Orcwarrior fights the hobgoblins

[orcwarrior]

This will be a brief intro to my fourth challenge.  Have been mostly successful in my first three challenges - since mid-April I've lost 68 lbs, made major improvements in a bodyweight workout regimen before transitioning to lifting weights, have worked through most of my newbie lifting progress (squatted 205 last week - hurrah!), and have progressed from jogging several minutes at a time to completing my first 5K distance yesterday (including a massive hill) without stopping.  In fantasy warfare terms, I have slain many creeping monsters.  However....

 

The last few weeks have been tougher - struggling with motivation, binge eating several times again which I hadn't done for months, and wrestling with serious fatigue.  And I hit a major obstacle in the inter-challenge week - my mother died suddenly on Thursday morning.  Her previously stable chronic medical condition caused some internal bleeding and poor clotting, which led to her being admitted to the hospital Wednesday around suppertime and passing away 16 hours later.  And while our relationship was complex and not close, this adds to the emotional and physical challenges I need to overcome to be successful in this challenge.

 

So this will be a battle - against thoughts, fatigue, grief, and other "hobgoblins" which seek to derail my health and drive me back to old habits.  And I WILL FIGHT!  And defeat the hobgoblins!!!

 

My battle plan is as follows:

 

1.  Keep a food log tracking eating and calories, which will be close to 100% paleo except for the occasional sandwich with wheat/light bread that I allow myself, and NO BINGING.  Goal is 13K cals/wk, or about 1850/day.   <13K  A,  <14K B,  <15K  C,  <16K  D,  >16K   F  +2 Con, +1 Cha

2.  Do a minimum of five workouts weekly, alternating between strength and running workouts, the latter usually intervals.   I'm going to average this over the challenge to allow for life issues, so I'm shooting for 30 workouts total.  30+  A,  28-29  B,  26-27  C,  24-25  D,  23 or less  F   +2 Str   +2 Sta

3.  Stay caught up at work - no more than two undone reports at the end of each week.  Since I'm starting way behind, I'm going to operationalize this as finishing each day closer to this goal than I was in the morning until I reach this point, and then staying this way.  Will be scored by percentage of days I make progress until that point, then A for each week I hit the goal after that point.  +2 Int

4.  Stay current with Bible reading and meeting with my small group and other relationships.  When I'm struggling, it's easy to withdraw and not those things which help me most.  And these two factors are key.  Will be scored somewhat subjectively - keep track of reading and being proactive relationally each week both inside and outside of immediate family.  +2 Wis

 

I know the above doesn't match the suggested format exactly - oh, well.  I'll be back later to insert scoring, and list weights and measurements.  [done 9/21]  But I wanted to get on the board and serve notice that I am here, and I will keep fighting!  Vive` le Rebellion!

 

[edit 9/21] Challenge starting info - actually only weight was measured first day of challenge, measurements were from ending of prior challenge a week prior.  But with weight the same, measurements should be same as well.

 

     Weight:  250

     R thigh   27.5"

     L thigh   27.5"

     Waist     42"

     Hip        46.5"

     Navel     46"

     Chest     45"

     Neck      17"

     Body fat %    32.88%  per the linearsoftware body fat calculator.

                             At 250 lbs this means I have about 82 lbs of fat.

[smurray]

Man, sorry about the loss of your mother.   Prayers for peace and strength for you.   You got some solid challenges there, but pretty well balanced.  Looking forward to watching your progress during this 6WC.

[Kairiel]

Tough place to start a challenge, but you are capable of achieving greatness over the next week. Binge eating is a tough pattern to escape, so dont be too hard on yourself 

Impressive squat weight by the way!

[DFTBAmanda]

If anyone can take this hardship and make it fuel for the fire, it's you Orc. But it's okay to grieve too. We'll be here with you in whatever small way we can be no matter what.

[Blaidd]

OMG Orc!!  I am terribly sorry to hear about your mother.  Mine also passed away so suddenly (I was much much younger) so my heart is wrapped around you right now.  Let me know if you need a shoulder to cry on (through the interwebs).  I'm here for you!!

 

I do think that despite this major set back, you're going to do wonderfully this challenge!!

 

Super HUGE hugs, my friend. xxx

[starpuck]

Praying for you Orc.    Agree with the above about it being one heck of a place to start the challenge from, but I have faith in you.   Strive for progress not perfection as you come out of the gate, ok?    Life's hurdles sometimes take precedence on your pool of willpower and that's O.K.

 

Your goals and approach are simple but solid.     You can do this.  

[mitch_dee]

Orc, I am deeply saddened to hear about your mum.  Your family is in my thoughts.  

