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Loki

Loki's Still up to No Good

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Loki, if I were you I would stop judging the diet by pants size. Diet is about mantaining a healthy lifestyle. Pants size is a result of various things that you know such as exercise (weightlifting, body weight exercices and cardio), diet and resting, not to mention the psychological effort to stay on track. If you judge the diet by the pants size you are actually judging it by about 25% of the whole equation. It's like having a car with only one wheel and saying it is crappy because it won't take you were you want to go.

 

This will only make you frustrated with your progress and will make it easier for you to fall back into bad eating habits because you will think "what is it all good for in the end?"

 

Keep on doing what you're doing even if the change in pants size takes a little longer. If you do what you have to do you have no option but to reach your goal eventually. And if you stick to the diet, by the time you do reach the size that you want you will already have a strong as concrete healthy eating habit that now WILL play a major role in helping you stay on that size.

 

Stay focused! Be stubborn against your "weaker self". Kick it in the balls! Oh, wait... :)

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Thanks for the encouragement! I know what you mean, Montecristo, about the pants stuff, but I struggle to find any other measurable way to evaluate if (a) I'm staying on diet well enough and (B) that the diet is working. I'll have to really think of it for next time...

 

So, late updates (as I went on an internet-free trip for the past long weekend):

 

Diet has been exceptionally clean the past few days, though I did fight (successfully!) the impulse to under-eat. Lifting was mixed up with some light climbing. I did pretty well on accepting compliments, for once. I'll do a compliment and the mileage by day (from my pen and paper notes!).

 

Thurs: I rock strategy and planning. 2.5 mile

 

Fri: I help people. 3 miles

 

Sat: I'm brave. 5 miles

 

Sun: I'm good with nuance. 5 miles

 

Weekend mileage total: 15.5 miles of hiking! So my final hiking total is 101.5/100! 

 

Tomorrow I'll hopefully have time to do a recap/summary post and take new progress pics (though I'm terrified that the pics will show no change...). But for now, I'm dead tired, and tomorrow I have a lot of work to get caught up on. Still don't regret my long-weekend vacation though!

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RESULTS

 

MAIN QUEST: Avoid that whole "Bound to a rock by son's entrails while a snake drips acid venom on forehead until escaping and starting Ragnarok" thing. I'm going to interpret this metaphor as "control and surmount self-damaging impulses so I don't end up tormented until I can no longer take it and cause the end of the world"

 

RESULTS: Well, world hasn't ended yet, but that's not to say it won't soon. Still have a lot of work to do.

 

 

1) Pants Off Dance Off REDUX

Drop one pants size

Points: CON 2 (improved health from diet), CHA 2 (looking better)

 

RESULTS: Started off very strong, then backslid slowly to more of a maintence diet than weight loss--the maintence was still enough to lose weight, just not enough. Then, at one point I hit a really rough patch of self-hatred and went off the diet for a few days entirely. I recovered though and ended strong. Still need to work on drinking more though, and near the end I was only eating enough through concious decisions--the impulses to skip meals, fast, and undereat were pretty strong.

 

For the size loss, I'm not sure how to judge. The jeans I used last time are cut in such a way that they just weren't flattering or fitting right, even in the proper size. When shopping for new pants, what fit was pretty scattershot. The pants that I ended up looking best in were, indeed, a size smaller, but not all pants of that size fit. I honstly don't know how to grade this.

 

 

 

2) 100 Miles to Asgard

Log 100 miles. These miles will come from any combination of running, treadmills, elliptical, biking, exercise bikes, walking, skipping, swimming.

Grade based on how many miles logged (90-100+ is A, 80-89 B, 70-79 C, 60-69 D)

Points: STA 4

 

RESULTS: 101.5/100 miles! I got it, just barely! I would have preferred if more of the miles had been from things other than walking, but I met the requirement as laid out. I hadn't realized how badly my cardiovascular health and endurance had suffered from the injury and then post-baby lack of exercise. I think my next plan is to prepare for couch to 5 k or a similar program. Full points awarded.

 

 

3) Scale Hrimthrus’s Wall

This is a flat out reverse of my jumping challenge from last time. I will climb up my front yard retaining wall rather than walking up the stairs like a normal person.

Grade based on where I climb from; 5 stairs, so each one will be a different grade A-F.

Points: STR 2, DEX 2

 

RESULTS: Overwhelming success. Only a week or two in, I had to revise this challenge entirely and started climbing stone walls instead. I still rely too much on lower body strength for climbing, but have drastically improved and not only climbed everything I tried to for the challenge, but also trees, rocks, and random things when nobody was looking. More than that though, I move so much better. I'm more graceful, more coordinated, and have a much better idea of what my body can do. I wasn't giving myself enough credit and had been stuck in bad mental habits of assuming I couldn't do anything and therefore shouldn't try. This challenge broke me of it. Full points awarded.

 

Life Goal) Modesty’s for Mortals!

Respond to compliments with “thank you†instead of nonsense deflections and self-insults. Additionally, I must acknowledge one thing about myself that I like each day. Haha, self-hatred that that!

Grade is based on percentage of days I give a compliment (90-100+ is A, 80-89 B, 70-79 C, 60-69 D) 

Points: WIS 3

 

RESULTS: This one was mixed and was by far the hardest part of the challenge. On one hand, I gave myself a compliment every day but one: 97.6%. Additionally, I now habitually say thank you without thinking, instead of deflecting compliments or using them as excuses to say terrible things about myself. But, it took me a good way through the challenge before that habit was cemented, and I still think a lot of terrible things about myself unprovoked. So, I don't know if I should award partial or full points, 2 or 3.

 

Points earned:

STR - 2

DEX - 2

STA - 4

CON - ?

WIS - ?

CHA - ?

