Energy! Has anybody seen mine? This turned into a vent, Sorry :-I

[WeldingMommy]

Soooo....(-.-)'

 

I am just beginning my lifestyle change. I have some idea on where to begin such as a caloric deficit(?) I'm assuming that means eat less. Which means less energy, which is bad because I already have an energy issue...or rather a lack of energy issue.

 

I cannot sleep at night, second night in a row that I am up. Even when I get 6-8 hrs of sleep I am groggy and slow and irritable. Some days I am down right violent, verbally. Nothing I do or take gives me the energy to do much, save the fact that I need to do something or my son would never eat or shower or learn.

 

I also have anxiety/depression whatever the doctor says or some such, for which I refuse medication convinced that when I start losing weight that I'll feel less so.

 

Basically where do I find energy where energy is absent? I want to make this change. I want to get up and exercise. I NEED to but I cannot seem to do it and I get upset and angry at myself for not doing it. Then I look at my son and think that I am a failure. I think I have failed him and will keep doing so the rest of his life unless I make some kind of change.

 

It sucks because I keep making excuses for myself. It sucks because I'm tired of looking this way and I'm tired of thinking it is because of this weight issue that my marriage ended even though he kicked us out. I'm just tired.

 

But I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!! I just need help to figure out what's next. What do I do next to ensure that my son still has me when he is older?

[Dontstopb3lievin]

First off I must say that your long term goal of prolonging your life so that you may be around longer for your son is awesome. Now, on to your depression thing. I have a lot of depression that runs in my family. For me personally, I feel like if I force myself to be positive, or find something positive in everyday that helps. I have also weeded out the negative people in my life. Although this can be a hard decision at first, it really does make quite an improvement. I cant eliminate everyone that is negative from time to time, or there will be no one left. But I know that when it comes to my boyfriend and he is being a negative Ned, I point it out to him and tell him to say one thing positive. That being said, I also know that depression is a chemical imbalance for most people, not just a situational or seasonal thing. If there is nothing that is making you feel better, there is no shame in taking medication to make yourself feel better. I do know people who have had to take the meds and they were able to work their way off of them.  So taking them is not always a lifetime sentence.  I have been tired a lot lately too. I attribute mine to being fat, getting older and being a teacher of ten 2 year olds about 50 hours a week. But recently my mom told me that she was about my age when she found out she has a thyroid problem. I am 30 (eek) which isn't old yet, but feels like it sometimes. Although I have yet to get my thyroid checked, this may be something you could look into. If  none of this sounds like what you want, I would suggest finding something that you can do a couple times a week for you that will make you feel better. For me last year, I would go tanning three times a week for 15 minutes. I was able to take a power-nap and it was quiet, relaxing and I always came out feeling a million times better and was in a good mood (thanks Vit D). I hope some of this helps. Keep your chin up and remember that people here can help support you if you are just having a bad day! Good luck!

[WeldingMommy]

Thank you!

[Jakkals]

I feel for you. I suffer from depression myself, and it can be almost overwhelming some days to just get up.

 

And on the days you need the exercise the most, the depression makes it almost impossible to do something. 

 

And I am afraid I do not have the answer to that, even though I try my best some days.

 

But 5 minutes of exercise is better than none. A walk around the block is better than sitting in the house.

 

Have you ever been tested for sleep disorders?

[WeldingMommy]

No I have not been tested for sleep disorders.

 

I have an aversion to going to the doctor unless absolutely necessary, but have no hesitations when it comes to my son. I have just had some really bad experiences and don't trust doctors.

[PaulG]

I cannot sleep at night, second night in a row that I am up. Even when I get 6-8 hrs of sleep I am groggy and slow and irritable. Some days I am down right violent, verbally. Nothing I do or take gives me the energy to do much, save the fact that I need to do something or my son would never eat or shower or learn.

I also have anxiety/depression whatever the doctor says or some such, for which I refuse medication convinced that when I start losing weight that I'll feel less so.

