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Alienjenn: boldly going


alienjenn

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All of this. Women especially are conditioned all of our lives to believe that the only value our body has is if it is "attractive". It's not something we can just step aside from and say "Oh, that's bullshit" even though it is, because it is so deeply ingrained. Look at all the amazing things your body can do! Even before you started losing weight and getting fit, look at what your body did: it created 3 human beings!!! Your body is amazing and valuable!!!!!! Even if those rolls never went away (which is not going to happen) your body would be amazing and valuable!!!

 

Ditto LOD!

 

I'm glad you were able to come to some peace with your photos Jenn!  So proud of you for taking and posting them.  I truly understand how hard it is to be real, even to the internet :)

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Random Treat Free Streak: 10 Days (start 05/28)

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O M G!

 

I do that all the time.   I say things that I don't even hear in my head as dirty - and then don't realize until someone else points it out.   OMG.... yes, I meant quitting.  I couldn't think anything else a bowler would hang up??   LOL.

 

I just meant, someone who bowls a 220 might seem 80 pins from perfect, but that is still a damn good, pro-bowler average!

 

I just assumed it was  dirty.... because you know... it's the internet and all...

 

I don't know... they could hang up their shoes or shirts  or custom designed team socks....

 

that would be cool... we questors for the golden idol need to have custom designed team socks!!

 

 

:)

 

I get so mad at myself... because "oh I only did 10 min miles" but OK you did 10 min miles for TWENTY FIVE MILES STRAIGHT!! and then for 4 days straight!!! but I *CAN* do 4.5 min miles.... but those 10 min miles weren't on pavement and there was hills and you were carrying GEAR!!! but I *CAN* go faster!!

 

so I tend to forget all the awesomeness because of what I chose as "sub par" and I hang on that... like a tenacious dog...

 

 

Ditto LOD!

 

I'm glad you were able to come to some peace with your photos Jenn!  So proud of you for taking and posting them.  I truly understand how hard it is to be real, even to the internet :)

 

 

I tend to have a problem with it... I don't like to be fake... and I feel like "oh I can't post that because posting that makes me SEEM fake".... or... if I don't post about that people won't know that I am not perfect (and since no one on this planet is perfect I don't know why I would think people think *I'M* perfect!!) but I don't want people to think that things come oh so easily to me...

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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For a long time I chose 6min/km pace as average and felt like less of a runner because I was so far from that.  It took some time to reevaluate and start looking at how far I've come.  Just keep talking to us and we'll remind you of all the awesome that is Alienjenn :)

 

 

I knew there was a reason I keep you around ;)

 

 

 

 

so I got no cleaning at home... although if I get a chance to work on bill paying tonight at work I may consider that towards my 15 min... I am hoping to get some typing done... especially if things remain chill :)

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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Hey a 10 minute mile is nothing to be ashamed of!  As long as you are making forward progress I think it's alright :D  Glad to see that your challenge is going well!

-KiltedCowboy

Damn the Torpedos, Full Speed Ahead

"Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway." -John Wayne

Rev. 22:1-5

Confederate Thrower of Heavy Stuff

Lt. WFD - 37'9" | Hvy. WFD - 16'8" | Braemar Stone - 21'0" | Open Stone - 28'7

WOB - ? | Lt. Hammer - 71'7"| Hvy. Hammer - ? | Sheaf - ? | Caber - ?

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My goal is/was/is a 10 minute mile pace Leighanne, hehe.   And I too have that same issue ladies --- grabbing on to what I deem as sub par.     But the other day, while I was out running in my slow shuffle-jog, another runner, obviously faster than me, gave me "the runner nod" and I was all.... HEY I MUST BE A RUNNER!      

 

You've got the right idea AJ - grabbing on to the awesomeness, rather than sifting through all that awesome to pick something to be less thrilled about.   Just takes time to get that practice into habit and have it be the thing that comes to mind first.   You'll get it!

 

And hmmmmmm, Golden Idol socks.   We may have to look into this hehe!

(And me?  Dirty?  Pshaw.... I'm toooootally innocent.  :angel: Allll the time.  *nodnod*)

Level 77 ~*~ Ranger

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And hmmmmmm, Golden Idol socks.   We may have to look into this hehe!

