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There's Always Room For "NO" (pt 2) [metal_weaver]


metal_weaver

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I was tossed as to if I wanted to start another challenge. My last one fell apart in the last week, and the efforts I made towards the goals seemed non-committal. I'm trying to change too much at the same time and I'm failing. And I hate failing in front of others. I'm perfectly cool failing on my own, learning from my own secret mistakes and determining to do it right/get better/learn... but all under the cover of secrecy. Having the world see my struggle is very difficult for me. I want to be strong. I need to be strong... and when I end up showing weakness and failure, I feel vulnerable and exposed. I understand this community is the single most supportive group of people I've ever encountered, but it's still unnerving... and uncomfortable and scary. So here's to taking the advice that I asked for. Time to get uncomfortable.

 

Metal_Weaver's Quest to do a Pull-Up, take 2

 

1st Mission: Breaking Free from the Barista

 - No more coffee drinks. I feel hyper but sick after them, and it's not worth it. Stop beating up my innards and quit the coffee drinks.

 - If I'm going to consume coffee, it will henceforth be black (*shudder* yuck).

 

2nd Mission: Back to Basic (Training, that is!)

 - 2-3 body weight workouts per week. I'm aiming for 3, but I will accept 2 as a success.

 - I will be following the Playground workout, as I will be doing my two mid-week trainings at the playground by the soccer field while my kids are at practice. (clever, I know ;) and it makes for no excuses)

 

3rd Mission: In the Light

 - I will only eat around other people, where they can see me. This includes my kids (who are GREAT for reminding me "Mommy, I thought you weren't supposed to eat that?"), my co-workers, etc. I will NOT hide when and what I eat.

 - I will keep a log of what I eat: every thing that goes into my mouth (with the exception of the occasional pen cap or fingernail).

 

Life Mission #1: Get Your Weave On

 - I will complete several projects that have been sitting unfinished.

 -- Sue's chainmail bra

 -- Sue's chainmail dance belt (that goes with said bra)

 -- the dis-assembly of the refuse jewelry I purchased for parts

 -- the un-owned chain vest (this one may not be complete by the end of the challenge: I accept this, but I still need to make progress on it!)

 

Motivation:

 I want to be feel as awesome as people seem to think I am. (edited)

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If people think you are awesome they are surely right!

 

I like the way you presented your goals, especially the " In the light " one : kids are great :)

 

Good luck!

Level 2- Panthera Assassin

CHA 4 - WIS 3 - STA 4 - STR 2 -  DEX 1 - CON 2

Why is Natarella here?

Steps to greatness

First challenge !!

Second not-so-good one ..

Third challenge

Jan 2016 challenge... long time after :)

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I was tossed as to if I wanted to start another challenge. My last one fell apart in the last week, and the efforts I made towards the goals seemed non-committal. I'm trying to change too much at the same time and I'm failing. And I hate failing in front of others. I'm perfectly cool failing on my own, learning from my own secret mistakes and determining to do it right/get better/learn... but all under the cover of secrecy. Having the world see my struggle is very difficult for me. I want to be strong. I need to be strong... and when I end up showing weakness and failure, I feel vulnerable and exposed. I understand this community is the single most supportive group of people I've ever encountered, but it's still unnerving... and uncomfortable and scary. So here's to taking the advice that I asked for. Time to get uncomfortable.

 

Metal_Weaver's Quest to do a Pull-Up, take 2

 

1st Mission: Breaking Free from the Barista

 - No more coffee drinks. I feel hyper but sick after them, and it's not worth it. Stop beating up my innards and quit the coffee drinks.

 - If I'm going to consume coffee, it will henceforth be black (*shudder* yuck).

 

2nd Mission: Back to Basic (Training, that is!)

 - 2-3 body weight workouts per week. I'm aiming for 3, but I will accept 2 as a success.

 - I will be following the Playground workout, as I will be doing my two mid-week trainings at the playground by the soccer field while my kids are at practice. (clever, I know ;) and it makes for no excuses)

 

3rd Mission: In the Light

 - I will only eat around other people, where they can see me. This includes my kids (who are GREAT for reminding me "Mommy, I thought you weren't supposed to eat that?"), my co-workers, etc. I will NOT hide when I eat.

 - I will keep a log of what I eat. Every thing that goes into my mouth (with the exception of the occasional pen cap or fingernail).

 

Life Mission #1: Get Your Weave On

 - I will complete several projects that have been sitting unfinished.