 

As Blaidd said, if you need a cyber shoulder to lean on we are here for you.  Your strong shoulders have carried all of us in the past challenges so it's time for us to return the favor!

 

Keep the goals simple and straight forward and allow your mental and emotional states catch up and you will come through this stronger than you were before!

[joedog]

Hi Orc. I'm one of your new buddies from the Superhero group. Sorry to hear about your loss. We're here for you. 

[CourtnieMarie]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Keep us updated with how you're doing with it all.

[orcwarrior]

Guys...  deeply grateful to all of you for your support, encouragement, and prayers.  Forgive me for not responding individually at this moment, as I'm scrambling to juggle (1) normal life as husband and parent of two teens, (2) work where I've missed four days of the last week due to being at hospital, handling initial details, and Monday when I called off because just couldn't face work due to emotions and fatigue, and (3) continuing to handle details related to funeral and estate, although this is tailing off.  Funeral put off due to traveling sibs, will be Monday.

 

Gutting through workouts Monday and Tuesday - best that could be said for them was I showed up and did them, but they were pitiful.  This morning did HIIIT on road with wife, doing running/jogging intervals.  Actually felt close to normal although kept getting distracted with thoughts and losing track of interval timing. 

 

Keeping goals low - just doing my best, lots of internal self-encouragement, eating carefully due to emotional state right now.  Hypervigilant when around kitchen/food as I know my self-control is low.  Hit bed early and took sleep aids last two nights, this is also helping me cope.  So I'm starting to feel more myself again, but not solid.

 

Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers.  Sorry I  haven't been around to your threads yet, hope to be more back on track by weekend.  I'm grateful for your support.

[mitch_dee]

Forgive me for not responding individually at this moment

 

Sorry I  haven't been around to your threads yet, hope to be more back on track by weekend.

Orc, no forgiveness is needed, and definitly do not be sorry. 

 

This is a time to focus on yourself and your family.  You keep doing that, know we're all here if you need someone to lean on, and we will all catch up on the other side of this.

 

Kia kaha!

[starpuck]

 

best that could be said for them was I showed up and did them

 

Best that could be said?   You phrased that like it was some pointless accomplishment and tacked on a 'but...'

 

My friend...

 

YOU. SHOWED. UP.

You showed up on days when even the best would not have.   Keep focusing on what needs the most focus right now.   And be gentle on yourself, okay buddy?   You really are doing just fine. 

 

[CourtnieMarie]

Orc, no forgiveness is needed, and definitly do not be sorry. 

 

This is a time to focus on yourself and your family.  You keep doing that, know we're all here if you need someone to lean on, and we will all catch up on the other side of this.

 

Kia kaha!

agreed.

[Blaidd]

Best that could be said?   You phrased that like it was some pointless accomplishment and tacked on a 'but...'

 

My friend...

 

YOU. SHOWED. UP.

You showed up on days when even the best would not have.   Keep focusing on what needs the most focus right now.   And be gentle on yourself, okay buddy?   You really are doing just fine. 

 

+10000000000000000000000

[orcwarrior]

You guys are choking me up. Just... thanks. Thanks for kind words and sweet encouragement. You all lift me up. 

[Blaidd]

You guys are choking me up. Just... thanks. Thanks for kind words and sweet encouragement. You all lift me up. 

Just doing what friends do - supporting one another in the dark times (and consequently we will celebrate in the good times too).  Plus it's about time we're able to return the favour!

[Caution]

I'm very sorry for your loss Orc, your family is in my prayers. I'm just stopping by to silently follow for now. 

[DirtyLittleSecrets]

Orc! I'm sorry about your loss. Right now you're doing a lot more than a 6 week challenge, you're doing a lot more than 4 smaller challenges. Any time you do anything it's a success when times are difficult.

 

We will be around for you buddy <3.

[smurray]

Go take care of your family and take care of yourself.  You are doing a great job as usual at being aware of your challenges and developing a gameplan in steering around the pitfalls.  Continue to give yourself time to get through. We will be here when you need us.

[starpuck]

Just a random /hug for when you check in.

[orcwarrior]

Just doing what friends do - supporting one another in the dark times (and consequently we will celebrate in the good times too).  Plus it's about time we're able to return the favour!

And you're doing it well, Blaidd.  Deeply grateful to you and the others for the kind words and support.  HUGE to me. 

 

 

I'm very sorry for your loss Orc, your family is in my prayers. I'm just stopping by to silently follow for now. 

Caution, thanks much for your prayers.  They mean a lot to me, and I think yours and everyone's prayers are lifting me through this week.  Thanks.

