Not letting your nerdie or geek side show

[shortstuff]

I feel like I can't be my full self when I am around family because they don't seem even remotely interested about the things I am (I don't really care if they are or not, but it would be nice to have a conversation with them every once in awhile where they make out to seem like they are), which makes it kind of hard to talk to them because it is such a big part of who I am. When I do talk about it, I get the feeling like they are looking down on my interest like it wasn't ok for me to like the things that I do such as Pokemon, manga and video games. Yet it's ok for other members in my family to spend the day or go away for the weekend and scapbook the whole time, or go on wine tours and bus trips, and play sports.

Well family I'm sorry that I am a nerd and don't like the things you do (well not really, I just wish you were more supportive)

Does anyone else feel like this?

[Guest Dirty Deads]

I always felt that way w/my family. Try starting an intelligent conversation and they look at me like I'm speaking a foreign language. Speak a foreign language and they look at you like you're a witch casting a spell. Cast a spell on them and suddenly you "have an attitude problem".

Seriously though, my family thought I'd grow up to BE a dinosaur.

[Katinka]

Have you tried getting them involved in any of your interests? Start out with something that's a little more generic - an easy "nerdy" board game, a relatively tame sci-fi or fantasy series, or going to the Ren Faire (not in costume!) And make sure you aren't talking about your interests exclusively or as though you expect everyone to understand what you're talking about. If you mention a new game you got or con you went to, add in "btw, how was that new winery?"

[Kung Fu Girl]

I used to have this problem a lot.  I think the issue is that your particular interests are so specialized that your family doesn't even know how to carry on a conversation with you when Pokemon is the topic.  Wine tasting, sports, and scrapbooking are more mainstream and easier to describe without jargon.  Perhaps you could discuss your interests in a way that doesn't leave your family wondering how to participate and what to say next.  I can think of 3 concrete things that helped me:

1. Avoid details, they are (most likely) meaningless to those who don't participate in the same activities.  
2. Try to use qualitatives instead of quantitatives (this helps avoid the details).
3. Redirect the conversation to "safer" topics when you see that you are losing your audience.  Then try again with a different interest of yours a little later.

The gist is that you want to make your topics interesting to your family, knowing that they will never be as passionate about your interests as you are.

 

This is hard and takes lots of practice.  (Sounds like a challenge!)

 

Good luck!

[Raikas]

It's usually a matter of comparing like with like.

 

If people are talking about TV or movies, it's fair to add video games into that discussion.  If they're talking about books, it's fair to add in comics, if they're talking about scrapbooking (or other creative-type hobbies) talk about your own creative-type hobbies, and so on.

 

But entertainment isn't equivalent to travel ( unless you're going to conventions, in which case go for it), and trying to link those things together just seems odd. 

[Mad Hatter]

You can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends

[shortstuff]

I always felt that way w/my family. Try starting an intelligent conversation and they look at me like I'm speaking a foreign language. Speak a foreign language and they look at you like you're a witch casting a spell. Cast a spell on them and suddenly you "have an attitude problem".

Seriously though, my family thought I'd grow up to BE a dinosaur.

Really?

Have you tried getting them involved in any of your interests? Start out with something that's a little more generic - an easy "nerdy" board game, a relatively tame sci-fi or fantasy series, or going to the Ren Faire (not in costume!) And make sure you aren't talking about your interests exclusively or as though you expect everyone to understand what you're talking about. If you mention a new game you got or con you went to, add in "btw, how was that new winery?"

Does asking my mum for help wih sewing (I want to make my own costumes) count? Although I feel like to her it's a bit if a hassle helping me, so I guess not. We don't have many Ren Faires in Australia that I know of, and the ones I do know of only happen once a year and you have to travel which I think would be a bit off putting for them.

I used to have this problem a lot. I think the issue is that your particular interests are so specialized that your family doesn't even know how to carry on a conversation with you when Pokemon is the topic. Wine tasting, sports, and scrapbooking are more mainstream and easier to describe without jargon. Perhaps you could discuss your interests in a way that doesn't leave your family wondering how to participate and what to say next. I can think of 3 concrete things that helped me:

• Avoid details, they are (most likely) meaningless to those who don't participate in the same activities.
• Try to use qualitatives instead of quantitatives (this helps avoid the details).
• Redirect the conversation to "safer" topics when you see that you are losing your audience. Then try again with a different interest of yours a little later.

The gist is that you want to make your topics interesting to your family, knowing that they will never be as passionate about your interests as you are.

