Alienjenn: boldly going

[alienjenn]

Thanks guys. .. I had a long talk with God before i went to sleep this morning. ... I was so angry and sad and frustrated. ... I think i didn't say the absolute define biggest reason i was upset. ... it finally dawned on me that i really was upset because I was at my heaviest and obviously those rolls were all around bigger when my ex husband stopped paying any attention to me at all. ... like we went from weekly sex to every other month sex. .. and he started spending a LOT of time with pornography and cyber sex. ... and God was like "jenn get over it he was a sick man who refused to get help and used intimacy as another way to abuse you. He emotionally and mentally abused you and you are still giving him power by being upset over this. You shouldn't think that your weight and appearance had anything to do with his abuse and his stupidity. He was sick." ... I feel better now. ... I felt i had to post it because i don't want anyone to come in here and think I'm something I'm not. .. like i said. ... I KNOW I'm beautiful because God tells me he is enthralled by my beauty and for him to be enthralled with something of mine that means i have to have it. ... I just get so mad that i still let him have power over me. .. there is a vast difference between what i know in my heart and what i feel sometimes. ... and I'm overly emotional right now (I have the mirena so i don't have a regular cycle and i have no idea when I'm on shark week because it's not like a regular cycle. ... I still have hormonal fluctuations and it's nearing its five year mark so I think it's time to talk to my gyn about this increasing pms I think it's losing efficiency) and i over reacted because I'm hormonal. ...

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[AgentsSka]

Everyone gets emotional.  No worries.

[alienjenn]

 

I got my night stand straightened and organized.... I don't remember if it is on my list or not but it was supposed to be.... I gave myself a project point for neatening it....

 

will do some looking for hammocks at work tonight

 

 

(edited to add text... because picture adding from the phone is easier while typing is easier from the computer)

[starpuck]

 

there is a vast difference between what i know in my heart and what i feel sometimes. .

 

I know what you mean on this one.     I keep trying to just tell myself over and over, sometimes out loud, so that my ears truly hear the positive words.    Keep the faith sister, and be grateful that you have the ability to 'know your heart'.    Your feels will come and go because we're human, and we're emotional.   But what you hold in your heart is looked after and tended by something far stronger than us, and we can trust on that.

[SunSeeker]

Just popped over to say Hello and WOW what amazing progress you've made.

 

The best leaders are those that lead by example and you are doing that every day.  

 

I do have to say I haven't seen two hammocks hanging from the same tree before.  

[alienjenn]

I know what you mean on this one.     I keep trying to just tell myself over and over, sometimes out loud, so that my ears truly hear the positive words.    Keep the faith sister, and be grateful that you have the ability to 'know your heart'.    Your feels will come and go because we're human, and we're emotional.   But what you hold in your heart is looked after and tended by something far stronger than us, and we can trust on that.

 

 

I know... that's why I have taken to taking pictures/video when I *feel* amazing... to look at when I don't feel amazing... to remind myself...

 

and when I was typing that (the other night)... I kept walking away and reminding myself.... THE KING (himself) is enthralled with my beauty (psalm 45:11) which  means I have beauty for him to be enthralled in... which means that I am beautifull... which means that I am loved and therefore loveable... it is difficult but I repeat it over and over again .... and I SHOUT it from the mountaintops (which I happen to climb to)... I know these are just feels... and the feels are not the reals...

 

Just popped over to say Hello and WOW what amazing progress you've made.

 

The best leaders are those that lead by example and you are doing that every day.  

 

I do have to say I haven't seen two hammocks hanging from the same tree before.  

 

 

Thanks!

 

 

 

we stack like that for a several reasons... 1) heat rises... and so the upper hammock is warmer both because I act as insulation for him and because my heat rises 2) he is autistic (asperger's) and sometimes has a hard time settling so I like to be able reach up and rock his hammock ... 3) with him right above me if I need to talk to him I don't have to talk loud enough to disturb nearby campers.... 4) we need less tarp to cover us in inclement weather... 5) I know if he gets up in the middle of the night because he has to climb over me to get out of his hammock... which discourages late night wandering...

[alienjenn]

http://pixlr.com/editor/

[KiltedCowboy]

Jenn!  Your progress is freaking amazing to look at.  The whole 30,000 steps thing is just mind boggling to me!

 

Btw, I'm gonna have to ask you about camping hammocks on chat one day and get some purchasing advice

 

Keep it up!!

