Milythael - Keep Floating

[milythael]

Main quest: Don't Sink - Combating Depression
I've been fighting major depression.  This engenders sadness, lethargy, apathy, and loneliness, among many other emotions.  Any of these is enough to derail a life for days, weeks, months, or even years.  It limits my capacity to achieve anything.  My long term goal is to not get worse.  I have to float before I can swim.
 
To fulfill this mission I will:
 
#1: Move.
Do something physical every day. Qualifying activities (not comprehensive):

• Movement Multivitamin from Gold Medal Bodies.
• Random exercise on the way to work, if documented.
• Hiking.
• Rock climbing

#2: Eat.
Eat a minimum of 2 meals a day.  It sounds simple, but it is anything but.
 
#3: Decide.
I'm supposed to do the GoRuck Challenge on September 6th/7th.  I must either do my best to be ready or postpone my entry to another event.  Failure is just not showing up the day of the event, or going and dropping out.  If I show up, it had better be with an expectation of completing.  If I don't show up, no one had better be expecting me to.  Your team depends on you.
 
Life side quest: Keep my job.
Simple enough.  If I have a job at the end of the challenge, I've completed this goal.  This probably means managing to get to work every day, and managing to be productive enough to be successful.  Neither of those has been trivial lately.

[Morrigainz]

Hugs. I think this is a great challenge - you are tackling some really important and difficult things here. I wish I could do more to help - but you know I'm here!

[Bekah]

Giant hugs. These are hard goals, but I believe in you

[livingfortheblue]

I'm proud of you for taking steps towards conquering your depression. I'll be rooting for you.

[Haikoo]

You can do this! You've done it before right? *HUGS*

[Hiraedd]

Just take it one day at a time, or one minute at a time if you have to....

 

and when things get really tough, remind yourself that you are an inspiration to others.  Don't think so?  I totally tried crow pose last challenge because of you, because you posted a picture of yourself doing one and it inspired me to try (I'm a little over 300 lbs).  And I did it! (briefly).  Thanks for making Assassins a place where I knew I could work towards my goals at my own pace.

 

Now, work towards yours at your pace.  We'll be cheering you on.

[Nuala]

Same as everyone. I can't do much from where I am (well, technically we are just 8800km apart! Could be worse) but I'll cheer on you and support you as much as I can. You can do this, even if you don't trust yourself you can, everyone here know you can do it.

[SkyeRose]

I am so impressed with your openness. Tackling depression isn't easy and being able to reflect and discuss your daily challenges is part of the battle. They say the first step is the hardest, and you have already done that.

[alienjenn]

Subbing to watch the awesome

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2

[milythael]

The challenge hasn't even started yet and I'm already losing it.

 

Yesterday, I left work early because I couldn't handle the stress.  I logged into my machine remotely before I left so I could still respond to emails and IMs.  This is an important detail, as it means I had my keys right before I left the office.  I have a security key fob on my keys that is required to log in remotely, so I absolutely had my keys when I logged in on my phone.

 

I took the bus home, with a transfer between one route and another.  I stopped at the corner store on the way home and picked up miscellaneous things for food last night.

 

When I got to my apartment door, I didn't have my keys.  It takes over an hour to get from home to office or vice versa via bus.  I assumed my keys were sitting on my desk because I'd had them out to log in via phone right before I left.  Rather than take the bus back to the office (2-3 hour round trip probably), I went by the office and bought a replacement key for $2. (Who knew they were so cheap?!)  I figured I could keep it in my wallet for just such circumstances as these.

 

When I got to the office this morning, my keys were nowhere to be found.  That is when my anxiety shot through the roof.  I haven't been able to concentrate on anything all day.

 

At 8 AM, I tried to contact one of the two bus agencies that might have my keys and they didn't answer the phone.  I contacted the other agency, and they didn't have my keys.  I've been calling the first agency for 3 hours now, every 15 minutes.  I always get the same message, "Thank you for calling xxx.  We aren't available to take your call right now, but our office hours are 8 am to 4 pm, Monday through Friday."  It is 11:15 am on Thursday.  I've called approximately 13 times now.  I don't believe them.

[Anim07734]

That sucks, take a deep breathe and keep trying.  They'll turn up, if they haven't already.

 

Good luck with your challenge, I struggled with depression for years and that was bad enough without anxiety on top of it.  Looks like you've already got some friends on here to help you out, but let me know if you ever just need to talk.  It's a tough road, but things are brighter on the other side.

[nanako]

Depression is a mean bitch !

I hope you have help ... you can actually do this, but it's effing hard, I know. 

Best of luck with the challenge ! 

[Bekah]

The challenge hasn't even started yet and I'm already losing it.

 

Yesterday, I left work early because I couldn't handle the stress.  I logged into my machine remotely before I left so I could still respond to emails and IMs.  This is an important detail, as it means I had my keys right before I left the office.  I have a security key fob on my keys that is required to log in remotely, so I absolutely had my keys when I logged in on my phone.

 

I took the bus home, with a transfer between one route and another.  I stopped at the corner store on the way home and picked up miscellaneous things for food last night.