This is hard and takes lots of practice. (Sounds like a challenge!)

Good luck!

It's usually a matter of comparing like with like.

If people are talking about TV or movies, it's fair to add video games into that discussion. If they're talking about books, it's fair to add in comics, if they're talking about scrapbooking (or other creative-type hobbies) talk about your own creative-type hobbies, and so on.

But entertainment isn't equivalent to travel ( unless you're going to conventions, in which case go for it), and trying to link those things together just seems odd.

Thanks for the tips guys, I think half my problem is that they are so uninterested in the things that I am, to the point where I mentioned having a folder of characters I wanted to cosplay and I get an eye roll. It's kind of disheartening when I say one sentence and I get a roll of the eyes

You can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends

Being able to pick my friends is something I am very happy about

[Callaeidae]

Well family I'm sorry that I am a nerd and don't like the things you do (well not really, I just wish you were more supportive)

If it helps at all, this also happens with non-"nerdy" things. For instance, my dad can't stand the fact that I love rugby & have no interest in football/soccer, so he always makes random snide comments about rugby like it's going to change my mind or something. But actually it just makes me like the All Blacks even more.

Anyway. The point is that even if they're not interested in the things you are, there's no need for them to be rude about it - have you mentioned to them that it bothers you?

[Polaris]

I've always felt like this. I've never been interested in the things the rest of my family cares about, and they have no idea what I'm talking about when I talk about my interests. It's like I'm an alien from a different planet. My solution was just to not talk about stuff with them anymore, which might not be the ideal solution if you want a relationship with your family - in case of 2/3 of mine, I didn't really care. My mom still wants to know what I'm doing, though, even though she doesn't understand half the things I say, so most of the time she just listens and nods. Likewise, I listen to my mom when she wants to talk about something and try to give some input, because even if I don't care about those subjects, I care about her.

[Cr33g]

I can kind of relate to this. When I was younger, I used to just want to do nerdy things, like video games, art and stuff like that. I never wanted to go outside as I was a very physically inactive person, and overweight. I've been nerdy for as long as I can remember and my parents know this.

 

When I lost my weight and got more into exercise and martial arts, I kept up the nerdy stuff. I still love and play video games, really into my drawing and other stuff. My parents don't really understand that stuff at all but they accept it. My brothers have always been nerdy, so I had that connection with them too. My dad would sometimes watch me play video games, struggling to understand what's going on or why I was playing it, but he knew I enjoyed it.

 

It's difficult to get family members like parents to get into what you like, sometimes vice versa. For me it was just time. However, it really is easier if you have friends or siblings who have common interests with you, such as the nerdy stuff.

 

I do struggle with a lot of my friends... a lot of them love things like sports, partying, drinking etc. While I am an active person, I don't really like "sports" like football and stuff. I'm not into cars and I rarely drink or party nowadays, so... there's that conflict, so to speak.

[shortstuff]

Anyway. The point is that even if they're not interested in the things you are, there's no need for them to be rude about it - have you mentioned to them that it bothers you?

I have mentioned it mum, but I guess I will just have to wait and see if changes anything

[shortstuff]

It's difficult to get family members like parents to get into what you like, sometimes vice versa. For me it was just time. However, it really is easier if you have friends or siblings who have common interests with you, such as the nerdy stuff.

I do struggle with a lot of my friends... a lot of them love things like sports, partying, drinking etc. While I am an active person, I don't really like "sports" like football and stuff. I'm not into cars and I rarely drink or party nowadays, so... there's that conflict, so to speak.

I have one cousin who is into similar things (such as video games, anime and manga) as me, but has slightly different tastes (although there is some cross over) and another who plays the sims and that's it (something I enjoy playing) but has some idea what I mead by things like anime.

I kind of feel like that with my friends. I am the only one who doesn't drink at all, and I get a far bit if pressure from my friends to drink and to go out but that's not me. And with one friend, she likes to play games like mario party and dancing games, where as I like to play things like pokemon, final fantasy and kingdom hearts

[insideitsraining]

I've never really found a solution to this problem but to just not talk about it with my fam. My mom thinks that "ladies" shouldn't play video games or be interested in the things I am. If I mention anything about it to her she will say I shouldn't be wasting my money on that stuff. So I have just learned to not talk about it. It is easier since I only see them once every few weeks, but if you still are living with them it can be rough. High school sucked! I guess what I've done is surround myself with people who like the things I do, so that I still have that support group. They may not be biologically family, but they definitely are my family still!