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LadybugJess is Using Laser Vision to See The Real Me


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flubby_zps19bae561.jpg

 

ok, this picture makes me want to cry... ugh.

 

LadybugJess’s 6 week Challenge to Conqour the Flubby Butt

 

Words, words words here…. Guess it’s safe to say I’m not really the quiet type…

 

Backstory:

 

I’ve been an unlikely superhero since I was a teenager – always struggling with the bounce factor.  It was too easy to use food as a comfort without thinking about it’s consequences…   Portion control and valuable intake weren’t things I spent any time thinking about and to boot – spent WAY too much time parked. 

 

I wanted to be the amazing friend known for cooking even more amazing food – and when our friends came over for game nights, I would often spoil them with 16 different courses – PLUS all the snack foods needed to stave off the stratagem munchies: Chips, soda, mozzarella cheese sticks, stuffed jalapeno poppers, guacamole made the bad way, plus anything wrapped in bacon, deep fried, and topped with cheese… Of course, we can’t forget the booze…

 

Sure, I was big – who wouldn’t be!  I, in typical Jess fashion, turned it into a joke.  I told my friends and family I was keeping my 4 year olds “room†ready for him in case he wanted to come back… (I could probably fit 3 4 year olds in my stomach at that point…)  I told my friends that I wouldn’t stop feeding them until they were as big as me.  They knew that coming over to our house meant leaving with leftovers for a week and a very full stomach.  Can you say FOOD COMA?

 

So what changed?  I lived my whole life like this – trying so hard to please everyone else which is what ended my first marriage – (I wasn’t a good enough punching bag… lol) In every chapter in our lives, we are forced to reflect on things and decide if it’s working for us… I don’t do this enough, I really don’t.  But looking back at that relationship, there were so many signs and I had just put up with them for too long.  I can put up with a lot and after 6 years of doing everything I could to make someone happy I decided enough was enough – and to get myself and my toddler out of that situation.  I was NOT going to allow my son to think treating someone like this was ok so – we left…

 

The story with my weight isn’t much different – I hadn’t been on a scale for the better part of 2 years and even when forced to at the doctors office or something I would look away or get distracted by something sparkly – in denial and trying to make it work but deep down I knew it wasn’t working and that eventually the back would break -

 

One fateful day – Actually I can remember the day – July 16th – I was watching my 4 year old play with his racetrack.  He was bouncing all over the living room with nothing on but a pair of shorts and when he crouched over to pick up the cars that he had just sent scattering all over the living room, I saw it… I hate admitting this – but I saw my ex.  MY EX!  The evil bane of nasty things, my ex – and all his rolls and flub and unhealthiness … then it hit me...

 

My son doesn’t have a single healthy influence in his life – not one.

 

I decided to get on the scale –

 

What followed next was kind of a blur – a whirlwind of tears, anxiety, depression, desperation, anger, the seven steps of grief rolled into a few short hours and I honestly couldn’t tell you which came first… In between incoherent sobs, I picked up the phone and made an appointment with my doctor for the very next day.    I called my fiancé in a panic and sobbed over the phone with him like I had just lost a puppy – I’m sure he thought at that moment that I was downright crazy…

 

3…2…1… WAKE UP.

 

This was a countdown for me to realize what I was doing to myself – worse – what I was doing to my son.. to my fiancé… I was a failure and I was killing them both…  My son deserves better then a child hood of obesity, teasing, diabetes, having to shop in the mens department at age 9 because the kids clothes don’t fit him…  My fiancé deserves someone who can make him a better person – to push him and inspire him and more – to live this life with him and experience it all instead of closing ourselves in our living room with a plate of nachos doomed to die from a heart attack in 20 years or less…

 

3…2…1….

 

Like I was in some dazed sleep of denial – this was a countdown but - - I can’t believe I’m admitting this – This was also my weight.  At that time, I was a size 28 (but lets be honest with each other here, we deserve THAT – I was a size 30.  My buttons were telling me so but I wasn’t listening to them.)

 

3…2….1… WAKE UP!

 

I went to my doctor – who thought I was well past the point of needing surgery which I didn’t want to do.  I asked him with tears on my eyes if there were any other options, I did NOT want to have surgery and I was so far beyond desperate…  He set me up with a clinical nutritionist to help me get started on the right foot.

 

That was just short of 4 months ago…  and 50 lbs.  Size 22 now and still a TON of work to do…

 

I still have a long ways to go – and here we are.   In that time I have been on my elliptical 5 days a week and eating much much better.  I’m kind of a stooge, actually, if you ask my fiancé.  No fake anything, no enriched flours, no modified foods, no hydrogenated stuff, no processed, bleached, or anything in it that I can’t find in my own pantry unless I just happen to be out of it.  I don’t have Riboflavin in my pantry and thus, I don’t feed it to my family.  No more fast food, no eating it period unless I know what is in it. 

 

The weight though is starting to fall off slower and slower than when I first started – which brings me here.  What a fitting place to be!  After all, I am the girl with the Bioshock themed bedroom…  (New DLC soon!  SQUEE!)  I am the girl who sent out our save-the-dates with pictures of us as super heros on them and is having our comic book artist buddies make our invitations for us in the style of an awesome comic book cover.  I am the former WOW fiend Whovian board game junkie who has Star Wars on a loop whenever my son is home…

 

There is just a lot more of my awesome then I would like right now – it’s manifesting itself in the form of a serious badonka-donk butt. 

