nightlight boldly (and bravely!) goes where no ranger has gone before...

[nightlight]

Main Quest: "I wanna see you be brave!"

 

 

This is part 3 of my main quest. Last challenge things fell apart. My back injury flared up again, and I couldn't compete, couldn't work out. Everything sucked. I'm not fully recovered, but I need to start making progress again. When I was following (at least 80%) Eat to Perform, I was making progress. My lifts felt better, my met cons felt faster (!?!?) and I felt like I had gas in the tank. Then, injury. 

 

This challenge, I'm playing in the Warrior sandbox. To be brave? I need to be brave enough to state what I want. I want to focus on a weightlifting cycle. I think I can really make my 100lb snatch by the end of the year goal, if I do this program. Note: I got under 100, but lost it out front the weekend before my injury came back. I'm also doing this to focus on ME. I think I really do need to be selfish about things. What I need. What I want. I think something I wrote for last challenge really still needs to apply to this one: 

 

After the last challenge kind of face-planting in a number of ways, I really have to vag up, and be brave. It's not about showing anyone else how I can be. It's about letting myself be ME. And not being afraid of that. I have two horrible paralyzing fears that I haven't talked to you all about. I don't actively think about them, but they sabotage me everywhere I go, everything I do.

 

So, here goes. I'm really deathly afraid of success. I don't do the things I'm good at and make excuses on why I don't do them, but the real reason, is because I'm afraid of being recognized. These things are music, writing and photography, for example.

 

The other fear revolves around weight. I've always been heavy. Pre-8yrs old, I was super skinny because I was on medication that killed my appetite. As soon as I went off, I got fat. My highest weight in high-school was 174. My all time highest was probably around the time I moved back to the city, ~185lbs. I've always used my weight as an excuse as to why no one wants to date me. It was just easier to hide behind that, than deal with my own body image and inter-personal issues. I've been told that I keep people at arms-length all the time. And I do. I'm really scared that if I inhabit the body I want, people will see that... and... I don't know how to describe it, but it's scary. It's scary to have to let someone in. Especially after I have tried so hard (Asshat) to do that, and been shut down. The attention is scary. 

 

Right now, I feel like this:

 

 

 

I want to feel like this: 

 

 

 

Goal 1: LIFT.

 

 

Start WL cycle.

JDanger passed me this cycle he's had good results from. I'm thankful because I needed the guidance. I'm going to be adding in some assistance stuff/skill work too.

cycle is here

 

Grading: 
A = done 4x per week 
B = done 3x per week
C = done 2x per week
F = anything less

 

Goal 2: Competitor Training

Get my head in the game:

I know this is a little non-warrior but I'm involved in my box's competitor training. We are training for the Crossfit Open. Now, I know I am not going to make it to Regionals. I know this. I'm not being self deprecating. It's just not in the cards. AND it's not my focus. However, I want to be in this group because of the extra skill work, and it will keep my conditioning where I'd like it to be. I'm doing this for fun though. it's two sessions a week, and it could go down to one, depending on attendance. I want to work out with people who are better than me so I can get better. 

 

Grading: 
A = Have fun? Make progress? good.
F = Not fun? stuck with it, because you said you would? 
 

Goal 2: Warrior Training

Get my head in the game:

I have some serious thinking to do. This is mental fitness. This is getting my brain and emotions in check. I don't think this will be solved in one challenge. I guess I'll let the cat out of the bag about my "secret blog." You can read it here. I've been feeling more sad and upset than usual. This could be related to my back and not working out, but it's also related to that person that causes me stress. I don't think I'm going to specifically write about her, but I know I need to work on my own emotions, and how I can keep things in check. I don't know how to grade this, so I think it'll be subjective. Maybe I'll put up a poll at the end of the challenge and you all can grade me. I will write about things that I am struggling with, and ask for help when I need it.

 

Grading: 
Up to you!

 

Goal 3: Maintenance 

Keep it up, yo!:

I need to do SOMETHING for my back at least 5 days per week. It could be as simple as 5 minutes. But has to be SOMETHING. 

Grading: 
A = 5x per week
B = 4x per week
C = 3x per week
F = anything less

 

Side Quest Diet/Lifestyle: Eat to Perform

Track it!

Part of my neurosis are definitely related to body image, weight, size, etc. The main goal is not necessarily to lose weight or inches, however I will be tracking those. The main goal is to feel good about myself. Feeling good about myself is wrapped up in these neurosis. If I feel good about what I eat, I will feel better about myself. I will achieve this goal by tracking what I put in my gluten-free pie hole. I will be following Eat to Perform for this 6 week challenge. (THIS GOAL FROM LAST CHALLENGE STICKS!)