[pwallace]

Jenn, here are just a couple quotes from my favorite book that always remind me of what is true in life.

"People are stupid; given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything. Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie because they want to believe it's true, or because they are afraid it might be true. People’s heads are full of knowledge, facts, and beliefs, and most of it is false, yet they think it all true. People are stupid; they can only rarely tell the difference between a lie and the truth, and yet they are confident they can, and so are all the easier to fool"

~From reading what you wrote, the lie is what you feel looking at those pictures. Don't be stupid and believe it, you are smarter than that. See the lie for what it truly is, a lie. The truth is that you are a hardworking mother who not only makes time for her kids but also hs made fantastic progress on the road to a new fit healthy body. You are not the rolls Jenn, Just like you are not the frustration you have with you kids at times. Those things you have and will again overcome. We believe in you

 

I am who I am; no more, no less.â€

~You are strong. You are smart. You are couragous, YOU are You. and we all love you for it

[alienjenn]

Jenn!  Your progress is freaking amazing to look at.  The whole 30,000 steps thing is just mind boggling to me!

 

Btw, I'm gonna have to ask you about camping hammocks on chat one day and get some purchasing advice

 

Keep it up!!

 

 

I remember when it was a struggle to get 1000... it amazes me too

 

feel free to ask... but I really only know about my kind of hammock.... there are a few popular brands... and such... but I don't know much about the other brands...

 

 

Jenn, here are just a couple quotes from my favorite book that always remind me of what is true in life.

"People are stupid; given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything. Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie because they want to believe it's true, or because they are afraid it might be true. People’s heads are full of knowledge, facts, and beliefs, and most of it is false, yet they think it all true. People are stupid; they can only rarely tell the difference between a lie and the truth, and yet they are confident they can, and so are all the easier to fool"

~From reading what you wrote, the lie is what you feel looking at those pictures. Don't be stupid and believe it, you are smarter than that. See the lie for what it truly is, a lie. The truth is that you are a hardworking mother who not only makes time for her kids but also hs made fantastic progress on the road to a new fit healthy body. You are not the rolls Jenn, Just like you are not the frustration you have with you kids at times. Those things you have and will again overcome. We believe in you

 

I am who I am; no more, no less.â€

~You are strong. You are smart. You are couragous, YOU are You. and we all love you for it

 

 

thanks pwallace....

 

and I love you guys

[SunSeeker]

we stack like that for a several reasons... 1) heat rises... and so the upper hammock is warmer both because I act as insulation for him and because my heat rises 2) he is autistic (asperger's) and sometimes has a hard time settling so I like to be able reach up and rock his hammock ... 3) with him right above me if I need to talk to him I don't have to talk loud enough to disturb nearby campers.... 4) we need less tarp to cover us in inclement weather... 5) I know if he gets up in the middle of the night because he has to climb over me to get out of his hammock... which discourages late night wandering...

Okay you're stacked.  That I can picture better.  The picture made me think you were side by side and I was having a hard time imagining sleeping like that.  Does your son like camping?  I always like to see kids out backpacking, hiking and exploring the world...being able to enjoy life without being plugged in 24/7.

[alienjenn]

Okay you're stacked.  That I can picture better.  The picture made me think you were side by side and I was having a hard time imagining sleeping like that.  Does your son like camping?  I always like to see kids out backpacking, hiking and exploring the world...being able to enjoy life without being plugged in 24/7.

 

 

yeah.... except for my hammock didn't sink as much as I wanted it too.... it sucks that I am kinda short and he is getting heavier... so he has to hang higher... especially since I don't sink as much... it stinks.... 

 

the youngest tolerates it... he neither enjoys it nor hates it... my daughter doesn't like it but she does it because I make her... and my oldest wants to join the marines so he goes because I teach him skills.... he sometimes likes it

[SunSeeker]

I can see a rope ladder going up to his hammock in the future.  As your hammock doesn't sink as much (awesome), will it help just to hang it lower?  And I have no idea how you can go without an underquilt....when I take mine out, I always take my underquilt or I get cold regardless of how warm it is.

 

Your description of your kids sound like kids every where.  I bet they enjoy it than they let on.    

[alienjenn]

I use an underpad.... 

