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Milythael Perseveres


milythael

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I wasn't going to do one of these.  I don't have the energy or desire for frequent posting, but I realized I could use a little help just keeping on keeping on.

 

I'm a mess.  Feeding myself is a daily challenge.  My apartment looks about like a crack house squat.  Leaving the apartment has become unusual enough to be a really big deal.

 

This time, my goals are literally subsistence level.

 

1. Eat

 

I'm starting a new diet, Sean's Sanity Diet.  The rules are pretty simple.  Eat what it takes to stay sane.  If I'm feeling great and have the emotional energy for it, then it is pretty close to paleo, but when I'm close to the bottom, even McDonalds hamburgers would be a win.  I'm not eating for fat loss or performance.  I'm eating to sustain myself.

 

The measurable goal is 2 distinct meals a day, though distinct meal is a pretty flexible idea.  Four sandwiches in one sitting is one meal.  Half a sandwich now, and another half in a couple hours is two meals.  The point is frequency, not volume.

 

2. Move

 

Do something explicitly for exercise twice a week.  Aerials class counts.  Stuff I do between buses in the morning does not count.  Walking three or more miles home after work does.  A handstand workout does.  You get the idea.

 

3.  Clean

 

Make a real effort to improve the cleanliness of my apartment at least once a week.  Bag up and take out at least one bag of trash.  Wash all the dishes.  Pick up the mess.  Break down and take out boxes.  It doesn't matter what, but each week should be better than the last, even just marginally.

 

Bonus: Don't isolate.  At least once a week, make an effort to connect with someone outside of my inner circle.  I'm low enough right now that posting in someone else's thread on NF may count for this.  I'm still undecided.

 

Welcome to January, when depression kicks my ass.  I'm lonely, depressed, and barely functional.  The things I like are too much effort.  The things I don't seem insurmountably, devastatingly difficult.

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Milythael Assassin
Challenges:
Intro, 123, 4567, 8 9 10 Current
PVPs: Demon Slaying, HOoRAY, Meditation,

      Poses, Juggling 30/30 Squat

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*biggest hugs*

I am glad you decided to have a thread and are doing the hard work to take care of you <3

Anything you need, even if it's a listening ear for a 3am rant against the injustice in the world, I am here.

image_zps2581b39c.jpg

Druid Assassin Halfling

:) Druid Ambassador :)

Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns

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Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.

- Jim Rohn

 

 

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Thank you for your honesty and for trusting this community for at least a modicum of support. You are always welcome to post on my thread and count it as interaction. I deeply understand this feeling of isolation you're describing and just don't like seeing anyone feeling that way.

Wood Elf Assassin

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LVL 2 | STR 3 | DEX 7 | STA 5 | CON 2 | WIS 1 | CHA 0

 

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I'm sorry you're feeling depressed :( And I will do whatever I can to help :) 

 

It goes without saying that you can post in my thread and count that as interaction but consider this an official invitation :) I'll subscribe to your challenge and try my best to keep you company and give whatever support I can :) 

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STR: 2 | DEX: 2 | STA: 2 | CON: 3 | WIS: 3 | CHA: 3


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Why can't anyone invent teleportation already! >_<

THIS!!!! I'd be there helping you cook and clean in a millisecond! I know you can do it though, but having help is always good too :)

Druid Assassin Halfling

:) Druid Ambassador :)

Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns

Spoiler

 

Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.

- Jim Rohn

 

 

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Apparently, I wasn't subscribed to my own thread, so I didn't know anyone had posted here.

 

*biggest hugs*

I am glad you decided to have a thread and are doing the hard work to take care of you <3
Anything you need, even if it's a listening ear for a 3am rant against the injustice in the world, I am here.

image_zps2581b39c.jpg

 

Thanks.

 

Thank you for your honesty and for trusting this community for at least a modicum of support. You are always welcome to post on my thread and count it as interaction. I deeply understand this feeling of isolation you're describing and just don't like seeing anyone feeling that way.

 

Without honesty and vulnerability, I'm not at all sure I'd still be alive.  I may be severely impaired by depression right now, but I'm nowhere near as bad as I've been in the past.  Thanks for your support.

 

Why can't anyone invent teleportation already! >_<

 

Damn relativity.  This has me thinking about what practical teleportation would look like.  Since we can't transport matter quickly, we would probably have to transport information and have the matter available at the far end.  This would basically be duplication, not teleportation.  What do you do with the matter on the back side?  If someone says they have invented teleportation, do we need to keep a look out for the murder abattoirs on the back end?  Copy the information for a person.  Degenerate it into constituent parts.  Transmit data to far end.  Incorporate constituent parts into person?