 -- Sue's chainmail bra

 -- Sue's chainmail dance belt (that goes with said bra)

 -- the dis-assembly of the refuse jewelry I purchased for parts

 -- the un-owned chain vest (this one may not be complete by the end of the challenge: I accept this, but I still need to make progress on it!)

 

Motivation:

 I want to be as awesome as people seem to think I am.

Being vulnerable and open makes you more awesome, not less <3 Look at all the garbage I spill here, yet y'all call me a hero?!?! o.O

I know it's scary, god do I know, but you are loved and missed when you aren't here and I'm going to start stalking you next time I don't see you posting enough, rather than thinking you are just busy.

I <3 you.

Druid Assassin Halfling

:) Druid Ambassador :)

Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns

Spoiler

 

Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.

- Jim Rohn

 

 

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Being vulnerable and open makes you more awesome, not less <3 Look at all the garbage I spill here, yet y'all call me a hero?!?! o.O

I know it's scary, god do I know, but you are loved and missed when you aren't here and I'm going to start stalking you next time I don't see you posting enough, rather than thinking you are just busy.

I <3 you.

Your response made me laugh out loud. And yes, there is never a good enough excuse not to post on my thread (other than a freak internet or power shortage). I'm even going to spend the couple bucks and get Tapatalk on my new (to me) tablet. No excuses! *hugs* Love you too Beks. Thanks for being real. :)

 

 

Today's update: secret eating of breakfast this morning before my decision and my post. Had 3 small (approx 3" around and about 1" thick) biscuits with country crock. I don't remember having anything else. Got to work and grabbed 6oz coffee and about 2oz vanilla caramel creamer, again, before my post and my decision. I only drank about half of it before my guts started screaming and I made the decision to stop torturing my system with the garbage just for my taste-buds' sake. It's not worth it.

 For lunch I grabbed my lonely green pepper out of the fridge at work and took it on a walk around a hill behind where I work. It was actually quite nice. Started to rain while I was climbing the hill but the drops stopped and the breeze picked up and it turned out to be a lovely grasshopper-filled walk. I had one jump on my skirt and hang around for a couple strides before springing off. ^_^

 Got home and was pretty hungry, so knowing dinner was a couple hours off yet, I grabbed an apple and slathered it in peanut butter and chowed. I'm normally not a snack person, but I figured I'd curb the voraciousness before it had a chance to sink it's teeth into my appetite. Ttl of 3-4 Tbsp peanut butter. I would really like to find some other nut butter to sub eventually, but small steps.

 Dinner was pork chops, mashed potatoes, chicken/pork gravy and corn. I had 3 serving spoons of corn (2 initially and the third to help finish up the dish so we didn't have leftovers), 1 kid-sized scoop of mashed potatoes, probably 1/2 cup of gravy (we rarely had gravy growing up as kids... so I tend to LOVE the stuff. This one was semi-clear and made from chicken and pork stock with some corn starch for thickener) and a chop & a half. No food since then. I've wanted to eat a whole LOAD of crap that would satisfy this addiction I'm fighting, but I haven't because I didn't/don't want to have to report it back to y'all here. Yup... I'm using my own fear of shaming myself to keep away from franken-foods I should be avoiding anyway. Not the most sustainable way to go, but I'm hoping the cravings will go away soon enough and I won't need the fear of "I want to eat ___, but then I'd have to let my friends know" for very long.

  I'm not going to actively track what I drink. With VERY RARE exception, it's all water. And if it's not water, I'll note it. Cause if it's not water, it's a food (calorie source) and must be brought into the light.

 

Soccer practice is tomorrow, as will be my workout. Tonight is gaming. Off I go!

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As far as nut butters go, I really really really like almond butter.  Barney Butter makes a "bare" version with nothing but almonds and a little palm oil.  No sugar no additives.  And it's delicious.  I order a 6 pack of it from amazon.com so I stay stocked.

 

That eating in the light thing sounds like a great idea!  Wish I could manage it but I live by myself.

Emptyknight - Level 4 Human Adventurer
Str 9 | Dex 5.75 | Sta 5.25 | Con 9.25 | Wis 10.75 | Cha 7.5
Highest Wt 301lbs - Challenge Start 270 lbs - Current 260 lbs | Highest BF% 38 - Current% 33
My Current Challenge

 

Life before Death. Strength before Weakness. Journey before Destination.

 

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As far as nut butters go, I really really really like almond butter.  Barney Butter makes a "bare" version with nothing but almonds and a little palm oil.  No sugar no additives.  And it's delicious.  I order a 6 pack of it from amazon.com so I stay stocked.

