Nax Becomes A Mentalist: The Confidence Edition

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Ugh.

The one good thing about the spectacular meltdown that was New Year's Eve is that things can't possibly get any worse in 2014. I'll post the results to my previous challenge at some point in the near future, but let's just say that the good habits I've developed during challenge time (mostly the meditating and Lumosity exercises) also took some time off during the holidays, leaving me essentially right back where I started, if not even further behind. Holiday cheer, my ass.

What follows is an excerpt from the previous challenge's original post, because I am far too lazy and unmotivated to re-type things right now:

 

Main quest: Where do I want to be in a few months?

LESS STRESSED. More successful, possessing an attention span greater than that of a squirrel on PCP, being able to think more clearly, having powers of observation that at least put me in the "functional" range of society. No joke, often times while playing D&D online, my friend will ask me "Did you loot?" and I'll reply "Huh? What loot?" and then I'll be told that there was a chest that I was standing RIGHT NEXT TO and didn't notice. Then I'll feel like a complete retard, think I'm not even worthy of being in the party, hate myself for being the group's village idiot (seriously, aren't Wizards supposed to have high INT?) and it all goes downhill...

 

I also I want the constant negative, racing thoughts and ever-present mental fog to GTFO. I want to be the stoic, unflippable badass that I picture myself being in my fantasies, as opposed to the spineless pansy who cries and/or flips right the fuck out as soon as the slightest, most insignificant little thing happens. I want more than 1/10 self-confidence. I don't want to be that person with the legendary mental instability and ever-swinging mood. I want to be able to function like a normal person who isn't stressed out and anxious all the time for no particular reason.

I want my mind to be clear. I want to be able to think and focus. I want to be able to form a sentence properly on the first try, without stuttering because of anxiety or thinking I'll screw up my words somehow (which constantly happens because I'm nervous, due to being afraid of being nervous.) I don't want to be the poster person for social awkwardness but, as it is now, I can't observe anything worth a shit, or pay attention, or follow discussions half the time.

 

That is still me.

This isn't to say that the last challenge was useless. I'm probably better at meditating now than I was before I started, and my life quest progress bar is probably at 1% instead of being at its previous position of zero. Same goes for my Lumosity score: it definitely increased. I should probably keep at it. Who knows, my life quest progress bar might get to 1.5%, or maybe even 2%!

It was established that my main quest in life was to be a Wizard. Since RL sucks and won't let me be a real Wizard, however, becoming a Mentalist will be the closest thing.

How am I going to accomplish this?

2.1: Meditate daily. Pass/fail. Same as last time, but BETTER!

2.2: Lumosity brain exercises. Pass/fail. See above. Need to get that +INT!

2.3, focusing and noticing. Pass/fail.

There are a few exercises mentioned in the Mentalist book. The first one is in the section on how to increase your attention:

 

Practice. Focus on one object, person, or situation which you find utterly uninteresting and study every detail about it until you are able to describe it. Pick a flower. Touch it. Smell it. Feel its texture. How many petals does it have? How long is the stem? What is the color and shape of the petals? Start to take notice of the details in the things around you: the places you visit, the people passing by, etc. You'll be surprised at the little things that you'll start to notice.

 

The second is 2 pages after. A memory exercise: Taking Notice.

 

To improve your recall of even the most minute details, try engaging in a mental review of each day's events. This can help you engage your attention during the day so that you recall of events is sharper, clearer, and available anytime for future retrieval.

 

Try to do this work in the evening, when you feel at ease, but don't do it after you retire. (The bed is made for sleeping, not for thinking!) Sit down alone at night and spend fifteen quiet, distraction-free minutes focusing on the important happenings of the day. After a few days, you will find that you can recall more and more. Events will come back to you more precisely and more clearly each time.

 

When you first begin this exercise, you may find that you have trouble recalling what you had for breakfast or what the cashier at the coffee shop looked like. But as your subconscious gets used to being called into duty, you'll find that you'll start to "take notice" of what happens as it happens, a skill that investigators across the country and around the world rely on heavily.

 

I haven't decided if I'll make myself do both of these daily or only one. Will see, and adjust the grading scheme in my favor accordingly.

 

Life quest: DEVELOP CONFIDENCE! More on this later.

Diet/fitness side quests: plant some herbs, once per week. Pass/fail. I figure that, since I'll likely be a mainstay in the Druids guild and Druids are close to nature, this would be appropriate. Ever since that one tiny intro to plant physiology in 1st year biology lectures, I've had a deeper respect for plants, and I've wanted to experiment with growing useful and/or medicinal herbs that I can add to my food. This will be very challenging, because I am known for having one hell of a black thumb. And cats.

I had a list of potential side quests that also involved drawing and increasing my vocabulary. I'll probably do a bit of this on the side no matter what, hence why they didn't get picked. They may become official in future challenges, though.

I also thought about continuing with the "no picking at my face" and "eat more vegetables" goals from my last challenge since I didn't succeed at those as well as I wanted to, but I figure it would be too repetitive. I'll make a thread in the Battle Logs forum with these items instead, or simply keep track in a notepad file or something. There were mentions of a "Nutrition Challenge" at the gym I go to as well, and I'm still waiting to hear details about that. I have a feeling it's going to involve a lot less alcohol, which makes me sad.

Right. Confidence. If I had to rate my self-confidence and/or self-worth on most days, it would oscillate between 0/10 and 1/10. Why? I'm not sure. My body and face look great now, which was not always the case. I embarked on my fitness journey approximately ten years ago, but mentally it's like I'm still the fat loser kid who fails at life in every way from my high school days. The kid who was the object of every joke and constant ridicule. The kid who can't look people in the eye for fear of anyone noticing and saying things ranging from "GOT A PROBLEM!?" to "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT, STUPID BITCH!?" followed by lulz from everyone else. The kid who plummets to the bottom of the social ladder the moment anyone speaks loudly or uses a dismissive tone. The kid who agrees with everything and everyone just to avoid a possible confrontation, because in RL I can't just rejoin with a new user name after I get my ass handed to me and publicly humiliated.