 

I'm sorry you're feeling depressed :( And I will do whatever I can to help :)

 

It goes without saying that you can post in my thread and count that as interaction but consider this an official invitation :) I'll subscribe to your challenge and try my best to keep you company and give whatever support I can :)

 

Thanks for your support.

 

THIS!!!! I'd be there helping you cook and clean in a millisecond! I know you can do it though, but having help is always good too :)

 

Thanks.

Milythael Assassin
Challenges:
Intro, 123, 4567, 8 9 10 Current
PVPs: Demon Slaying, HOoRAY, Meditation,

      Poses, Juggling 30/30 Squat

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Glad to see you here! And interesting thought on teleportation… And what resources does it take to assemble a human on the far end? If we can assemble a human, can we disassemble them just as easily? If you're dissasembled/reassembled simultaneously (or nearly, does that seem less like murder? Do all the components just get recycled - go from here to there, we store the molecules for the next person who comes from there to here… and what happens when we happen to be low on parts because everyone came one direction and hasn't gone back yet?

Level 13 Elven Assassin
Challenges: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | Current
Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. - Goethe

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Glad to see you here! And interesting thought on teleportation… And what resources does it take to assemble a human on the far end? If we can assemble a human, can we disassemble them just as easily? If you're dissasembled/reassembled simultaneously (or nearly, does that seem less like murder? Do all the components just get recycled - go from here to there, we store the molecules for the next person who comes from there to here… and what happens when we happen to be low on parts because everyone came one direction and hasn't gone back yet?

 

You would start with disincorporating fresh corpses at the morgue.  This ensures you have all the constituents.  But even if you reincorporate and disincorporate at the same time, it is still killing the old copy.  What if an old copy got out?  It would feel like someone failed to murder it. Yes, components get recycled.  Establishing a new location would require transporting the materials there, but the death angle should cover long term stockpiling.

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Milythael Assassin
Challenges:
Intro, 123, 4567, 8 9 10 Current
PVPs: Demon Slaying, HOoRAY, Meditation,

      Poses, Juggling 30/30 Squat

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hahahaha.

That is NOT how WonkaVision worked :P

Mike TV just got really small and vaporized and was reassembled, so we just need to dehydrate everyone and send them via airtight tubing or something, then rehydrate at the other end!

Druid Assassin Halfling

:) Druid Ambassador :)

Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns

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Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.

- Jim Rohn

 

 

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hahahaha.

That is NOT how WonkaVision worked :tongue:

Mike TV just got really small and vaporized and was reassembled, so we just need to dehydrate everyone and send them via airtight tubing or something, then rehydrate at the other end!

 

To be fair, WonkaVision was fantasy, and I'm talking science fiction.  An actual implementation of teleportation that doesn't violate relativity would probably be at the speed of light at best, and would therefore have to not transmit matter if you want to get as close to the speed of light as possible.

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Milythael Assassin
Challenges:
Intro, 123, 4567, 8 9 10 Current
PVPs: Demon Slaying, HOoRAY, Meditation,

      Poses, Juggling 30/30 Squat

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Day 2

I ate well.  Lunch and dinner were both excellent, though I spent too much money on food.

I did a single handstand.  Not enough to count as movement.

I did not clean.

I got a haircut, which is a big deal for me, but not enough to count as reaching out either.

Milythael Assassin
Challenges:
Intro, 123, 4567, 8 9 10 Current
PVPs: Demon Slaying, HOoRAY, Meditation,

      Poses, Juggling 30/30 Squat

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I wouldn't beat yourself up about spending on food - when you find you want to do something, just do it. So much time being depressed is spent not wanting to do anything.

 

How long was your handstand? I can't even hold one yet.

Wood Elf Assassin

-------------------------------------

 

Battle log

First challenge

Second challenge

Current challenge

 

LVL 2 | STR 3 | DEX 7 | STA 5 | CON 2 | WIS 1 | CHA 0

 

"It goes, boys."  - Lynn Hill

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baby, you can't do any more than you can.  a few Challenges back, if you recall, I also had to take the "eat to stay alive" approach.

 

<3

 

I'm wishing the best for you, sweetie.

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

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I wouldn't beat yourself up about spending on food - when you find you want to do something, just do it. So much time being depressed is spent not wanting to do anything.

 

How long was your handstand? I can't even hold one yet.

