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Emptyknight's Paladin Quest (part IV) - or Reforging my Sword


emptyknight

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Hi Nerds! I'm Emptyknight, and I am well on my way to becoming a Paladin!  This will be my fourth challenge with the wonderful Adventurer's guild over the last year, andI am hoping to attempt one final quest here before moving on to join a more specialized guild, probably the Warriors. As much as I love the Adventurers, I find I really want to narrow my focus as I get closer to my goals, so in 6 weeks it will be time to move on.

 

My last challenge, I learned to endure, and pass through my soul's dark night. You can read about the challenges I've faced, and overcome, there, if it pleases you.

 

I want to be a Paladin.  Paladins are champions of all that is good and right, and have trained their bodies, disciplined their minds, and cultivated their wisdom until they have no fear of any challenge.  Paladins develop a wellspring of courage in their hearts, and learn to walk boldly, but with humility, where others hesitate.  They also frequently have really big swords.

 

I don't have a sword, but I do have a body.  It's a bit worse for wear, and I have some serious scars.  I've spent the last year learning how to use it again, and how it can turn against me without proper care.  It's time to reforge it into something stronger, sharper, and more resilient.

 

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The seeker had heard of a place, some great distance away, where any blade, no matter how worn or broken, could be forged anew into a mighty weapon.  Spoken of only in whispers, this Silver Forge high in the mountains was said to shine with reflected sunlight, even at midnight.  Many an adventurer sought their destiny among the snow-laden crags only to return empty-handed, or not at all.  The seeker knew this, but the Light of his destiny called to him in his dreams, and he would have no rest except upon the roadside.  Six weeks of journeying lay ahead of him, and there would be tests along the way, for only those pure of heart, wise of spirit, strong of arm, and keen of mind could decipher the clues and find the correct path to the Forge.

 

He set out on the road with only a few pouches of supplies around his waist, and the rusty shards of an heirloom longsword in the scabbard strapped to his back.  The first night along the road, he dreamt of an argent sun cresting over a jagged peak, and he smiled.

 

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My motivation in this challenge, all of them really, is to become a certain type of person.  I feel this person within me, and he is very much like the Paladins of myth -- a peaceful warrior, courageous, serene, compassionate, confident, strong, and adventurous.  I've spent years of my life imagining myself this way, without doing much to actually become this person.  Only in the last year have I started taking steps to become this person, but life is a process, and among all life on this planet only humans have much ability to take control of this process.  No more excuses -- the best way to be is to act.  All of my goals from last challenge (working out, eating clean, stretching, and avoiding TV) remain in place as habits to maintain and refine.  This challenge is about discovery, refinement, and commitment.

 

Main Quest -- To lose 75 lbs.  I've lost 24 of them already.  1/3 of the way there!

 

Goal #1: Clarity of Purpose -- I know where I want to end up, in terms of fitness and life, but I haven't really spent that much time analyzing how I will get there.  I've done tons of reading and learning, but I've lacked introspection and accountability to myself.  I've tried websites like Fitocracy and MyFitnessPal, but none of them really do what I want.  So it's time to go old-school, and start keeping a journal.  Every day, I will record my workouts, meals, how I feel, and any thoughts I have about my life's journey. +1 CON, +2 WIS

 

Goal #2:  Traversing the Wilderness -- My leg is almost completely healed since my surgery in June.  It's time to really start putting it back to good use.  I'm going to set a goal of 100 miles walked, hiked, ran, biked, or swam during the next six weeks.  I'll set a baseline distance this first week, and improve on it every week thereafter.  Reaching 100 miles is not required, but every week I will travel a greater distance than the week before. +2 STR, +2 STA

 

Goal #3: Renouncing Attachments -- I get so caught up in life's attractions and irritants.  Work, drama, politics, frustration.  I forget sometimes to take time out for me, instead of worrying about everyone and everything else.  I'm starting a meditation practice, and I'm going to stick with it this time by setting a formal goal.  I will meditate 5-10 minutes every morning and evening, increasing the time as my skill develops.  By the end of the challenge, I'd like to be spending at least 30 minutes total meditating per day. +1 DEX, +2 WIS, +1 CHA

 

Life Goal: Developing Virtue -- I've been thinking about this one for awhile.  I really want to spend time on me, making a better person out of myself.  I certainly don't think I'm a bad person, but there is always room to improve morally, increase happiness, and achieve true satisfaction.  Resting on one's laurels is easy; making important changes is not.  Each week, I will reflect on a virtue I want to improve or reinforce in myself, and act on it!  I will try to tie it in to my other goals as much as possible, such that I find ways for my goals and my weekly virtue to reinforce each other.  On each Monday, except the Monday I'm camping in Yosemite National Park, I will post the virtue I want to work on that week, and on each weekend I will report my results on this website, or in my journal if it's very private. +2 WIS, +2 CHA

 

Whew!  I think that's enough for one challenge.  On the upside, there's a lot of WIS to be gained in this challenge.  That will put my Level 4 Paladin spells in reach!  I'm really looking forward to this one.

