Kibcy is ready to start again... and again... and again

[Siferiax]

Yesterday was a long day. I went with my parents to the newly weds to discuss the wedding.

It was lots of fun, lots of laughing, and watching their two kittens play haha (bonus!)

I strictly kept to cucumber with the occasional salty cracker thing (very small pieces).

I think I did pretty well.

With lunch I had two small pieces of pork belly. And I put chicken on my bread

[Siferiax]

I feel like a zombie, but instead of demanding brains, my body is dead set on sugar.

I feel this is a great time to talk about diet.

I'm at the nutrition part of the academy. They introduced the NF diet. Which is based on levels.

I feel I need to make different changes for Level 1 than they suggest.

I don't drink liquid calories, but I do feel I need to first remove "obvious sugars".

Especially the unnecessary kind.

I mean cutting bread out of my diet is like my level 10 challenge (based on experience).

So let's start at level 1. Replace the sugary stuff on the bread with meat/cheese.

But also other obvious snack sugars, like candy bars and the like.

A step like "introduce dinner" would also be great.

Even if it's "crap dinner" it's better than an evening long eating feast. (yes I'm still there)

And I think that's where I'm at right now.

The basic idea is to eat a tiny bit better.

So!

meat/cheese & butter on bread only.

no more mindless snacking in the evening. Cheese croissant for dinner? Great! Chocolate bar? Not so great. Various cookies and whatever? Booo!

I'm keeping it simple and loose here. I think if I can adjust a tiny bit and keep going with that, I'm going to succeed.

I need to also learn to enjoy myself damn it!

[Siferiax]

So then I read this:

"A note on laxatives: please never take these for weight loss. The only thing these actually do is cause your large bowel to empty, and the only reason you may “lose weight†while using them is that it decreases your overall water weight. Continued use (more than a week or two) can cause long term damage. If you think you’re absorbing less calories from your food by using them (a common myth) – you’re not. Our body absorbs all of the calories in your food before the laxatives have any effects."

And this is very true. My doctor actually told me about over the counter laxatives and their damage.

The ones I have are actual medication! They work to help the bowels work more, instead of just emptying them.

The results in terms of weight loss and what not that I have is that my belly was less puffy, because less stool stored and smaller stool at that. I don't think it affected my weight much more than that either.

I shake my head to think there's such a difference in laxatives.

One can actually harm you, another is for helping you with a real medical problem. (and no my bowel issues are not caused by basically anything, just the way my bowels are.)

(sometimes I need to spew my thoughts out somewhere. And this thread so happens to be my place for it)

[milythael]

That moment you finish reading Drive... and then reading about the reward your company is giving out to people doing "a good deed" for their fellow coworkers.

I can't help but think... people, you are crippling the good behavior.

They did an experiment with blood donating. The moment they paid the women to donate blood only like 30% did, while of the group that didn't get paid around 50% donated.

Anyway, whenever I see rewards/punishment used to get people to move I want to slam my head on a desk.

The assumption is that people are passive by default. Have you seen normal healthy kids ever be passive?! EXACTLY.

Our default setting gets knocked over to passive by schools and businesses....

This seems like a side effect of life to the lowest common denominator.  When you expect less of people, and people expect less of themselves, then they live up to the expectations.

 

Yesterday was a long day. I went with my parents to the newly weds to discuss the wedding.

It was lots of fun, lots of laughing, and watching their two kittens play haha (bonus!)

I strictly kept to cucumber with the occasional salty cracker thing (very small pieces).

I think I did pretty well.

With lunch I had two small pieces of pork belly. And I put chicken on my bread

Yay, kittens.  Mmmm, pork belly!  And nice job on the chicken!

 

I feel like a zombie, but instead of demanding brains, my body is dead set on sugar.

I feel this is a great time to talk about diet.

I'm at the nutrition part of the academy. They introduced the NF diet. Which is based on levels.

I feel I need to make different changes for Level 1 than they suggest.

I don't drink liquid calories, but I do feel I need to first remove "obvious sugars".

Especially the unnecessary kind.

I mean cutting bread out of my diet is like my level 10 challenge (based on experience).

So let's start at level 1. Replace the sugary stuff on the bread with meat/cheese.

But also other obvious snack sugars, like candy bars and the like.

A step like "introduce dinner" would also be great.