This is essentially me:



And I hate the thought of it. This is the opposite of who I want to be.

I have no idea how to grade or quantify a confidence-based challenge. I made a list of things I need to accomplish to become more confident, but none of them are really gradable (I am working on all of them, though.) I figure an other good place to start would be the NF article written by Steve, 5 Ways to Instantly Appear More Confident.

#1: Stop slouching.

I'm already working on this. In fact, I have been since I started at a new gym in mid/late November and began lifting. Meditation during my last challenge also helped me straighten up and be more aware of my posture, and will continue to do so. I won't add anything posture-related to this challenge because I know that my inner OCD has already turned its gaze to posture, so I'm good to go there.

Grading: N/A.

#2: SLOW DOWN!

 

This I definitely have problems with. I speak a hundred miles per hour, mess up my words, then become self-conscious and anxious, which makes me speak even faster and...yeah. Although Steve only mentions speaking rate in his article about confidence, I think it also applies to walking pace as well. I normally walk way faster than I need to, and over the last few months I've noticed that someone else I know IRL does the same thing and, well, it looks really freaking awkward when I notice it in someone else. I don't want to look awkward. I want to be the Wizard that's always cool and collected and arrives precisely when he means to. Walking slower and less awkwardly would also give off an air of IDGAF which, in turn, may make me care less about trivial things.

Grading:  I'll grade this based on how often I catch myself speaking or walking too rapidly.

Speak/walk too fast 0 to 4 times: A
Speak/walk too fast 5 to 9 times: B
Speak/walk too fast 10 to 14 times: C
Speak/walk too fast 15 to 19 times: D
Speak/walk too fast 20+ times: F

I'll adjust the grading scheme if I find that this is too easy.

Also, walking fast between buildings when it's -30­°C or lower outside doesn't count.

#3: Smile!

 

Ooooh boy...

 

"Don’t know how to smile correctly?  Stand in front of a mirror, close your eyes, and look down.  Look up, smile, and open your eyes at the same time.  See that smile right there?  THAT’S a genuine smile."

 

I just attempted this and looked a lot like a serial killer. My eyes are deep set and I have a fairly angular face, which makes me look like a typical Hollywood villain. Don't get me wrong, this is great for cosplaying or being a drunken idiot on Chatroulette, but not so great when attempting to not look like a creep, which beings me to the next point of the article...

#4: Win the staring contest.

 

"Starting right now, you’re going to be the person that doesn’t look away.  Think of each interaction as a mini-battle – your eyes against theirs.  As long as you’re smiling and blinking, you won’t come across as creepy…unless, of course, you’re actually a creep."

Well, shit.

 

This is me pretending to be a Sith Lord (or me wearing a hoodie, but the first descriptor was more interesting.)

 

This challenge seems very daunting, and is made even worse by the fact that I like to wear clothes that  are slightly outside of the "normal" range, which makes people stare at me more than they would stare at the muggles. Did I mention that people often have a hard time telling if I'm a guy or a girl, too? In other words, people stare. A lot. And if I stare back and they don't stop staring and I don't stop staring back, things get awkward reeeaal fast. WAT DO? D:

Also, that paragraph further up where I mention that I can't look people in the eye because of high school PTSD/bullshit. Seriously. I cannot look people in the eye. I used to love drawing, but I could never draw faces/eyes, so I just quit. For several years I even had a hard time looking people in pictures in the eye. Fortunately, I can do this last one now after extensive training on Tumblr.

 

If you think this is pathetic, you are absolutely correct.

 

Grading: "Win" five times per day.

^ I know I'm going to regret this.

#5: Get out of your head. This one isn't much of a problem for me right now. I'm not afraid of asking potential employers if they have positions open, and I'm not scared of introducing myself at parties. Presentations usually go allright if there is no grade attached to it, and hpoefully my thesis defense (assuming I don't quit my Masters) will be the LAST presentation I'll ever have to make where I'm going to be judged.

Grading: N/A.
 

This should be it for my 3rd challenge.

 

I shall leave you all with a bonus item that I found while browsing my pictures folder. It is of a tomato that is shaped like Lemon Grab from Adventure Time:

 

 

 

FAILURE IS UNACCEPTABLE!!!!1

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Wooo, first check-in!

 

1.1, meditate: done

1.2, Lumosity: done

1.3, focus and attention: not done

 

Life quest: confidence!

2.1, slow down: 3

2.2, win the contest: 0/5

 

Diet/fitness side quest:

3.1, plant herbs: not done yet, but I made it a point to decide what I'm going to plant during week 1, and it shall be rosemary.

 

I also just realized I have no money to buy plants. Or dirt to put the plants into. I'm going to have the most ghetto indoor garden ever.

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Tuesday (Jan 7):

 

1.1, meditate: done

1.2, Lumosity: done

1.3, focus and attention: mostly done?

 

About 1.3: The uninteresting object I chose to focus on was my menchie's card. Menchie's is a frozen yogourt place that I was dragged to once. They gave me a card so I could collect "smiles" points, but I never got around to activating the card on their web site. From what I can recall, the card background is a fuchsia color, and there's a large and disturbingly cute face on the upper left side of the card. The face is white and has a green border all over, and ice cream (or yogourt?) for hair. The color of this yogourt hair is, from bottom to top: pink, white, green ...and then white and pink again, but the last two aren't visible on the large logo. The face's eyes are fuchsia as well, and have a triangular cutout in them to make them look cuter. If you think of the eyes as clocks, the white triangle indent in the eye on my right is from 2 to 3 o' clock, and from 8 to 9 o'clock in the right eye. There is a smaller, identical logo on the bottom left of the card, right above where it says "menchie's". This "menchie's" at the bottom of the card is written in the same fuchsia color as the background, and bordered with white, and then green, and more white. There's a number and a barcode and other shit on the back of the card, but I didn't bother memorizing it. If I ever do, I'll put the number on here so that if anyone sees it and goes to menchie's and don't have a card, they can use my number so that I can get free smiles. TY.

