An Open Apology to All of My Weight Loss Clients (Huffpost)

[whoiwas]

I reject the notion that the average customer to these chain weight loss programs come in with the expectation of achieving a shredded beach body. Most are overweight and seek to reduce weight. Kind of like most people, taking the first step so as to better know if the next one is worth it.

That said, the apology should be based on selling prepackaged microwave meals as a long term solution.

The message that anything is possible is worthy of being offered and the fact that there are millions who reach their goal well short of a fitness magazine cover shoot is proof. Millions now are working alone, with a partner or with an in house gym trainer, losing weight and getting stronger. They won't get to beach body because they won't want to. I include myself in that number.

Choosing to do something, or nothing, some, most or all is purely choice. That you feel bad about what you choose to do, or not do, is a "you" problem.

[DirtyLittleSecrets]

I think it's an apology based off of enabling self destructive behaviour to sell a product. She probably did help a lot of people that wanted to lose weight to do so. It's the ones that had issues, that needed a different type of help and she didn't speak up about that she's apologizing for.

[Raikas]

Choosing to do something, or nothing, some, most or all is purely choice. That you feel bad about what you choose to do, or not do, is a "you" problem.

 

People don't make choices in a vacuum though - we're social animals, after all.  Sometimes we choose things based on desires that stem from on other people's needs and/or wants.  And that's sometimes a good thing - that's the compromise part of couple relationships, and the respect part of parent-child ones - but it's still more complicated than just being a "you" problem.

 

 

 

I'ts not easier because we are this way.. it's just the choices we chose to make.  It's not unkind to point out that clearly other people have other priorities and it reflects on their health.

 

 

 

I do think it's easier to do things you love. I mean, I love being outside and running around with my dog - so the fact that I get in the mileage that I do is easy, at least in the sense of motivation.  You love your dance, don't you?

 

That's not even specific to exercise - look at someone learning a language because they've fallen in love (or are in a sudden immersion situation) versus someone who's just trying to get through a required class.  It's usually easier for the people who have that extra spark of personal motivation, no?

 

Anyone can get fit or learn a language - and they're both things with huge value - but I'd be lying if I didn't think it's harder for some people.  Which isn't to deny that some people make things harder for themselves unnecessarily, because that's fair too.  And some people do have natural talents (whether it's at a particular sport or an aptitude for language), after all.

[whoiwas]

Sometimes we choose things based on desires that stem from on other people's needs and/or wants.  And that's sometimes a good thing - that's the compromise part of couple relationships, and the respect part of parent-child ones - but it's still more complicated than just being a "you" problem.

 

Which makes me wonder why, out of all the messages bombarding the senses about how one's life could be better if they just had/do this, the one that we should worry about is the very one that is complete control of the individual...because "can" doesn't always equal "will" and may lead to feelings of inferiority or body image grief?

 

My neighbor drives a BMW and Mercedes while I have a Ford and a Honda yet somehow I don't consume myself with, "What's wrong with me?"

 

I don't know if my wife has a tight butt because she was envious of some other gal in her past, or if she just generally desires to be in shape to share in the very active life of a mom of 2 boys. I only know why I'm changing my body and it's for the latter.

 

BTW, if my wife's butt makes you feel bad about yours, do something about yours...or don't.

[Raikas]

Which makes me wonder why, out of all the messages bombarding the senses about how one's life could be better if they just had/do this, the one that we should worry about is the very one that is complete control of the individual...because "can" doesn't always equal "will" and may lead to feelings of inferiority or body image grief?

 

Dude, the article mentioned a teenage girl who was involved in school sports and wasn't overweight whose mother sent her to a diet clinic.  That's pretty clearly about someone else's issues.

 

Then another poster mentioned people on another forum coming to peace with their expectations for their body - and the immediate response was one of "but it's not impossible".  That original comment doesn't read to me as them looking for inspiration, it reads to me as them deciding what they're comfortable with and aiming for that - to come back with "That's a lie!" is throwing their own desires back in their face. 

 

That's the kind of thing I'm talking about here.

 

BTW, if my wife's butt makes you feel bad about yours, do something about yours...or don't.

I've never had the pleasure of checking out your wife, but I'm sure she's lovely.  Either way, my ass is awesome, thanks.