Even if it's "crap dinner" it's better than an evening long eating feast. (yes I'm still there)

And I think that's where I'm at right now.

The basic idea is to eat a tiny bit better.

So!

meat/cheese & butter on bread only.

no more mindless snacking in the evening. Cheese croissant for dinner? Great! Chocolate bar? Not so great. Various cookies and whatever? Booo!

I'm keeping it simple and loose here. I think if I can adjust a tiny bit and keep going with that, I'm going to succeed.

I need to also learn to enjoy myself damn it!

I love your meat and cheese on bread idea.  I think it is brilliant for you.

[Siferiax]

This seems like a side effect of life to the lowest common denominator.  When you expect less of people, and people expect less of themselves, then they live up to the expectations.

 

Pretty much yes. There's this youtube video of Tony Robbins that explains it well.

Yay, kittens.  Mmmm, pork belly!  And nice job on the chicken!

 

Thanks

I love your meat and cheese on bread idea.  I think it is brilliant for you.

Thanks. I think it's a tiny step I can manage

[Siferiax]

Yesterday I walked 10km.

Also yesterday I had heavy sugar withdrawals.

Basically I was ready to sleep and not get up again.

I ONLY ate nuts. Then I got to my parents and to walk that 10km, I totally had to shove much sugar in my mouth.

It made me feel loads better.

4 dextro energy tablets (yum, let's eat nearly pure sugar)

A banana

And during the walk these Kellog's biscuits.

I ate dinners. Saturday and Sunday. At my parents. Mom made soup, and hers is pretty much the only soup I eat.

It's vegetable soup, but also includes meat. (no added carbs though!)

And also some bread with stuff... idk what it's called in English.

It was delicious!

This morning my weight crept slightly down again, so that gives me hope.

I never ever want to get back to 86... but if you stand on the scale and it's suddenly 82... yeah.

I officially only stand on the scale once a month. But I want to make sure I get back on track again.

I put meat out of the freezer this morning. Dinner should just happen tonight!

[Croman Red]

Hey girl, sorry to be a late joiner.  Sounds like you're going through a rough patch.  Hang in there; "this too shall pass", and then all that's left will be you, right?  Walking 10K-Awesome!  Keep at it.  Whatever does it for you is good.  Diet.  Ouch.  I've gotta be the worst with that.  Not big on sweets, but I have my kryptonite too.  Irish whiskeys, single malt scotch...I'll see your sugars and raise you an AC.  Sometimes I do 7 day fasts, just to make sure I'm not a slave to the bad eating/drinking habits, and in hopes of actually cleansing the system.  Last one I did I dropped 14 lbs.  Of course I gained it all back, but it helps knowing that I'm just a week away from kinda skinny.  I think the trick is consistency of effort, not something I'm really good at, but maybe you are?  When all else fails, and life is just too dark, do some random act of kindness for someone else.  Seems to work for me.  Remember, you matter.  Keep posting:)

[Siferiax]

Hey girl, sorry to be a late joiner.  Sounds like you're going through a rough patch.  Hang in there; "this too shall pass", and then all that's left will be you, right?  Walking 10K-Awesome!  Keep at it.  Whatever does it for you is good.  Diet.  Ouch.  I've gotta be the worst with that.  Not big on sweets, but I have my kryptonite too.  Irish whiskeys, single malt scotch...I'll see your sugars and raise you an AC.  Sometimes I do 7 day fasts, just to make sure I'm not a slave to the bad eating/drinking habits, and in hopes of actually cleansing the system.  Last one I did I dropped 14 lbs.  Of course I gained it all back, but it helps knowing that I'm just a week away from kinda skinny.  I think the trick is consistency of effort, not something I'm really good at, but maybe you are?  When all else fails, and life is just too dark, do some random act of kindness for someone else.  Seems to work for me.  Remember, you matter.  Keep posting:)

Thanks for replying!!

Not so much a rough patch, more like a rough year... or something. It's okay though, I'm not truly suffering.

I'm allergic to effort it seems. As I was talking with my mom during our walk... "you don't want to do anything". Yeah that's my problem, EVERYTHING is too much effort... even the stuff I LIKE doing. Hence why I'm stuck in place with life in general.