 

I just googled menchie's, and the only place where I was off was in the border of the "menchie's" text. There's no white after the green.

 

I still have yet to activate the card.

 

As for the recapping of the day's events, I was good and did start to do that, but found that I had already written a full page and wasn't even up to describing the day's first coffee break yet. This was after 25 minutes. The Mntalist book says to take 15 minutes. Dafuq? I'll have to figure out a better way to do this.

 

2.1, slow down: 2 maybe? I don't even know. I need a better way to quantify this. I mean, where is the cutoff line between "okay" and "too fast"? Or should I give myself a point whenever I speak fast to the point where I screw up?

 

2.2, "win" the staring contest: 0/5. I'm beginning to see a pattern here. I made eye contact with one stranger this time, though, which was better than last time. I lost, but shit, at this point I'll take any progress.

 

3.1, plant buy and care for herbs: Did a bit more searching for a list of plants that grow well indoors. Rosemary is on this list, but Cilantro and Dill, which were the next items on my list, do not. I've replaced them with Oregano and Thyme. I've also come to the conclusion that buying a herb and caring for it will be less hassle than actually planting it (it'll probably be cheaper than buying the pot, dirt, fertilizer, and cutting/seed separately, too.)

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Wednesday (Jan 8):

 

1.1, meditate: done

1.2, Lumosity: done

1.3, focus and attention: forgot x_x

 

2.1, slow down: 3, I think.

2.2, "win" the staring contest: 0/5. No, like, seriously. I'm going to bring this up next time I go to counseling, because it's getting ridiculous.

 

3.1, care for herbs: soon. All the gardening centres are outside of town X(

 

Eh, doing good with 1.1 and 1.2 so far, anyway.

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

HOLYSHIT, HOLYSHIT GUISE! I "won" the staring contest twice today so far! It was probably all luck and timing, but still.

 

So the current strategy is to just take a quick glance at people. Usually they're not looking right at me, so no biggie there. But some times they do make eye contact, and I usually look away just because. But twice today I noticed that people looked away a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a second before I did. Hooray!

 

Next week I'll probably have to play this game on hard mode, though, because there will be a strike on campus, and the place will generally be more deserted. I might have to go to the mall or something.

 

If there weren't so many dicks on Chatroulette, I'd go practice the staring contest on there.

[Haku]

So... People doubt about your gender then? I really like that, to be honest. Wish I had that same situation. Ah well. My body is just obviously curvy. But can I guess your gender anyway? Because I think I might have a few fun (and possibly stupid) arguments for my guess. xD

 

Anyway, it's awesome that you won the staring contest twice today! Great job! *cheers for you* Great going! Oh and if you need practice material for your staring contest in hard-mode, I offer myself on Skype. xD Anywhoooo, you're going great! Be burdened with the glorious purpose! Do what you want and all of that. (Saw your avi ) Go for it!

[SuNoYo]

HOLYSHIT, HOLYSHIT GUISE! I "won" the staring contest twice today so far! It was probably all luck and timing, but still.

 

So the current strategy is to just take a quick glance at people. Usually they're not looking right at me, so no biggie there. But some times they do make eye contact, and I usually look away just because. But twice today I noticed that people looked away a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a second before I did. Hooray!

 

Next week I'll probably have to play this game on hard mode, though, because there will be a strike on campus, and the place will generally be more deserted. I might have to go to the mall or something.

 

If there weren't so many dicks on Chatroulette, I'd go practice the staring contest on there.

 

Awesome!

*high fives*

Three days in and you already won the staring contest twice. And I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but it's almost easier making eye contact in a crowded place - and I say this from approximately the same place as you; I have crippling shyness/anxiety that means I often can't look family members in the eyes - because . . . well, it means they're more likely to look away from you. I'm not sure why, but I've people watched many times, and generally the more crowded a place the less likely someone will keep eye contact with you unless you're involved in a direct transaction of some form. It's great for confidence boosts.

 

re: plants/inside garden: Have you tried cress/watercress? It's virtually indestructible and adds a spicy bite to your salad or sandwich, not to mention it's insanely low maintenance.

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

So... People doubt about your gender then? I really like that, to be honest. Wish I had that same situation. Ah well. My body is just obviously curvy. But can I guess your gender anyway? Because I think I might have a few fun (and possibly stupid) arguments for my guess. xD

 

Guess away! And I'd like to hear the reasons too XD Only one rule: you're not allowed to check some of my other posts before guessing, because I may have dropped some pretty solid hints in other threads lol.

 

 

Be burdened with the glorious purpose! Do what you want and all of that. (Saw your avi ) Go for it!

 

<3

 

Awesome!

*high fives*

Three days in and you already won the staring contest twice. And I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but it's almost easier making eye contact in a crowded place - and I say this from approximately the same place as you; I have crippling shyness/anxiety that means I often can't look family members in the eyes - because . . . well, it means they're more likely to look away from you. I'm not sure why, but I've people watched many times, and generally the more crowded a place the less likely someone will keep eye contact with you unless you're involved in a direct transaction of some form. It's great for confidence boosts.

 

re: plants/inside garden: Have you tried cress/watercress? It's virtually indestructible and adds a spicy bite to your salad or sandwich, not to mention it's insanely low maintenance.

 

Crowded places eh? Hmm. Makes sense. I was usually trying to do this in less populated hallways on campus. I'll definitely try to farm staring points from the mobs at the mall then, haha!

 

I hadn't thought of watercress, actually. It shall be item #4 on the list X) TY!

[BeautifulBeast]

I second the more crowded areas theory. It is always easier for me as well. Something about the anonymity I suppose. Kudos for you for tackling you anxieties rather than letting them control you. It can be a hard road but I am sure you will conquer it :-)

[Haku]

Guess away! And I'd like to hear the reasons too XD Only one rule: you're not allowed to check some of my other posts before guessing, because I may have dropped some pretty solid hints in other threads lol.

