stoked to be missing the hot hours of the day, and definitely excited about the prospect of showering (yeah, yeah, it was just 24 hrs since our previous showers - if you'd just spent that amount of time wriggling around in the dirt and humidity, you'd want a shower again too!) So we get back and do our thing (I grab my missing piece of equipment), and I decided to stop at the Shoppette for a cup of coffee and a bag of beef jerky to take back out to the box. I made my purchases and was driving back to the motorpool when an MP decided to pull me over for "not coming to a complete stop at the stop sign".

 

Alright, let me make this very clear: I am as anal about abiding by all the rules of the road as I am about all the other rules that govern my life - my whole career literally depends on me NOT fucking up. So when I come across red octagons demanding I cease all forward motion, I obey. The problem with Ft Polk's stop signs is that the vast majority are set up anywhere between 10-15ft before the intersection they're meant to guard, which makes it near-impossible to see oncoming traffic from their location. Hence, you must stop and then creep forward until you have a clear view of the road. So YES, the MP did not see me stop at the appropriate location - because I was completely out of his line of sight until I was past it!  

 

Oh, don't bother holding your breath: my story gets even better from here!

 

So he runs my information through the system, and I'm growling to myself about how stupid he is and checking my watch because my window of departure back to my place of duty is swiftly shrinking, when he suddenly reappears at my window and demands I step out of my vehicle. I comply (because once again, my entire career hinges on my ability to adhere to civil laws) and he takes me to his car and has me assume The Position. Once my hands are firmly melted onto the hot hood of his cruiser, he radios for back-up and deigns to inform me that the reason he has me straddling his headlight like a camouflaged hooker is because my license is suspended.

 

                            

 

Long story short(ened), I end up searched, cuffed, and transported to the PMO for processing. Let me tell you, if you've never been handcuffed in the back of a police cruiser, you don't want to be! Uncomfy as hell. The whole time this is going on, I am straining to remember the last time I even got a ticket. How the hell could my license be suspended?! I mean, there was that one ticket I got right before I shipped out to Korea... but I paid that.... and... oh.... wait a second... I paid it but it wasn't until I was on mid-tour leave during my time in AFG that I found out I had to pay some kind of processing fee for the ticket.... they suspended my license then because I hadn't paid that fee... but I turned around and paid for that and the reinstatement fee, soooo.... why the hell would it be suspended AGAIN? I hadn't gotten a single ticket since - and that was almost 3 years ago!

 

Confused yet? Yeah, so was I.

 

I was officially charged with driving on a suspended license and all my driving privileges on Ft Polk were removed. I had to call my boyfriend to come in and move my vehicle from the side of the road, call my E-7 to come pick me up from the station, and THEN drive back out to the box, clutching my paperwork miserably the whole time and silently vowing to kick that MP's ass if I ever had the luck to catch him alone in a dark alley. I spent the remainder of the night half-heartedly firing blanks at G-man and wracking my brain for any possible reason my license would have been suspended.

 

The next morning it was decided that I should return to main base and begin sorting shit out (I'd have stayed in the box to do it, but there is ZERO cell phone service out there). Took me an hour and a half to get my state DMV on the line, whereupon it was discovered that a clerical error had been made in the database.

 

You heard me.

 

THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY LICENSE.

 

The squirrely-sounding man on the phone informed me that my driver's license status would be changed immediately, and he apologized profusely for the inconvenience. I admit, if he'd been standing in the same room as me, I probably would've dragged him on his knees - by the hair - to explain his information to my chain of command. As it was, I thanked him and hung up. LOADS of paperwork and 2 whole days later, it was determined that the entire situation was a complete cock-up and that I was free to return to duty in the field.

 

Which is where I am off to tomorrow morning, and where I shall reside until next Saturday. Hooray.

 

 

 

Still haven't smoked again, bee-tee-dub. It's the little victories that keep the world alive during my existence, I swear.

[Evicious]

ALRIGHT! Finally back into a normal routine again, after all that Army bullshit: and time to get back to doing what I need and want to do with my life.

 

Today's breakfast was going to be a banana and peanut butter on wheat toast, but it turned into a banana and this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For BREAKFAST!!! I know, right?