So I keep switching systems in an effort to find what works!

~~~~

Dinner didn't really happen. Cheese croissant and M&Ms instead.

Finally wrote down a slow cooker recipe I think I'll like. So hopefully I can make that this weekend.

7 min on stationary bike... yeah I wasn't feeling too savvy yesterday.

[Siferiax]

I cooked meat. I ate nuts. Dinner happened.

+ 9 min on stationary bike.

Also this morning in the car to work I figured it was a great idea to crash and die.

Which doesn't mean I'm suicidal, I'm not. It just indicates I'm fed up with life. I'm tired of life.

I'm mostly tired of myself and my inability to get anything in order/done.

Stuff like house chores, but also my hobbies, things I need to do for work.

I imagine red flags would happen if I tell my manager at the yearly review: yeah I didn't do the things we agreed on. I'd rather die than do them. Like literally die.

But hell.

Also I'm in the process of planning a date with someone for Sunday.

So I imagine I'll be a wreck of nerves for the rest of the week.

It's someone I found through a dating site, so I haven't met him ever. We seem to have a lot in common.

[Urzie]

It's perhaps about time I write something instead of simply stalking your thread. 

 

I like your goals, or missions rather. I like that you're doing this in your own pace and the way it feels right for you. Keep going. It doesn't matter if it's two steps forward or one back, it's some kind of movement and in my opinion that is better than a complete stand still. 

 

A date sounds like a lot of fun. Have you met someone from a dating site before? 

[Croman Red]

Good luck with your date.  Nice to have something to look forward to, anticipation is a good seasoning for life.  Speaking of which...a lot of us have periods in our life where we experience zero interest in the short and long term prospects.  Somehow most of us get through these periods relatively intact.  Sometimes I'll grab onto a goal that's pretty arbitrary and pursue it until the funk passes or I succeed at it.  Might work for you, dunno, but hang in there.  We need Kibcy.

[Siferiax]

It's perhaps about time I write something instead of simply stalking your thread. 

 

I like your goals, or missions rather. I like that you're doing this in your own pace and the way it feels right for you. Keep going. It doesn't matter if it's two steps forward or one back, it's some kind of movement and in my opinion that is better than a complete stand still. 

 

A date sounds like a lot of fun. Have you met someone from a dating site before?

 

Hi Urzie!!! Thank you!

Thanks, I keep trying to find a method that actually works for me!

A date may sound like a lot of fun, unless you have social anxiety.

Either way, yes I have, it was a disaster. I doubt that will happen with this person though.

The other person was super outgoing and couldn't keep his hands to himself (though it wasn't completely inappropriate I'm super uncomfortable with people touching me). I went so far as to actually stomp him, because he wouldn't listen to my repeated "I don't want you to touch me".

I don't expect this date to go that way though We're actually going to go to the zoo *does a little dance* (I love animals)

 

Good luck with your date.  Nice to have something to look forward to, anticipation is a good seasoning for life.  Speaking of which...a lot of us have periods in our life where we experience zero interest in the short and long term prospects.  Somehow most of us get through these periods relatively intact.  Sometimes I'll grab onto a goal that's pretty arbitrary and pursue it until the funk passes or I succeed at it.  Might work for you, dunno, but hang in there.  We need Kibcy.

Thank you! Though in this case it just causes anxiety. I'm trying to be positive about it though!

The zero interest part is probably more my life's story than a period?

My true passionate phase probably ended at the moment I hit puberty. So that's like... 14 odd years ago? So this "period" is so far lasting more than half my life.

You can get me enthusiastic for about... a week.

[Urzie]

 

Hi Urzie!!! Thank you!

Thanks, I keep trying to find a method that actually works for me!

A date may sound like a lot of fun, unless you have social anxiety.

Either way, yes I have, it was a disaster. I doubt that will happen with this person though.

The other person was super outgoing and couldn't keep his hands to himself (though it wasn't completely inappropriate I'm super uncomfortable with people touching me). I went so far as to actually stomp him, because he wouldn't listen to my repeated "I don't want you to touch me".

I don't expect this date to go that way though We're actually going to go to the zoo *does a little dance* (I love animals)

I certainly hope you find it soon.  

 

