Kibcy's unchallenge

[Siferiax]

I don't wanna do challenges, why am I making this thread? I'm making this thread. Ok. Better get started.

 

I've gained weight. Incredible amounts of it (a few kilo really). This needs to stop.

But I can't just stop it, I keep trying and failing.

 

Yesterday I went to physical therapy for my shoulder for the first time. Tomorrow I'm going again.

(OMG KIBCY IS DOING SOMETHING ABOUT HER SHOULDER)

It involved a lot of pain, but also a lot of feeling better. Apparently my shoulder is just basically jammed shut.

At the end of the session I could actually raise my arm fully instead of up but not fully against my head.

My physical therapist blames my doctor for prescribing me with rest.

 

I've also took a step toward online therapy. Which I hope will turn out better than face-to-face therapy, because I'm horrible at explaining my problems face-to-face.

Just want to ask two more questions that I wouldn't have asked face-to-face probably.

 

Ok so that's what I've recently done.

I've also switched gyms and that gives me hope for the future.

And last Friday I managed to live on marzipan and cookies alone.

 

MAIN FOCUS

I can't call it a goal, hah.

So my main focus is LONG TERM SUCCES.

Sticking to it.

 

SYSTEM 1

I'm working on eating dinner, instead of evening snacking.

Any dinner counts, even unhealthy ones, it's about structure.

 

SYSTEM 2

"Safe" grocery store. I have become aware that I have a "location bound problem". That's to say, the moment I buy unhealthy snacks in a grocery store, I will do it again. But if I have never bought them in a grocery store, it's easier to not buy them. Recently a new store opened really close to my home, and I made a promise I wouldn't buy unhealthy snacks there. So far I've kept that promise. That's not to say I can't buy unhealthy snacks, I just don't buy them at that store.

 

SYSTEM 3

Exercise. I will exercise 1-3 times a week at the gym. The aim is at least 1 day a week.

I have the Monday, Wednesday and Friday scheduled specifically for this purpose. I've cleared those days from any other weekly/standard obligations. My aim for now is Wednesday, with Monday and Friday as back-up days.

Eventually I want to go to the gym 3x week, do "play" 2x week and walk 1x week. For now I'm starting with 1x week gym, as I'm paying for it.

And that's it. Time to do my best.

[Siferiax]

I want to put this in my challenge thread: http://www.fatnutritionist.com/index.php/real-food/

Because it's a reminder that whatever I'm doing, that's ok.

Feel free to read and enjoy.

[milythael]

I love, love, love your systems.  Every one is a clear indicator of a well thought out tool to get you moving in the right direction and keep you moving that way.  I'm very impressed.  You constantly remind me to maintain perspective.  You are going to rock these changes.

[milythael]

I've been reading the article you linked about real food.  One line in particular was like a punch to the gut.

 

There is someone who just doesn't have it in them to cook right now, and this frozen pizza and canned soup will keep them going.

 

I've been there so many times.  Somehow, it has become okay to judge others when we have no idea what challenges they are facing.  I once spent months where all I ate was cans of chili, pork and beans, and spaghetti-o's.  I was incapable of even emptying the can into a bowl and microwaving it.  Yet, I lived in fear that I'd overhear some comment about the fat guy with the garbage food in his basket.  It is NEVER okay to judge someone else's food choices.

 

Thank you for posting that link.

[Bekah]

Mily said everything I wanted to say about your systems, except that System 1 is my personal favorite. I had to do that with breakfast, and soooooo many days my breakfast was a handful of chocolate, but I ate, and eventually it got sort of regular, and now its only the really bad days that I dont eat breakfast in the AM hours.

Which flows into what Mily also mentioned about being incapable of cooking, I am another person who has been there, and still has those days, except my fear wasnt so much about judgement about my choices as it was my own judgement about my worth as a mother because some days my kids had cereal or turkey sandwiches, because cooking was impossible that day...the important point for me was to be okay with myself and be okay with admitting I struggle and asking for help when I need it, but that took decades before I could do it!

I am sooooo glad you are here doing an unchallenge :)

and I looooooove even more that you are finding a therapy that works for you! It's hard to step out of your comfort zone with something so personal in the first place, but then to look for an alternative solution too....thats amazingly fantastic and I really hope it helps you get things sorted out <3

[Siferiax]

I love, love, love your systems.  Every one is a clear indicator of a well thought out tool to get you moving in the right direction and keep you moving that way.  I'm very impressed.  You constantly remind me to maintain perspective.  You are going to rock these changes.

 

Thank you Mily!! I'm trying to find a way to make positive changes without feeling deprived off anything.

I think the way I go at it now may actually be a good starting place. Hopefully I can do it

 

I've been reading the article you linked about real food.  One line in particular was like a punch to the gut.

