Will you stop clowning around and do something!?

[Rooks]

Indeed. Bummer to hear about the diagnosis. Hopefully things can be managed well. Good luck, sir.

 

Otherwise, sounds like you and the family are partying hard! Good times for sure during the summer.

[The Most Loathed]

I won't even say anything about the diagnosis because I think you can make some tweaks and make it go away easily .

 

You manage to have a great time with the family which I think is awesome.

[Jittersthe.Clown]

Thanks for the support every one. The biggest hurdle that I knew I would face is the change of diet. I have a hard time with my carbs. I enjoy pasta and sandwiches too much. It's getting better, but it's still hard. 

New washer and dryer is coming today. I am pretty sure I broke something in the old dryer that I wasn't able to fix, so we bought new. It's amazing to me, though; we have budgeting software and since we got it, have been great with our money. We were able to buy the set without having to go to credit. It's a good feeling. 

[Jittersthe.Clown]

Cross post that is a bit rambling: I thought the 4 weeks were going to be easier for me to maintain when they switched. I kept burning out on most of my 6 weeks, but 4 weeks didn't seem like a challenge for me. Overall, I fell off the posting wagon and never kept my dedication to being online. That in turn, kept me from working out. I didn't have to be accountable. I still lift every once in a while, thanks to @themostloathed but nowhere near what I have done in the past. 

 

I once heard or read that motivation is kind of crap. Motivation is fleeting and will leave and then what are you left with? Instead, focus on building dedication. Dedication will be the habits you form to do the things. Get up and do them. Get up and move a little. Move a lot. Move! Put this into your routines like the dishes. Keep at it. 

And right there, I find my failure. These are my demons; I can't keep at it long term. Not yet. I can always talk myself out of doing the things. It's always easier to not do the thing. I've been trying for 5 years for this to be a regular thing and I'm not there yet. I have my days where I am unbelievably disappointed in myself for that.

 

I will likely have many more. But not today. Today, I will do a thing. It might be lifting, it might be jumping rope, it might be heavy juggling, but I will do a thing. I just can't keep this up. I need to be better.

 

When I fall, when I become lazy and find excuses not to do the thing, I will need to find a way to tell myself, yes, you can do that thing. You've done it before, it's not hard. You've pushed yourself beyond what you thought you could and you've enjoyed success. Why stop now? 

 

Why stop now? 

It's time to begin

 

 

[JenniferStark]

Dearest Jitters,

I'm sitting here trying to think of the perfect thing to say to make you smile and inspire you to lace up those comically oversized shoes and charge back into your good habits.  So far, the best I can do is this: I watched the new season of Queer Eye recently, and one of the hosts said something that really hit home for me.  "Failure is not the opposite of success, it's part of it."

In your post you said you were disappointed in yourself.  That feeling super sucks, but it means you have an expectation for yourself.  You have expectations because you believe you can do it. Spoilers: you aren't the only one that believes in you.  

Stay Strong!  Clown On!  

[Mad Hatter]

1 hour ago, Jittersthe.Clown said:

And right there, I find my failure. These are my demons; I can't keep at it long term. Not yet. I can always talk myself out of doing the things. It's always easier to not do the thing. I've been trying for 5 years for this to be a regular thing and I'm not there yet. I have my days where I am unbelievably disappointed in myself for that.

Oh Jitters, I know the feels. But as @JenniferStark said, WE BELIEVE IN YOU!

 

How are the meds treating you?

[Jittersthe.Clown]

They are keeping me pretty level. My blood sugars would drop and I would be out of it for an hour or so. That doesn't happen any longer. 

Beyond that, I am doing well overall. I have been struggling with keeping on task, so I am back here. Accountable to all of you wonderful people who fill me with hope and inspiration. And laughs. Let's not forget about the laughter. I am back to try to bring about a change in myself. And make you all question the limits of sanity. 

[Mad Hatter]

11 minutes ago, Jittersthe.Clown said:

And make you all question the limits of sanity.

I'm not sure we're the right people to ask that question.  

 

Glad you're doing better!

[Jittersthe.Clown]

3 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

I'm not sure we're the right people to ask that question.  

 

It is especially fun to make all of you ask that. Then I know I've made it.  

How have you been doing, Hatter?

[Jittersthe.Clown]

1 hour ago, JenniferStark said:

Dearest Jitters,

I'm sitting here trying to think of the perfect thing to say to make you smile and inspire you to lace up those comically oversized shoes and charge back into your good habits.  So far, the best I can do is this: I watched the new season of Queer Eye recently, and one of the hosts said something that really hit home for me.  "Failure is not the opposite of success, it's part of it."

In your post you said you were disappointed in yourself.  That feeling super sucks, but it means you have an expectation for yourself.  You have expectations because you believe you can do it. Spoilers: you aren't the only one that believes in you.  

Stay Strong!  Clown On!  

Thank you, Jenn. I appreciate your support. 

How have you been doing?