I have not read anything but this post of yours, so I'll be safe there. Okay, here we go. Be prepared! 

 

I think you're biologically female because:

- You have a wall of text and females are generally known for talking... LOTS!

- You have a Loki avatar. Loki mostly have fan-girls and from what I know less fan-boys.

- In the last picture of yourself there's a cat. OMFG CATLADYYY!! 

- Your eyebrows are not super manly-bushy stuff. xD Not that every man has bushy eyebrows, but hey. I'm thinking of arguments here.

- Your hands don't seem incredibly big 'n manly, so that's another thing. 

- The jaw line in the picture with the cat seems more feminine.

- Again... LOKI! (Because Loki. Because I can. Because you can. Because he can. Fak yeah!) And Tom Hiddleston. That's the main thing about Loki, you took the Tom Hiddleston version. Not the Marvel-comic-version.

 

So yeah. Those are my arguments/ideas on why I think you're biologically female. Of course I can't really say anything about your gender, because that's all a personal thing 'n such. Different for everyone.

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Orite. I completely forgot that picture of me browsing Tumblr was in the first post haha! But yeah, most of that is correct (except for my eyebrows, which actually do grow in a bushy and gross manner, but I trim them obsessively because of cosplay reasons.)

 

And now for yesterday's (Jan 9) challenge scores!

 

1.1, meditate: not done

1.2, Lumosity: done

1.3, focus and attention: poorly done

 

I chose to focus on a glass. It is approximately 4 inches tall and 2.5 inches wide, but a bit more narrow toward the top end. The base of the glass, below the part containing the liquid, becomes narrow (1.5" maybe?) and then widens out again at the very bottom. The liquid in the glass consisted of two parts vodka, 3/4 parts Fragoli, and 1/4 parts cacao liqueur. The glass was refilled four times.

 

^ This is probably why meditation was not done.

 

2.1, slow down: it's impossible to keep track of this, so I'm changing it a bit: I'll score a point every time I catch myself messing up a word, either due to stuttering or piss-poor enunciating, because those things are the result of me speaking too fast ("Th"s will not count, nor will legitimately not knowing how to pronounce something.)

 

2.2, "win" the staring contest: 2/5!!

 

3.1, herbs: had a chat with family members about growing herbs indoors (I still live at home, because it's right next to campus and I don't want to have an extra 20k of student loans to pay off) and they are on board with it. Going to get dat rosemary plant either tonight or tomorrow X) Mom even had ideas for more things to grow. Family activity!

 

The staring contest is not going as well today, as in I lost every time so far. I should have added something in my challenge that allows for participation points.

 

Goal for tonight: do challenge goals before getting drunk!

[Haku]

Orite. I completely forgot that picture of me browsing Tumblr was in the first post haha! But yeah, most of that is correct (except for my eyebrows, which actually do grow in a bushy and gross manner, but I trim them obsessively because of cosplay reasons.)

Hehehe, you cosplay then? Well, of course you did the Sith Lord thing, but do you do other cosplays? (Please tell me you do Loki cosplays )

 

Also, great that you've asked your family about the herbs! So your mum had ideas on growing herbs then. Is she planning to get more than just rosemary? Also, just saying, but rosemary can grow into becoming something close to a tree. xD My mum had a rosemary bush in her garden a few years ago and it became a beast of a plant. 

 

Hopefully the staring contest will go well for you. By the way, if I may ask... What exactly is it that makes you scared of looking people in the eye? 

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Oh yeah!

 

I commissioned it from a local seamstress who specializes in costumes, and the armor parts were ordered online. The scales I did make/glue myself, though. Still, learning to sew and make armor parts myself is on my to-do list, because that cosplay was a bank breaker lol. (There's probably more pics on the web site, actually, under fantasy costumes.)

 

I'd also like to get into LARP'ing, and fucked if I'm going to go in with a character that doesn't look like the epitome of badassery!

 

We are planning on getting more than just rosemary, and are well aware of its potentially ginormous size XD I have to go to the office later to fetch a paper, but I'll bring back the list of herbs I have so far as well because I never did get around to posting it.

 

Some of the reasons for my aversion to eye contact are buried in the original wall-of-text post:

 

Right. Confidence. If I had to rate my self-confidence and/or self-worth on most days, it would oscillate between 0/10 and 1/10. Why? I'm not sure. My body and face look great now, which was not always the case. I embarked on my fitness journey approximately ten years ago, but mentally it's like I'm still the fat loser kid who fails at life in every way from my high school days. The kid who was the object of every joke and constant ridicule. The kid who can't look people in the eye for fear of anyone noticing and saying things ranging from "GOT A PROBLEM!?" to "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT, STUPID BITCH!?" followed by lulz from everyone else. The kid who plummets to the bottom of the social ladder the moment anyone speaks loudly or uses a dismissive tone. The kid who agrees with everything and everyone just to avoid a possible confrontation, because in RL I can't just rejoin with a new user name after I get my ass handed to me and publicly humiliated.

 

And:

 

This challenge seems very daunting, and is made even worse by the fact that I like to wear clothes that  are slightly outside of the "normal" range, which makes people stare at me more than they would stare at the muggles. Did I mention that people often have a hard time telling if I'm a guy or a girl, too? In other words, people stare. A lot. And if I stare back and they don't stop staring and I don't stop staring back, things get awkward reeeaal fast. WAT DO? D:

 

It's pretty much a combination of shit that happened constantly from K-12, and the fear of people calling me out if I stare at them too long. Apparently there's a certain length of eye contact time that is considered "normal" for every day interactions, and something about a longer stare possibly being interpreted as attraction, or hostility or whatever. Since most of my childhood was spent in the boonies and teen years were spent with video games, I never learned how to eye contact lol (except for all the negativity that happened in middle/high school.) I essentially have to un-do some habits and behaviors that took 20+ years to form x_x

 

I've noticed in recent years that I can make eye contact easily when I'm 1) angry, or 2) drunk. Seriously, give me 4 or 5 drinks and I turn into a normal person.

