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Muhahaha. xoxoxo

My Blog | My Story

Race: Wood Elf | Class: Footpath Ranger Leader

Level18 (STR):44.25 (DEX):37.25 (STA):30 (CON):31.25 (WIS):31.5 (CHA):25.25

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke

"Love does not throw the book at you because love doesn't have a book to throw." -CS Lewis

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/me rides in on a glittering unicorn 

Crystal Gem Druid || Stat-free Level-free Goodness

"I won't run away anymore... I won't go back on my word... that is my ninja way!" Uzumaki Naruto

"You're pro or you're a noob. It's so easy, that's life."  Athene, Best Paladin in the World

"Do what the fuck you want to." Panic Station, Muse

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my last name is german for unicorn... are you riding in on a glittery me?

My Blog | My Story

Race: Wood Elf | Class: Footpath Ranger Leader

Level18 (STR):44.25 (DEX):37.25 (STA):30 (CON):31.25 (WIS):31.5 (CHA):25.25

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke

"Love does not throw the book at you because love doesn't have a book to throw." -CS Lewis

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So a bit of down and dirty on what is going on with me these days...

 

Lost considerable weight during Bento's last trimester.  I started the pregnancy around 106.5 kg, gained up to 115 by 30 weeks.  When I delivered *10 days overdue!* I was around 105 kg.  I'm currently hovering between 89 and 90 kg...my lowest married weight.  I haven't been in "Onderland" (I'm officially back under 200 poundaroonies!) since a few months before Erik and I were married, when I gained 20 lbs back to fit in my wedding dress because it was becoming unalterable.  D:  I am almost 100 lbs down from my (known) highest weight of 285 lbs.

 

After I delivered Ellie, I was hit with postpartum depression in the form of random and horrible anxiety/panic attacks...none of the sads.  Doc put me on Celexa, and even with a majorly decreased appetite that had me struggling to fit in 1200 cals a day, I gained 30 lbs in a few months.  That is where I was when I got pregnant with Bento.  Around 235.  

 

I am back on Celexa (two weeks in), seriously struggling with depression that left me holed up in my room away from everyone for the first month after delivering, and terrified of gaining back the weight I have lost over the past four months...a whomping 55+ lbs (including 10 lbs of baby and the weight of excess bodily fluids, placenta, etc one gains during pregnancy).  My bod looks totally gross from losing so quickly during a period of life when everything is already stretching out and becoming saggy on its own.  But saggy, wrinkled skin has nothing to do with my ability to be a good mom, a good wife, or a good person.  So we are forgetting about that stuff for the moment and focusing on more important things first. 

 

I came really close to making really stupid decisions during that month postpartum before I sought out help for the depression.  Your life goal is really important to me Hamtar.  This isn't my first depression dance, but it has hit me harder than anything I can remember.  The only physical contact I would allow was to nurse Bento.  I berated myself over the delusional belief that everyone thought I was a terrible mother to Ellie, that I would just ruin Benny too, and their lives would be better off if I threw myself out the fourth floor window to the parking lot.  Everyone thought I was angry at them or hated them, and didn't know what I was going through because I wasn't talking, so they became defensive and withdrew from me in response to my isolation.  It made me feel worse.  I was terrified to talk to Erik about it....what would he think of me? Would he leave me alone with the kids?  Blah blah blah...this is all just to say I really support and appreciate your connection and passion for your cause.

 

That's basically where everything is now.  I haven't done anything in my year of absence from NF...so I am basically starting at square 0.  My body is still kind of jacked up being only 6 weeks out from the pregnancy, so I'm a bit anxious. 

 

But way more excited!  And so happy/blessed/lucky to know such amazing, babetastic, powerful women.  Girl crushes fo life, yo!

Crystal Gem Druid || Stat-free Level-free Goodness

"I won't run away anymore... I won't go back on my word... that is my ninja way!" Uzumaki Naruto

"You're pro or you're a noob. It's so easy, that's life."  Athene, Best Paladin in the World

"Do what the fuck you want to." Panic Station, Muse

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Oh Klay-klay....so many hugs. And it can't be easy starting out in a new country, either.

 

I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I totally don't. I only have feels, because I have been there. I still struggle every day with my depression, although some days it is worse and some days it is better.

 

And you are NOT starting out at square one - you have two awesome babies and all the knowledge you learned in the past year :)

 

You know I am always here for you...even if I'm not nearby physically.