I understand how you feel, as someone who is in the healing process for depression myself. Back in about August I felt pretty much exactly the same as you do -- including feelings of failure and a lack of energy.

If you've been diagnosed with depression, understand that the things you're talking about are symptoms, and they're 100% a brain chemistry issue. Unfortunately, exercise and weight loss will not fix them, not permanently. Those are steps 2 or 3 to getting healthy.

You should definitely tackle your depression directly first, with medication and therapy. If you're on the right medication, I promise you that your plan to lose weight will seem a whole lot easier. I got myself on medication a couple months back and it was like waking up -- I had more energy, my job performance improved, and my relationship with my partner got better. I'm looking at probably another 6 months on medication, then I'll be weaned off.

Sounds like your difficulties are caused mostly by your depression and anxiety. Rather than hoping it will get better as other things in your life improve, it's important to treat depression like any other illness and tackle it directly.

[WeldingMommy]

I understand how you feel, as someone who is in the healing process for depression myself. Back in about August I felt pretty much exactly the same as you do -- including feelings of failure and a lack of energy.

If you've been diagnosed with depression, understand that the things you're talking about are symptoms, and they're 100% a brain chemistry issue. Unfortunately, exercise and weight loss will not fix them, not permanently. Those are steps 2 or 3 to getting healthy.

You should definitely tackle your depression directly first, with medication and therapy. If you're on the right medication, I promise you that your plan to lose weight will seem a whole lot easier. I got myself on medication a couple months back and it was like waking up -- I had more energy, my job performance improved, and my relationship with my partner got better. I'm looking at probably another 6 months on medication, then I'll be weaned off.

Sounds like your difficulties are caused mostly by your depression and anxiety. Rather than hoping it will get better as other things in your life improve, it's important to treat depression like any other illness and tackle it directly.

 

I have been on the medications before. Some of them helped,most of them did not.

 

From a cultural stand point, it's very frowned upon to take medication for things like depression and anxiety. The theory being that you're just lazy or not trying hard enough.

 

From my own standpoint, I feel that it plays against me. I lost my military career for asking for help, I lost my marriage because we both refused to take the medication and enabled each other.

 

But I am willing to go back on them once I secure employment for myself. Any ideas as to what worked for others?

 

I've been on Prozac,Wellbutrin,Ativan, Zoloft worked well for me maybe I should go back to it. You all have been very helpful and encouraging.

[PaulG]

I have been on the medications before. Some of them helped,most of them did not.

From a cultural stand point, it's very frowned upon to take medication for things like depression and anxiety. The theory being that you're just lazy or not trying hard enough.

From my own standpoint, I feel that it plays against me. I lost my military career for asking for help, I lost my marriage because we both refused to take the medication and enabled each other.

But I am willing to go back on them once I secure employment for myself. Any ideas as to what worked for others?

I've been on Prozac,Wellbutrin,Ativan, Zoloft worked well for me maybe I should go back to it. You all have been very helpful and encouraging.

I guess it depends on what culture you surround yourself with. I mean, in the US, there's plenty of skepticism about depression from people who don't know what they're talking about. But I'm pretty young and I am around people who are willing to see the problem as a brain chemistry issue. I just make sure I surround myself with people who understand.

Zoloft is what I'm on currently and my experience has been good. I've heard largely good things from others who have been on it. Your reaction to a medication will be very individual, so if Zoloft worked for you before, that's the best place to start. 'Course, I'm sure you know all this already.

[WeldingMommy]

I guess it depends on what culture you surround yourself with.

I'm Samoan, and culturally speaking, taking medication for a mental disorder is not acceptable. Depression is an excuse to be lazy and taking medication is a sign of weakness of the will. I can't exactly surround myself with other people because they are my family and are helping to support me and my son until I can get back on my feet.

 

But I have signed up for counseling and if the psychologist says I need to be on medication then I will go on medication,I just won't tell anybody