Polaris' Un-Zombification Process, vol. 1

[Polaris]

In the vast, cold emptiness of space, drifts a ship. It has a strange shape to it, like a dinosaur holding a purse. Full of scratches and chips of something that may have been paint, a friendly spectator might call the ship vintage; an honest one would just call it crappy. It's a small space vessel, capable of transporting a few people at best, not nearly enough for a full crew.

 

Inside, a lone figure lies in a pod that closely resembles a casket. There are so few lights, but the rays shed from the few remaining ones shine on the white, paper-like skin of the figure. Long, thin fingers twitch as the computer beeps and the casket opens, mist creeping out over its edges. The feet connecting to the floor carefully, tentatively are as cool as the steel underneath. Eyes bat, slowly, trying to find focus in the dimness. Even slower is the process in which the tiniest spark flickers inside the brain, catching on to the long-forgotten nerves, lighting up the supposedly eternal darkness inside the mind.

 

When the realization hits her, she doesn't like it.

 

She touches the ends of dry hair, presses on the squishy mass of stomach where no muscle can be found. Squeezes the eyes painfully hard as the hand rises at chest level, rests under the collarbones, confirming what she already knew.

 

The eyes do not water up; there is not enough liquid in the body to spare. With frightening indifference, she makes her weakened legs walk her to the computer panel. Flips on the scanner, inquires the ship's present location and course. The screen displays a thousand suns, big and small; a field of stardust and asteroids; planets consisting entirely of rock and ice and boiling lava. But nowhere there is water, plants, fauna.

 

No life. Not outside the ship... or inside of it.

 

A frown pulls down the eyebrows. "Computer, what happened here?"

 

Another bleep echoes in the ship. "Information unknown. Please specify."

 

A huff emerges from the lips. "What is the mission of this ship and its crew?"

 

"The mission is aborted due to the death of all its participants. The ship has been declared lost."

 

"Then what was the mission?"

 

"The mission was to save the world."

 

She stands there for the longest time, gazing out into the passing stars. Brushes the fingers against the underside of the wrists where she cannot feel a pulse. There is so much the mind cannot remember. Perhaps it's a natural consequence, the order of decomposition - the most recently used brain cells are the first to go.

 

"No." The head shakes, drawing unpleasant crackling noises from the unused neck joints. "Computer, the mission will be restarted."

 

"Error: The mission cannot be completed without living participants."

 

"There is one." She drops on hands and knees on the floor and lowers herself down even as the elbows tremble with effort. "Correction: there will be."

 

Inside the chest, the heart expands and contracts, just once. But it's a start.

____________________________________________________________________

 

...What? I saw people having these fancy narratives in their challenge threads and I wanted one too.

 

I decided to start a battle log so I can keep track of my progress and stay accountable. It's a lot less tempting to skip a workout or eat crap when I know I have to announce my failings to the rest of the world.

 

My challenge thread resides here. My goals for the current challenge, summarized, are as follows:

Strength training 3x week

Interval running 2-3x week

Sleep 6+ hours every night

Finish 3 essays from spring

 

Measurements:

Height: 163 cm / 5'4"

Bust: 98 cm / 38.5" (Just curious to see whether this goes anywhere... probably not.)

Waist: 78 cm / 30.5"

Hips: 100 cm / 39" (The instruction is to measure the widest part, so should this actually read 'butt'?)

Thigh: 61 cm / 24"

Arm: 26 cm / 10.25"

 

As you can see, I have trunks for thighs and stick for arms. There is not going to be weight listed - due to our very traumatic past, the scale and I aren't talking. I don't know much I weight, and I've made the decision not to care; visual inspection and measurements should be good enough to indicate whether I'm going to the right direction or not. I might post pics later, if I manage to convince myself that taking very unflattering half-nekkid photos of myself and posting them in the interwebs is a good idea in any shape or form.

_______________________________________________________

 

01/08/2013:

Sleep: 8.5-9 hours + 0.5 hour nap (day off from work, I got to sleep in <3)

Food: Lunch: 4 McDonald's Cheese Burgers (I know, I know... I spent the day running around the city center, I was so hungry and they're cheap.) Post-workout snack: protein shake

Exercise: Interval running ~25 mins + ~45 incline push-ups + a few very sad attempts at pull-ups (= hanging on the bar for dear life without managing to move an inch)

 

I did actual sprints for the first time today. Okay, I'm not fast, but I really ran and didn't just jog. The first couple of times went really well and I felt like Superwoman, but then it started getting to me and the sprint parts turned to jogging. My feet and legs felt fine, but my chest was all like "oh my god it burns, what are you doing, STAHP!" My thighs hurt now, though, so it seems it was a decent workout.

