Amazon Grimm Posted November 30, 2013 Report Share Posted November 30, 2013 Hey awesome nerds. This is a goodbye of sorts. Over the past year and a half, you have been incredibly supportive in my chronically inconsistent attempts to get strongerand healthier. I, however have been growing more and mopre depressed, if you've noticed. Over the past month it has gotten really bad, and some old bubbling issues started swirling and swirling, and things exploded. I had a breakthrough and my mood and motivations shot up. Here's the part that might seem a little weird. I think my gender identity is female. I've been running from that thought for at least 25 years. I would much rather things make sense without having to admit that, but life isn't fair. Once I admitted that to myself, my mood skyrocketed and life became easier. I haven't had a screaming fit, and I've even been showering. I don't really have it figured out. Yeah, so the corpulent gargantuan depressed ogre that has been grumbling about here was an amazon in disguise. Of course I'm still trapped in the form of an ogre, and any changes other than losing a lot of weight are not planned at all. What is helping is being semi-anonymously open about it with a very supportive group of people. So yeah, my posting persona has changed. I've decided I felt dishonest about having created a second persona,so I'm just letting you all know where GrimmThing went. So, Relunctant Amazon says hello. My re-introduction thread: http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/40681-beginning-a-transformation/ My New Challenge: http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/40808-an-amazon-is-born-reluctant-amazon/ 5 Quote GrimmThing - Warrior Maybe I'm just too dumb to collapse - - too ugly to die !! I'll let you figure out the reasons... Current ChallengeNF Workout Log Link to comment
Timmy M Posted November 30, 2013 Report Share Posted November 30, 2013 anyone can stand up to someone else, you've stood up to yourself, you've got a chance at the rarest of opportunities, the chance to truly know yourself, good luck, head up and heart strong 2 Quote Link to comment
Guest Dirty Deads Posted November 30, 2013 Report Share Posted November 30, 2013 ^ That reiterates "One who conquers others is strong, One who conquers oneself is mighty"-Lao TzuWe're here for your new self. Quote Link to comment
Gainsdalf the Whey Posted November 30, 2013 Report Share Posted November 30, 2013 Way to go Amazon, we're here for you.Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 1 Quote Massrandir, Barkûn, Swolórin, The Whey Pilgrim 500 / 330 / 625 Challenges: 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 31 32 34 35 36 39 41 42 45 46 47 48 49 Current Challenge "No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. What a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable. " ~ Socrates "Friends don't let friends squat high." ~ Chad Wesley Smith "It's a dangerous business, Brodo, squatting to the floor. You step into the rack, and if you don't keep your form, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ Gainsdalf Link to comment
childofscorn Posted November 30, 2013 Report Share Posted November 30, 2013 Oh thank god. When I read the title and the first few lines, I was terrified that this was headed in a much darker direction. *major hugs* We're all here for you, no matter what! 1 Quote "Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." Link to comment
Vella Posted December 1, 2013 Report Share Posted December 1, 2013 Congrats! And many welcomes to Reluctant Amazon, too Quote Previous challenges: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) Link to comment
Irishrages Posted December 1, 2013 Report Share Posted December 1, 2013 Congrats and admiration for the self-discovery, and I'm glad it's allowed you enjoy life a little more. If that isn't self-justification, I don't know what is!Way to go. Quote Level 6 Lycan Ranger STR 16 | DEX 3 | STA 5 | CON 5 | WIS 9 | CHA 2 Challenge the 6th: Irishrages prepares for the BAMF plane of existenceIrishrages' epic: Chapter 1 2 3 4 5Preparation * Focus * Discipline 30%30% Link to comment
Reluctant Amazon Posted December 1, 2013 Report Share Posted December 1, 2013 Hey all, thanks for the support, This has been a surreal couple of daysSent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment
Evicious Posted December 1, 2013 Report Share Posted December 1, 2013 Damnit, Reluctant Amazon! You DO realize you've just discovered the Secret Level of Epic Awesomeness, don't you? You have no idea how many of us biological females would KILL to be on par strength-wise with our male peers! And !!!BAM!!! you're actually there! You've got some serious amazing ahead of you. :-D Quote Evicious, Khajjit Ranger STR 7 | DEX 13 | STA 3 | CON 6 | WIS 16 | CHA 4 Current 4WC: Evicious: The Unburdening II + Blitz Week! Fitocracy! I Play To Win! Keep up the momentum! Link to comment
Reluctant Amazon Posted December 1, 2013 Report Share Posted December 1, 2013 Well not sure I agree about the strength thing. Developing actual defined deltoid a and traps was caising me a lot of emotional discomfort,No idea what the future holdaSent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment
Guzzi Posted December 1, 2013 Report Share Posted December 1, 2013 Wow, big realisation. Really happy for you, I hope this brings a new lease of life, and I genuinely hope your journey continues in a positive direction. Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Thrillho Posted December 1, 2013 Report Share Posted December 1, 2013 Hugs and vibes! Quote The cancer was aggressive, but the chemotherapy was aggressive, as well. There was aggression on both sides. Link to comment