 

Speaking of drunk...

 

1.1, meditate: fail

1.2, Lumosity: fail

1.3, focus and attention: fail

2.1, slow down: lost count

2.2, "win" the staring contest: pretty sure it was zero (interactions with parents and/or cats don't count lol)

3.1, herbs: N/A

 

Damnit!

[Haku]

Oh you glorious person, you! That cosplay! It's amazing! Seriously, can I just fall in love with you or something, because of that cosplay? It is amazing. I can imagine it cost a lot. Unfortunately my face is too female to cosplay Loki. Then again, I do look a bit like Lady Sif and since Loki takes over her body to become female Loki, I might actually pull that off as soon as I've lost a bit of weight. Hehehe. But really, you can pull off that Loki cosplay, it looks wonderful! So when you're cosplaying, are you full-on IC? And if I may ask, what were the total costs of the whole costume?

 

I recognise the not having self confidence situation. I used to have that for a long time. I've been pretending I was self confident for a long time and people believed it. In the end I started to believe it myself too and as soon as you believe it yourself you actually ARE self confident. See it as if you're RP'ing your own life, pretending to be someone else, someone fabulously confident. Maybe that might work for you. It certainly worked for me. It even worked so well that now I'm seen as a "natural leader" and as a "positive influence" by the teachers in my class. But yeah, if you have need of a (silly and crazy) practice partner on Skype or something, I'm willing to volunteer. I recognise the bullying situation too, I dunno if you'd call it bullying, but from what I hear it was that, right? Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. 

 

And even though you may have failed your things today, tomorrow's another day. You can do it! Today was just a bad day. So what? Just jump around for a while or something, sing along with a song you like, dance around, go and make silly pictures of yourself with the weirdest faces you can pull. You'll make it end as a fun day, or you do this in the morning and you start your day tomorrow with joy, giving you energy to be badass all over, all day long! Because I know you can do it and I'm sure there are many more people that have faith in you. Be badass like Loki! Keep that in mind. Feel like you're burdened with glorious purpose! As glorious as possible! (So far my pep-talk, I'm not a hero with this stuff, but hey. It's worth a try, right?)

[Eirlys]

Hi Naxius

 

I was randomly browsing druid challenges and yours really struck a chord with me, so much so I had to get off the couch, turn on my computer and reply right away! Even though I probably don't have much interesting to say, but anyway!

 

First off, your goals are great (well I would say that, I have/have done similar goals in the past ;-) ) - the posture/looking people in the eye is so hard!  But you can win this thing!  RP Loki if it helps

 

And funnily enough I started LARP about 12 years ago now and it is the best thing EVER!  (especially if you want to be a wizard ... I just wish that was my real life too).  On my first event all those years ago, I was too shy to ask to get a cup of tea, but it has really helped transform my life.  Plus being a bad-ass is so much fun!

 

Anyway, I think you're cool  Keep up the awesomeness!

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Oh you glorious person, you! That cosplay! It's amazing! Seriously, can I just fall in love with you or something, because of that cosplay? It is amazing. I can imagine it cost a lot. Unfortunately my face is too female to cosplay Loki. Then again, I do look a bit like Lady Sif and since Loki takes over her body to become female Loki, I might actually pull that off as soon as I've lost a bit of weight. Hehehe. But really, you can pull off that Loki cosplay, it looks wonderful! So when you're cosplaying, are you full-on IC? And if I may ask, what were the total costs of the whole costume?

 

Now that I look at your face more closely (I'm assuming it's you in your avatar pic) ...I can indeed see the resemblance to Lady Sif o_o You could definitely pull off a Lady Loki cosplay! I hear ya about the weight loss for cosplaying purposes: my first NF challenge was to lose 10 lbs just so I'd be a more accurate Loki for Halloween lol! (As a consequence, my Loki pants are now a bit too big FFFFFUUUUU...)

 

I'm still fairly new to cosplaying, but the few times I did put the costume on, I was usually oscillating between IC and OOC. A few memorable quotes:

 

(At the liquor store on Halloween night) "According to your silly Earth customs, I say "trick or treat" and all this alcohol is mine for free?" This didn't work, sadly.

 

"I am a God! Paying for cover is beneath me!" Also did not work.

 

Bouncer: "I don't care if you're a God of Chaos or whatever, you CAN'T take your drink outside!"

 

If I had a better evil voice, I'd be IC all the time lol. As for how much the costume cost...I stopped counting after the 1.5k mark. I don't even want to know what it cost in total haha! I had a budget around 1k - 1.2k in mind from the get go, and I knew that 1) real leather, and 2) getting something custom-made would be costly, but what threw me way the hell over budget were the various shipping fees involved with ordering things online, especially when said things have to cross the border. Helloooooo surprise customs/brokering fees!

 

As for confidence...I was sort of RP'ing my life until recently. I was just doing it in all the wrong ways (ie, trying to RP what society thinks I should be, because the real me was too "weird".) I managed to get into the campus counseling services and...apparently it's not the real me that's the problem? Waitwhut? And now according to some books I'm reading, the real me is actually pretty awesome and persuasive? Sonofa...society, I hatez you. A lot. So the confidence is re-developing, slowly I'll give the RP-who-you-want-to-be strategy a shot though!

 

Yesterday was the fail-every-challenge day. Today (Jan 11) I did my meditation and Lumosity tasks like a boss, and focused intently on a random pen. I would have done the "recap your day" exercise, but it was Saturday and I didn't do fuck-all, so it would have been almost like cheating lol. I raged a little bit at Lumosity, though. That Penguin Pursuit game is just...ugh. It's like the Water Temple of Lumosity. So I did this:

 

 

Also, I went to the store and came back with rosemary and thyme:

 

 

Meaning I'm a week ahead with the herbs diet/fitness side quest, wooo! (Pay no attention to the wine bottles and vodka in the background.)