[TheHalfie]

*Creeps in to thread*

Polaris! You're my body double! We're pretty darn similar in that regard. I really should post my arms and legs too. As for half nekkid photos... you should. Solidarity. With me. We can compare trunk legs and stick arms and be generally awesome. 

*Creeps out again*

[Polaris]

I dunno, I saw your photos and you look clearly slimmer than me. I have the hugest trunk legs - although as I've recently discovered, they're not all fat. I do have some actual strength in my thighs, I think if I'll manage to carve some of the fat out, I might even find muscle under there. But you know what? I'm gonna be brave anyway, take the damn pics and post them. On Sunday, because that's when I have time to do it in the morning before I've mysteriously bloated during the day.

 

02/08/2013:

Sleep: 7-7.5 hours. (No thanks to my downstairs neighbors who were making noise post midnight. Grr.)

Food: Lunch: 1 chicken breast, small piece of salmon, salad. Snack: 2-3 pieces of 86% chocolate. Post-workout dinner: ground beef omelette (3 eggs).

Exercise: Bodyweight workout: 50 bent over rows (w/ 5kg windshield cleaner canister at work ), ~45 incline push-ups, 50 squats, 25 lunges, 2x20-30 sec. planks. (Wow, I was really lazy with planks today. I can do better than that.)

 

Notes to self: Wean yourself off the chocolate, it has so much calories. Consider getting dumbbells OR drag yourself to a gym.

 

With bodyweight exercising, I find it hard sometimes to estimate whether I've made any progress. I still can't do a single normal push-up - literally, I can't do it, my arms just give out midway down. I was feeling kind of down today because of that... and then I started thinking. When I started working out from zero, a few weeks before this challenge started, squatting even parallel felt impossible and my thighs were on fire. Now I go practically butt-to-carpet, much faster, and I can do 10 with good form, take like five or ten seconds of rest, and do 10 again. Also, I was hauling groceries home for about a mile, and while I realized they're heavy, I had no trouble with them - before, my arms would've been screaming. So, progress, right?

[TheHalfie]

Absolutely progress! Push ups are brutal for me too. But that squat progress is really really great. I thought I was doing squats until I got my bf to watch me. Wasn't going parallel. Parallel BURNS!

 

As for our bodies, my measurements are the same as yours but I do have an inch in height over you and no where near the same bust, *jealous*. Haha. Keep on rocking on 

[Polaris]

The thing is, I can't stop at parallel anymore. It slows me down and hurts and just feels weird. I have to go all the way down, whether I wanted or not.

 

My bust is nothing to be jealous of, believe me. I can't wear dress shirts because I'd need a two sizes bigger shirt just for the bust. Bras cost me a small fortune because I can't just buy them at an H&M or something. Some time ago, I had this really weird, stabbing pain in my underarm that lasted for weeks, and I was afraid it's cancer until I went to the doctor, who took a look and said, "Nope, you're fine, the ligament is just sore from carrying your breasts."   (That's why I love, love, love my sports bra. I literally couldn't exercise without it.) The chances are, the bust measurement won't be radically reduced either, since it's not a matter of fat gain.

[TheHalfie]

I didn't know ligaments COULD get sore that way... you've taught me something! Do you know where's a good source for reasonably priced sports bras? Lululemon is a bit steep....

[Polaris]

I didn't know either. All the reasons my google-fu found for the weird pain were either lymph node cancer or inflammation, so I was a little freaked out for those few weeks. I don't know what you consider reasonable priced for a sports bra - I use Panache Sports Bra, which start at like 40 bucks at Amazon, but I'm a 32G or H (US size). If you're less, err, hindered in that area, you probably don't need that level of support.

 

 

03/08/2013:

Sleep: 6 hours. (Somehow, having to go to work earlier today didn't translate to my brain as "go the heck to sleep already, you dumbass".)

Food: Snacks: 1 banana, a small piece of dark chocolate. Lunch: ground beef omelette, some lettuce, 1 tomato, 1/2 avocado for dessert. Post-workout dinner: ground beef & egg hash w/ lettuce. (I feel like I ate a ton today, but I was hungry.)

