C/O Terinatum's Happiness in Health

[Terinatum]

Very long wind here, bypass if you like.

 

This challenge will finish out my first year with NF! I started in Feb of 2013. It's hard to believe I've been actively bettering myself for that long without quitting. Who'd-a thunk it!?!

 

Nonetheless, the last few challenges have been really tough and I want to examine my next course of action. I decided to look back on my year, and further back still...

 

I have found among other things that I love to cook! Cooking is enjoyable and I like how it makes me feel.  With some financial planning and a better sense of time, I will be in the kitchen at least twice a week to make a nice, real meal.

 

The nice, real meal doesn't happen often for me. I grew up with my guard up and my wall of food surrounding me. Until it surrounded me completely and I gained serious weight. There's reasons: the who did what to me, the minimal  protective measures that are available to kids, and then later as an adult (he he he) there's me, hiding from the big scary world that's surely out to get me.

 

I have been hiding in PTSD for decades. On top of that, I had to kick cancer's ass back in 2010. I have come out of the bitter, debilitating  haze of those two monsters very thankful. I see more clearly and more positively about the future; mostly that I can make something happen for me.

 

So in February 2013, I started new/older things. I began to move in a 'workout' way for 5 minutes a day (love to squat) and I quit Dr Pepper. Two very big wins for me. The next challenge I found a love I never knew I had, let alone one I could do. Running! Very short distances and usually not without stopping, but it was a run damn it.

 

I remember my first HIIT workout. I finished and kept begging the Sky to give me air! I then laughed (when the air did finally come) and realized that I would in fact do this again. And again.

 

Summer came and I was running the trails in my new sneaks and managed once to run a half mile without stopping. I am still giddy about that. I had a hamstring issue come up and a foot tendon issue that I'm still working on. Still! I want to run!!!

 

My eating improved a lot last year. I have found myself wanting better food, instead of complaining about the cost and time of preparation.

Present moment -- It's getting hard to type this now. I want to close the laptop and go veg-out with Hayday and Sims Free-play.

Food has always been there for me. And I feel obligated to stay in the old patterns that worked out of devotion? It's not a strong conscious thing, but there are times that I still find myself buying, eating, and hiding the foods that gave me comfort before. I love them. Not the taste really. The feelings I let out as I eat. The defenses seem eased and I breath a bit better afterwards. I called this act crazy for a long time. I wanted it to be crazy so I had a reason to say it's not my fault, I can't do anything about it. I didn't want the responsibility of fixing something(me) that I didn't break.

Present moment -- My eyes are drooping like they are tired but I know it's stress asking me to turn away for this painful place inside. But I need to be here. I need to let those young Parts of myself know that I am keeping us safe and the food that we've been depending on isn't asking for loyalty or addiction from us. I don't think they believe that enough yet so I'll keep working on it.

 

Present moment -- I'm gonna take a break now and come back to this. BRB

 

Present moment -- Soon after breaking I had a conversation with my Parts inside and this is what was said.

 

Me: "Those foods do make us happier, that's true."

Parts: 'Is there another way to eat that will feel as good and will be as safe?'

Me: "I think there is. I know I'm ready to try and find out."

Parts: 'Will you take care of us?'

Me: "Of course. I love you All so very much. You are the true survivors of my past. I could not have made it without you all. Thank you!"

Parts: 'Okay, you can try. But I want to be able to go back to what I know if it gets too hectic.'

Me: "Understood. Thank you kindly for your bravery and love."

Parts: 'You're welcome!'

 

Every day, if I sit still a bit, I can find the thankfulness that I am alive. It wasn't so long ago that cancer or me wanted me dead. Those things are gone, so now what? Well, let's see what we have planned, shall we!?!

 

C/O Terinatum's Happiness in Health

 

My Fitness Quest:

Take care of my body!

My Motivation -Winter isn't coming so much as it's already here. I don't want to run in the snow and ice so running is out for now. I have physical injuries to contend with before I can hit the trails in Spring. And I need to lose more weight to run more safely and further!!! So, I need to care. And act on that caring so I don't forget that I'm allowed to make time for me and be responsible for myself.

Here it goes…

 

Goal #1

Take care of my skin

Action - Careful Skin Care through moisturizing, facials, callus care, Epsom salt baths, and gentle cleanliness

How Much - Everyday

Worth - 4 pts of CHR

Grading - A = 5 days per week/ B = 4 / C = 3 / D = 2

 

Goal #2

Take care of my digestion

Action- Affectionate Cooking

How Much -two meals  per week

Worth - 3 pts of CON

Grading - A = 2 meals/ B = 1 ^2/3 avg. / C = 1 ^1/3 avg. / D = 1

 

Goal #3

Take care of my muscles

Action - Faithful Massage and PT w/dancing

How Much - Everyday

Worth - 3 pts of STA

Grading - A = 5 days per week/ B = 4 / C = 3 / D = 2

 

Life Quest:

Action - Find things that I like or am interested in doing, and do some! Examples -Cleaning the House, Sewing, Writing, Photography, Walking/Hiking, Swimming, Gaming, Playing Cards, Pool, etc…

How Much - Two hours per week (no less than 20 minutes at a time)

Worth - 3 pts of CHR

Grading - A = 2 hours/ B = 1 2/3 avg. / C = 1 1/3 avg. / D = 1

 

Battle On!

