Parenting Autism Spectrum Kids

[Arpeggio]

So my little man has high functioning autism (Asperger's), and I figured I'd share some of what helps us...

Here is a link to the Google Doc for the levels system we use: clickity clack This is a cool thing I was taught, where kids have certain priviledges they earn based on certain behaviors - with the ability to not only be brought down a level (very similar to 1 2 3 time out), but that there is a very concrete way to earn those priviledges back.

 

Another thing that I have found that helps is martial arts - he is in tae kwon do, and his teacher focuses on self discipline and participation. It really helps that when he is there, he is encouraged to make loud weird noises (he does a lot of vocal stimming), but they teach him to do it in the appropriate way and at the appropriate time. He also loves acting and performing, it gives him a chance to get out of himself and get a lot of positive reinforcement for focused and obedient behavior.

 

Now, this wouldn't work at school unless he has a teacher that is on board with it, but I learned about this in a class (I'm getting my teaching degree) - instead of having a punishment where you remove all stimulus, sometimes we have to encourage these kids to overload themselves with stimuli. I have a sensory box I created that has something to engage each sense - a scratchy paint brush he can run along his arm or touch with his fingers, a really soft angora scarf, a smelly candle, a tin of sour candies, a book I made filled with peaceful pictures (like the beach and forests filled with green trees).

 

The coolest bit of the sensory box is (I think) is an mp3 player. The teacher suggested choosing about 7-9 minutes worth of music, starting with an unpleasant/discordant piece of music (say, any short Arnold Schoenberg 12 tone piece of music), then a calming piece of music (maybe Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven), and then an energetic piece of music (Aida's Triumphant March by Verdi). She also said that it could take a kid a couple cycles of this unpleasant/calming/energetic to reset their mind, but after a few tries it usually works very well - my son usually only needs one go around, but I loaded up my little player with about 45 minutes of music, so that he didn't have to hear the same 3 songs on repeat (though sometimes he likes that, and derives comfort from it). She also said that what may be unpleasant or energetic to one kid could be completely different than someone else's definition - so don't feel like you have to stick to my choices here.

 

[Guest BitIntolo]

[edit By Nuala: spam]

[alienjenn]

Will reply later I have ask kinds of good things we do with zombie (my aspie kid)

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2

[Thrillho]

My oldest is very much the stereotypical "ADHD Introvert", the kid who will hide in his room and play Minecraft 18 hours a day if he could.  We have an old, busted-ass laptop, and he's SUPPOSED to keep it at the kitchen table, but he often has to hide in his room so his sisters don't bug him, and they WILL bug him merely by existing within ten feet of him.  He is highly intelligent and a voracious reader, and combined with the arthritis he's very well adapted to staying inside and not moving. He loves his mp3 player, loves music, loves books, loves TV shows, but he loves INPUT... he has almost no output.  His handwriting is quite seriously atrocious (his four-year-old sister has much better hand-writing and printing), his ability to draw is waaayyy behind, and his creativity is almost completely shot.  If you ask him to come up with an idea on his own, you can actually watch the nervous breakdown come over him.  This is really the only reason we let him play Minecraft so much, because he creates INCREDIBLE things in Minecraft. Huge rambling castles, villages, UFC octagons complete with audience and fighters, complex machinery... I think my favorite thing he ever did was create an offshore oil rig, a pipeline, a refinery... and protestors, complete with signs with slogans such as "We Only Have One World To Spawn" and "Life Has No Save Button". It's really helping him tap into his creative potential.

 

My middle child is smart, athletic and well-adjusted.  Go figure.