(And me?  Dirty?  Pshaw.... I'm toooootally innocent.  :angel: Allll the time.  *nodnod*)

Golden Idol socks ehhh maybe not. I do have connections for making tshirts though hmmmmm may hve to put those to good use.

Innocent? HA I'll believe it when I see it

Level 0 Human, Monk


82%
82%
Lose 75 lbs

Startin Fresh


"Nothing is ever easy." Zeddicus Zull Zorander


"Do or Do Not, There is no try" Yoda


"Weak people face life obstacles with an excuse in their hand, strong peple carry a hammer."


Estemated 1RM


Bench: 195lbs


Squat: 245lbs


Deadlift: 295lbs


Total weight: 735lbs


Goal Weight 1000lbs


 


 

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I knew there was a reason I keep you around ;)

 

 

 

 

so I got no cleaning at home... although if I get a chance to work on bill paying tonight at work I may consider that towards my 15 min... I am hoping to get some typing done... especially if things remain chill :)

 

bill paying absolutely counts as housework!!

 

My goal is/was/is a 10 minute mile pace Leighanne, hehe.   And I too have that same issue ladies --- grabbing on to what I deem as sub par.     But the other day, while I was out running in my slow shuffle-jog, another runner, obviously faster than me, gave me "the runner nod" and I was all.... HEY I MUST BE A RUNNER!      

 

You've got the right idea AJ - grabbing on to the awesomeness, rather than sifting through all that awesome to pick something to be less thrilled about.   Just takes time to get that practice into habit and have it be the thing that comes to mind first.   You'll get it!

 

And hmmmmmm, Golden Idol socks.   We may have to look into this hehe!

(And me?  Dirty?  Pshaw.... I'm toooootally innocent.  :angel: Allll the time.  *nodnod*)

 

LOVE the runner nod :)

Challenge 1    Challenge 2   Current Challenge

Random Treat Free Streak: 10 Days (start 05/28)

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Hey a 10 minute mile is nothing to be ashamed of!  As long as you are making forward progress I think it's alright :D  Glad to see that your challenge is going well!

 

 

eh that was bicycling miles I was talking about... and when you *can* do a 4.5 min mile... a 10 min mile is frustrating :) but those days I was talking about were more about endurance than speed!

 

My goal is/was/is a 10 minute mile pace Leighanne, hehe.   And I too have that same issue ladies --- grabbing on to what I deem as sub par.     But the other day, while I was out running in my slow shuffle-jog, another runner, obviously faster than me, gave me "the runner nod" and I was all.... HEY I MUST BE A RUNNER!      

 

You've got the right idea AJ - grabbing on to the awesomeness, rather than sifting through all that awesome to pick something to be less thrilled about.   Just takes time to get that practice into habit and have it be the thing that comes to mind first.   You'll get it!

 

And hmmmmmm, Golden Idol socks.   We may have to look into this hehe!

(And me?  Dirty?  Pshaw.... I'm toooootally innocent.  :angel: Allll the time.  *nodnod*)

 

 

I have started making videos talking to myself when I feel REALLY awesome... to listen to when I feel not so awesome...

 

and.... running a 10 min mile is my goal (actually my current goal is a sub 15 min mile which seems years away! since my current is about 19-20 min hence the zombie app trainer)

 

SOCKS!!! let's make an emblem and I can embroider!!

 

 

Golden Idol socks ehhh maybe not. I do have connections for making tshirts though hmmmmm may hve to put those to good use.

Innocent? HA I'll believe it when I see it

 

 

I do needle work.... if we had an emblem I would be willing to make them!

 

bill paying absolutely counts as housework!!

 

 

LOVE the runner nod :)

 

 

I has never gotten the runner nod... although I frequently get the bicycler nod... and I also get the "holy crap look at that girl go" double take ;) (which I adore)

 

I am going to count it... because it took me about 30 min to figure out passwords and log into all my different things last night... and I found out all my ballances... I am going to log in and pay stuff tonight (I get paid at midnight) I absolutely have to figure out this whole bill paying thing... I totally suck at it... I don't pay my bills because I forget about them and then I spend the money elsewhere and then I get cutoffs and such... I have had both my gas and electricity turned off in the last month BECAUSE I FORGET TO PAY THE BILL!!!! also had to give the water company the "emergency check at the door so they don't shut me off".... I have looked into the envelope system... but it's difficult because I *ONLY* use my card to pay for stuff and I can't figure out how to make it do that...