 

 

I've been there so many times.  Somehow, it has become okay to judge others when we have no idea what challenges they are facing.  I once spent months where all I ate was cans of chili, pork and beans, and spaghetti-o's.  I was incapable of even emptying the can into a bowl and microwaving it.  Yet, I lived in fear that I'd overhear some comment about the fat guy with the garbage food in his basket.  It is NEVER okay to judge someone else's food choices.

 

Thank you for posting that link.

 

<33333 Exactly.

You're welcome. I think this article is important for a lot of people.

There are just so many elitist that say their way is the only way.

 

Mily said everything I wanted to say about your systems, except that System 1 is my personal favorite. I had to do that with breakfast, and soooooo many days my breakfast was a handful of chocolate, but I ate, and eventually it got sort of regular, and now its only the really bad days that I dont eat breakfast in the AM hours.

Which flows into what Mily also mentioned about being incapable of cooking, I am another person who has been there, and still has those days, except my fear wasnt so much about judgement about my choices as it was my own judgement about my worth as a mother because some days my kids had cereal or turkey sandwiches, because cooking was impossible that day...the important point for me was to be okay with myself and be okay with admitting I struggle and asking for help when I need it, but that took decades before I could do it!

I am sooooo glad you are here doing an unchallenge :)

and I looooooove even more that you are finding a therapy that works for you! It's hard to step out of your comfort zone with something so personal in the first place, but then to look for an alternative solution too....thats amazingly fantastic and I really hope it helps you get things sorted out <3

Thank you Bekah!!