 

 

Hi Naxius

 

I was randomly browsing druid challenges and yours really struck a chord with me, so much so I had to get off the couch, turn on my computer and reply right away! Even though I probably don't have much interesting to say, but anyway!

 

First off, your goals are great (well I would say that, I have/have done similar goals in the past ;-) ) - the posture/looking people in the eye is so hard!  But you can win this thing!  RP Loki if it helps

 

And funnily enough I started LARP about 12 years ago now and it is the best thing EVER!  (especially if you want to be a wizard ... I just wish that was my real life too).  On my first event all those years ago, I was too shy to ask to get a cup of tea, but it has really helped transform my life.  Plus being a bad-ass is so much fun!

 

Anyway, I think you're cool  Keep up the awesomeness!

 

Lies. Everyone has interesting things to say XD And TY for the support!

 

12 years? That's amazing o_o If you're in North America, are you LARP'ing with the NERO rules? There's a chapter of it in my city of residence. The girl who made my Loki costume is totally into it, too! I want to craft armor and make costumes and be an Elf and awesome and ASDFDSADSDFASF!!11 ...Right. I should probably graduate first.

 

What's the average life span of a first character btw?

 

Orite. The 2.2, "win" the staring contest goal was...0/5. I was going to go to the mall today, but the weather was like LOL NO UR NOT n00b!!!!1 and spawned freezing rain, and then rain all day. As a result, our driveway (and most streets and parking lots) were like freshly zamboni'd skating rinks. I only managed to get to the grocery store and tried to do the challenge there but...only one person actually made eye contact with me. I lost

 

I glanced at other people's eyes many times, but they weren't looking at me. I figure it only counts (ie, the challenge only starts) if they make eye contact with me back.

[Haku]

Indeed it's me in the picture. If I lose weight you get to see my jawline which (if I'm not mistaken) is quite similar to the jawline of Lady Sif, so it might work. n_n Unfortunately the icon pictures on here are tiny. So how did you go about weight loss if I may ask? What stuff did you do? Because obviously, now that your Loki trousers are too big, it was effective.

 

I've only cosplayed once in my life. I was Nyuu/Lucy from Elfen Lied. Hehehe. n_n I don't remember how old I was, but it certainly was quite a few years ago. It sounds really awesome, though, how you did the roleplay along with your Loki dress-up! Seriously, if I would've stood behind the counter I would've told you you would've made my day. Can't you come and visit the Netherlands sometime in costume? 

 

Ah yes. Customs... All the fees, all the shipping costs! I'm familiar with them. Had the same problem when I'd ordered faux fur which had to come from America. BAM! An extra 80 euro's on top of the 300 euro's I'd already spent on the fur.

 

Congratz with your awesome-WIN-day then! I knew you could do it. Pity on the staring-contest, though. Next time better. So how did the meditating go? And awesome that you got your 2 herbs! Hehehe, the wine in the background. So I take it you prefer red wine then?

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

And here I thought the reason why I couldn't see your jawline was because your hand was in the way lol. But yes, Sif or LadyLoki cosplay: dooo eeeeeet! (OMG, for the next challenge, there should totally be an accountabilibuddies thread for cosplay-related fitness.)

 

I didn't do much for the weight loss, actually. All I was doing for workouts at the time consisted of going to BodyAttack classes (intense cardio/body weight exercises, and techno music XD) at the gym three times per week. I had been doing that for about three years just to maintain my fitness level, but during the summer wondered: "What if I remove bread, pasta and beer from my diet?"

 

And then two months later I was 10 lbs lighter o_O

 

The only thing I miss is Guinness...but I'll still have a can of it every now and then. Same with bread: I'll eat a little itty bitty piece some times, but these three items are about 95% removed from my diet. I don't know if I'll ever go full paleo, because I gotta' have my Greek yogurt and occasional piece of cheese XD

 

Unlisted goal: eat more vegetables and LESS GODDAMN TRAIL MIX D: The trail mix is killer. And peanut butter. As soon as I have the jar in my hand, someone has to take it away from me. The same thing applies to red wine and spirits. I still have my little flaws lol. Maybe if I focus on the physique I want to have while I meditate, I'll drink less and eat more veggies? Something to try later today, fo' sho'! (Dat single-digit body fat %, I needz it.)

 

I had never heard of Elfen Lied until now...Googling X)

 

Back to weight loss, though. I already had a relatively high fitness level when I lost these last 10 lbs this summer. This was not always the case, as I weighed around 180 lbs when I was in my early 20s. Working in a call center located next to a pastry shop and convenience store where the chips were always on sale certainly didn't help. I've lost weight in spurts over the last 10 years or so, and most if it was based on nutritional changes. When I stopped eating junk so food often and committed myself to going to kickboxing classes 3x per week, I lost 20 lbs in less than two months. BAM, momentum! Then another 10 lbs melted off by the end of that year. Going from 150 to 140 took a while, but was accomplished by going to more classes and cutting out even more junk, and eating a bit less bread. I stayed at 140 for years, until last summer. Now I'm a bit above 130 and the scale is no longer reliable since I'm also putting on muscle (I never lifted until about 2 months ago, so all the weight I lost took a long-ass time, all things considered lol.)

 

Like the NF articles say, you can't outrun your fork. I don't know what your dietary habits are like, but gradually cutting out bad foods is the big thing for weight loss. Soda/pop and other liquid calories are great to get rid of (it's what got me started, anyway )

[Haku]

Haha, I promise I'll do a Lady Sif or Lady Loki cosplay as soon as I've lost weight and I weigh 75kg or less, so that's 165lbs or less. Right now I weigh about 190lbs or 86kg if you will. But I am going to do that Lady Loki cosplay for sure. We might even meet up one day and cosplay Loki together. You male version, me female version. xD Haha!