Exercise: Interval running jogging, ~50 incline push-ups.

 

Today's run was the worst ever so far. I had no energy, I couldn't make myself sprint, my stomach stung... I was so tired I could hardly keep jogging the full 60 sec. intervals. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the fact that I hadn't eaten anything for hours before that. I need to investigate whether grabbing, like, a banana or something will boost me the next time. I was so disappointed in myself that I almost didn't eat afterwards, even though I was hungry, because I didn't deserve food after such a bad job... but then realized that's not a healthy approach. I just get the "you don't deserve food, you _____________" mantra still playing in my head sometimes.

[Polaris]

04/08/2013:

Sleep: 9 hours.

Food: Lunch: ground beef & egg hash w/ lettuce, 1/2 avocado. Snack: some dark chocolate.

Exercise: Nothing! Because it's rest day and I deserved it.

[TheHalfie]

Be gentle with yourself on that self talk front... That can go sideways too easily, heh. I certainly can't jog 60 seconds... Yet. But you do deserve to keep yourself fit and healthy and fed, regardless of the workout performance.

And i think i have the opposite issue, with the bra thing... Bigger ribcage, smaller cup size

[Polaris]

I've been accused of demanding too much of people, which might have some truth to it, but nobody knows how much I demand of myself. Like, I'm my own judge, jury and executor, and the standards by which I'm judged are really strict.

 

04/08/2013:

Sleep: 5 hours. (Morning shift week, can you tell? Damn it, self, night is sleepy time, not "write fanfic and browse Tumblr for gifs" time.)

Food: Lunch: 1 chicken breast, salad, a few slices of smoked salmon. Snack: 1 banana, small piece of dark chocolate. Post-workout dinner: Sauce.

Exercise: Bodyweight workout: 52 squats, 30 lunges, 3x20 sec. planks, 50 bend over rows, 50 knee push-ups.

 

I don't know what's wrong with me. I was feeling very lethargic during my workout again. Still did it, but my heart really wasn't in it, and I could only do 8 squats in a row (instead of the usual 10). I'm not sick, and even tiredness doesn't usually have that kind of effect. My mood hasn't been very bright, but then again, it never is. Maybe it's the fact that I'm so lonely I feel like it's crushing me, and improving myself feels pointless when I can't share it with anyone.

Also, my knee's still wonky. It doesn't really hurt anymore, but sometimes it's a little stiff, and other times it feels like it's a little too bendy? I mean, I have naturally flexible joints (I have the freakiest elbows ever, maybe I should post a pic), but whenever I stand up straight so that my knee locks, it sometimes feels kind of... wobbly? Unstable?

[TheHalfie]

Hey, thanks for the link! My joints are weird like too (elbows bend backwards, joints pop and lock all the time...) I wish I was further in my studies and I could tell you whether we're normal or not, haha. Maybe take it easy on the knee though until it gets less wobbly? And I'm sorry you're feeling so down That really sucks. 

[Polaris]

06/08/2013:

Sleep: 5 hours. (Again. 11 pm just feels so early, I don't feel like sleeping yet at that time.)

Food: Lunch: 1 chicken breast, salad. Snack: 1 banana, a little dark chocolate. Dinner: leftover Sauce.

Exercise: Nada. Decided to skip running because my knee was feeling extra wobbly and sore.

 

I wish I knew what the heck is wrong with that knee, especially since the right one is just fine. Yesterday it was really hurting at the back of the knee, which is weird because it used to hurt in the front. It's like there's a tight muscle or something, but I can bend over and touch my toes while I'm standing, so I don't think that's it. Still feel lazy for skipping my workout, even though I honestly did it because I was afraid of the pain getting worse. 

[Polaris]

07/08/2013:

Sleep: 6 hours.

Food: Lunch: 2 skewers of chicken, salmon, salad. Snack: 1 banana, a little dark chocolate. Post-workout dinner: ground beef & egg hash w/ grated cheese.

Exercise: Beginner's Bodyweight Workout w/ extra knee push-ups and some skipped squats because of le pain~.