 

My youngest was in OSNS school from a very early age (the local neurological society child assessment and education facility). She was physically behind as well as stunted, with numerous tactile issues.  Me and my wife are both 95th percentile for size, our two older kids are both 95th percentile for size... we're just big people.  My youngest is short and slender, barely 40th percentile, and is often underfed because all she would eat was rice.  That's it.  Nothing on it.  Just rice.  Sometimes Cheerios.  Pretty much just rice.  She couldn't stand on one leg, she couldn't walk backwards, she couldn't use scissors, she couldn't draw a straight line... we were very worried.  After a year in OSNS, she had gone from "lacking" to "exceeding" in almost every category, and we were floored by the evaluation of "hyper-intelligent", quite literally testing off the chart for IQ. I have NEVER heard anyone say "off the charts" in real life until this.  They told us she did incredible when she was allowed to be the leader, when she was allowed to be the teacher's official assistant, leading the other kids in songs, exercises, sitting them down and showing them how to do things.  She was showing OLDER kids how to do things.  She was reading entire children's books out loud while her older sister was struggling with "cat" and "dog". Her speech ability went from honking to complete sentences in one year. She flourished in kindergarten the year after... but she is still a little bundle of nerves.  Frustration can strike her very fast, being told "no" does not do well with her, and she will stay up until 10pm, 11pm, midnight, just drawing and refusing to go to bed.  Drawing quietly, maybe reading, but not sleeping.  She doesn't wake up well, and she doesn't nap, but she doesn't sleep. Another gift she has is story writing; I will staple ten sheets of paper together, and she will write and illustrate these amazing stories about Ninja Turtles, Princess Ninja (her creation), Monster Skeleton Princess (her creation), Soul Eater (her favorite show, anime) and Mario Brothers, then insist we read them at bedtime.  I have a box FULL of these, and she's only five. 

 

My middle child, who I should stress is totally normal, friendly, popular, outgoing, good at sports, AMAZING artist, tries to help out both older and younger siblings, but they don't react well to being helped, so there's a lot of infighting.  I love them all, and they're doing amazing, but they have their own laundry lists of quirks.

 

...

 

Pleased to meet you!

[CrisciMalosh]

My oldest son is still in the process of being diagnosed, but he's what used to be an Aspie. (Damn DSM change)

 

He is very talented in math, so that is what we focus on for just about everything. We started out being very strict with him, and as such he has very few behavior issues. But let's be honest here, how many of us actually don't have issues with loud sounds and bright lights? 

 

I am very frustrated right now. I refuse to believe that my genius son is somehow diseased or defective, just because he is a little different. And now they are trying to have my youngest son checked out too. But when I am at the darned doctor's office with Zander, they spend more time trying to figure me out than him. Sigh.

 

Good to meet other parents of awesome kiddos!

[Thrillho]

Not defective... "quirky".  We often lovingly refer to our kids as "weapons-grade quirky".  

[CrisciMalosh]

Zander is my mad scientist in training... he often says he wants to be like Dr Horrible, but better! (he's not quite 5, lol)

[Thrillho]

My youngest says our new house has to have "A bedroom for me.  And a room for books.  And a room for art.  And a room for science, with laboratory things so I can do science.  I need to do science when I'm done doing art. And I need a hand in a jar for the science room."

[CrisciMalosh]

AWESOME! My kiddo is focusing on electronic circuit building right now, and asks his doctors really in depth questions about various life functions... His ENT surgeon was blown away when he asked if his esophagus would still work after his tonsils came out, lol.

[Krisis]

Toby has PDD-NOS.  He's 5.5 and was diagnosed 2 years ago after being kicked out of a preschool.  I've known he was "at risk" for autism since before he was born, because it runs in my family.  I'm also pretty quirky and probably on the spectrum myself but have never been tested.  I can't handle loud noises, making eye contact, tight clothing... yeah.  

 

Toby is extremely social, and he will talk non stop to anyone and everyone.  It's hard for me because I am extremely asocial and HATE making conversation.  So he drags poor unsuspecting bystanders into conversations and I have to be the one to translate (he talks very clearly, but often just quotes movies at people so they are like "what?")  and it sucks.  

 

We started out very strict with him and still are and he has nothing but behavioral problems.  That sucks too.  He struggles with impulse control (let's face it, so do I.)  The other day he was in preschool and bit, kicked, spit on, hit and called his teachers names.  Cute, huh?  It makes me so mad because he's old enough to know how to act but he just... doesn't.  Emotionally I think he's more on the level of a 3 year old than a 5 year old.  