 

That eating in the light thing sounds like a great idea!  Wish I could manage it but I live by myself.

Thanks for the nut butter recommendation, EK! Current living and dining situations deem that I don't get to have many special foods just for me... but soon enough that will change and I'll definitely check out that brand. :)

  And yeah, I hear ya about living by yourself. Funny enough, when I lived on my own I ate really well. Salads ALL the time... cause that what I liked (and still do) and I didn't have to stock the house to please anyone but myself. Aaah, the "good 'ol days"... :P lol

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Breakfast was a spoon of the boys' cinnamon roll flavor oatmeal abomination and approx 1/4 of a cantaloupe. Lunch is going to be something terrible since I'm meeting up with a friend to discuss a chainmail project for her hubby. When we worked together we used to eat at Culver's a lot, so that's where I'm guessing we're going to end up. Oh well... I'll just have to make the best out of it.

Forgot, too that yesterday with "breakfast" I had a package of pepper jack flavored crackers. Found the package in the car this morning and was reminded.

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk 4

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Just got back from lunch. :-) We went to Noodles & Co.! I had the penne rosa w/ shrimp. Yum!! Kinda hard to eat clean at a place called "noodles", but it was a heck of a lot better than Culver's and taking the time to catch up with my friend was time well spent imo. Opted for water to drink as well.

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk 4

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YAY for posting and being accountable <3 

I had a chocolate cupcake at like 3 am, and then nothing until about 12 hours later...so I am doing crappy with my food for sure today...but its a process right?!?! <3 

Druid Assassin Halfling

:) Druid Ambassador :)

Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns

Spoiler

 

Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.

- Jim Rohn

 

 

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YAY for posting and being accountable <3 

I had a chocolate cupcake at like 3 am, and then nothing until about 12 hours later...so I am doing crappy with my food for sure today...but its a process right?!?! <3 

It is indeed a process. *hugs* we can do this!!! Next time, make it a stalk of broccoli!! Now THAT would be some morning breath. :P

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Hey Joy!  Glad to see you giving it another go :)  It definitely is a process....a long, slow, one day at a time process...and you're doing great.  Being honest with yourself and others is so important, and so is not putting something in your stomach that hurts you! (I am very slowly learning that one myself).  I noticed on this challenge that it only took a single day of eating well to remind me how good it felt to treat my body that way.  Here's hoping you find that sweet spot soon!

Hiraedd the Twice Risen:

Hamadryad; Pilgrim

battle log

 

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Hey Joy!  Glad to see you giving it another go :)  It definitely is a process....a long, slow, one day at a time process...and you're doing great.  Being honest with yourself and others is so important, and so is not putting something in your stomach that hurts you! (I am very slowly learning that one myself).  I noticed on this challenge that it only took a single day of eating well to remind me how good it felt to treat my body that way.  Here's hoping you find that sweet spot soon!

Thanks Hiraedd!!! Good to see you back, too! *hug* ^__^  And I totally hear ya. Just gotta trudge through the cravings and refuse to give in. One Day At A Time!

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So my Thursday didn't turn out quite as planned. It rained like a banshee yesterday afternoon and evening so soccer was canceled. Which was fine, I guess, since I totally spaced that I had a dinner meeting at work at 6:30 anyway. So no workout for Joy yesterday. :/  The Executive Account Manager of our reservation system at work invited me and a couple other managers to dinner and Mexican was on the menu, so there was chips and salsa and guacamole and chorizo consumed followed by half of my dinner (took the other half home) which was a beef burrito, chicken enchilada and a beef sirloin tip chimichanga w/ the typical soupy re-fried beans that I love so much and Spanish rice with lettuce & pico garnish. It was delicious, but gave me grief about half an hour later. I did opt for a glass of root beer with dinner, too, so I consumed about 24oz of useless liquid calories. Chewed a piece of my sugar-free Root Beer Float flavored gum on the way home for "dessert" and pretty much called it a night once I got home.

 

Friday! Breafkast was the leftovers from last night. :P Also had a banana w/ 1Tbsp peanut butter for a snack around 9:30 before heading to work (ate breakfast with the kids at 6:30) to hold me over since the Mexican food tore through me like greased lightning (just like it did last night -- boo).

 

Coffee update: my hubby bought some of that International Delight iced coffee stuff and TOLD me about it. Well, I almost reached for it this morning before remembering my goal. Didn't have any. :) Win!