 

and I do hang it really low.... but I kinda messed up that night because I was tired.... and I need hang his higher :S

[alienjenn]

and now my loyal readers is your long awaited weekly update

 

biggest loser contest on fb

 

 

 

I think I am doing ok with this... I have posted every day... I have been encouraging... I am going to the park tomorrow to meet with local contestants and will make a blog post about park workouts

 

I think that it's going well...

 

continue free writing & investigate publishing options

Points= 3x week (write) + 2x week (investigation/contact) = 5x week x 6 weeks = 30 points

Points = 2x week x 6 weeks = 12 points

 

 

 

3 blog posts this week and all my old blog posts backed up... going to give myself 4 points here... 

 

which I have 8 possible points per week so I didn't do very well... but eh.... it's all good... I can make up points later... and I SHALL!

 

 

-family game night once per week

= sub goal thirty min special alone time with each kid once per week

At least thirty min game night with entire family = 1 point

At least thirty min special time per kid =1 point x 3 kids = 3 points

4 points/week x 6 weeks =24 points

 

 

the oldest boy was away on sleepover this week... so family game night only had 2/3 of the kids but I am going to count it... I also only had alone time with the girl child... which means I only got 2 points this week... (out of 4 possible) eh... this is also all good... because I am going to work harder this week... I intend to spend time with Zombie tonight after the park and the photo taking and such... 

 

 

-household projects work on house cleaning fifteen min per day and one hour per week on project

15 min cleaning/day = 1 point x 7 days = 7 points/week x 6 weeks = 42 points

60 minute project time = 1 point/week x 6 weeks = 6 points

1 point bonus for each completed project

total points available = 48

 

 

 

I didn't clean tue and sun.... and I got one project done... (which wasn't on the list but should have been so I get a project point for it) so 5 points for cleaning and 1 for project time and 1 bonus point for project completion... for a grand total of 7 points... (out of 8 weekly points)

 

 

 

so if I graded weekly.... I would have an average of 65% .... not my best work.... I am slipping behind in the writing front and the family time front... I am going to go to bed here soon and get up at a reasonable time (well... you know late afternoon because I work nights and stuff)... I got one on one time planned with the youngest boy... going to do some blogging and some writing... before I go to bed I am going to look into some publishing options... 

[Librarian of Doom]

You may not have hit the maximum desired, but you are doing things! Getting stuff done, even if it's not as much as we'd like/hope is always better than the alternative.

[alienjenn]

You may not have hit the maximum desired, but you are doing things! Getting stuff done, even if it's not as much as we'd like/hope is always better than the alternative.

 

 

Yeah.... 

 

I have issues with being an over achiever....

 

 

 

 

in other news.... I agreed to do a 5k on 12 Oct... and I cleaned a LOT today (because I woke up to a quiet house... because I messed up and miswrote the day I had to pay my electric bill by... and the cut off was 1 Aug at 5 pm and not 5 Aug at 1pm (super sigh) but I got stuff straightened out and we have electricity again) and I got my bookshelves straightened... and dusted... and got the kids to get all the dvd's sorted and in their proper cases... and got some stuff done in the kitchen  

 

so.... got loads done... and got cleaning done... 

 

and I worked out and I did week 1 mission 1 in the zombie app... and I took videos of working out to make a blog post for the biggest loser contest .... busy day

[Morrigainz]

i <3 u

[cavejen]

Good luck with the 5K! How are you finding the zombie running?

[starpuck]

Yay on the 5K AJ!   Very cool.     I like your progress as well, you're doing just fine!      And over-achieving and going for perfection?    Pfft!  Think how many bowlers would have to hang up their balls if they based their success only on their 300 games.

[alienjenn]

Mir I 《3u 2

Jen I've only done the prelude and the week 1 mission 1 but i love it

Starpuck.... I have no idea about your analogy. .. I have no clue what you just said although I'm assuming you meant it to be supportive and kind you big ogre

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[alienjenn]

I never would have thought i would have the doms from a body weight work but i do!

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[Morrigainz]

In bowling, a perfect score is 300

[alienjenn]

And "hang up their balls" means quit? Not some weird euphemism for sex? If so that makes a LOT more sense

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[starpuck]

O M G!

 

I do that all the time.   I say things that I don't even hear in my head as dirty - and then don't realize until someone else points it out.   OMG.... yes, I meant quitting.  I couldn't think anything else a bowler would hang up??   LOL.

 

I just meant, someone who bowls a 220 might seem 80 pins from perfect, but that is still a damn good, pro-bowler average!