     

[otter905]

Looks like some good achievable goals Teri. Let's rock this! We are here for you.

[Sunmage]

Looks good! Welcome to the druids!

[Teros]

I hate soda, but give me a dr. pepper and I'm good.  Good on you kicking the soda habit.  If you're cooking 2 meals a week, what else are you doing for food? Or do you make batches of food that last a few days?

[Terinatum]

Looks like some good achievable goals Teri. Let's rock this! We are here for you.

Thanks, Otter. Glad to be up in the saddle, even if I'm on sideways!

Sent via my phone b/c my laptop is out of reach. Cheers!

[Terinatum]

Looks good! Welcome to the druids!

Thank you, Sunmage. I'm really happy to be here for this challenge.

Sent via my phone b/c my laptop is out of reach. Cheers!

[Terinatum]

I hate soda, but give me a dr. pepper and I'm good. Good on you kicking the soda habit. If you're cooking 2 meals a week, what else are you doing for food? Or do you make batches of food that last a few days?

I wish I knew.

I have pre-made things like frozen organic shepherd's pie, cereal, work on a batch of cooked chicken or turkey during the week, buy meals out (no wonder I'm broke, right?), and the rest is junk, eating only once a day (not for health), and baked sweets.

It's a huge mess really, but I'm seeing patterns. They come and go, but tracking them is easier because I am aware.

I quit smoking and quit DP, you'd think I could conquer my world!?! lol

Thanks for dropping by.

Sent via my phone b/c my laptop is out of reach. Cheers!

[Heidi]

I applaud your dedication and your loving self-talk Surviving situational PTSD is difficult, and I have been wrestling with it my whole life, and probably aleays will. It's not about being cured as much as it is about trust, and I applaud your efforts and I nsight.

Great goals! I'm subscring and cheering you on. Drop me a note if you need some one-on-one encouragement.

[Heidi]

Also, on the food note: I have collected some of my easy recipes here http://yummygoodness.heidichronicles.net/?m=1. Check out the ones with crock pot in the tags, since they can cook while you work or sleep, and nothing is as nice as waking up to or coming home to yummy smells and awesome food, especially when you know it's so darned good for you.

[Teros]

I wish I knew.

I have pre-made things like frozen organic shepherd's pie, cereal, work on a batch of cooked chicken or turkey during the week, buy meals out (no wonder I'm broke, right?), and the rest is junk, eating only once a day (not for health), and baked sweets.

It's a huge mess really, but I'm seeing patterns. They come and go, but tracking them is easier because I am aware.

For me, the easiest way to deal with all of my problems with food is to just buy it all and make it all at once. No thought required for an entire week.

 

 

left to right- spaghetti squash, meat sauce, coconut aminos (teriyaki) chicken strips, pulled apart roast chicken, sloppy joes.

 

I have these for lunches+dinners, and I also have some eggs for breakfast, raisins and cashews for a healthy fat/snack, and a couple larabars for snack too.

[Terinatum]

I applaud your dedication and your loving self-talk Surviving situational PTSD is difficult, and I have been wrestling with it my whole life, and probably aleays will. It's not about being cured as much as it is about trust, and I applaud your efforts and I nsight.

Great goals! I'm subscring and cheering you on. Drop me a note if you need some one-on-one encouragement.

 

Thanks, Heidi. I truly get the effort it takes to be more trusting. Thanks for hanging out with me for this. I'll be with you as well.

 

For me, the easiest way to deal with all of my problems with food is to just buy it all and make it all at once. No thought required for an entire week.

 

 

left to right- spaghetti squash, meat sauce, coconut aminos (teriyaki) chicken strips, pulled apart roast chicken, sloppy joes.

 

I have these for lunches+dinners, and I also have some eggs for breakfast, raisins and cashews for a healthy fat/snack, and a couple larabars for snack too.

 

I am working towards stocking up foods for the week. i just need to get veggies! I know most of this battle is emotional so it will be interesting to notice and work with the behaviors that pop up while I do this challenge.

P.S. How do you cook your spaghetti squash? And have you ever made mashed cauliflower?

Cheers

[Teros]

Thanks, Heidi. I truly get the effort it takes to be more trusting. Thanks for hanging out with me for this. I'll be with you as well.

 

 

I am working towards stocking up foods for the week. i just need to get veggies! I know most of this battle is emotional so it will be interesting to notice and work with the behaviors that pop up while I do this challenge.

P.S. How do you cook your spaghetti squash? And have you ever made mashed cauliflower?

Cheers

To make spaghetti squash, I cut it in half, then scoop out the seeds and stringy stuff.  Then I drizzle it with a little bit of olive oil and then bake it for about 25 minutes at 350.  When it's done, I scrape it with a fork and it looks like short-cut spaghetti.

 

As for mashed cauliflower; I tried once but you need to squeeze some liquid out.