 

and I had set my car payment up to auto draft and for some reason it isn't doing that... sigh...

 

AND I find out that Zombie has lost his SSI payments so that means our income is being cut by ~450 a month which I can make up with roughly 1 overtime shift a month... which I intend to pick up once the kids are back in school.... I also need to start saving because I want to move in 4 years (and buy a house and take 6 months off to do the apalacian trail.... EEEEKKKK FOUR YEARS!!!)

 

 

 

Does making sangria count as housework???

 

 only if you have to wash the pitcher/glasses to put it in...

 

and thanks btw... I totally want sangria now

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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Actually got the runner nod thismorning. ... not once but five times. ... i ran around my block after work (yay zombies run! ) apparently the swim team runs on my block (I live less than a mile from the ymca) .... more when I wake up. ... nighty night nerds

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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Boo, no I didn't have to wash the pitcher. OH WELL. It was delicious.

 

Also YAY on runner nods and feeling awesome! Because you are totally awesome.

 

 

I need to learn a good recipe for sangria....

 

ok so after I got off work this morning I decided to run errands (had to get drugs for zombie... we medicate him to keep OTHER people out of jail)  and then I got home and was like... eh I am really tired and I don't feel like driving anywhere so I can do week 1 episode 2 of zombie run... so I went around my block 3.5 times... (my block is 0.39 miles according to cardiotrainer).... so I guess that the swim team that meats at the ymca runs through my neighborhood... I was running and like 5 different people nodded at me... at one point I got to a run cycle and I was like "uggggghhhh not ready" and I guess I said it out loud because there was an adult with the SMAC kids and she was like "I know" and we both smiled and ran harder... 

 

it was cool.... I was excited because the times when I was jogging/slow running I had good form and I had the same pace as MANY of the SMAC kids (although I was running the block opposite of them so it was hard to say for certain... ) it's just that my pace isn't sustained... so I did 1.76 mi in 36:02 (after working all night and my foot was achy when I started) I was no more achy when I finished than I was when I started... I def like the DOWN hill better than the uphill... and I know I can keep it up.... I am going to try and get another run before I go to sleep (my neighborhood is really safe and I feel comfortable running in the dark at 2 am) because we intend to go biking tomorrow and I don't want to bike and run on the same day.... 

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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I am nearly ready to kill some children... 

 

over the last decade I can not count the amount of things that have been damaged and/or lost and/or "I dunno"

 

I woke up this evening and went to charge my fitbit... couldn't find the chord on my nite stand (where I keep my laptop) so I looked for my bag... which I found UPSIDE down dumped out with a popsicle stick in the mess... and they can't find my wireless mouse...

 

my computer is password protected so I know they weren't using my mouse on my computer... besides the base to the mouse is still in the laptop... and my kids aren't smart enough to take mouse and base and lose mouse but return base... they would lose the whole thing if they were taking it to use it... 

 

so I can't find my fitbit charger I cant find my mouse.... I have a bunch of destroyed dvd's (from the dvd's just being left out they are so scratched) I have laundry piled up I have crap (literally) all over the bathroom (the youngest has issues with cleaning himself after the bathroom... so EVERY one of his underwear is all crusty.... and he leaves them in the bathroom)

 

 

I am ready to beat the crap out of them... I am angry... and I want my stuff... there is no reason they have to mess with my stuff... and no one knows where it went and no one knows how to find it and they are looking but don't know where it is... 

 

 

 

I have set a timer and told them my things are to be found... and if it's not done they are going to kneel on rice until one of them comes clean... and if it isn't found today I am taking the cable modem with me when I go to work.... I can't deal with this crap any more... I am frustrated... and I am angry... and I am tired... and I haven't had enough coffee to deal with this today

 

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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they found my chord and my mouse... 

 

so... I am just frustrated with the kids because it took hours and hours of looking... 

 

 

I went for a run before we went to the store... 2.0 miles in 38 minutes which makes my average 18:59.... I BROKE 19 MINUTES!!!! I have been averaging closer to 19:45... so I just kinda took the kid frustrations out on the run.... 

 

I learned last challenge... I should do more angry exercise... 

 

 

I guess it holds true still... 

 

 

also I synced my fitbit (since we found the chord) 

 

7145_10200664283424399_1815882718_n.jpg

 

I got my fitbit 13 July 2012... so I logged 2+million steps in just less than 13 months... and my first million steps took almost THREE years.... 