 

When I got to my apartment door, I didn't have my keys.  It takes over an hour to get from home to office or vice versa via bus.  I assumed my keys were sitting on my desk because I'd had them out to log in via phone right before I left.  Rather than take the bus back to the office (2-3 hour round trip probably), I went by the office and bought a replacement key for $2. (Who knew they were so cheap?!)  I figured I could keep it in my wallet for just such circumstances as these.

 

When I got to the office this morning, my keys were nowhere to be found.  That is when my anxiety shot through the roof.  I haven't been able to concentrate on anything all day.

 

At 8 AM, I tried to contact one of the two bus agencies that might have my keys and they didn't answer the phone.  I contacted the other agency, and they didn't have my keys.  I've been calling the first agency for 3 hours now, every 15 minutes.  I always get the same message, "Thank you for calling xxx.  We aren't available to take your call right now, but our office hours are 8 am to 4 pm, Monday through Friday."  It is 11:15 am on Thursday.  I've called approximately 13 times now.  I don't believe them.

Any luck? Maybe this guy can help.

[milythael]

Still no keys.  The most likely company to have them answered one phone call all day (out of twenty to thirty total calls), only to transfer me to someone else's voice mail.  I left messages with two different people on voice mail and neither bothered to call back.  My frustration level is incredibly high about this.

 

Last night, I met two people at the climbing gym.  It was by far my most productive climbing session so far.  I arrived 45 minutes before they did and went into the bouldering room to warm up.  There were a host of new lower level problems which had been put up in the 3 weeks since my last climbing session.  Also, the problem I had been working on was gone. C'est la vie.

 

The first problem I attempted was labeled 5.8.  It was in about the same location as the one I'd been working on before, but was completely different.  I looked it over for a couple minutes, then gave it a go, and shot all the way to the top like it was nothing.  I was blown away.  It was the first bouldering problem I had completed since starting climbing again.  I went on to solve two other problems before my climbing partners arrived.

 

Once everyone was there, I took advantage of the extra body to get a video of me top roping a 5.6 piece of silliness that I'd had my eye on in a corner.  I got them to video me solving all three bouldering problems too.  I uploaded everything and made a new playlist for my climbing videos.

 

I'm at that stage in climbing where I'm not particularly efficient or talented, but my 8 foot reach lets me get to the top of many things anyway.  Climbing is such a great equalizer.  My reach and moderate technical knowledge compares to a lithe woman who climbs like a spider, but takes twice as many holds to get to the top, which compares to the guy who has zero efficiency but huge strength.

 

If you don't want to view the playlist, here are the two best highlights.  My second attempt on the problem I solved first, and my quick ascent of the metal monstrosity.

 

 

[Bekah]

hmmmm...I think Im gonna call you "King Mily" (like King Louie in the Jungle Book-- a badass fun loving monkey)

EDIT: After further deliberation, Po is a perfect fit....but I still like King Mily.

http://kungfupanda.wikia.com/wiki/Po?file=Kung_Fu_Panda_2_(2011)_-_Open-ended_Trailer_for_Kung_Fu_Panda_2_2

[Haikoo]

Man that looks like fun! I want to go!

[milythael]

After 26 hours of no one answering the phone, I started screwing with the phone system until I could get into the directory, then dialing random extensions.  My 4th or 5th extension got me to Steve.  I explained that I needed to check a lost and found item and no one had answered the phone for days.  Steve went and found a security guard who checked the lost and found for me.  They have my keys.  I don't have to go an hour out of my way just to ask the question, but I do have to go an hour out of my way to get my keys.  Also, their phone message today says they are open until 5.  The website says 4.  The security guard says 3:30.  I think I'll just go now.

[Morrigainz]

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Hiraedd]

Awesome, Mily!!  What's lost is found!  Way to keep at it

[Anim07734]

After 26 hours of no one answering the phone, I started screwing with the phone system until I could get into the directory, then dialing random extensions.  My 4th or 5th extension got me to Steve.  I explained that I needed to check a lost and found item and no one had answered the phone for days.  Steve went and found a security guard who checked the lost and found for me.  They have my keys.  I don't have to go an hour out of my way just to ask the question, but I do have to go an hour out of my way to get my keys.  Also, their phone message today says they are open until 5.  The website says 4.  The security guard says 3:30.  I think I'll just go now.

 

Way to think outside the box!  I never would have considered that.  One obstacle down, now on to the challenge!

[Haikoo]

Yay! The keys are saved!

[sammiejune29]

Yay for finding your keys! I wish you luck in your challenge. And as always I will be here cheering you on because I know you can do it

[milythael]

Move 1/1 (42)
Eat  2/2 (84)
GRC  ?
Job  ?

Yesterday, I did the MV (movement multivitamin) from GMB, putting a twist into my walk. I ate a meal at around 9 am that was fairly healthy, and a meal sometime in the evening that was absolutely terrible health wise. I haven't done anything about the GRC and it is haunting me. Work was really rough. I feel like I barely scraped through.

This morning, I have unprompted tears at my desk, an adrenaline response to nothing I can identify, and I'm already wanting to bolt for the door.

[Haikoo]

*hugs*

 

I wish I knew what to say to make things better But I don't, so just *hugs*

[milythael]

In an effort to get the emotional roller coaster to stop, I went to the park to meditate, then grabbed this video of today's MV.  Neither one seems to have helped, but I got some video. *shrug*