 

Sounds amazing, how you lost weight! I don't like pasta in the first place and I barely drink alcohol. Maybe 1 or 2 glasses of wine in 3 months? xD Maybe 2 months, but really. I drink very little. I also don't drink any soda's whatsoever. I only drink water and tea on a day and in the morning I have some milk. For me it's mostly in the sugar (chocolate, biscuits... all that jazz) And I do eat lots of bread. Usually about 4 slices a day. With either peanut butter or chocolate paste. I guess I should find something different for that. So what do you take to school/work (dunno what you do) for lunch instead of bread? (I just need to exercise more. I do almost nothing, apart from cycling 10km every school day)

 

Also, for the veggie thing... You really should find yourself a vegetable that you like a lot. I like fennel a lot, for instance. It tastes like anise. It's quite a sweet vegetable and since I love sweet flavours, it's a great veggie for me. And carrots. Carrots are sweet too. But really, if you want to get yourself to eat vegetables, you'll have to find yourself something that you really like and that you won't find difficult to eat. Plus now that you have your own herbs, it'll be even cooler to make things when you can flavour-decorate your food with your very own herbs!

[Haku]

By the way, you have trouble eating kale, right? I just googled what it was and in Dutch it's called "Boerenkool" and we actually make kale-stew which is a typically Dutch dish. x'D It's very winter-y and I simply love it. But the way we make it it's less bitter. We boil potatoes, mash them, put raw kale through it (best to have lots of kale and little potatoes, so the stew is nice 'n green) and then you eat it with a nice sausage. *drools* But it should be smoked sausage, that's the best to go with it. Dunno if you've ever tried it that way? Also, the literal translation of boerenkool is farmer's cabbage. xD Haha!

 

Anyway, that was just a random little fact and suggestion. Good luck with everything. (Huzzah for randomness)

[Kan]

I read your thread :3 I'm gonna follow it too. You sound like a person I would have instinctively become friends with because I was pretty much the same. Oddball kid who didn't fit in well at all. Grew up in the sticks, and still in video games XD My kindergarten teacher actually wrote "does not play well with others" on my report card lol. I too have a hell of a time making eye contact. I had gotten so used to it I nearly forgot it was bad. I typically stared at peoples chin or neck. Something to do with being judged different. Dunno. I know I'm at least mildly attractive, but I can't see myself that way in social situations. I also have a very hard time talking to anyone new. First getting words out at all, then keeping them at a normal pace. I can be confident at times, but I really need to strengthen my spine along with my body. I think I might can learn some things from you.

Also, I don't know much about larping, but you'd probably like daggerhir also ^-^ I'm going to a war one day. Not sure when, but I thought I'd mention it just in case a fellow nerd didn't know about it yet.

One last thing, congrats on breaking through the societal wall of expectations :3 As a parkour seedling, I say walls are only there to slow down who we are, and who we could be. Hopefully I'll be scaling them walls soon.

°~°

[Eirlys]

Wow, awesome weight loss there Naxius!

 

And I forgot to mention in my previous post, that your Loki costume really rocks!!  Kudos to your dressmaker and for you for convincingly pulling off the look!

 

I'm based in Europe so I haven't tried NERO (although I've heard of it, I think it's the main "American" system) - I think how long a character lasts depends on the system.  I play a high-hit, high-fantasy system which allows for character 'resurrection' a number of times, so my first (and beloved) dark elf character is still going!  In a low-hit system (e.g. where one blow takes out a limb, for example) I think characters tend to be much shorter-lived.  But still worth making costume for

 

You have the figure for an elf!!

 

I want to get into cosplay too and have a 'Khaleesi' wig on order... I just need to get the body to go with that now ;-)

 

On a different note, I remember reading that on making eye contact, if you think something like "I like you, and you like me" (or something similar & positive) then that's about the right sort of time to hold someone's glance, while keeping it in the naturally friendly zone.  I'll see if I can turn up the paragraph, it was quite helpful for me

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Haha, I promise I'll do a Lady Sif or Lady Loki cosplay as soon as I've lost weight and I weigh 75kg or less, so that's 165lbs or less. Right now I weigh about 190lbs or 86kg if you will. But I am going to do that Lady Loki cosplay for sure. We might even meet up one day and cosplay Loki together. You male version, me female version. xD Haha!

 

Sounds amazing, how you lost weight! I don't like pasta in the first place and I barely drink alcohol. Maybe 1 or 2 glasses of wine in 3 months? xD Maybe 2 months, but really. I drink very little. I also don't drink any soda's whatsoever. I only drink water and tea on a day and in the morning I have some milk. For me it's mostly in the sugar (chocolate, biscuits... all that jazz) And I do eat lots of bread. Usually about 4 slices a day. With either peanut butter or chocolate paste. I guess I should find something different for that. So what do you take to school/work (dunno what you do) for lunch instead of bread? (I just need to exercise more. I do almost nothing, apart from cycling 10km every school day)

 

Also, for the veggie thing... You really should find yourself a vegetable that you like a lot. I like fennel a lot, for instance. It tastes like anise. It's quite a sweet vegetable and since I love sweet flavours, it's a great veggie for me. And carrots. Carrots are sweet too. But really, if you want to get yourself to eat vegetables, you'll have to find yourself something that you really like and that you won't find difficult to eat. Plus now that you have your own herbs, it'll be even cooler to make things when you can flavour-decorate your food with your very own herbs!

 

If bread and sugar are your biggest unhealthy foods, you're doing way better than I was when I was 21 lol! And cycling 10km per day is definitely something Do you live by yourself, or do other people you live with buy cookies and chocolates often? A good way to cut back on pastries is simply to not buy them, but that's impossible if someone else keeps getting them. I can definitely feel your pain there, because mom got piles and piles of chocolates over the holidays. I'VE ONLY HAD THREE! I have no idea how, but I only had three. It only took me about 10 years to control the chocolate cravings, although I'll add a piece of dark chocolate or two in a post-gym yogurt if it's available.