 

 

 

I am ELATED now :D

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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angry workouts are the best. That is why I listen to agressive angry violent music when I lift. It raises the blood pressure, makes me sweat more and make me push harder.

I am glad you found your stuff. children "borrowing" your stuff is very frustrating and after working with kids I became OCD about my things. I understand your frustrations and good job with making them be accountable and find your belongings.

Level 0 Human, Monk


82%
82%
Lose 75 lbs

Startin Fresh


"Nothing is ever easy." Zeddicus Zull Zorander


"Do or Do Not, There is no try" Yoda


"Weak people face life obstacles with an excuse in their hand, strong peple carry a hammer."


Estemated 1RM


Bench: 195lbs


Squat: 245lbs


Deadlift: 295lbs


Total weight: 735lbs


Goal Weight 1000lbs


 


 

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I don't really listen to any music any more. ... it tends to ruin my attitude for everything. ... I'm usually really good at dealing with them. ... except for when I don't get enough sleep and that last straw hits the camels back. ... Mir most of the time they aren't too crazy.... and eighty percent of the time they are awesome (if unthoughtful) little human beings

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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Sigh. ... had a crap day... did some crappy miles. ... my bike is broken. ... twerked my knee. ... watched awesome movies. ... got upset and fussed at at sheetz.... drove forever. .. I'm home and exhausted. ... I'll post for reals tomorrow. .. I've taken pain meds and allergy meds and I'm watching bones with the girl. ... eating some gelato. ... 8e3asyda.jpgthank God I cooked yesterday for work because I'm too tired...

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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Still a crappy day. ... my knee hurts. ... I didn't sleep well. ... have to work tonight. ... I'm so tired. ... I made paleo banana pancakes for breakfast

 

8agynehy.jpg

 

.... it was yum. ... and my youngest child actually liked them (he conned a bite from me) so I think I will make them again in bulk for the whole fam... now I'm off to work. ... and I'm praying for a decent night Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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so I have been feeling really depressed lately (for about 2 weeks) some of it may be situational (I am really lonely and I hate people) and some of it may just be my long term depression (something I have dealt with since I was a teenager)... I went through my old journals and exercise logs and determined that there is a pattern here... about 4 years ago my depression stopped being an "every day let's kill all the things" to a "couple of times a year let's kill all the things" some of that was due to increased exercie... some of that was due to some family therapy which lead to better relationships in my household... some of that was due to my exhusband stopped bothering to pretend to be interested in the lives of my children.... some of that was learning how to better deal with mood swings and with depression and how to better control my emotions...

 

the last few years though I have had spikes in my depression in mid-late july (which usually last through late aug early sept) and then from mid-late dec through late jan early feb...

 

the winter one I have figured out... I have SAD (seasonal affective disorder... otherwise known as solar powered... no sun... no power!!) and my dad committed suicide when I was 7 on 4 Janurary... I never really knew him but I miss him... I also miss the family that I never really had... all those people having family interactions around the hollidays... it bums me out... I moved away from my family (they are in Indiana and I am in Virginia... on purpose) because I could no longer deal with the drama... (ok well... it was mostly due to my ex husband moving us to arizona and then to virginia... but I didn't move back when we separated because I couldn't become ensnared in drama)

 

 

 

this week has been kinda crappy...  I didn't get much done goal wise... and I am kinda beating myself up about it... I need to work on both those things!! my last challenge has been my best challenge to date... and I kinda want to continue!!

                      

 

 

-biggest loser contest on fb

 

I feel like this one is going ok... I am being encouraging... I came up with a good mini challenge./... I need to work more on the administrative aspects of it (have some who promised to pay who haven't.... some who haven't registered yet... have to clear up the list) but all in all I give it a  :) which to be perfectly honest this is kinda a pass/fail goal...

 

 

-continue free writing & investigate publishing options three times per week -- sub goal 2 blog posts per week

 

eh... this one goes not so well... I was going to finish typing up the rest of what I wrote on the last bike trip... but I forgotted my notebook at home... I had 2 blog posts this week and one free write... I suppose I could do some research on self publishing options or do a free write session tonight at work to up my points... but I am cranky and have no words in my head... (so I will probably look into publishing options... because I should) I have 7/30 points... which is no where near on target... although if I work hard I may be able to bring this grade up to an A...