 

Sometimes I get so mad at him even though I know it's not his fault.  And sometimes I just feel so broken on his behalf.  The other day I enrolled him in a day craft camp and when I left all the other kids were playing tag and he was standing there like ????  He doesn't know how to be a kid, and that's sad.  He relates to adults better.  I did that as a child too.  But he's also an only child, which means he gets very little same-age interaction.  

 

He's so freaking smart.  He is starting to read and spell (he spelled kitchen the other day all by himself and I couldn't believe it - that's a hard word for someone who's only been reading for a few weeks!)  He has a memory like you would not believe - in December, he heard "Twas the Night Before Christmas" twice and had it 100% memorized.  I have a video of it on YouTube if you want to see it - 

 

anyway.  We have him now on Ritalin and Zoloft and that helps a lot with his behavioral issues.  he doesn't seem to be able to connect consequences to actions though which is so frustrating .  I hope he grows out of that, or we can figure out a way to help him with it.  We were seeing a counselor for a while, but we went for 4 weeks and every week he just said "you just have to tell people that Toby is wired differently" and we were like, well that's fine, but how do we fix the wiring or at least make repairs to it?  Because I think it's a copout not to expect Toby to take responsibility for himself at some point.  Blargh.  

[wideeyed]

This is an Aspie house.  Husband has it.  Oldest son (he is twelve, and will be in 8th grade next year) has it, I have many traits, and my younger son has many of the sensory issues and is introverted. 

It certainly keeps life interesting and busy

 

Because both of his parents have experience with this, our take with Evan has always been that we will do whatever we can to help him be comfortable in his own skin and to understand how he operates.  We teach skills that most people take for granted very deliberately and matter-of-factly.  We discuss his AS with him, and what it means to him, to the world around him.  We work on strategies to deal with a world that doesn't always make sense to him (this is tricky, as it doesn't always make sense to use either).

 

He is us, squared.  I wouldn't want him any other way.

 

The actual name is Marge, by the way.

[CrisciMalosh]

We seem to be an Aspie house too. Husband definitely has it, oldest son definitely has it, youngest son showing some initial signs of issues (fireworks had him covering his ears even while he was transfixed) and I am fairly certain that my son's doctors are spotting signs in me, as often as they seem to be studying me when they should be studying him. I read a paper recently (sorry I don't remember where, nor could google satisfy my searching needs) that some cultural anthropologists and evolutionary biologists think that in our current culture we actually select for these traits, because they make us better office drones. If so, would we then be better selected for our current environment, and not the broken messes that conventional wisdom makes us out to be?

[Krisis]

We watched American Ninja Warrior last night and now Toby has decided he wants to be a Ninja Warrior.  Today he was running around doing parkour all over my house and narrating his "course run."  He "finished" and says, "Toby Ninja Warrior.... is having ... a HEART ATTACK."  It was awesome. 

 

He's just starting to learn the notes on his violin at the moment.  This is a biiiig deal since we've just been playing the same string-pluck rhythm for the last 2 months.  His reading is off the charts and I can't believe how fast he's progressing. 

 

Behaviorally, he's driving me frickin' nuts.  But at least he's smart.  And cute.  

[CrisciMalosh]

cuteness factor is imperative to the kiddos survival, LOL... if they weren't cute then their mom's would throttle them =D

[CrisciMalosh]

Well, this week has made me want to drop kick my kids off of Pike's Peak... I'm sick, sore throat... their response to mommy being sick is to ignore what she says completely... until they make her yell at them. ALL WEEK. 

 

I made their favorite lunch, and they wouldn't eat it until I screamed so much my throat is bleeding... great.

 

Life sucks sometimes.

 

Mini vent over.

[wideeyed]

You would think Mom puking her guts up because of a migraine (especially when the older one gets them too and knows what it feels like) would be enough to get them to be at least a LITTLE quiet.

No.

They're kids.  We survive them, they survive us, and hopefully in the process we help them become decent human beings.