 

Knee pain update: today it was fine until I started working out, when I noticed that now mainly the back of the knee and the calf were hurting. No idea how the soreness has transferred there. Tried to stretch really well, but I've never had problems with muscle tightness in that area before. It didn't get better during the workout so I skipped the last ten or so squats. Upper back and shoulders kind of hurt too and make these scary crunching noise when I roll them, but I've always had really stiff back and shoulders so maybe it's just that.

*sigh* I feel like I've been built from scrap parts. I never noticed this stuff before - but then again, I never really exercised before. I'm hoping that at some point (sooner rather than later) my body gets accustomed to the fact that its owner is using it now and fixes itself.

[TheHalfie]

I love that you added other exercises and didn't just skip that part of the workout altogether. That's great! You're listening to your body and not cheating yourself out of anything. Keep gently stretching, recovering, pushing yourself. Rinse and repeat. 

[Polaris]

Thanks. I figured that since I can do more (knee) push-ups, why not? My arms can use it. And that was also more lunges than I usually do, because I don't like them, but they didn't hurt as much as squats.

 

08/08/2013:

Sleep: 6 hours. (I don't even want to count the total amount of sleep deprivation for the week. 6 day work weeks = not fun.)

Food: Lunch: chicken breast, salmon, salad. Snack: 1 banana, chocolate bar. Post-workout dinner: ground beef & egg hash w/ grated cheese. (Yeah, I eat the variation of the same thing every day. Nobody notice.)

Exercise: Interval running ~25 min, ~50 incline push-ups, 10 assisted pull-ups (=helping with feet).

 

Okay, so now my knee is mostly fine. The calf and the back of the knee are still hurting, but I'm starting to attribute that to weird muscle tightness or something. The left calf just feels much... harder than the right. It's weird, I try to massage it to undo whatever knot I've managed to tie in there. The good news is, running/jogging felt fine and even helped a bit, although I didn't sprint because I didn't want to take the chance of making it worse.

So far, I've got pain from my hip down to my calf, in neat order. I'm thinking eventually I'll have sore toes and then, hopefully, nothing.

Also, egad I could use a back massage so bad. It hurts around the shoulder blades and I can't find any stretches that would help.

[Polaris]

09/08/2013:

Sleep: 6 hours. (Seriously, I'll spend the whole Sunday sleeping.)

Food: Lunch: chicken breast, salmon, salad. Snack: 1 banana, chocolate bar, 2 pieces of ham pie (by an evil co-worker bringing delicious but non-paleo food). Post-workout: 4 scrambled eggs.

Exercise: BBWW, -squats, +30 knee push-ups & 20 lunges

 

Food-wise, this day went so badly. And I skipped the squats altogether from the workout because the back of my knee was hurting. Also, I'm so tired from not sleeping enough, I have like a hundred little things and chores I should do but I'm either too weary or I just forget.

On the plus side, my push-ups have improved. So I'm still not capable of real push-ups, but my form has improved and I can go lower, so woot! Arm strenght ftw!

[Polaris]

10/08/2013:

Sleep: 6 hours.

Food: Lunch: Mediterranean chicken salad. Snack: 1 banana, some dark chocolate. Dinner & post-workout: primal burgers (ground beef patty, egg & grated cheese wrapped in lettuce).

Exercise: Interval running ~25 mins., ~50 incline push-ups, 10 assisted pull-ups.

 

Had a good run today, although I still didn't sprint because I was trying to watch out for my knee which is, currently, almost not hurting, yay! Maybe I can squat again on Monday. But I think I have a stalker. He's small, light brown, furry and has really long ears. I always run into him on every run and he hides in a bush or long grass on a field like "oh, I totally wasn't following you", but I know better.

[Polaris]

11/08/2013:

Sleep: ~10 hours.

Food: Lunch & dinner: Sauce. Snack: a lil' bit of dark chocolate.

Exercise: Nothing, it was rest day, unless cleaning and vacuuming three rooms counts?

[Polaris]

12/08/2013:

Sleep: 7 hours.

Food: Lunch: chicken breast, salmon, salad. Snack: chocolate bar, banana. Post-workout dinner: ground beef & egg hash w/ grated cheese.

Exercise: BBWW, except skipped the last set of squats & added 30 push-ups.

 

So I squatted again because my leg wasn't hurting in the evening, but it started hurting. I really don't get it, because I believe my form is fine, and the pain is in a different location than where it was when I started (calf & back of the knee instead of the front/side of the knee).