 

#girlcrushfolife

Level ? Half-Dwarf/Half-Amazon Warrior

STR:21.25 STA:15 DEX: 10.95 CON: 14 WIS:15.5 CHA:17

SWOLE BUCKS: 1

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

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Oh sweetheart if I could come there and sit with you and hold you and kiss you all over your beautiful face I would. a million times over.

 

I'm so glad you came back to us- for reals. 

 

I struggle with anxiety and my hubby with bi-polar. If you ever need to talk or just listen to insane ramblings we are here for you and will never ever judge you.

 

I'm proud of you for reaching out. Very proud to call you my friend.

My Blog | My Story

Race: Wood Elf | Class: Footpath Ranger Leader

Level18 (STR):44.25 (DEX):37.25 (STA):30 (CON):31.25 (WIS):31.5 (CHA):25.25

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke

"Love does not throw the book at you because love doesn't have a book to throw." -CS Lewis

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/me runs off for kleenex

 

you guys........... <3 <3

Crystal Gem Druid || Stat-free Level-free Goodness

"I won't run away anymore... I won't go back on my word... that is my ninja way!" Uzumaki Naruto

"You're pro or you're a noob. It's so easy, that's life."  Athene, Best Paladin in the World

"Do what the fuck you want to." Panic Station, Muse

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ok my eyeballs are full of the tears!

I love you Klay and so glad you're back!

hugs hugs hugs and infinite kisses

I can't tell you how awesome you are that you are able to share your story with us! I'm honored and full of love that you trust us all enough to be so open and honest and real with us. How could we not love you to bits!!! 

 

To add to what Hammi said, my hubby is also bipolar which is one of the reasons we bonded so quickly- she was my rock when I needed to love him more and not resent him- she gave me a good shove and happened to bump me back into that guy upstairs. She gave me and CONTINUES to give me strength when I need reminders that I AM ENOUGH!

 

girl crushes FTW!!!!

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ok my eyeballs are full of the tears!

I love you Klay and so glad you're back!

hugs hugs hugs and infinite kisses

I can't tell you how awesome you are that you are able to share your story with us! I'm honored and full of love that you trust us all enough to be so open and honest and real with us. How could we not love you to bits!!! 

 

To add to what Hammi said, my hubby is also bipolar which is one of the reasons we bonded so quickly- she was my rock when I needed to love him more and not resent him- she gave me a good shove and happened to bump me back into that guy upstairs. She gave me and CONTINUES to give me strength when I need reminders that I AM ENOUGH!

 

girl crushes FTW!!!!

 

now I'm crying wtf lol

My Blog | My Story

Race: Wood Elf | Class: Footpath Ranger Leader

Level18 (STR):44.25 (DEX):37.25 (STA):30 (CON):31.25 (WIS):31.5 (CHA):25.25

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke

"Love does not throw the book at you because love doesn't have a book to throw." -CS Lewis

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omg you guys. Seriously. *SNIFFLES* You didn't tell me I needed Kleenex!!!

 

Klay, I'm so sorry you have gone through this :(  How did you begin turning it around? Did you finally talk to Erik? You had a world of changes going on, it is a lot for anyone!

 

I feel you on the stretched out babiness. It's crazy. I was the same way---gained and stretched like crazy, then lost way too fast. I was a mess for a while. 6 (nearing 7!) Years later, I can say it is all okay. Is my body the same? No way! Is it still great! You bet. The belly is still a little mushy, I have lots of stretchmarks, but I'm happy :) It takes time! Took more than 6 weeks to get there, it'll take more than that to get back. It took me probably 5 years, but I didn't have this place and you guys to cheer me on. You can do this, lady! 

 

And you are a fantastic mama! Don't let anyone (not even Darth Klayder) tell you any differently! Ellie is a gorgeous happy package of love and baby bro is adorbs! We all make parenting choices we wish we could take back. We can't, though. We just have to move on and learn.  

 

Hammi, am I hearing hints that there are preparations for possible little hams in ovens?!

STR 7.2 | DEX 3.5 | STA 5.8 | CON 8.4 | WIS 5.55 | CHA 5.5

 

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Thanks yall.  I was really scared to share that stuff.  I am only a couple weeks into the Celexa and waiting for my psychiatric referral to come through, but really trying hard to push through.  I did talk to Erik finally, and after a couple weeks of refusing a doctor visit I finally asked him to help me get one set up (his German is slightly better than mine).  The day of my appointment, I almost backed out.  But I didn't want to keep hurting my relationships with Ellie, Erik, Benny, and everyone else involved in my life now.  