I hope it's going to help sort things out too

~~~~

Yesterday I had a work meeting, which means I had dinner at work.

Which was a weird asortment of food, since their presented choices were weird.

Some nacho's, baked potatoes, chicken nuggets kind of things, piece of wrap with whatever in it, and a cupcake.

I know, I don't know either.

But that's all I ate, so yay!

Tonight physical therapy and gym going. (since it's the same place, this'll work out beautifully)

[Siferiax]

Physical therapy was lots of pain and I got tape everywhere. My back and shoulder and even my chest.

It's special tape. It seems to work.

No gym happenings. And dinner was a bunch of snacks.

Gym day is now Friday.

[Siferiax]

Yesterday I had a dinner, bread.

And for today my gym bag is in my car

Otherwise not much is happening in Kibcy land.

[Siferiax]

Did workout in the gym on Friday.

It was just a bad day for my shoulder... so it was a little hard.

I just took it super easy and relaxed. And I think that may actually be the receipt for success.

(better to do light exercise than no exercise at all!)

I've also been eating dinner for the past 3 days.

Friday I ate at my parents, Saturday I ate at a friend, Sunday I cooked for myself and F.

Wooh!

Also the grocery store is still "safe", so yay to keeping my promise!

[milythael]

Three days of dinner and even a day of cooking!  Woot, you rock!

 

Way to go creating a safe grocery store too.

[Nuala]

Glad you have a physical therapist for your shoulder Good luck to deal with the pain during the sessions, hopefully it will be totally worth it and we'll get a pain-free, perfect shoulders Kibcy!

[Siferiax]

Three days of dinner and even a day of cooking!  Woot, you rock!

 

Way to go creating a safe grocery store too.

 

YAY thanks! It's 4 days now! Ate at my parents yesterday.

And if I can cook today, tomorrow I'm eating at my parents again, though this time planned haha.

Yes I'm really happy with it! Takes the temptation away.

 

Glad you have a physical therapist for your shoulder Good luck to deal with the pain during the sessions, hopefully it will be totally worth it and we'll get a pain-free, perfect shoulders Kibcy!

Thank you! And yeah I totally hope so!

[Siferiax]

Physical therapy was loads of pain as she massaged my lower back, which didn't even wanna move.

So my shoulders and back are ok, now my lower back is causing problems. As it always has I guess.

So yeah I have to sit a bit slouched down with a curved out lower back. And to move my lower back more.

Wednesday I have another appointment. Right now my lower back is painful and sore.

[Siferiax]

You know how freaking hard it is to sit with a curved out lower back when it's usually hollow?!

MAN.

Also dinner failed last night. (this dish is really annoying. Third time making it, first time total fail. I'm trying to somehow prevent the rice from overcooking and becoming a brown hard mess. Probably needs more bouillon added... have to try)

Also I'm in a bad mood because I'm tired. Probably because lack of sleep is making my body hate me.

Tonight physical therapy and exercising and eating at my parents and probably helping mom with Excel. JOY.

Also I need to answer a ton of questions for therapy. (the mental kind)

I need to sit down and do that, but unlike for many other things, work is not the place for it.

Last night I just played Assassin's Creed 3 like a badass.

I progressed exactly nowhere in the main story. Did a lot of fun things though! Like getting killed by wolves and falling off insanely high cliffs and dying. Oh and perhaps I did some naval missions as well, 3 actually.

And some homestead missions for good measure. Like climbing cliffs (not the insanely high type) to pick flowers for someone to give to someone else.

I just need to keep breathing and all will be fine.

[Siferiax]

I did things. At the gym. I need a notebook and actually write those things down right after doing them.

I tried running. Did 1 min at 7.5km/h. I did that at the end of my workout and my legs were just mush already.

Did walking at 5, 5.5 and 6 km/h also.

Eh... rowing, hand biking as well as strength training.

And before that physical therapy. More pain had. I wonder where it's gonna lead and if it'll ever get better.

Dinner was had at my parents so that worked.

I also managed to go to the grocery store near my parents and ONLY BUY WHAT I HAD TO!

[Bekah]

Yay for doing things and not buying crap at the grocery store....huge wins :D :D 

[Siferiax]

Fortunately for me, huge wins are followed by huge fails.

Yesterday I fed on snacks.

I also got a haircut.

But that's about it.

[Urzie]

Fails or setbacks (no matter how big) does not undo the wins. The wins are still there. So yay for doing stuff at the gym and for your trip to the grocery store! I have HUGE problems with this myself. A trip to the store must be planned. And sometimes I have to take extra measures not to bring more money than I need so that I won't buy snacks I shouldn't have. More often than not this ends in failure. +10 to you for pushing through!

 

Do you like your new hair? 

[chris_de_maas]

So glad you're back Kib!

 

You've done so well already, don't let one day of snacking push you away from your successes. It's just a minor setback on the road to complete long term success.

[Siferiax]

down: depression hit bigly

up: saw The Hunger Games: Catching Fire yesterday with F

I had coconut caramel popcorn. I want to thank whoever thought of that, it's delicious!

Also the amount you buy is much less than a small popcorn. Which is great!

Today is physical therapy day. And that's good cause since last night I have this stinging pain at my shoulder blade.

Talking with F about how I can't talk face-to-face... and indeed I still haven't been able to talk to him about what we eh... are?

And mom is all about how I should now already be able to hold the tough conversation, else it'll never work.

But it's not about that, I just can't figure out how to start and it's as if there's never a good opportunity anyway.

Else you get such a weird thing that first you're talking Assassin's Creed or whatever, and then suddenly you blurt out whether we're boyfriend and girlfriend or not...

[Siferiax]

Fails or setbacks (no matter how big) does not undo the wins. The wins are still there. So yay for doing stuff at the gym and for your trip to the grocery store! I have HUGE problems with this myself. A trip to the store must be planned. And sometimes I have to take extra measures not to bring more money than I need so that I won't buy snacks I shouldn't have. More often than not this ends in failure. +10 to you for pushing through!

 

Do you like your new hair?

 

Thank you. It's just my life is being big high mountains and deep dark caves. Which is probably normal, but a little off putting.

 

So glad you're back Kib!

 

You've done so well already, don't let one day of snacking push you away from your successes. It's just a minor setback on the road to complete long term success.

Thank you.

I sure how so, because I can't see it.

[Nuala]

That's what you get for being on big huge mountains at night! Keep at it, you are doing great.

[chris_de_maas]

If you're not ready for "the talk" wait, it's that simple. And some relationships don't even need to have it, Mr De_maas and I certainly didn't. You don't need a label or to figure out what you are as long as you are happy with how things are. Who needs a label anyway?

[Siferiax]

That's what you get for being on big huge mountains at night! Keep at it, you are doing great.

 

HAHA! Yes, thank you!

 

If you're not ready for "the talk" wait, it's that simple. And some relationships don't even need to have it, Mr De_maas and I certainly didn't. You don't need a label or to figure out what you are as long as you are happy with how things are. Who needs a label anyway?

I'm ready, just unable.

But it's all good, because he send me a message with basically the same question, haha.

So I guess it's official now. That we have a relationship I guess.

And it was more to figure out whether we were in an exclusive relationship or not, or that we were just... idk dating to figure out if we liked each other.

[Siferiax]

Physical therapy is nearly done!

I just need to keep my body moving throughout the day and I should be ok.

Next week I have another appointment, just to follow up. Probably the last.

The way my shoulder moves now is nearly normal, amazing!

Been having issues with dinner, because I can't keep up with my life.

I know that sounds silly, but I'm very easily overwhelmed and stressed out.

I don't feel bad about that, it's just the way things are for me. So I'm simply doing what I can and being ok with that.