 

-family game night once per week

= sub goal thirty min special alone time with each kid once per week

 

I gave myself 0.5 points for some alone time with Zombie... we did dishes together... maybe not "special alone time" but it was just us and we had a good chat and laughed a bunch so I am giving me half a point.... also went shopping with RAS... she had fun... it was just grocery shopping but we laughed and had fun... went biking on sat and then did grilling with the kids...

1149725_10200672480709326_1677454570_o.j

I *intended*to play a game with them... but we ran outta time because they didn't have the fire ready to grill when I got back from biking and in order to make our movie we had to eat/clean up fast...  but we did have some fun and RAS got to bring her boyfriend (don't they look so cute together??) and we had fun with no electronics among any of us!!!

 

 

household projects work on house cleaning fifteen min per day and one hour per week on project

 

every day except today I got some form of cleaning/housework done... 2 nights my points came from figuring out the bills and paying them... my house is coming along nicely... I can see *MOST* of my kitchen table... and the floor is done MOST of the time...

 

I talked to my older kids this week about household responsibilities... I have a list of chores that are do to be done every week (like cleaning the bathroom and moping the kitchen and rooms and cleaning the microwave... etc) with some done daily (like dishes and taking the garbage out and feeding the cat and scooping the box)... we have an agreement that when I work they are responsible for the laundry and dishes and when I am off I will do them... they are going to alternate weeks so that one week they have one day of dishes/laundry and the next they have two days of dishes/laundry... I also told them that I don't care when weekly chores get done as long as they get done... so they will take the weekly list and tell me by monday what chores they will do that week and I will assign to the younger one on a daily basis... we will see in a week or two how this works... zombie does best when you tell him daily what to do... and I am trying to convince the older two to take more responsibility (I shouldn't have to SAY to do certain things!! I especially want them to start being more responsible since Shakespear is 16 and RAS is 14 and they need to know how to take care of themselves before too much longer!)

 

I have 15/49 points here so I guess I am not doing as poorly as I thought... we are 33% of the way done with the challenge and I am at 31% with this goal... not terrible... I just want my house to be a home you know?!

 

 

 

 

if you add ALL my points and ALL my available points I am at 27.5/103 which is 26.6% so.... maybe I am not sucking as much as I think...

 

ok... now to research and get another point tonight... and maybe I will do better next week

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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also... forgot to say HOW I tweaked my knee...

 

so my brakes on my bike are jacked... (as in non existent) and I was going around a curve down a SMALL hill... and there was a little bridge (with no side rails so basically if you go off the bridge you go into the resevoir... the signs say "walk bike across walkway" but I never listen) and there was people on the walk way and from the top of the bridge I was like rider up and they got over and I was like ok... and started riding it... and then this kid walked to the middle of the walkway.. and I was like excuse me kid... and he didn't move... so I had to put my foot down and stop my bike so as to a) not kill the little kid and B) not fall into the resevoir... and my knee twisted...

 

and the dad was like yelling at me "WATCH what you are doing!" and I was like "my brakes are broken that's why I called out at the top of the hill and your kid was in my way" and he was like "damn stupid riders almost killing people they should not allow bikes here"

 

granted you are supposed to walk your bikes across that walkway but I have been riding it for 5 years WITH NO ISSUE and if he had controlled his stupid kid it wouldn't have been an issue...

 

sigh

 

 

then at sheetz I went to get tea... got myself a cup with ice and a tiny bit of lemonade... look around for the tea dispensor and it was no where ... ask the clerk where it is and he is like oh we don't sell tea anymore... I was like ok and dumped the cup and threw it away... he is like "HEY you can't just throw it away you have to buy something you can't just waste stuff" I was like "well I don't drink soda and you won't sell that to me as a water cup" he still fussed at me and threatened to call the manager on me... I was like go ahead... so then I walk around the WHOLE store and there is nothing I can drink... I don't like aquafina (tastes metalic) and that was the only brand of bottled water they had in stock... and they had NO brands of unsweetened tea... they seriously had 12 different kinds of sweet tea... but nothing unsweet... and he tried to yell at me a second time when I paid for wasting the cup

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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you know.... if anyone wants to get me something for Christmas....

 

http://www.survival.com/atax.htm

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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