Emptyknight - Level 4 Human Adventurer
Str 9 | Dex 5.75 | Sta 5.25 | Con 9.25 | Wis 10.75 | Cha 7.5
Highest Wt 301lbs - Challenge Start 270 lbs - Current 260 lbs | Highest BF% 38 - Current% 33
My Current Challenge

 

Life before Death. Strength before Weakness. Journey before Destination.

 

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Virtue for Week 1: Courage

 

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

 

Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear.

 

 

This week I'm going to work on my courage.  Courage is about persevering in the face of fear -- fear of the unknown, of failure, of looking foolish, of danger.  Sometimes I let fear rule my decisions, and I nearly always regret it.  Fear cannot be avoided, but I can train myself to be prepared for it.

 

So this week is about finding more courage.  I've got a lot of fear of injuring my leg, even though my surgeon and my doctor both say it's fine and I can push myself harder.  I have a fear of trying new things that take me out of my comfortable element where I might not succeed immediately.  I definitely have a fear of embarassment and making mistakes in front of people.

 

To confront my fear over the next few days, I've got two things I want to do.  First, I'm going to take some pictures of myself and post them here, for motivation and accountability.  I don't know why I'm afraid to do that, but I am.  Second, I've always wanted to try Crossfit, but I always find an excuse to put it off.  I get anxious at the thought of having to workout in front of people who are better at it than me!  I've found two local CrossFit gyms that offer free community classes once a week to introduce people to the method.  I'm going to sign up this week for a spot and show up and find out if it's for me or not, regardless of how out of place I feel.  I'll look for other ways to work on my courage as the week goes on, but those are my life challenge for the week. 

 

Onward!

Emptyknight - Level 4 Human Adventurer
Str 9 | Dex 5.75 | Sta 5.25 | Con 9.25 | Wis 10.75 | Cha 7.5
Highest Wt 301lbs - Challenge Start 270 lbs - Current 260 lbs | Highest BF% 38 - Current% 33
My Current Challenge

 

Life before Death. Strength before Weakness. Journey before Destination.

 

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My progress pics

2012 09 04

Last year -- around 301 lbs and in desperate need of a haircut

2012 10 02

Last year -- around 285 lbs

2012 12 02

Last year -- around 275-280 lbs

 

When I get home I'll take a current pic to show where I'm at.

Emptyknight - Level 4 Human Adventurer
Str 9 | Dex 5.75 | Sta 5.25 | Con 9.25 | Wis 10.75 | Cha 7.5
Highest Wt 301lbs - Challenge Start 270 lbs - Current 260 lbs | Highest BF% 38 - Current% 33
My Current Challenge

 

Life before Death. Strength before Weakness. Journey before Destination.

 

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awe-inspiring job witht he weight loss mate ! only 2/3rds of the way left to go !

 

And I agree with your thoughts on meditation - seems like we all could use some peace of mind these days  :)

करà¥à¤®à¤£à¤¯à¥‡à¤µà¤¾à¤§à¤¿à¤•à¤¾à¤°à¤¸à¥à¤¤à¥‡ मा फलेषॠकदाचन।

मा करà¥à¤®à¤«à¤²à¤¹à¥‡à¤¤à¥à¤°à¥à¤­à¥‚रà¥à¤®à¤¾ ते सङà¥à¤—ोऽसà¥à¤¤à¥à¤µà¤•à¤°à¥à¤®à¤£à¤¿à¥¤

 

 

1st challenge - http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/31073-starbon-being-disciplined/

 

2nd challenge - http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/36936-starbon-retraining-and-reinventing/

 

current challenge - http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/40100-starbons-4rth-time-around-the-block/

 

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Don't let those grunty jock-boys intimidate you.  They are not your troop of monkeys; your social standing among them is meaningless, and they won't attack you about it.

 

Actually, at that introduction, you'll probably find equals and people who are intimidated by you.

I have conditions that affect my social awareness.  If I am rude, tell me what I could do better.

5'8" & 220 260 pounds | Miles Walked: X

2019: | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Pre 2017: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | * | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

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Great pics man.  Impressive.  We're all afraid to fail.  It's those that get back up that are inspiration.  There's always going to be people who suck at the beginning for crossfit.  And you'll get BETTER.  It's not like you're going to bumble around for years while people laugh.  As long as you know it's in your head and you challenge that, you got this man.

