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OllieFox

#4 OllieFox is off to visit an Alley Cat

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Argh I just ate a chocolate bar and I hate myself forever now! I didn't pack enough for lunch and I started to get the shakes... infinite sadness but I needed to eat something. I really should restock my zombie apocalypse desk rations.

No hating on yourself- you are awesome and do not deserve hate :P 

How is this week going? 

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Aw sorry to hear about all your stress!

 

With the munchies thing - I totally got that too when I first started on pill. Like, I was so hungry all the time even though I was eating loads. It did settle down after a few weeks though, so hopefully yours will do the same.

 

The ex stuff sounds like a bit of a nightmare! I know the feeling though, when you break up, but you don't really feel you have that closure, there's always kind of a question over it in your mind. Obviously it's a little hard to give good advice without knowing the situation properly, but I will do my best!

 

What makes me a little suspicious, is that the time he got in contact and said he was crazy about you, and then you point out you will be passing through his area, but he makes no move to try and arrange to see you again. It kinds of feels like maybe when he's a bit down or whatever he misses you and thinks about how things might have turned out and gets in contact. But I can't help feeling like if he really was serious about you two potentially being together again there would be some kind of follow up, rather than just not hearing from him again. The last thing you want is to convince yourself it's a great thing to go for, and then it turns out you were just someone to go to as he didn't have anyone else, and as soon as he finds someone else you are pushed to one side.

 

Does he still live far away, as in it would be difficult to have a relationship? If so, I'm not convinced that anything good could come out of starting up something with him again. It already sounds like he is messing you around a bit, even if not intentionally.

 

I know it's hard to work out sometimes, but how do you really feel about him. When relationships are left with the door only partly closed, sometimes it's easier to romantasise them. Whereas in reality even if you start them up again, things are never going to be the same as they were as stuff has happened in between. Do you think you might really like him still, or is it just a "what might have been" type thing?

 

I know what it's like to have that kind of drama going on in the background of your life, no wonder you feel drained!

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Thank you ladies. It’s good to hear that it’s the hormones and it’s not all due to my personal insanity ;)

 

Gypsy, I think you right that it ultimately comes down to not getting closure. I started getting seriously suspicious about the same thing too. I’d been having my doubts up until then that he didn’t actually miss me and was more missing companionship in generally but him not wanting to see me kind of solidified it.

 

He lives about 6 hours away from me, which I thought was a bad thing and now I think it’s a good thing. I’ve given the “how I actually feel about him, not how I think I feel about him†question some serious thought over the last weekend and I came up with this: I WAS crazy about him. I’m not anymore. I mean we haven’t seen each other in a year! The nagging doubt is from the fact that we were really good together and sometimes (not as often as I used though) I do wonder “what might have beenâ€. I definitely think you hit the nail on the head when you said it’s easy to romanticize it!

 

Now I have to admit to something I’m not entirely proud of but it worked out in my favour. So I’m almost done my student work term (as in I go home Thursday!) and we had our last, big student shindig Friday night. Let’s just say I had a wee bit too much to drink and did something I have never done before… I drunk texted my ex. I quite thoroughly informed him that girls don’t appreciate it when you say one thing and do something that can be interpreted as meaning the exact opposite. When I woke up the next morning, I got have a more in depth conversation with him on it… and he ended up admitting that he does do that, that he’s been an ass, and that he was sorry… Um I was the one that pulled the jerk move and kind of attacked him. I apologized too and he said he was glad I said something :P How am I supposed to learn my lesson about drunk texting if the one time I do it, it works out for me?! (Fate obviously has some secret diabolical plan!)

 

I also finally admitted to him that he makes me feel unsure of myself since I don’t know where I stand with him. It’s been a very cathartic weekend. So with GypsyHeart’s excellent relationship advice and letting Fate take me where she will, I will cheerfully un-threadjack my own thread from my own jacking and return to the true business at hand!

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Goal update time: So I finish my student work term on Thursday and fly home Thursday night. This means craziness at work, house cleaning, packing, going away events, cramming in all my usual activities, etc!

 

1)    Eating healthy in chaos – this was not so hot this past week. With all the going away events there was a lot of eating out and other shenanigans. I know I don’t usually put letter grades on here but this would be a “C†for me. Objectively, looking at the week it wasn’t that bad but from a “me†perspective it definitely wasn’t good!

 

2)    Defeat the 5.9s – so I ran out of time and didn’t get to beat all of the routes before going home. There were six 5.9 routes. I did three get three of them and tried two more. That being said, I did get that 5.10 on Friday! I haven’t decided if I might let the 5.10 substitute for the ones I didn’t get. Actually, we have a pretty wicked climbing wall at school. Maybe if I get on it next week and beat all the 5.7/5.8s (the 5.8s at school are like the 5.9s here) before the end of the challenge, that combined with the 5.10 can sub for the missed 5.9s.

 

3)    Try something new – well I quite simply did not try something new this past week. End of story. :D

 

In summary, I did not really do that well goal wise last week. Still feel like I’ve accomplished a lot though!

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While this started off really well, I really let it slip in the last couple of weeks. My roommate was in ICU in a coma for a week. It was scary but she's going to be fine. Needless to say my priorities rearranged themselves drastically. I still haven't decided if I'm doing the next challenge but I guess we'll find out in a couple of days.

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