 

My secret motivation for this challenge is to become more accepting of me.  

Crystal Gem Druid || Stat-free Level-free Goodness

"I won't run away anymore... I won't go back on my word... that is my ninja way!" Uzumaki Naruto

"You're pro or you're a noob. It's so easy, that's life."  Athene, Best Paladin in the World

"Do what the fuck you want to." Panic Station, Muse

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That's my motivation for life. Let me know if you get top secret insider information.

My Blog | My Story

Race: Wood Elf | Class: Footpath Ranger Leader

Level18 (STR):44.25 (DEX):37.25 (STA):30 (CON):31.25 (WIS):31.5 (CHA):25.25

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke

"Love does not throw the book at you because love doesn't have a book to throw." -CS Lewis

Link to comment

Im eating all the remaining everything in my home that is not Whole30. I'm going to miss my Ripped Cream.

My Blog | My Story

Race: Wood Elf | Class: Footpath Ranger Leader

Level18 (STR):44.25 (DEX):37.25 (STA):30 (CON):31.25 (WIS):31.5 (CHA):25.25

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke

"Love does not throw the book at you because love doesn't have a book to throw." -CS Lewis

Link to comment

Im eating all the remaining everything in my home that is not Whole30. I'm going to miss my Ripped Cream.

 

Was ist das?

Crystal Gem Druid || Stat-free Level-free Goodness

"I won't run away anymore... I won't go back on my word... that is my ninja way!" Uzumaki Naruto

"You're pro or you're a noob. It's so easy, that's life."  Athene, Best Paladin in the World

"Do what the fuck you want to." Panic Station, Muse

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Haikoo- it's a creamer w added protein that's gluten free. I like it a lot. I will miss it this whole30 :-/

My Blog | My Story

Race: Wood Elf | Class: Footpath Ranger Leader

Level18 (STR):44.25 (DEX):37.25 (STA):30 (CON):31.25 (WIS):31.5 (CHA):25.25

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke

"Love does not throw the book at you because love doesn't have a book to throw." -CS Lewis

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I'm going to take a nap now. Running on empty. Literally.

My Blog | My Story

Race: Wood Elf | Class: Footpath Ranger Leader

Level18 (STR):44.25 (DEX):37.25 (STA):30 (CON):31.25 (WIS):31.5 (CHA):25.25

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke

"Love does not throw the book at you because love doesn't have a book to throw." -CS Lewis

Link to comment

I'm going to take a nap now. Running on empty. Literally.

D:

 

How is teh Hell30 going?  So proud of you.  Your last challenge thread post about the podcast...!!!! So many bigolhugs

Crystal Gem Druid || Stat-free Level-free Goodness

"I won't run away anymore... I won't go back on my word... that is my ninja way!" Uzumaki Naruto

"You're pro or you're a noob. It's so easy, that's life."  Athene, Best Paladin in the World

"Do what the fuck you want to." Panic Station, Muse

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I've been so tired lately and taking ALL the naps. It's been kind of nice but really hindering my productivity in all things.

This weekend I was at a party showing off my leg bruises (from moving an air hockey table from the basement to the garage - that shit weighs like 5 tons) and someone was like, "Are you anemic?" And I thought, hmm. Bruises easily, tired all the time...perhaps. So I started taking a multivitamin again today. We'll see if it helps.

Level ? Half-Dwarf/Half-Amazon Warrior

STR:21.25 STA:15 DEX: 10.95 CON: 14 WIS:15.5 CHA:17

SWOLE BUCKS: 1

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

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D:

How is teh Hell30 going? So proud of you. Your last challenge thread post about the podcast...!!!! So many bigolhugs

It's ok. I can never eat enough is my only issue. I'll work it out.

Right now I'm working on a super secret final badass project for my 4th goal.... Muhahahah

My Blog | My Story

Race: Wood Elf | Class: Footpath Ranger Leader

Level18 (STR):44.25 (DEX):37.25 (STA):30 (CON):31.25 (WIS):31.5 (CHA):25.25

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke

"Love does not throw the book at you because love doesn't have a book to throw." -CS Lewis

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*whine* i feel crappy.

i'm all puffy, and gross.

i know it's because of pizza and alcohol on saturday night... but still.

"Come with me if you want to lift" -The Brominator

"Later, I would learn that coincidences are the most planned things in the world. Later, I would learn that every single moment is a coincidence." - Douglas Coupland

"Anyone who doesn't want french fries every day is a commie." - AngelaTheGeek

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