 

 

I'm still hovering around the 160 Lbs mark on the scale (161.something this morning), but I'm more concerned about getting into a routine of working out over lunch during the week than I am with dropping those pesky 10 Lbs. My boyfriend fiancé has been very enthusiastic about the idea of us working out together ever since he put the ring on my finger. I'm guessing he secretly harbors a fear that I will balloon up now, since apparently that's what newly engaged women statistically do (?!) I've decided not to ask why though, and just take advantage of it: after reading so many stories, both here on NF and elsewhere, about other peoples' S/Os and their issues with motivation regarding health matters, I feel incredibly lucky to be with someone who says, "I want to be the kind of couple who works out together, who stays fit for each other." (Literally, he said that!) Which is pure AWESOMENESS, because I definitely plan on being that half of the relationship anyway.

 

So yeah, I really have no reason to not be anything other than healthy, fit, and amazing-looking.

 

But I promise, this blog will not be all "couple-cutesy" and shit just because I have some bling (re: the most beautiful, unique piece of jewelry I have ever owned in my life representing one of the most powerful bonds on earth between two humans of this day and age, and which I love love love love love....!!!! *squee!*)

[Evicious]

Quickie post before I have to dive into the shower and pelt off hellbent for work:

 

Yesterday gym-time:

1 mile on treadmill (easy pace, 9:00min)

Sprints x3 indoor track (0.1 per lap, so 0.3 mi)

Random situps 50x50x64 (last set was to time, 2 min)

Planks 1 min hold 2x

Barbell squats, no weight 4 sets, 8 reps each

Assisted pullups (machine) 110Lbs 2 sets, 10 reps each

Assisted dips (machine) 110Lbs 3 sets, 10 reps each

 

Today's PT @ gym:

0.5 mile on treadmill walk, 5 incline

Rowing machine, 10 min

Benchpress, 1 set, 10 reps 2x 35Lbs on the bar

Benchpress, 3 sets, 10 reps 2x 20Lbs on the bar

Inclined benchpress, 3 sets, 10 reps 2x 10Lbs on the bar

Inclined benchpress, 1 set, 5 reps 2x 10Lbs on the bar

 

I was planning on attending a boot camp class over lunch, but I can't lift my arms up to wash my hair without them vibrating, so..... yeah, probably not.

[Evicious]

[rant]

 

So, ever since my best friend and compatriot ETS'd out of the Army and moved to TN, I've been absolutely lost at life. I clean my apartment because I'm bored. I drink because I'm bored. I pretty much do everything that I do, including staying late at work and volunteering for shitty details because I'm just. that. bored. I love my fianc'e and I love spending time with him, but in the same way that he needs his "guy time" I feel a distinct loss of my "girl time". Yeah, I have girl friends I could call and "catch up" with.... but what's the point, none of them are military (or are now) and they're all focused on squirting out babies and building real lives for themselves. All I have going on is Army bullshit, my two cats and my man - great topics for 3 seconds, until eclipsed by babies and real-world shit. And btw, while I think other people's kids are cute and all (my fiance already has two adorable sons), that's not really the direction I want my life to go and hence, not really something I'm looking to spend four hours discussing with someone. Hell, even my S.O. keeps it to a minimum when discussing his spawn with me!

 

So yeah, just needed to kind of vent about this and do a little 'poor me' dance while feeling sorry for myself about not having anything to do with anyone but myself and my cats anymore. I mean, I can't even commit to taking a fitness class on a regular basis; the best I can do is show up when I can and hope I can stay for the duration. More people know me from the stupid details I involve myself in than from the shit I'm actually interested in doing (and I say "more people know me" because unfortunately I seem to make an impression while none of them make an impression on me. Hurray.) I have yet to get a single chic to follow thru on a workout date, and that's even when I change my schedule to accomadate hers! It pisses me off to feel like I'm the only fucking female soldier on Ft Polk who can hit the gym and go out for beers afterward, and still have her toenails painted pink. Seriously, is that what our military force has come to?!? Am I really the minority as a female soldier in a committed relationship without fuck-trophies from previous relationships, who actually has the fortitude physically and mentally to get OUT of the office occasionally and push her limits?! Am I REALLY the ONLY one on this ENTIRE FUCKING BASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, there's not even a fitness instructor at the main gym who lifts!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Shit and hurray (Stirling Archer-style hurray), to the bottle I go then. And fuck the lot of 'em, bunch of fucking vaginas with nothing more on their minds than a pay cheque and med board. Classy, Ft Polk: so fuckin' classy.