 

This is my first challenge and I want to make it a good one – soooo – here it goes –

 

Motivations (every single one and still counting no matter how stupid it seems…):

  • I never want to feel this desperate about my weight again.

  • I will do it today so that in a week, in a month, in a year I won’t be wishing I would have started today.

  • I will be a healthy influence for my son because I am all he has.

  • Because I am better than being the “Fat disappointment†of the family…

  • I want to walk a mile or more without turning red and looking like I’m going to keel over.

  • Because my desire to succeed at this for the first time HAS to outweigh my fear of failing.

  • I’m tired of worrying if I am going to break the cheap furniture.

  • I want to be able to bend over and tie my shoes.

  • I want to sleep better at night.

  • I don’t want to live in an elastic waistband

  • I want people to see ME instead of all of the fat I’m hiding myself behind.

  • So that my zippers won’t unzip/break/pop anymore.

  • So I can find clothes that fit me in a regular store instead of having to shop online.

  • I will run again.

  • To learn how to live instead of relying on food to make me happy.

  • To stop missing opportunities.

  • To stop hating myself for the things I am eating.

  • Because I’m tired of being the first person people think of when they are getting rid of their “fat†clothes…

  • I am going to make my knees stop hurting.

  • To stop describing myself as “fluffy.â€

  • To show my strength on the outside

  • To fit on an airplane or in a stadium or at a concert…

  • To have only ONE chin!

  • So I can wear high heels again

  • So that I can go for a walk or a run without my boobs all bouncing up in my face.

  • So that I can take the stairs.

  • Because every step will hurt less than the last one –

  • (This is gross…) So that my underwear doesn’t roll down and get stuck under the folds… (eww!)

  • Because I am the BAD WOLF.  I create myself.

  • I will have some slack when I buckle the seat belt.

  • So that I can kneel down and play with the babies!

  • So I can win the raging battle with my demon closet and conquer all in the name of my belly button!

  • Because I am tired of asking myself if I will fit in the seat before going anywhere and as a result staying home and eating out of depression…

  • So that food does not define me.

  • To make my boob shrink! Thus, having less back pain. 

  • So that I can play chase with my son

  • To have more healthy babies!

  • So that I can free myself from the FAT PANTS that have held me prisoner since I was a teenager..

  • Because NOTHING is impossible – Not even 200 lbs.


 

Gosh, that’s a lot, isn’t it?  There are more… but we don’t have all day, do we?  I have them all written down in a journal next to my weight bench.

 

No measurements to start, just that AWFUL picture up there that I will be promptly burning when all of this is said and done… “Kill it, kill it, kill it with fire…† We did start measuring last week so I will have those up as well –

 

My main quest:

 

To lose weight – 6 week goal size is a size 18 (hope that’s not too much!)

                Primary objective: to complete the beginner bodyweight workout at least 3 times per week.

                Secondary mission: to complete all three cycles of the workout

                Final test of strength: add another thousand steps to my 6K daily goal.

 

Life Quest: 

 

At this juncture – finish at least 1 wedding project before the 6 weeks expires.

 

Measurements as of November 8th:

Shirt size: 22/24

Pant size: 22

Weight: 270

 

Calves: 19.5 inches

Thighs: 32.5 inches

Butt: 57.75 inches

His: 57.25 inches

Stomach: 59.25 inches

Waist: 43.75 inches

Boobs: 50 inches

Upper arms: 18 inches

 

Kinda makes me sad to see it in that format – Yowser.

 

As far as a guild goes – I don’t have one?  I mean, I ran a guild in WOW with my brother that kicked some major ass but otherwise – nope… just moseying along…

 

*sigh*

 

So there it is.  It’s easy to say “Don’t let it get you down, it’s temporary, you’re doing great….â€

 

If only I had enough love and respect for myself and my family to not let it get to this point in the first place….   ONWARDS!

 

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Day 1 -

 

did my first circuit this morning and ... holy moly.   Today's mission is to invest in a new sports bra - I had no idea I could bounce like that.  It must have looked hilarious but it makes me just that much more anxious to get rid of it!

 

moarflub_zps2a258088.jpg

 

This is my look of discontent - Still 50 lbs down from when I first started!  But a long way to go...

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Hey, looks you're going to do great!

 

Just wanted you to know that the new challenge for First Challengers is been held in this forum

 

http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/forum/310-level-1-club/

 

You should start a topic over there to get maximum support, i'll search for you then.

 

Good luck!

"Set a goal SO BIG that you can't achieve... until you GROW into the person who CAN"

 

Level 3 - Malcontent Adventurer

STR 4.75|DEX 4|STA 4|CON 5|WIS 6|CHA 6

 

Previous Challenges 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 

Current Challenge: [GIMENIUX] Fresh Start towards a Pinterest Success Story

0.5(4.0%) of 12.48kg of fat lost goal losed since Dec 30, 2016 (updated Jan 10, 2017)

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