[Terinatum]

To make spaghetti squash, I cut it in half, then scoop out the seeds and stringy stuff.  Then I drizzle it with a little bit of olive oil and then bake it for about 25 minutes at 350.  When it's done, I scrape it with a fork and it looks like short-cut spaghetti.

 

As for mashed cauliflower; I tried once but you need to squeeze some liquid out.

Do you bake the squash cut side up or down?

[Teros]

cut-side down.  when you put the tiny bit of olive oil- leave it alone for a few minutes so it can soak into the squash.  then put it in the oven cut-side down.

[Terinatum]

Lately (beginning Dec. 31st) up to yesterday, Saturday

 

                     Taking care of… well, me

 

My Muscles

Planks - yea I know, who'da thought I get to these!

SAT :: 20 secs - 10 - 10 -- I truly appreciate how it uses SO many muscles

 

Hanging Head Off Bed - Feels good!

Jan 1st :: 7 minutes - good relaxation of neck and gentle stretch of chest

 

Air Squats

Lately ::10 - 15 here and there throughout my days

WED :: 10 - some not low enough

SAT :: 25 - a few forms were crappy

 

Knee Push Ups

Lately :: almost got to 10 without losing form! (New Year's Eve)

 

General Testing of Strength

I was able to hold myself up with tight form - I used the corner of my kitchen counter - for about 3 or 4 seconds!! Dips anyone??? Hum….

 

My Skin

Moisturizing

hands - after every washing - minus 2 or 3 times 

feet

forearms

elbows

 

Nail Cleaning

every morning so far!!!

 

Thoughtful Showers

I know it sounds a bit different, wait that's good. If I talk to myself in loving ways and thank parts of my body that really performed well in that day, it makes the shower so much more cleansing. I also send blessings to the water.

 

My Massage and PT

I did some great massage work on myself on New Year's Eve. I have a 4 pronged () self massager that worked fantastically on my shoulders, neck, and head! I felt sooo good afterwards.

 

My Digestion

Testing my cooking and more importantly the new-to-me stove I'm using! Ruined 2 batches of rice and overcooked a chicken (poaching - how do you overcook when poaching!   lol )

Water Intake Only :: on Sat! approx. 30 - 35 oz.

Tossed out my bagels this morning! Will toss the bologna later today as well (baby step achieved!!!)

 

My Interests

I was able to chill out on my Hay Day game. I was getting fixated on leveling up and getting cash. That's not why I want to play it. So, I stopped trying so hard and my nerves calmed right down, enjoying the game again.

 

That’s all I can think of so far today!

Thanks for hanging around my thread, it feels good to be looked after a bit.

 

Cheers,

Teri

 

[Heidi]

Lovely update.

Hugs.

[Teros]

Pretty cool so far.  What are air squats?  Is that when you do a squat and then jump up?

[Terinatum]

Pretty cool so far. What are air squats? Is that when you do a squat and then jump up?

ROFLMAO (oh me, not you!)

Ha! No. I am not even close to being able to do those.

It is a squat with no added weight. It's great for warm ups and max pain if you add 1 to every minute you do. I got to 15 before I fell into my chair.

Sent via my phone b/c my laptop is out of reach. Cheers!

[Matt_72]

Looks like you are really taking care of yourself which is awesome because you really deserve it!

Will be following with interest.

[Eirlys]

Hey Terinatum

 

Great challenge and it sounds like you're already prepping well with your efforts over the last week - fab stuff!

 

Keep up the great work!

[Terinatum]

Hey Terinatum

Great challenge and it sounds like you're already prepping well with your efforts over the last week - fab stuff!

Keep up the great work!

Thanks for stopping by, Eirlys,

I'm back on the wagon, it's just that I realized I can make the wagon into anything I want (dragon - naturally), about whatever I want!

Sent via my phone b/c my laptop is out of reach. Cheers!

[Terinatum]

Looks like you are really taking care of yourself which is awesome because you really deserve it!

Will be following with interest.

 

Ha! Thanks Matt.

[Teros]

I'm back on the wagon, it's just that I realized I can make the wagon into anything I want (dragon - naturally)

I prefer:

[Terinatum]

I prefer:

Sweeeett!!

Definite thanks for sharing.

Did you have a decent start yesterday?

Cheers

Sent via my phone b/c my laptop is out of reach. Cheers!

[Terinatum]

Okay, just a thought t be absolutely clear that I do in fact need outside assurance like everyone else.

 

  I feel awesome because I am already on my second page for this thread and it's only day one! feel cool now, in the elite of us. Isn't that a bit pathetic? But it comes from my childhood and my younger adult life. I feel sad and a bit left out when I don't get many views and fewer replies.

 

  But oh the feeling when one person comes along and takes a peek at my world and my work. I feel amazed and cherished. So thank you to those who fly be and wonder about me. You make me feel like I belong. And it reassures me that I am in a wonderful place to be this honest and this excited about the scariest stuff in my life!

 

  Thank you all for being exactly who you are. You are cherished. 

 

  Cheers,

Terinatum

 

"A Witness to the Making of Super Heroes here at Nerd Fitness"