 

The only reason to be concerned about food spending is budgetary limitations.  With my tipping habits, my taste in food, and my taste in alcohol, I ended up spending over $60 on food yesterday.  I can afford that sometimes, but not every day.  I did have the most remarkable tequila though.

 

It was a wall start, balance away from the wall, and only lasted 2-5 seconds or so.  It doesn't count because as recently as 3 weeks ago, I was doing at least 3 intense, 30+ minute handstand workouts a week working on a straddle press to handstand.  Since then, I've had illness, a pinched nerve that put me in the ER overnight, and depression, that really kicked my training in the ass.  I've decided to pull back from the straddle press training, and just work on my freestanding holds and kick ups, but haven't gotten back into the swing of things yet.

 

baby, you can't do any more than you can.  a few Challenges back, if you recall, I also had to take the "eat to stay alive" approach.

 

<3

 

I'm wishing the best for you, sweetie.

 

Thank you, James.  That reminds me, I should probably put pen to paper again soon. :)

Milythael Assassin
Challenges:
Intro, 123, 4567, 8 9 10 Current
PVPs: Demon Slaying, HOoRAY, Meditation,

      Poses, Juggling 30/30 Squat

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I've suffered through this myself and it hits hard in winter... or all year in England. 
 

If there's EVER any support you need, just hop on NF and we'll shower you with affection. :) You're awesome and while it won't help to hear it right now, just try to achieve a little thing each day and that will help you get through.

 

*huge hugs from Canada*

Lvl. 10 Half-Elf Assassin

 

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My Daily Battle Log

 

 

 

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To get more philosophical about the teleportation thing, would you still be the same person? Your matter would belong to someone else, but, assuming lossless teleportation, you'd still have your thoughts and memories. Go. 

 

And you are amazing. Remember that even if you don't believe it right now.

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I've suffered through this myself and it hits hard in winter... or all year in England. 

 

If there's EVER any support you need, just hop on NF and we'll shower you with affection. :) You're awesome and while it won't help to hear it right now, just try to achieve a little thing each day and that will help you get through.

 

*huge hugs from Canada*

 

For me, it has less to do with winter, which I love, and more to do with loneliness around the holidays and my birthday, which is at the end of the month.  January is when I most feel the absence of the physical presence of friends in my life.  I have other, life long challenges with both the holidays and my birthday as well.  They just compound to make January difficult.

Milythael Assassin
Challenges:
Intro, 123, 4567, 8 9 10 Current
PVPs: Demon Slaying, HOoRAY, Meditation,

      Poses, Juggling 30/30 Squat

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To get more philosophical about the teleportation thing, would you still be the same person? Your matter would belong to someone else, but, assuming lossless teleportation, you'd still have your thoughts and memories. Go. 

 

And you are amazing. Remember that even if you don't believe it right now.

 

Personally, no, I don't believe you would still be the same person.  I believe you would be an alternate person who believes they are the same person, if that makes any sense at all.

 

And thank you, that means a lot.

Milythael Assassin
Challenges:
Intro, 123, 4567, 8 9 10 Current
PVPs: Demon Slaying, HOoRAY, Meditation,

      Poses, Juggling 30/30 Squat

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For me, it has less to do with winter, which I love, and more to do with loneliness around the holidays and my birthday, which is at the end of the month.  January is when I most feel the absence of the physical presence of friends in my life.  I have other, life long challenges with both the holidays and my birthday as well.  They just compound to make January difficult.

We may not be in person, but we can be your online family! *huge hugs*

 

When is your birthday? We should throw a NF party!

Lvl. 10 Half-Elf Assassin

 

My Current Challenge

 

My Daily Battle Log

 

 

 

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We may not be in person, but we can be your online family! *huge hugs*

 

When is your birthday? We should throw a NF party!

Thanks.  I have a great online family, which is something I haven't really had in years past.  That is an improvement.  It is still a month when I miss touch a lot.  As an example, I got a haircut last night, and she was very touchy.  Now, I'm craving another haircut because that was the most touch I've had since early December.

 

My birthday is on the 25th.  I generally don't make a big deal of it, or any particular effort to celebrate it for personal reasons.

Milythael Assassin
Challenges:
Intro, 123, 4567, 8 9 10 Current
PVPs: Demon Slaying, HOoRAY, Meditation,

      Poses, Juggling 30/30 Squat

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Thank you, James.  That reminds me, I should probably put pen to paper again soon. :)

 

yeah, I got yours earlier this week.  I've been so busy catching up at work that I hadn't had made time to write you back yet.  :(

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

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