 

[/rant]

[Evicious]

Looking ahead at the next 9 months, there is a huge opportunity for me to jump ahead of the game in a variety of ways - but only if I work my ass off to accomplish what needs to be done to get there. The following is a list of things that I want to address while I have the time:

 

1. Advancing in rank, or setting myself up to once a slot opens up. I'll be completely honest and admit that this is wholly finance-driven, both short and long-term. E6 = more money while I'm in the Army = more money into my savings accounts and investments; it also means higher pay grade possibilities on the civilian side of life once my contract ends.

 

2. Increasing $$$ in my savings account and investments (regardless of possible pay raise). More money in those places = easier transition into full scale civilian life, including the time while my fiancé transitions prior to my own contract ending.

 

3. Finally diving into college. Doing so before getting out of the military allows me to knock out my core classes for close-to-free + keeps me from putting myself into stupid details that usually end in rage and homicidal dreams. It has the added benefit of increasing my chances of promotion, too.

 

4. Pushing to PCS to be closer to family - and to GET THE F*%$ AWAY FROM THIS GODS' FORSAKEN PLACE. Over and over again I am told "Ft Polk really is the worst place you could be - this isn't how the rest of the Army works." and "4/10 isn't the "real" Army." Well, I'm about as close to desperate as I care to come in terms of getting away from this place, so no matter how faint hope shines on the horizon, I'm willing to head any direction that isn't here. I'm pretty sure that if I do end up spending the rest of my career in this place, I'm either going to have a complete mental breakdown or spontaneously combust at some point. So #4 is actually #1 on my list of things to accomplish before May 2014.

 

 

Things that must occur in order to accomplish the above list:

- Finish SSD 1. Again.

- Finish WLC. Again.

- CLEP the basic college courses I can; enroll in a locally-represented campus with nationally-recognized core class transcripts for those I need 101 on.

- Study for and attend SOM board(s)

- Expand my investment portfolio

- Consolidate bank accounts

- Confirm current credit score, and create plan to optimize credit score increase as necessary

- Schedule appointment with Retention ASAP to begin looking and applying for PCS move to [anywhere but Ft Polk]

[Evicious]

So my fiancé, who is neither tactful nor genteel in conversation, pointed out that I was spending more time every day on this site than I did actually working out in the gym.

Ouch. And true.

Thankfully, I'm the kind of person who responds to that kind of revelation with humble anger and renewed determination.

So for the past week I've been back to pushing in the gym and logging my caloric intake, and I'm remembering how good it feels to actually do the things I read about. ;-) In fact, I feel so much better that I didn't feel even remotely inclined to have even one single beer last night.

I've also discovered that coconut water tastes AMAZING after a workout.

In conclusion, I am happy to have partner in life who keeps me moving forward and I am happy to have my goals back in my cross hairs. :-)

[Evicious]

So lately my work PT has been phenomenal. My big boss has taken a decided interest in helping me with my weight lifting, I suppose after watching me bench (a very minimal amount of weight, in average perspective) what one of my male counterparts could not. So every day at PT is an hour of cardio (dreadmill, stationary bike - ouch, my butt! - or stair stepper, elliptical, or rowing machine) followed by 30 minutes dedicated to weights. This is only the second week into it, and I go on leave in the middle, but it seems to have had an immediate effect on my appearance judging by all the comments I've been getting in that time!

 

No less than 3 people (coworkers + stranger) have commented that I "look thinner". The nice lady at my corner gas station commented to her coworker, "Wow, I need to hit the gym so I can get a physique like that!" after I had made my purchases and was walking out the door. :-)

 

The really motivational comments though have been from our acting commander. Every time he sees me in the gym, he makes some kind of comment about me kicking ass. :-D

 

I've weighed myself, and haven't lost a pound yet, but I truly could care less at this point; just knowing that people can see a difference and feeling as strong as I do after a workout are plenty motivation. Woohoo!