 

There are MANY more positive traits to ASD than making perfect office drones.  Like an unwillingess to fight wars because they don't make sense, and unshakeable sense of live and let live.  Seems to me that we could use a WHOLE lot more of that in this world today

[Verlayla]

I have a kiddo with high-functioning autism who is turning 13 this weekend (oy!). He's in love with all things nerdy and trying to get him to put down his DS for five seconds is like pulling teeth. He also loves anything written by Rick Riordan (which created a burning passion for Greek mythology). 

 

He's a great kid, but he has his challenges. He also has a mix of ADHD, depression, and PTSD, which definitely keeps things interesting. I refer to him as my alphabet soup child. 

 

<3

[CrisciMalosh]

... don't all kids pose challenges? Our kiddos just give us a more unique set of challenges...

 

My Zander has given me a happy moment... He is finally starting to draw discernable pictures of monsters, with actual body parts! WOOT OT!

[Snow]

Hi there! 

 

I don't have a child with autism but I am lucky enough to work with autistic children as part of getting my thesis. I'm sure you all probably already are familiar with it, but have you checked out SFARI (http://sfari.org/)? They have great research updates that are readily accessible to non-scientists as well as some tips on working with autistic kids. 

[Arpeggio]

Sounds like you all have some fantastic kids - I agree, I don't think there is a single thing broken or wrong with my son, he just sees the world a little differently than the neurotypical.

 

He FINALLY figured out how to ride a bike without training wheels, just 2 days ago - I'm still over the moon about it! We've been trying for 4 years...

[CrisciMalosh]

My guy still cannot quite get the whole process of pedalling down, especially with steering... he'll get it eventually though

[wideeyed]

My guy still cannot quite get the whole process of pedalling down, especially with steering... he'll get it eventually though

Yes he will. Took Evan a while, but he got it.

[CrisciMalosh]

WOOT!!!! Zander is back to 40.8 lbs! He has officially regained all that he lost during the recovery from his surgery!!!

 

WOOT!

 

He is now using my 3lb dumb bells to figure out strength exercises on his own! He says weights are FUN!

[CrisciMalosh]

Uhh, hmm... maybe the guys in charge of the DSM V should have actually listened to the developmental experts?

 

http://news.yahoo.com/aspergers-autism-brain-differences-found-122142356.html

 

Yeah, Asperger's and Autism are DIFFERENT, quite possibly VERY different.

 

Thoughts anybody?

[Krisis]

No thoughts, but I knew the change was coming.  Toby was diagnosed in 2012 and his diagnoser dude told me about the upcoming changes.  

 

I'm so frustrated right now.  We are building a home in the next district over.  It'll be ready in October.  Toby was accepted into the new district's behavioral/autism spectrum kindergarten, but they won't let him start until we are physically in the district.  I think that is absolutely ridiculous - aren't our schools here to help children?  Why are they trying to make things worse for him by having him transition to a new school, new friends, new teacher 2 months into the school year?!  I have tried everything I can think of to get him to be able to start school in the new district when school begins this month, but they will not budge.  

 

at this point, I am thinking I will just give up and have him attend kindergarten here and see how he handles it.  So frustrating.  AND we just found out that his school here won't have bus service.  Luckily we just inherited a second car, but it's still difficult. 

 

I signed him up for Tumbling classes through our community education program.  He'll love it and I think he'll do great.  He was doing ballet in April through community education, but it was weird having him be the only boy (the teacher didn't know what to do with him, everyone thought I was insane and awful for having him do a "girl class" even though he absolutely loved it and wanted to continue with it.  I would have let him if his teacher hadn't been so weird about it.) 

 

We started him on a slightly higher dose of anti anxiety medication and he is doing so much better.  If I'd known he was still this anxious I'd have had him jump doses back in February, but I didn't realize what a difference the medication made until just now. 

 

He's going to a summer camp this week about heroes and how to be a hero (through teamwork, gratitude, all these great character values.  I love this program!) and yesterday he wanted to wear his Jedi costume.  So I let him, since hello, they're working on heroes!  He told everyone at school his name was "Toby-Wan Kenobi."  

 

It was the best thing ever.