I also made myself an Excel file with all the stuff I usually eat (since I basically eat the same thing every day), I can just tick a box and it racks up the calories and nutrients for me. Turns out, I actually don't eat such a huge pile of food I thought I did. Yesterday's meal came to about 1400-1500 cals, even with the (totally not paleo) chocolate bar that has a sick amount of calories.

[Polaris]

13/08/2013:

Sleep: 7 hours. (Was stuck on the computer writing stuff.)

Food: Lunch: chicken breast, salmon, salad. Snack: 2 pcs of dark chocolate, banana. Dinner: ground beef & egg hash w/ grated cheese.

Exercise: Nothing, decided to skip allowed 1 run/week today.

 

I had (well, have, but I'm already on overtime) a three-hour window for all the activity this evening because of weird work schedules. So I skipped running because I was feeling dreadful and I really needed to plan my timetables for uni.

[TheHalfie]

I'm stumped on that leg pain you keep getting... how strange....

[Polaris]

Me too. It is strange, and super annoying, especially since I'm planning to start lifting weights next months so I really need to be able to squat.

 

14/08/2013:

Sleep: 7 hours.

Food: Lunch: chicken breast, 4 meatballs, salad. Snack: chocolate bar, banana. Dinner: ground beef & egg hash w/ grated cheese.

Exercise: BBWW, -squats, +~20 lunges, +~30 knee push-ups.

 

15/08/2013:

Sleep: 6.5 hours.

Food: Lunch: ground beef & egg hash w/ grated cheese. Snack: dark chocolate, banana.

Exercise: Hate to admit it, but nothing.

 

Gah. I'm so stressed about uni stuff and the term hasn't even started yet. This stress doesn't sit well with me at all, physically, I get anxiety symptoms and I don't sleep and yesterday, I started feeling really light-head all of a sudden (and I wasn't doing anything, just sitting at a computer) and had to lie down so I wouldn't pass out in my chair. Didn't go running because I had so much stuff to think about and wasn't feeling well. Stupid lazy Polaris. *grumbles*

[TheHalfie]

Oh no! I get that, getting so stressed out that you feel sick and light headed. It's no good. How can you be stressed about the classes that haven't even started yet? ESPECIALLY when they're free

[Polaris]

Because... well, let's see: the timetable I planned for the fall term is a mess (I should be in two places at the same time like thrice a week); I've still got some stuff to do from last spring; I'm starting a new minor (or two) and I'm nervous; I've been totally lost for the past three years of my studies and haven't had any idea what to do, and now that I've got some kind of clue, I'm horrible late for my schedule and I feel like a slacker and hate myself for it; and I know that no matter how hard I work now, there's a very real possibility that within two years, everything will crash and burn and I might die. *takes a deep breath, glances at the list* Yeah, that's pretty much it.

 

16/08/2013:

Sleep: 6 hours.

Food: Lunch: chicken breast, salmon, salad. Snack: chocolate bar, banana. Post-workout dinner: ground beef & egg hash w/ grated cheese.

Exercise: Bodyweight stuff: 60 lunges, 20 squats, 60 knee push-ups, 30 bend over rows, some planks (can't remember anymore how long they lasted.)

 

Didn't feel like working out at all yesterday, but I did it anyway, telling myself I can't have dinner before I work out and I was hungry. I actually felt better afterwards. I only did a few squats very carefully, watching my form, and at least at the moment (the morning after) the leg's not hurting. The muscle in my right arm, on the other hand, has started hurting when I do bent over rows. Maybe I should stretch my arms more, but I don't really know how to stretch that particular muscle.

[Polaris]

17/08/2013:

Sleep: 7 hours.

Food: Lunch: ground beef & egg hash w/ grated cheese. Snack: dark chocolate, 2 bananas.

Exercise: Nada. Was supposed to go running, but then looked out of the window and went like "yeah, no, rest day".

 

18/08/2013:

Sleep: 6.5 hours.

Food: Lunch: Sauce. Snack: Banana. Post-workout: almost 1 can of tuna in oil.

Exercise: Interval running, 10 assisted pull-ups, 40 incline push-ups.

 

Had a good run today, I even ran/jogged some extra after the podcast ended because I felt like it. Though I need to start going earlier, it's beginning to get dark after 9 pm. Not that it's dangerous, I just get spooked out alone at a playground after dark.

Also, I remembered why I hate tuna. Couldn't even finish the can.