 

Tonight I have a workout date with my hubby and a couple of his coworkers. :) Should be interesting. We'll see how much he decides to show-off and how much I get to show him up with REAL functional sustainable strength. Some day he'll stop being a "bro". Some day. :P

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Friday PM: failed in the fight against the coffee drink last night. Didn't even think of it and I took a swallow from the hubby's cup. :/ *sigh*

Had 3 hotdogs, a scoop & a half of homemade mac & cheese and a spoon of hominy for dinner. Gave in and had an ice cream sandwich and a half for dessert, too. :/  Not a lot of good decisions made last night. Also had a swig of cranberry pomegranate juice.

The other couple cancelled on us for the workout date, so naturally my hubby didn't want to go if his friends weren't there. :/ So I took the opportunity to get some extra sleep last night. Ended up banking 10 hours. Woot. Still, lame excuse for not working out. Boo. :(

 

Saturday AM: no coffee (although the temptation was there). Had 4 eggs and some shredded cheese for breakfast. SO GOOD. Also had another swig of cran-pom juice. Equates to about 1.5-2 oz I think (about a shot & a half ish). I need to get some cranberries this fall & try juicing them with a sweeter fruit. Eeee! Just the idea makes me smile. :)

 

Just had lunch: 1 bite of Steven's sandwich, 1 bite of Perry's sandwich and the crusts off Toby's sandwich. Peanut butter & jelly is on the menu. I need to pick up some more veggies, but the fridge is full of leftovers (which is what's for dinner tonight). Maybe after dinner I can go shopping. Anyway, I don't care for the bread that much but didn't feel like making myself anything. Should have just gone w/out. :/ meh. 

 

Off to the soccer game we go!

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Joy darling,

A SWIG of a coffee drink is not a failure....taking hubby's entire drink and then biting him when he tries to take it back, is much closer to the fail end of the spectrum, but still redeemable ;)

That dinner, was it an "I just had some coffee so eff it" or did you really want the food? bc that makes a huge difference in my opinion, on how to handle it. The cran pom, again a swig is not failure.

Please take what I am about to say as intended with love, because I mean it that way, even if this ends up harsh, its meant to be loving, im just not always great at it coming across correctly, but im going to try <3

1. I read a book a while back, I believe it was either Body Clutter or Women, Food and God (both great either way) and the one part talks about how so many women tend to feed themselves their childrens table scraps after they finish, and that on an emotional/spiritual level, by doing that, we are telling ourselves we aren't worthy of very much as people, subconsciously. It talks about how making a nice meal and setting a nice table and sitting and eating (impossible with kids, but maybe feed them then you eat after?) will help you have a better relationship with yourself, your body and your food and stop the negative eating patterns (the same with car eating)....because you, as a woman, a wife, a mother a child of God, are worth SO much more than table scraps and crackers in the car and hiding to eat from shame...you are an AMAZING AMAZING woman, and I admire you SO much. Seriously, I remember back in April when all the crap was hitting the fan, thinking about you and asking myself how you would handle these things, what would you do/say...because you were the best example of the kind of mom and person that I want to be that I have...you and a few of the other phenomenal women here on NF. So think about how much you impact the world around you in a positive way next time you feel ashamed of eating, or undeserving or not good enough...because its SO not true <3

and 2. DONT track your failures, they do you no good but to make you feel lousy (speaking from experience). Use your spreadsheet to record successes, triumphs, positive days, anything and everything good in your life, the world beats us all down enough, we dont need to help it <3

I love you <3

Druid Assassin Halfling

:) Druid Ambassador :)

Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns

Spoiler

 

Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.

- Jim Rohn

 

 

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Joy darling,

A SWIG of a coffee drink is not a failure....taking hubby's entire drink and then biting him when he tries to take it back, is much closer to the fail end of the spectrum, but still redeemable ;)

That dinner, was it an "I just had some coffee so eff it" or did you really want the food? bc that makes a huge difference in my opinion, on how to handle it. The cran pom, again a swig is not failure.

Please take what I am about to say as intended with love, because I mean it that way, even if this ends up harsh, its meant to be loving, im just not always great at it coming across correctly, but im going to try <3