Online dating is still better than blind dates. At least you have a bit of an impression of who this person might be. It's safer, but it's still scary as hell. I can't remember much from the last first date I went on. I was a bundle of nerves waiting to explode, and when I'm nervous I go completely silent. Luckily my date was the other way around. He kept rambling on and on about his job. We ended the date with a high five, which I think might have been the most awkward moment I've ever had with anyone.

 

I love that you're going to the zoo! That sounds like a great date! *wants to go with* Animals are great.

[Siferiax]

I certainly hope you find it soon.  

 

Online dating is still better than blind dates. At least you have a bit of an impression of who this person might be. It's safer, but it's still scary as hell. I can't remember much from the last first date I went on. I was a bundle of nerves waiting to explode, and when I'm nervous I go completely silent. Luckily my date was the other way around. He kept rambling on and on about his job. We ended the date with a high five, which I think might have been the most awkward moment I've ever had with anyone.

 

I love that you're going to the zoo! That sounds like a great date! *wants to go with* Animals are great.

Thanks, me too.

Sure it's safer, but doesn't trigger my anxiety any less

I think ending with a high five is awesome!

But yeah I don't know how I'll react, it thoroughly depends on the other person and their behavior.

Animals totally are

[Urzie]

Thanks, me too.

Sure it's safer, but doesn't trigger my anxiety any less

I think ending with a high five is awesome!

But yeah I don't know how I'll react, it thoroughly depends on the other person and their behavior.

Animals totally are

Anxiety is a bitch that way.. 

 

I wish you the best of luck on your date, Kibcy. I really hope it goes well. I will keep you in mind on Sunday.

[Siferiax]

Anxiety is a bitch that way.. 

 

I wish you the best of luck on your date, Kibcy. I really hope it goes well. I will keep you in mind on Sunday.

Thank you!!! I had a great date!!! I felt like we really "clicked" and it felt all very natural and such (even though we had SUPER SHITTY WEATHER )

[milythael]

Thank you!!! I had a great date!!! I felt like we really "clicked" and it felt all very natural and such (even though we had SUPER SHITTY WEATHER )

Hooray!  That is FANTASTIC news!

[Urzie]

Thank you!!! I had a great date!!! I felt like we really "clicked" and it felt all very natural and such (even though we had SUPER SHITTY WEATHER )

Yay!!! That's great! Are you seeing him again? 

[Croman Red]

Glad all the angst was worth it.  Hope it plays out well for you over the rematch next date:)

[Siferiax]

Hooray!  That is FANTASTIC news!

 

 

Yay!!! That's great! Are you seeing him again?

 

 

Glad all the angst was worth it.  Hope it plays out well for you over the rematch next date:)

Thanks guys!!!

Yes I am seeing him again. Actually we're whatsapping as I type this.

We're planning

[Siferiax]

I tried another slow cooker recipe. This one I got from a site.

It failed.

I didn't follow exactly what the person did. anyway again too much water.

It sucked.

I has a sads.

I'm not giving up though!!!! I'll try this recipe again with less water and not overnight but on a weekend to monitor it.

[Siferiax]

The slow cooker problem was that I was doing it by the top of my head instead of actually looking up the instructions.

Basically I had to put it on high for 4 hours. So I hope to try that this weekend.

 

ALSO I finally got my package from my neighbor. So I'm really excited about that.

It's the Thermos Elements 5 container. (don't remember the size).

I find that the complains about the opening being small are true, but that my spoon can comfortably scoop out food.

I just think the container itself is smaller than I expected from the supposed content it can hold.

I'll just have to try and see.

 

Dinner was a focasia bread. Also consumed were Snickers candy bar, marcipan and dextro energy.

Safe to say I was feeling like total crap and even more so after sugar consumption.

 

I was just completely and utterly exhausted.

Sugar didn't help.

 

I want to try and see if I can record my energy levels in some way that makes sense to me, so I can monitor it.

So I will have some data to show the doctor instead of "I'm tired". Apparently that's a symptom they can't work with.

But it's true, all I am is tired. Exhausted even. Brain fog so thick I can't even find my thoughts.

 

Still I managed to clean (half-heartedly) and do laundry (unless I didn't want clean underwear it was necessary).

[Croman Red]

Curious to see what you come up with.  Hoping you get on top of this soon.  Luck to you:)

[Siferiax]

Curious to see what you come up with.  Hoping you get on top of this soon.  Luck to you:)

Thank you!!

[Siferiax]

8 and a half hours of sleep seem to make sure I'm less tired. Almost NORMAL (which is not the same as having lots of energy btw)

Tonight I'm going to a gym to see if I want to get a membership there. Someone's gonna be my guide. So I'm really curious to see how that goes!