[whoiwas]

To be fair, we've been all over the place in this thread...

 

My argument remains the same: the problem lies with some recipients of a message and not with the message itself...unless someone else has been given legal authority to decide for you, it's your right and privilege (and responsibility) to take in all kinds of claims to made by others about how this or that will improve your life and discern for yourself whether 1) it's right 2) it has value to you...

 

If the author believes she engaged in some dishonest or unethical practice, she should do exactly what she did. But her message isn't the message I see promoted here in that hers provided no means for acheiving the possible. "It's possible if you want it" does not equal "It's possible and you should want it."

 

My last word.

 

Oh, and I'll take your word on the state of your backside. I'm not allowed to look.

[Zorch]

Anyone can get fit or learn a language - and they're both things with huge value - but I'd be lying if I didn't think it's harder for some people.  Which isn't to deny that some people make things harder for themselves unnecessarily, because that's fair too.  And some people do have natural talents (whether it's at a particular sport or an aptitude for language), after all.

 

I agree that there are differences in genetics/talents, but unless you're on the extreme wrong end of the bell curve for a particular talent/activity, most people are capable of reaching a 80th-90th-percentile level of achievement at many activities with a reasonable, sustained effort.  Few have the talent to compete in a sport an an olympic level, but most could finish in the top 20% of a 5k or achieve a moderately lean(not super-ripped) body composition with a manageable level of effort.

 

And that's when it really comes down to prioritization - there's nothing wrong for choosing NOT to do something in favor of another worthy activity.  Just as long as the recognition is there that this is a choice, that's okay.  The beauty of fitness is that on the not-super-insane end, the effort-to-results ratio is impressive - half an hour a few times a week coupled with "decent" nutrition can yield respectable results for the vast majority of the population.  And I think that's the point of many here - not everyone has the time to be a competitive bodybuilder, but virtually everyone has the time to be in "decent" shape, given the relatively modest time and nutritional investments required to achieve a "healthy" body composition and degree of fitness.

[wideeyed]

I agree that there are differences in genetics/talents, but unless you're on the extreme wrong end of the bell curve for a particular talent/activity, most people are capable of reaching a 80th-90th-percentile level of achievement at many activities with a reasonably concerted effort.  Few have the talent to compete in a sport an an olympic level, but most could finish in the top 20% of a 5k or achieve a moderately lean(not super-ripped) body composition with a manageable level of effort.

 

And that's when it really comes down to prioritization - there's nothing wrong for choosing NOT to do something in favor of another worthy activity.  Just as long as the recognition is there that this is a choice, that's okay.  The beauty of fitness is that on the not-super-insane end, the effort-to-results ratio is impressive - half an hour a few times a week coupled with "decent" nutrition can yield respectable results for the vast majority of the population.  And I think that's the point of many here - not everyone has the time to be a competitive bodybuilder, but virtually everyone has the time to be in "decent" shape, given the relatively modest time and nutritional investments required to get there.

And I will go back to the author or the article and her main point, which is that it really can be as relatively modest as you claim, or you can work as hard as Jo and Waldo and look as incredible as they do, but the diet and fitness industry are often all about the miracles, and she is personally apologizing for being one of the snake oil salespeople who sold a bill,of goods to a great number of people. Of COURSE you can lose weight eating pre packaged foods. Until you don't eat them any more. Waldo,is absolutely correct. Millions of people do WW, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, Atkins, Optifast, Lapband surgery...and they lose weight. Sometimes they lose an incredible amount of weight. Rarely, they manage to keep that weight off. Why is that? Why do we almost always gain it back?

I look at TDEE. I see that I can eat over 2,000 calories a day at my goal weight maintenance, exercise moderately, and slowly lose weight and fat, and get stronger. I am still at 1500 a day because I cannot let go and eat the food. But my whole life, (literally, since the pediatrician out me on my first diet at the age of six months), I have been receiving incorrect and damaging information from the world at large regarding my size, and what I should be doing about it. A great deal of this incorrect information came from physicians. My body and mind are very screwed up when it comes to nutrition.