1. I read a book a while back, I believe it was either Body Clutter or Women, Food and God (both great either way) and the one part talks about how so many women tend to feed themselves their childrens table scraps after they finish, and that on an emotional/spiritual level, by doing that, we are telling ourselves we aren't worthy of very much as people, subconsciously. It talks about how making a nice meal and setting a nice table and sitting and eating (impossible with kids, but maybe feed them then you eat after?) will help you have a better relationship with yourself, your body and your food and stop the negative eating patterns (the same with car eating)....because you, as a woman, a wife, a mother a child of God, are worth SO much more than table scraps and crackers in the car and hiding to eat from shame...you are an AMAZING AMAZING woman, and I admire you SO much. Seriously, I remember back in April when all the crap was hitting the fan, thinking about you and asking myself how you would handle these things, what would you do/say...because you were the best example of the kind of mom and person that I want to be that I have...you and a few of the other phenomenal women here on NF. So think about how much you impact the world around you in a positive way next time you feel ashamed of eating, or undeserving or not good enough...because its SO not true <3

and 2. DONT track your failures, they do you no good but to make you feel lousy (speaking from experience). Use your spreadsheet to record successes, triumphs, positive days, anything and everything good in your life, the world beats us all down enough, we dont need to help it <3

I love you <3

*hugs* love you too Beks. :)  Thanks for the mental shoulder-shake of a friend.

 - The dinner was a "that's what the mother in law made, so I'm going to be a good daughter in law and eat it". Not my number one choice of what to eat by FAR.

 - The coffee swig happened after dinner. And I think considering I didn't take the entire cup and went crazy over it is a good sign. :) Still, my goal is no coffee... so it's a technical failure, just because of the mindlessness of it. Just gotta be more mindful next time. Onward and upward!

 - I wasn't really hungry at lunch (hence not really wanting to make myself anything) but I HATE wasting food (the crusts) which is why I ate 'em. I need to learn it's OK to throw out stuff instead of "sucking it up" and eating it. Meh. :tongue:  The couple bites from the other two's sammies was cause they shoved 'em in my face with a "this jelly is good, try it mom!". 

 - The juice was more for flavor than substance. I loves me some cranberry-anything juice. :) BUT! I did say that I'd track any liquid calories.

 

The purpose of my food tracking is to make me more aware of what and how much I'm eating. Yes, I'm trying to eat cleaner, but clean-eating is not the main intent of this goal & challenge. I need to get my "insert-food-in-mouth" reactions under control.

 

Hey Metal Weaver, good to see you at the challenge again. I have stopped by a couple of times but not posted yet. I think giving up sonething like coffee is bound to be tough on you overall.

I think you have great goals and will carry on and kick ass. Good luck with everything!

Heya Leeroy! (why do I always want to yell, in a manly voice, "JENKINS!" after I see your name?!) Thanks for coming out of the shadows for a moment. ;) Glad to hear from ya!

Fortunately, I'm not really a "coffee" addict (no caffeine headaches). I'm more addicted to the sugar and creamy flavor part of coffee drinks. But yeah, giving it up still isn't a walk in the park.

 

Thanks for the encouragement! I'm aiming to kick a lot of @$$ with this challenge. :) Rock on!

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Soccer game was fun. The boys didn't win, but they got some good practice in and got to witness a really good passing game (the other team's play style, which schooled ours - lol).

After the game we went to our Harvest Festival (hosted by my church). I painted faces for 2 hours. It was a blast. :) Essentially had "dinner" there of about 3 hotdogs, a couple bites of hotdog bun, 2 nibbles of cotton candy (again, "here mommy, have some!" -- I said "no thanks" the other 7+ times - lol) and about 2oz of diluted sno-cone syrupy water. LOL! It was a blast and I got to rock out to some great live Praise & Worship music, too. I have no idea how much the kids ate, but a couple of them (and I) were hungry around 7pm tonight, so we have some leftovers. I had 4 pieces of cantaloupe and approx 5 bites of leftover General Tso's chicken.

 

No coffee today. ^___^  No workout yet, but there's still plenty time in the evening. ;) 

 

OOH!! Also, I did some chainmail work last night before bed. I finished the modifications on my sister's chainmail bra, so I'm listing it as completed!! :D WOOT!

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:D

 

As for throwing food out, I always consider: do I want it to go to waste, or do I want it to go to MY WAIST.  It helps me remember that I'm not a human hoover.

 

Awesome.  I'm going to put that quote up on my fridge.

 

metal_weaver, you are doing really well!  Just keep building those good habits and increasing your mindfulness of your eating, and you'll do great!

 

Also, I totally want pictures of your chainmail.  Do you have a website or anything?

Emptyknight - Level 4 Human Adventurer
Str 9 | Dex 5.75 | Sta 5.25 | Con 9.25 | Wis 10.75 | Cha 7.5
Highest Wt 301lbs - Challenge Start 270 lbs - Current 260 lbs | Highest BF% 38 - Current% 33
My Current Challenge

 

Life before Death. Strength before Weakness. Journey before Destination.

 

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