Hermione Gainser Posted December 2, 2013 Report Share Posted December 2, 2013 Congratulations! We're here for you Quote "I'm just going to remember to not eat like an asshole most of the time" - MoC three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: one must squat.- Brobert Frost Half-Elf Warrior | Current Challenge New Battle Log | Old Battle Log Special thanks to AkLulu for drawing my awesome avatar! Link to comment
Jittersthe.Clown Posted December 2, 2013 Report Share Posted December 2, 2013 Whatever the future holds, you are now more prepared to face it. Good luck on your journey. Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
Reluctant Amazon Posted December 3, 2013 Report Share Posted December 3, 2013 Is it possible people will forgive me if I suddenly put all the pieces of the last two weeks together and realize that I may have been a little attention-seeking and over enthusiastic? *misses his rock monster suit* 2 Quote Link to comment
Amazon Grimm Posted December 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2013 Oh hai. Yes, I do have gender issues. I'll be fairly silebnt for a while 1 Quote GrimmThing - Warrior Maybe I'm just too dumb to collapse - - too ugly to die !! I'll let you figure out the reasons... Current ChallengeNF Workout Log Link to comment
I-Jo Posted December 3, 2013 Report Share Posted December 3, 2013 Well not sure I agree about the strength thing.Developing actual defined deltoid a and traps was caising me a lot of emotional discomfort,No idea what the future holdaSent from my iPhone using Tapatalkat some point you will come to realize and accept that your body is what it is. Many of us struggle with the limitations we hold because of it. But even with the gender identity search/hunt/realization... you need to remember your body is what it is. what you may dislike- may be someone's dream body part... and vice versa. And that's okay- but just realize there is only so much you can do about it- but that we ALL struggle with "I wish my X was a little more like a Y instead" hugs. Do what you need- we are here for you. Quote Link to comment
Frost of the Gloaming Posted December 3, 2013 Report Share Posted December 3, 2013 glad you're finding peace within yourself Quote Between a rock and a hard place, use our finger nails to climb, it's all we know.......... Daily Mile Perfer et obdura: Dolor hic tibi proderit olim Link to comment
nightlight Posted December 3, 2013 Report Share Posted December 3, 2013 amazing. many hugs. Quote "Come with me if you want to lift" -The Brominator "Later, I would learn that coincidences are the most planned things in the world. Later, I would learn that every single moment is a coincidence." - Douglas Coupland "Anyone who doesn't want french fries every day is a commie." - AngelaTheGeek Current Challenge INSTAGRAM!! find me on twitter Link to comment
Amazon Grimm Posted December 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2013 Nerd Fitness member in a messed up state wants help, but not in a public forum. send me a PM if you are willing to let me blather about my life over email. Quote GrimmThing - Warrior Maybe I'm just too dumb to collapse - - too ugly to die !! I'll let you figure out the reasons... Current ChallengeNF Workout Log Link to comment
Bookworm_Tess Posted December 4, 2013 Report Share Posted December 4, 2013 Hello reluctant amazon/ grimm thing!All the best for you in your future journey. The brother of my favorite powerlifter, a mighty well renowned cartoonist called Laerte Coutinho, came out as a travestite some years ago. I don't quite understand the details of his identity, but he dresses as a lady and he has been very activist about it since his position in the media is so proeminent. Since he's come out, a lot of his work has been openly about gender identity etc, but even before it and even now when it's not about it, he's never short of genious.Maube you can find something that inspires you in his work: http://www.bleedingcool.com/2010/09/03/laerte-coutinho-comes-out-as-transvestite/ There are a couple of links there to the comics. I've chosen the only link in English can find because, you know, we're all brazilians, the cartoonist, the powerlifter and this here four-eyes But even if you don't find anything in your language, google him. I think he is really an inspiration. Stay strong! Quote "Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself." - W. Faulkner Link to comment
Amazon Grimm Posted December 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2013 Nerd Fitness member in a messed up state wants help, but not in a public forum. send me a PM if you are willing to let me blather about my life over email. Got a lot of supportive words, haven't responded to them all yet, but it's helping. Quote GrimmThing - Warrior Maybe I'm just too dumb to collapse - - too ugly to die !! I'll let you figure out the reasons... Current ChallengeNF Workout Log Link to comment
scotticus Posted January 9, 2014 Report Share Posted January 9, 2014 That's huge! While the road ahead will no doubt be challenging, it's worth it if you can truly be who you are Quote Link to comment
DChristian Posted January 9, 2014 Report Share Posted January 9, 2014 Wow... congratulations on the breakthrough and epic levels of self-realization! Quote If your can't fix it with bacon, you're probably going to die.Obligatory Twitter link. Link to comment
Reluctant Amazon Posted January 9, 2014 Report Share Posted January 9, 2014 I have been having a rough emotional time. I've got an appointment with a gender therapist tomorrow.Unfortunately, between sleep issues and brutal cold and more, I've fallen off the fitness wagon. I'll be getting back on, but it's not my priority right nowSent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment
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