 

For school/work (I'm in grad school so it's a bit of both, along with misery) I usually take leftovers from the night before (unless it's pasta) and some fruits and vegetables. If there are no leftovers, I usually grab a can of kippered herring, tuna, salmon, or sardines.

 

The trail mix problem is just me being lazy, because it's right there, and it's so easy to just reach in and grab some here, and there, and whenever I walk by. I just put the bag in the cupboard where I can't see it. Hopefully problem solved. I like most vegetables, so I can just reach for those instead. Especially snow peas. And anything covered in Dijon mustard.

 

Don't judge me.

 

I love kale, especially kale chips (I do remember a thread where the OP said they didn't like kale, but I forget who posted it.) I'm going to have kale chips later tonight, actually. AND we just had potato and turnip stew with spinach and chicken. I'll keep that kale stew recipe in mind though.

 

 

I read your thread :3 I'm gonna follow it too. You sound like a person I would have instinctively become friends with because I was pretty much the same. Oddball kid who didn't fit in well at all. Grew up in the sticks, and still in video games XD My kindergarten teacher actually wrote "does not play well with others" on my report card lol. I too have a hell of a time making eye contact. I had gotten so used to it I nearly forgot it was bad. I typically stared at peoples chin or neck. Something to do with being judged different. Dunno. I know I'm at least mildly attractive, but I can't see myself that way in social situations. I also have a very hard time talking to anyone new. First getting words out at all, then keeping them at a normal pace. I can be confident at times, but I really need to strengthen my spine along with my body. I think I might can learn some things from you.

Also, I don't know much about larping, but you'd probably like daggerhir also ^-^ I'm going to a war one day. Not sure when, but I thought I'd mention it just in case a fellow nerd didn't know about it yet.

One last thing, congrats on breaking through the societal wall of expectations :3 As a parkour seedling, I say walls are only there to slow down who we are, and who we could be. Hopefully I'll be scaling them walls soon.

°~°

 

Glad to know I'm not alone!

 

Learn some things from me? Oh shit...expectations! I better go do my challenge goals right now then eh? XD

 

I just Googled Daggerhir...yep, looks like LARP. It probably has a different rule set than NERO but looks just as fun. Hitting people with foam weapons? Yes plz.

 

Agreed 100% with the walls, physical or social. Also, best of luck with the parkour'ing (tracing?), you'll be scaling walls before you know it!

 

 

Wow, awesome weight loss there Naxius!

 

And I forgot to mention in my previous post, that your Loki costume really rocks!!  Kudos to your dressmaker and for you for convincingly pulling off the look!

 

I'm based in Europe so I haven't tried NERO (although I've heard of it, I think it's the main "American" system) - I think how long a character lasts depends on the system.  I play a high-hit, high-fantasy system which allows for character 'resurrection' a number of times, so my first (and beloved) dark elf character is still going!  In a low-hit system (e.g. where one blow takes out a limb, for example) I think characters tend to be much shorter-lived.  But still worth making costume for

 

You have the figure for an elf!!

 

I want to get into cosplay too and have a 'Khaleesi' wig on order... I just need to get the body to go with that now ;-)

 

On a different note, I remember reading that on making eye contact, if you think something like "I like you, and you like me" (or something similar & positive) then that's about the right sort of time to hold someone's glance, while keeping it in the naturally friendly zone.  I'll see if I can turn up the paragraph, it was quite helpful for me

 

Ty! ...and when that Khaleesi wig comes in, we need to see pics XD

 

I don't remember all the rules for the NERO system, but I know that you're allowed a few resurrections. The first one is a given, but after that I think you have to draw a marble from a bag, and if you get the black marble then you're permanently dead. Each time you die then you have greater odds of picking the black marble. I think that they stopped counting any character deaths during someone's first event recently, too, probably to increase newbie retention. I certainly won't be complaining, because Elf starting HP are pretty freaking low lol.

 

I should probably order some ears in the next month or so...

 

Also, if you can find that paragraph on eye contact, that would be awesome.

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Yesterday's scores (Jan 12)

 

1.1, meditate: done

1.2, Lumosity: done

1.3, focus and attention: not done

 

2.1, slow down: ehh, several points? I remember having to read something out loud and did better at that than usual (was going slower), so there's a bit of progress.

2.2, "win" the contest: N/A as I didn't go in any public places

 

3.1, herbs: N/A for another week...although I should acquire better-looking pots for the two herbs I got last Saturday. Especially for the rosemary. I should probably put together a little care sheet for the herbs, too, because learning is fun.

 

The confidence quests are really iffy to grade X_x Especially when I have hermit days.

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Jan 13 scores:

 

1.1, meditation: done

1.2, Lumosity: done

1.3, focus and attention: observed a bowl in detail. That's about as boring as objects get. It was wide, about 6" wide at the top, 4.5" at the bottom and...maybe 2.5" deep? There were a few faint spots of tomato sauce in it as well, which means I didn't do that great of a job licking it clean after supper lol. The clean(er) areas of it reflected light, but you couldn't see your face in it. The bowl was white, and had a very thin groove/line around the bottom (almost as if the sides and the bottom had been separate and then connected.) I forget the brand name written on the underside, but it was made in the USA and is chip/break resistant, and is not supposed to go in the oven or on a heating element.

 

I put those bowls on heating elements all the time. Oops?

 

As for recapping my day, I'm still not sure if I should be doing this in writing (takes forever) or just mentally. Either way, yesterday was mostly uneventful, save for the faculty strike on campus. Okay, yeah, I guess that is pretty eventful. I spoke so someone at the gym this morning who is from faculty (in another dept) and apparently there's a full lock-out in effect today? I wonder if I can get into the building. If not, I wonder if I can ninja into the building X)

 

2.1, slow down: I was talking too fast for like a full hour. I'm pretty sure this is an F.

2.2: "win" the staring contest: 0/5.

 

3.1, herbs: pots not acquired X(