Turns out that Sarcasm won't get you in shape.

[SwordArtistX]

.... at least that was the plan I've been trying for almost a decade or so... hasn't worked too well.

I was surfing the net all night (I'm a midnight shifter, so that is only half as bad as it sounds.) and I happened upon the site and have been coming back and forth to it all night so, I decided to sign up for the Rebellion!!

I've spent the last seven years since the first go at college slowly getting more and more out of shape. I've looked around me recently and I've honestly lost almost all signs of physical conditioning. Its going to be a whole lot of one days but I really like the one day at time philosophy I keep reading about here. Numbers wise I'm a broad framed 5'7'' and currently tipping the scales at almost 285 pounds. Granted I'm not exactly a typical build but that excuse is part of what got me where I am. Im currently shooting for a healthy 185-200 pounds depending the on the exact shape I work myself into (When I was trim and lifting weights I was happy at 215 but, I don't have the time or inclination for that kind of body building anymore.) I've maintained a lot of physical strength but my flexibility and endurance are borderline non-existent.

Work out and nerd-cred wise, I love sword fighting. However, with a a lack of participation from the people in my area who are willing to spar (Not much of a Ren-Faire crowd in east Texas, and fewer still that want to sword fight regularly.) I don't get to do it often enough to call it a work out routine. Sadly that may be my biggest reason for getting serious about weight loss. That however gets my to my first list of goals and the end of this long intro post.

1. I want to find myself a group of people to talk to as I work on this (Hopefully got that one covered).

2. Find something physical to do regularly enough that I can call it routine.

3. Find a diet that a living on the run, night shift data entry, sys-admin student, bachelor, renfair nut and purpose general nerd can stick to.

Hope to talk to you all more in the future. I'll be the guy posting on the wrong side of the clock and taking it one NIGHT at a time.

[Thomas]

This sounds like a project for the community.

High impact fat burning sarcasm workouts!

"No, this weight isn't heavy at all. I'm just grunting because I'm working on my orc impression"

"Lost weight by exercising and eating right? No, my beer belly was just abducted by aliens. I'm just sitting here waiting for it to come back."

[Steve]

Hahahaha, touche Thomas

SwordArtistX - props to you sir for a bad ass name. Sticking X at the end of most things make them infinitely more awesome.

You're in the right place man.

You're absolutely right that the first thing you need to fix is your diet, but if you can win that battle, you'll start to see results pretty quickly if you stick with it.

Maybe start by listing what a normal day is like for you: what you eat, when you eat, what your options are for food (while at work, microwave, oven?, etc.) and we can go from there.

As far as exercise goes, just find a way to get started with only 15 minutes a day. Go for a walk around your neighborhood, something low impact - your joints are carrying a lot of weight! As that comes down, you'll get some flexibility back, you'll start to move quicker, you'll be able to burn more calories, etc.

Channel your inner Optimus Prime and start the change TODAY.

-Steve

[SwordArtistX]

A typical day of the graveyard shift worker drone.

4:30pm Wake up drink a diet soda and a have a snack of some form. Get ready to run errands or have a typical evening.

9:30pm eat what most would call dinner before getting ready for work

11:30pm start working Generally have another diet soda through the entirety of work. I honestly did the worst food wise during work but I recently switched over to carrying little 90 cal breakfast bars and having about 3 of those during my shift. I try to avoid it but I have a cubicle neighbour who is big on tossing about candy as well.

7:30am Get off work drive home and either do something fast food or similarly bad for "breakfast". once home read web-comics and blogs.

9:30am I try to asleep by this time.

Thats about the typical day.

[SwordArtistX]

Oh yeah my options are open as far as dinner. I do that at home most of the time.

At work I have access to a microwave.

Breakfast is fairly open as well but I normally get hungry but I like for it to be done as soon as possible so I don't eat too soon before going to bed. Thus normally eatting on the drive home.

[67alecto]

My goto lunch is a grilled chicken breast, chopped up with .5 to 1 cup of black beans, some fat free cheddar, and some sort of fruit.

I cook 3-6 chicken breasts at the beginning of the week, and I either make a batch of beans on the weekend or rinse out the cans of black beans to get rid of the juice. It takes about 1 minute to heat up, and I add either some hot sauce or salsa to it.

The chicken breast is around ~48 calories an ounce, the beans are 110 calories per half cup, and the fat free cheddar is 45. So with a cup of blue berries or a banana, I'm looking at around 500-550 calories for a very filling lunch. Salsa/hot sauce is negligible in terms of calories for such a small serving.