[JenniferStark]

I've been doing pretty well.  Batwoman and I got married in October. We started podcasting again (our show is called Drinks with my Wife) which as been very silly fun. Work is still good, and I'm still coaching hockey which has been a rewarding challenge.  Batwoman just signed up for NF Academy so we are back in the NF-sphere trying to be better humans.  

[Jittersthe.Clown]

1 hour ago, JenniferStark said:

I've been doing pretty well.  Batwoman and I got married in October. We started podcasting again (our show is called Drinks with my Wife) which as been very silly fun. 

 

I am so unbelievably happy to hear this! Congratulations to you both!

[JenniferStark]

Well thank you!  We were very lucky.  It was a flawless day, we were surrounded by our tribe, and had an amazing time. 10 months later and she still likes me!

[Jittersthe.Clown]

The best advice I ever received came from my late grandmother. She told me that when you argue, it's you two vs the problem, not you vs your partner. 

[The Most Loathed]

8 hours ago, Jittersthe.Clown said:

Today, I will do a thing. It might be lifting, it might be jumping rope, it might be heavy juggling, but I will do a thing. I just can't keep this up. I need to be better.

This seems like the right place to start

 

[Jittersthe.Clown]

There was a TedTalk, I think, that was about when you stop doing a thing and quitting a thing. The short of it was you can stop and start many times, but you can quit only once. I'm having a hard time remembering where that was from, but I know that I haven't quit.

[Jittersthe.Clown]

DOMS! oh how I've missed you...

 

 

I got the squats going a little heavier than I thought it would be. I managed, but holy hell was this morning unexpected. 

3x5x90

3x5x145

 

Overhead Press was harder than I thought it would be. Use 'em or lose 'em, I guess...

3x5x60

3x3x90

 

Lunges... great merciful crap, lunges. I love doing these until I don't. They were just body weight, but still

5x20xBW

 

It's Tuesday everyone! Go out and be awesome!

 

[The Most Loathed]

Oh DOMS. Take it easier than you think to these first weeks. I know that you're anxious to get going again but rest and recovery is as important as time in the gym. Many efforts have withered and died do to enthusiasm.

[Rooks]

You aren't alone in that struggle Jitters. The struggle to go the healthy route in life and avoid the easy path of junk food, alcohol, or just watching TV or the phone is a constant struggle for so many. Keep working at it and I'll do the same.

[Jittersthe.Clown]

3 hours ago, The Most Loathed said:

Oh DOMS. Take it easier than you think to these first weeks. I know that you're anxious to get going again but rest and recovery is as important as time in the gym. Many efforts have withered and died do to enthusiasm.

 

Yeah, it's a bit of a shock to not be anywhere near where I was before. Your advice is well founded. 

 

2 hours ago, Rooks said:

You aren't alone in that struggle Jitters. The struggle to go the healthy route in life and avoid the easy path of junk food, alcohol, or just watching TV or the phone is a constant struggle for so many. Keep working at it and I'll do the same.

 

It's a constant battle. But it's one I have no intention of losing. 

[Batwoman]

I recognize that badger!

 

Also,

 

[Jittersthe.Clown]

I was hoping you would see it. I have a lot of them saved. They help

 

[Batwoman]

Dawww shucks.

 

 

I know that we have a bunch saved in a notebook somewhere. The motivation badger must return so many more costumes and characters in the last five years.

 

Very excited to see you back! Hope we can accountabilibuddy for each other again

[Jittersthe.Clown]

I most certainly hope the badger returns. And I look forward to being held accountable 

And:

 

 

To you and Jenn on your wedding! 

[Jittersthe.Clown]

Taking advice from @TheMostLoathed, I decided to take last night and rest. I did some meditation, but most of my evening was in a Nerf War with Jitters Junior and then at a kick off for the upcoming scouting year.

 

For those not in the know, I took over as Cubmaster for my local Pack last year. It's something I did years ago and really enjoyed. This Pack is awesome. The kids are all great and the leaders and parents are engaged and have the same vision of running a great program. We are gearing up for the new integration of girls into our pack. I know the decision has split a lot of people about what it means for the organization, but I just can't bring myself to really be bothered by it. Now we have twice as many youth we can serve and, if we are doing this right, introduce to new skills and experiences. Why wouldn't I want to be a part of that? We have had 3-4 interested girls already, with one signing up. My daughter Jitter Bug also wants to join. It's going to be a good year. 

 

My glass work is still going strong. I was up on the North Shore almost two weeks ago at an Art Show and had an absolute blast. JJ and I were up selling while Pizzazz and JB were at Girl Scout camp. I have a few post show sales that I need to finish in the next week or two, but that shouldn't be a problem. 

 

My relationship with caffeine is still a constant struggle. My addictive personality doesn't help, but I am taking it one day at a time. I absolutely hate the feeling of powerlessness I feel when I give in. I know what I am doing, but I don't stop. There was a study somewhere that alluded to the fact that people who are addicted to something have different brain patterns than people who are not. It's not that we're stupid, we're just wired differently. And it sucks. All that said, it's something that I still work on. I do this because I firmly believe that I can control this to a degree. I will do this because I won't let my demons win.