Grading: 
A = 40+ days tracked
B = 35+ days tracked
C = 25+ days tracked
F = anything less

 

** tracking here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/needanightlight


 

Side Quest/Life: Do something nice for yourself

Shut up and write!

Write for 5 minutes per day, 3x per week. I can work on my various projects, and not feel like I am tied to any one particular project, while still making progress on all. I want to focus on my new blog. (if you want the link, DM me.) 

Grading: 
A = 5min 3x
B = 5min 2x
C = 5min 1x
F = zero!


 

Failure Side Quest: "Don’t run, stop holding your tongue

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live

Maybe one of these days you can let the light in"

Play and sing a song for you, recorded and posted on youtube. This is really scary for me. REALLY scary. So scary, I don’t think I can do it. But these lyrics here, make me feel like I should. I need some light... even if I play you a depressing song. (keeping this one from last challenge, until I actually do it.)

Grading: 
A = Done
F = Not done

Starting Stats:
148.5lbs 11/9/2013
 

 

 

Current strength footnote:

Back Squat: 190

Front Squat: 165

Deadlift: 235

Clean: 125

Hang Clean: 115

Jerk: 128

C&J: 123

OHP: 90

Bench Press: 120

Snatch: 95

all in lbs

[Rob__]

Nightlight!

Sent from my GT-S7560M using Tapatalk

[bigm141414]

Nightlight for Seth? 

 

A more than acceptable trade. Rangers got the short end of it  

[This is Seth]

She's shorter than me...

[nightlight]

boys, boys, boys, there's enough nightlight to go around. 

[AgentsSka]

In the warrior's guild?

 

 

Guild jumper!

[Crooked]

hiiiiiiiii.

[EmCee]

Noooooo! I came back to the Rangers just for you!!!

[Loren Wade]

TBD? Lazy...

 

*throws tent into the challenge*

 

I'm not even pitching it.

[EmCee]

TBD? Lazy...

*throws tent into the challenge*

I'm not even pitching it.

Wrong. You're always pitching it.

[cline]

oh

 

wow

 

okay

 

*sniff sniff* 

[nightlight]

In the warrior's guild?

 

 

Guild jumper!

nah. always a ranger. just playing with the warriors this time.

 

hiiiiiiiii.

 

Noooooo! I came back to the Rangers just for you!!!

i'll be back!

 

TBD? Lazy...

 

*throws tent into the challenge*

 

I'm not even pitching it.

hahaha

 

Wrong. You're always pitching it.

hahaha double

 

oh

 

wow

 

okay

 

*sniff sniff* 

i'll be back. don't worry. this challenge focuses on more WL than anything, so... probs better as a warrior this time around.

[Caution]

Nightlight over here? I'll just hang out.

[erawka]

I support you in whatever life changes you undertake. If you need to process this transition from Ranger to Warrior, I'm here. We honor you and your path, man. 

[spezzy]

[wildross]

subbing

[Strawberry Squatcake]

OMG. <3

I suppose it's all the same no matter where you are. My love for you is never-ending and would follow you across all guilds.

[StarGazer]

O hai.

[AgentsSka]

OMG. <3

I suppose it's all the same no matter where you are. My love for you is never-ending and would follow you across all guilds.

 

I think there is a song in there somewhere...

[CourtnieMarie]

nice!

[nightlight]

Nightlight over here? I'll just hang out.

YUS!

 

I support you in whatever life changes you undertake. If you need to process this transition from Ranger to Warrior, I'm here. We honor you and your path, man. 

 

hahaha. i'm just testing the waters over here. ranger 4 life. 

 

 

love it. love it. 

 

subbing

yay!

 

OMG. <3

I suppose it's all the same no matter where you are. My love for you is never-ending and would follow you across all guilds.

hahaha i <3 you too.

 

I think there is a song in there somewhere...

 

i should write it.

 

nice!

!

[AgentsSka]

i should write it.

 

[nightlight]

updated. with goals.

[Strawberry Squatcake]

So, since you want to write and sing a song... And no one has ever sang a song to me, you should sing the song to me. Just saying. Perfect fit. You can sing about our never ending love across all space, time and guilds.

Ok, totally kidding. But I'm so excited to finally hear you sing, whenever you're ready!

Also, I relate to the hiding thing and using the body as an excuse. Weird thing is in HS I was thin, but I never thought I was. So even then, it was an excuse. So, totally relate! <3

Here's to you!

[EmCee]

updated. with goals.

I love your goals and how mindful you are of what YOU TRULY WANT and what's good for you.

Re: singing...

I could totes text you a video of me obnoxiously singing "Call Me Maybe" if that'll help. Hell, I'll post it to YouTube.

<3