 

 

Orc! I'm sorry about your loss. Right now you're doing a lot more than a 6 week challenge, you're doing a lot more than 4 smaller challenges. Any time you do anything it's a success when times are difficult.

 

We will be around for you buddy <3.

You ARE being there for me, DLS, and I appreciate it.  And you're right - this is more than a physical challenge, but very much a mental and spiritual one as well.  Thanks for your encouragement.

 

 

Go take care of your family and take care of yourself.  You are doing a great job as usual at being aware of your challenges and developing a gameplan in steering around the pitfalls.  Continue to give yourself time to get through. We will be here when you need us.

Thanks, Smurray, this is about a balancing act - taking care of self and family, keeping the motivation up, and keeping expectations relatively low so I don't sabotage my self.  I'm being very careful about where I let my thoughts go, keeping the self-encouragement up, and reminding myself that letting my healthy habits go will not help my mom or anyone else.  Thanks for your support and encouragement.

 

 

Just a random /hug for when you check in.

Thanks, tree-hanger.     I appreciate the hug very much.  You're great.

 

Thanks again to all.  Your support means more to me than I can say.  I DEEPLY appreciate it.  And your encouragement has been a part of helping me stay mostly on track this week.  Tomorrow and Monday will be incredibly busy, so here's a most-of-first-week report.

 

1.  Eating going well.  No binging, and actually haven't been very hungry.  Eating way below normal - only 6345 calories in first five days of the week.  Two days below 1000 cals - first time since I've been tracking.  Not trying to eat less - just not hungry.

2.  I finished my sixth workout early this afternoon.  Three cardio/interval and three lifting workouts.  The weights were lower this week and the times slower, but that's OK.  I showed up and did it.  It will get better again.

3.  Staying caught up at work went well for the first three days, making good progress at catching up, and Friday I hit a wall.  Actually had trouble staying awake at work, fell further behind.  So 75% on this goal this week.  More success than not, so.... oh, well - next week will be better.

4.  Good relationally - have been very active in communicating with my four sisters about handling Mom's possessions and estate (Mom was divorced and never remarried, so no spouse - us kids have to handle things).  Praise God we're all on the same page and working together well - my sisters are great.  Mom was a hoarder, so tons of junk treasures scattered in five different homes/storage units that we're currently working to gather, sort through, and make the throw away/sell/distribute amongst ourselves decisions.  I also have a small group of guys that I've met with regularly in the past - we'd taken a break over the summer, so I re-contacted them and we had our first meeting again this am.  Just catching up and deciding what we want to do.  It was good - three of us, and we talked for two hours.  They also liked my suggestion of experimenting with starting a larger brotherhood group, similar to what I'd read here on AoM.  So I'm sort of excited about that.

 

Major sub-goal for this week is to keep getting as much good sleep as possible.  This is critical for me in times of higher stress.  Did reasonably well this week, want to stay on track with this.  Sisters gather into tomorrow for another retrieve-stuff-and-sort-through session, and then funeral Monday.  (Was delayed as one of the sisters was traveling this week on something that was hard to change, so we put it off.)  So anticipating some emotional ups and downs this week.  We'll see.

 

Thanks again to all of you.  Ya'll are awesome!

[Blaidd]

You're a superhero, of the epic kind!! 

I think what i'm most happy about is that you're reconnecting with the people who support you - your sisters and your "brotherhood". I have found that those are the people who will offer you the most support, guidance and shoulders to lean on than anyone else.  It's a joy when dissolving an estate is relatively easy going - it's less lingering pain.  I'm still trying to finalise m dad's estate and he passed away almost 7 years ago.

 

Good luck with the upcoming week.  I have you in my prayers everyday.

 

HUGE HUGS xxx

[joedog]

It sounds like you are doing a pretty good job holding up under all the strain of the situation. Reconnecting with friends is always a great thing. Hope your week goes well! 

[CourtnieMarie]

Good to hear from you - and very glad you and your sisters on the same page. that makes a world of a difference.

 

I am a bit concerned that you're actually not eating enough! You're working out everyday and getting so few calories :-/ Sleep is super important and try to make sure you're getting some good food in you as well.

[smurray]

Good to hear from you - and very glad you and your sisters on the same page. that makes a world of a difference.

 

I am a bit concerned that you're actually not eating enough! You're working out everyday and getting so few calories :-/ Sleep is super important and try to make sure you're getting some good food in you as well.

I agree with this.  Make sure you are getting enough calories to keep your body from going into "starvation mode" and slowing your metabolism down.  You have really been doing well and I know you have a lot going on.  Just remember when things happen, take care of yourself first so you can better help others.