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Great to see you back EmptyKnight. I really like how thoughtful and reflective your goals are. You can't help but succeed if you keep putting that much thought into what you are doing. I look forward to seeing how you do this challenge.

level 10 Half Ogre Ranger

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Oh wow that is amazing! Well done!

 

 

awe-inspiring job witht he weight loss mate ! only 2/3rds of the way left to go !

 

And I agree with your thoughts on meditation - seems like we all could use some peace of mind these days   :)

 

 

Don't let those grunty jock-boys intimidate you.  They are not your troop of monkeys; your social standing among them is meaningless, and they won't attack you about it.

 

Actually, at that introduction, you'll probably find equals and people who are intimidated by you.

 

 

Great pics man.  Impressive.  We're all afraid to fail.  It's those that get back up that are inspiration.  There's always going to be people who suck at the beginning for crossfit.  And you'll get BETTER.  It's not like you're going to bumble around for years while people laugh.  As long as you know it's in your head and you challenge that, you got this man.

 

 

Great to see you back EmptyKnight. I really like how thoughtful and reflective your goals are. You can't help but succeed if you keep putting that much thought into what you are doing. I look forward to seeing how you do this challenge.

 

Wow thanks for all the encouragement, fellow Rebels!  That's the thing about fear: it's all in my head.

 

Unfortunately I got home and fell immediately asleep and forgot to take a current picture.  I'm back at work in the hospital, I'll have to see if I can find a bathroom with a big enough mirror to take one here.  Most of the staff restrooms have very small mirrors.  All of those pics are from last year.  Between then and now I gained back some of the weight when I had all of my health problems, and in the last six weeks I lost enough to put me ahead of my progress from then.  So it's been a journey, but I'm getting there.  Support from everyone at this forum makes a lot of difference!

Emptyknight - Level 4 Human Adventurer
Str 9 | Dex 5.75 | Sta 5.25 | Con 9.25 | Wis 10.75 | Cha 7.5
Highest Wt 301lbs - Challenge Start 270 lbs - Current 260 lbs | Highest BF% 38 - Current% 33
My Current Challenge

 

Life before Death. Strength before Weakness. Journey before Destination.

 

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In other news, I heard back from one of the CrossFit gyms and I'm in for Saturday at 9am for the introductory class.  Nervous but excited!

 

Edit: Now I heard back from the other one.  Due to schedule conflicts, I won't get to try them out until October 12th, but it's on the schedule!

Emptyknight - Level 4 Human Adventurer
Str 9 | Dex 5.75 | Sta 5.25 | Con 9.25 | Wis 10.75 | Cha 7.5
Highest Wt 301lbs - Challenge Start 270 lbs - Current 260 lbs | Highest BF% 38 - Current% 33
My Current Challenge

 

Life before Death. Strength before Weakness. Journey before Destination.

 

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Good work and keep it up!  Good luck with getting the leg back into shape as well.  I know how hard that can be.

 

Thanks! It's intimidating but I know I can do it!

 

 

I totally haven't done pictures this challenge, I should probably do that! 

 

It's my first time! Don't know why I stressed about it, now that it's done.

Emptyknight - Level 4 Human Adventurer
Str 9 | Dex 5.75 | Sta 5.25 | Con 9.25 | Wis 10.75 | Cha 7.5
Highest Wt 301lbs - Challenge Start 270 lbs - Current 260 lbs | Highest BF% 38 - Current% 33
My Current Challenge

 

Life before Death. Strength before Weakness. Journey before Destination.

 

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hey as long as you're determined to it, everything else is cool..

 

and as far as all the intimidations and other stuff being in your mind, I found a quote from a recent movie helped a lot - "danger is real, fear is an option " sounds cheesy, but it does have a grain of truth in it. Most of everything we think that people think of us is just in our minds..and even if they do, isn;t it upto us to prove them wrong ?

 

Keep fighting the good fight :)

करà¥à¤®à¤£à¤¯à¥‡à¤µà¤¾à¤§à¤¿à¤•à¤¾à¤°à¤¸à¥à¤¤à¥‡ मा फलेषॠकदाचन।

मा करà¥à¤®à¤«à¤²à¤¹à¥‡à¤¤à¥à¤°à¥à¤­à¥‚रà¥à¤®à¤¾ ते सङà¥à¤—ोऽसà¥à¤¤à¥à¤µà¤•à¤°à¥à¤®à¤£à¤¿à¥¤

 

 

1st challenge - http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/31073-starbon-being-disciplined/

 

2nd challenge - http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/36936-starbon-retraining-and-reinventing/

 

current challenge - http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/40100-starbons-4rth-time-around-the-block/

 

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 "danger is real, fear is an option "

 

What a great quote!

 

Thanks for the encouragement!