 

Stats at beginning and end:

Gender/Age/Height: F/mid-twenties/5'8"

Chest: 51" - 49" (-2)

Underbust: 37" - 37" (0)

Waist: 35" - 34" (-1)

Hips: 52" - 50" (-2)

 

Inches lost: 5"

 

Stats at beginning of first challenge and now:

Chest: 52" - 49" (-3)

Underbust: 39" - 37" (-2)

Waist: 38" - 34" (-4)

Hips: 54" - 50" (-4) 

 

Inches lost since first challenge: 13"

 

I don't know if I've lost enough weight from the beginning of the challenge till now to  justify a progress picture. I feel like I've lost nothing, to be honest.

 

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I say you get those points.  You still improved.  You stuck with it, and better habits are forming.  Even if the old ones are trying to creep back in.

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For the size loss, I'm not sure how to judge. The jeans I used last time are cut in such a way that they just weren't flattering or fitting right, even in the proper size. When shopping for new pants, what fit was pretty scattershot. The pants that I ended up looking best in were, indeed, a size smaller, but not all pants of that size fit. I honstly don't know how to grade this.
 
Stats at beginning and end:
Gender/Age/Height: F/mid-twenties/5'8"
Chest: 51" - 49" (-2)
Underbust: 37" - 37" (0)
Waist: 35" - 34" (-1)
Hips: 52" - 50" (-2)
 
Inches lost: 5"
 
Stats at beginning of first challenge and now:
Chest: 52" - 49" (-3)
Underbust: 39" - 37" (-2)
Waist: 38" - 34" (-4)
Hips: 54" - 50" (-4) 
 
Inches lost since first challenge: 13"
 
I don't know if I've lost enough weight from the beginning of the challenge till now to  justify a progress picture. I feel like I've lost nothing, to be honest.

 

Ok so i have some advice on how to measure this.  I would have taken the pants you chose at the beginning of the challenge as your measuring stick, because that was your initial measuring stick, but I would also pay attention to your inch loss.  If i'm not mistaken losing an inch (or is it 2) is actually losing a pants size - american sizes are measured in inches right?

 

I think you've done wonderfully, despite the way you see yourself now.  I do think that might have a lot to do with self loathing that you mentioned you're experiencing. For your diet next time, don't measure your macros - the numbers could literally make you go insane! - just write down what you're eating.  Don't worry about the quantity but rather the quality.  And say to yourself at the start of your challenge "I will *only* journal", and don't do anything else - don't measure, don't change if you don't want, don't hate yourself and don't feel guilty.  Once you have done that for 6 weeks you will have a much better idea of what needs to change.  "Ah, ok i eat too much bread/cheese/M&M's/chocolate/whatever so next challenge i will *only* cut out/down bread/cheese/M&M's/chocolate/whatever".

 

I look forward to seeing what you decide for next challenge and remember we're rooting for you, even when you're not rooting for yourself.

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Ok so i have some advice on how to measure this.  I would have taken the pants you chose at the beginning of the challenge as your measuring stick, because that was your initial measuring stick, but I would also pay attention to your inch loss.  If i'm not mistaken losing an inch (or is it 2) is actually losing a pants size - american sizes are measured in inches right?

 

I think you've done wonderfully, despite the way you see yourself now.  I do think that might have a lot to do with self loathing that you mentioned you're experiencing. For your diet next time, don't measure your macros - the numbers could literally make you go insane! - just write down what you're eating.  Don't worry about the quantity but rather the quality.  And say to yourself at the start of your challenge "I will *only* journal", and don't do anything else - don't measure, don't change if you don't want, don't hate yourself and don't feel guilty.  Once you have done that for 6 weeks you will have a much better idea of what needs to change.  "Ah, ok i eat too much bread/cheese/M&M's/chocolate/whatever so next challenge i will *only* cut out/down bread/cheese/M&M's/chocolate/whatever".

 

I look forward to seeing what you decide for next challenge and remember we're rooting for you, even when you're not rooting for yourself.

 

I think the real problem isn't pants or measurements, but body dysmorphia. And while those suggestions would be helpful for most people, for me food journals are dangerous. If I lay out the food, I can't help but count calories (it's automatic knowledge) and once I have numbers I kinda go crazy to get them smaller. It's one of the slippery slopes that has caused some of the worst eating disorder relapses I've had in the past. The way I've been trying to get around it is by a clean diet of unmeasured portions of vegetables straight from local farm stands and lean meats, but too much dairy kept creeping in, along with peer-pressure social eating (I already know from experience that breads and other processed carbs do terrible things to me, and try to avoid them and all sugars). Rationally, the amounts and types of food I was eating at should have still created weight loss and, even at the worst cheating part during the challenge, shouldn't have been much higher than what maintenance will be once I hit goal weight. But dysmorphia isn't rational, and I can't help but constantly wonder if the stuff I used to do permanently damaged my metabolism, and the only way for me to actually lose weight (or even stop from gaining it) is a sub 600 cal diet. I guess all I can say is that I can't trust my perception enough to measure whether or not I'm having any success. 

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I apologize for taking this long to catch-up.  Amazing work and sounds like you finished pretty strong, so congrats.  I hear ya on the body dysmorphia part...

 

In terms of the Compliment goal, I would say you should get full credit.  Looking at what your goal exactly stated, it said to give yourself a compliment every day.  You missed one, got a 97%, which is an A.  And as the intent was for you to take compliments from others by responding with a Thank You and nothing something to dismiss it, which you also did.  Doesn't matter that it took awhile for that to stick, but the important part is that it did, right?  As for the negative thinking, I think that is very hard to get rid of, if at all...maybe the frequency or the severity maybe, but the key there is to not let it get out of control.  So sticking to the written goal, you should get an A! :)

 

Awesome work over all, hope to see ya in the next challenge!

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