The mission of NF is to TELL people YOU CAN do this. You don't have to be orthorexic. You don't have to do cardio for three hours a day and eat 1200 calories. Eat more. Work out more efficiently. Don't be skinny/fat. Start small, work up. In other words, be sane. I am not sane when it comes to food. I LOATHE exercise (although, I think I can see my quad peeking out from the thunder part of the thigh, and that MIGHT motivate me). I look at Jo, and I think, "Damn, I would like to have muscles like that," and I plan on attending an open house at a very reputable gym with an Olympic Weight Lifting program to find out if they can work with someone with my physical limitations. I look at Waldo's food diary and think. "Wow, I wish I could eat like that (I know I could, mostly Waldo - working on it)." I am not there yet.

We are all at different places on the journey, both physically and mentally. Some of us are not strong yet, physically or mentally. If we really have to get aggravated about this, then lets get aggravated about what really screws people up, which is misinformation. And then let's pay Waldo to write a book that tells it like it is.

[Zorch]

We are all at different places on the journey, both physically and mentally. Some of us are not strong yet, physically or mentally. If we really have to get aggravated about this, then lets get aggravated about what really screws people up, which is misinformation.

 

Agreed, 100%.  It's also fair to say(which I unfortunately omitted from my previous post) that everyone is coming from a different point, and that change is not instantaneous, even if you're doing the right things today it will take time to achieve your goals.  And you're completely right about misinformation - there are no shortage of folks who are working relatively hard, but making little progress due to following some form of misinformation.

[DirtyLittleSecrets]

And I will go back to the author or the article and her main point, which is that it really can be as relatively modest as you claim, or you can work as hard as Jo and Waldo and look as incredible as they do, but the diet and fitness industry are often all about the miracles, and she is personally apologizing for being one of the snake oil salespeople who sold a bill,of goods to a great number of people. Of COURSE you can lose weight eating pre packaged foods. Until you don't eat them any more. Waldo,is absolutely correct. Millions of people do WW, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, Atkins, Optifast, Lapband surgery...and they lose weight. Sometimes they lose an incredible amount of weight. Rarely, they manage to keep that weight off. Why is that? Why do we almost always gain it back?

I look at TDEE. I see that I can eat over 2,000 calories a day at my goal weight maintenance, exercise moderately, and slowly lose weight and fat, and get stronger. I am still at 1500 a day because I cannot let go and eat the food. But my whole life, (literally, since the pediatrician out me on my first diet at the age of six months), I have been receiving incorrect and damaging information from the world at large regarding my size, and what I should be doing about it. A great deal of this incorrect information came from physicians. My body and mind are very screwed up when it comes to nutrition.

The mission of NF is to TELL people YOU CAN do this. You don't have to be orthorexic. You don't have to do cardio for three hours a day and eat 1200 calories. Eat more. Work out more efficiently. Don't be skinny/fat. Start small, work up. In other words, be sane. I am not sane when it comes to food. I LOATHE exercise (although, I think I can see my quad peeking out from the thunder part of the thigh, and that MIGHT motivate me). I look at Jo, and I think, "Damn, I would like to have muscles like that," and I plan on attending an open house at a very reputable gym with an Olympic Weight Lifting program to find out if they can work with someone with my physical limitations. I look at Waldo's food diary and think. "Wow, I wish I could eat like that (I know I could, mostly Waldo - working on it)." I am not there yet.

We are all at different places on the journey, both physically and mentally. Some of us are not strong yet, physically or mentally. If we really have to get aggravated about this, then lets get aggravated about what really screws people up, which is misinformation. And then let's pay Waldo to write a book that tells it like it is.

Have I mentioned lately that I love you? Knowing this stuff is half the battle to becoming healthy AND happy. As long as you understand that and believe in yourself everything else will come in time.

In the past I had to gain a decent amount of weight to get back into a healthy range. I had to relearn listening to my body and what it is telling me I need. I feel accomplished every time I eat a cookie and don't feel guilty. I also celebrate when I make an awesome meal I know will fuel me and give me the nutrients I need. It took a long time to heal and realize what I wanted was killing me and no matter what size I am I'm beautiful and worthy of my own love. Now I do things for my body based out of that love.

I know what grit and determination can get you from the wrong mindset. That's why I love this community, it's based on helping each other and going about things the right way.

I think that's what Ms. Higgins was apologizing for, enabling people to wage war against their bodies. My favourite story from when I was little was a Cherokee proverb

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."