Emptyknight - Level 4 Human Adventurer
Str 9 | Dex 5.75 | Sta 5.25 | Con 9.25 | Wis 10.75 | Cha 7.5
Highest Wt 301lbs - Challenge Start 270 lbs - Current 260 lbs | Highest BF% 38 - Current% 33
My Current Challenge

 

Life before Death. Strength before Weakness. Journey before Destination.

 

Link to post

Struggling a bit on this challenge so far.  I keep forgetting to meditate when I wake up, and yesterday I completely forgot to write in my journal.  I even woke up early today to make time for meditation/exercise, and then just completely blanked when I was actually up.  Solution -- print out signs to tape to my bedroom door, apartment door, etc to remind me.  Also I'm going to write on my bathroom mirror with a dry-erase marker.  I'll probably hang motivational quotes everywhere also.  My friends will no doubt make fun of me, but my apartment is a bachelor pad with very little decoration anyway, so I've got plenty of wall space open.

 

So far this week I've walked approximately 2.5 miles.  Work has been too busy to go do formal walking while I'm here, but I've been deliberately taking the long way to my destinations in the hospital when possible, and I try to go pace the hallways when I'm not busy.  I need to get a pedometer to help me keep better track, because unless I'm out walking one of my mapped routes, I'm having to guesstimate my distance based on stride and number of steps.  On the plus side, counting my steps while pacing hospital hallways at night is very meditative.

 

Work is kind of awful tonight.  I'm having to deal with a very difficult situation, more difficult than usual, even for a hospital.  I keep reminding myself that having courage means doing the right thing, even when it carries a personal cost.

Emptyknight - Level 4 Human Adventurer
Str 9 | Dex 5.75 | Sta 5.25 | Con 9.25 | Wis 10.75 | Cha 7.5
Highest Wt 301lbs - Challenge Start 270 lbs - Current 260 lbs | Highest BF% 38 - Current% 33
My Current Challenge

 

Life before Death. Strength before Weakness. Journey before Destination.

 

Link to post

Couldn't we all use a little more courage in our lives?

I commend you on your quest, sir. Looks like you've plotted a great path for yourself. Here's to walking it!

Thanks for swinging by my thread & posting. Hope you don't mind if I sub & stalk your thread. :)

 

I like being stalked! Welcome to my dungeon I mean thread!

Emptyknight - Level 4 Human Adventurer
Str 9 | Dex 5.75 | Sta 5.25 | Con 9.25 | Wis 10.75 | Cha 7.5
Highest Wt 301lbs - Challenge Start 270 lbs - Current 260 lbs | Highest BF% 38 - Current% 33
My Current Challenge

 

Life before Death. Strength before Weakness. Journey before Destination.

 

Link to post

thanks for stopping by on my thread and your words of encouragement..and for the moment I'll be quite content if I could rid my mind of all thoughts during meditation :P let the masters analyse the beginning and ending of thoughts ..I still have a ways to go before I get there.

 

Speaking of which..you seem to be doing particularly well in trying to make your goals work inspite of the hardships along the way. Good going mate !

करà¥à¤®à¤£à¤¯à¥‡à¤µà¤¾à¤§à¤¿à¤•à¤¾à¤°à¤¸à¥à¤¤à¥‡ मा फलेषॠकदाचन।

मा करà¥à¤®à¤«à¤²à¤¹à¥‡à¤¤à¥à¤°à¥à¤­à¥‚रà¥à¤®à¤¾ ते सङà¥à¤—ोऽसà¥à¤¤à¥à¤µà¤•à¤°à¥à¤®à¤£à¤¿à¥¤

 

 

1st challenge - http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/31073-starbon-being-disciplined/

 

2nd challenge - http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/36936-starbon-retraining-and-reinventing/

 

current challenge - http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/40100-starbons-4rth-time-around-the-block/

 

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I really like your third goal, I too feel like sometimes my life would be better if I didn't get so caught up in shenanigans :) 

 

Also, congratulations on losing 1/3 of your goal in poundage, that's fantastic! Have you considered later switching to measuring yourself in inches instead of pounds? Because as you get smaller your muscle mass will outweigh, no pun intended, losses in fat. Plus it's really rewarding to measure yourself and find you've lost TEN INCHES :D 

Adventurer || Wood Elf


 


"omg I've got nerditis! Get it off, get it off!! Wait.... I think... I like it, I'll keep it :)"


 


Challenge: current


 


Blog about fitness and randomness but mostly food...

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Lovely to be putting motivational quotes everywhere.  May I humbly suggest using nice paper, font, and tweaking the layout so that they look beautiful on the walls?  Or are they easier to see when they are an eyesore?  If you catch yourself not seeing them because you are used to them, move things around.

I have conditions that affect my social awareness.  If I am rude, tell me what I could do better.

5'8" & 220 260 pounds | Miles Walked: X

2019: | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Pre 2017: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | * | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

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