zenLara's journey

[Lara]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I'm super sorry I missed the actual day. <3 I think that with a little more advance planning you can make your next birthday spectacular. I throw myself a party every year because *I* want to.

 

Thanks, sweetie!!

Maybe next year...

[Why not?]

Hey! So much time without hearing from you. Thought you had momentarily abandoned us How is it going? I guess you're still doing all those amazing things I could not even understand the names of.

 

I tried once to do as you suggest, but it didn't turn out as fun as expected. I think I don't have internalised this is an important day to me because it never was to people surrounding me.

On the other side, this is the first time in my life I am completely alone the day of my birthday, and I think that is what is making me feel so sad.

Not abandoned I don't always get notifications on here...also work and extracurriculars have gotten rather busy, so I'm not on here as often as I used to be.

I do wish I had remembered to get on and wish you a happy birthday on Friday, so on that note:

[Lara]

Not abandoned I don't always get notifications on here...also work and extracurriculars have gotten rather busy, so I'm not on here as often as I used to be.

I do wish I had remembered to get on and wish you a happy birthday on Friday, so on that note:

 

 

Thank you very much.

 

By the way, those little numbers in your signature... are in kg? O_o  Not that in pounds would be less impressive, but if those are kg OH-MY-GOD

[SymphonicDan]

By the way, those little numbers in your signature... are in kg? O_o  Not that in pounds would be less impressive, but if those are kg OH-MY-GOD

 

The deadlift world record is "only" about 460kg (depending on whose rules you're using) so 500kg would be extremely ambitious haha. Same for the clean and jerk - current record is "only" 263kg.

 

Those numbers in Why not's long-term goals are pretty high standards though nonetheless... I'm not sure I know anyone who can achieve any of the strength items on that list!

[Why not?]

Thank you very much.

 

By the way, those little numbers in your signature... are in kg? O_o  Not that in pounds would be less impressive, but if those are kg OH-MY-GOD

Soooo, I disappeared again for about 4 weeks, sorry!

 

All weights are in lbs, I won't be challenging Eddie Hall anytime soon haha.

[Lara]

CHAPTER 11. One year following an anti-anxiety program.

 

Last year I decided to invest time in adressing what I consider my main problem in life: anxiety. I bought a helpful book and started to follow carefully the author's indications.

I started with the easiest tips, like taking the time to breath or to relax along the day, and then added other things like meditation, exercise, rest time, outdoors time and supplements. After one year, I can say that at least, I've learnt to know myself better, anxiety included.

What I've found most useful is not this or that exercise, but doing one little thing everyday about it. Caring about anxiety. Instead of ignoring it, rejecting it, judging myself, I've just learnt to aknowledge anxiety is there. Letting myself feel the anxiety makes it easier to notice when it is piling up, it has helped me to recognise more patterns of body tension, and lately it has become less intense. With meditation sessions I've worked a lot on the “noticing feelings and thoughts†technique, and it's incredible how easily bad feelings fade when I just aknowledge them, experience them and then let them go.

 

Best tools: meditation, as said, and breathing and relaxation exercises. Trying to change my thoughts/beliefs as the book stated was helpful in the beginning but now I feel more useful the meditation technique of not identifying my own self with those thoughs/feelings/beliefs. I am not what I think, I am not what I feel. It's a great relief when you realise that thought just appeared in your mind randomly doesn't define you, it's not what you are, it's just a thought, and thoughts just come and go. Aknowledging them makes them less sticky, same with feelings. Same with anxiety.

 

I've recently started working on the emotions chapter of the book, and it looks it will be helpful (yes, a whole year and I haven't yet finished the book, this is not a race), because it kind of agrees with the meditation technique, though it's a different approach.

 

Anxiety symptoms review.

 

I did a review after 6 months of work, but there have been changes since then.

 

Symptoms that had already disappeared 6 months ago and never came back:

 

• nose bleeding in the mornings or after stressful situations;

• stress at night;

• overthinking in bed.

 

Symptoms that had disappeared but that have occasionally reappeared:

 

• loss of appetite. Usually this appears when I've been anxious and didn't notice. When loss of appetite appears I am already very anxious, it's a pity sometimes I miss it. But I use the sign: if loss of appetite appears, it's time to stop and see in which areas I can slow down.

 

Symptoms that had improved and are starting to disappear now:

 

• PMS. This has improved a lot in the pasts months. No changes in humour except for a few hours of "I feel low" that are easily managed. Minimal sugar cravings manageable with coconut oil. No breast discomfort. And nothing that could be considered as pain.

• Anxiety attacks. No attacks in four months.

• Negative thoughts. Almost nothing here. The ones that appear are accepted, and then let go as what they are: just thoughts.

• Overall anxiety. Much better. In fact, is so low that lately when I got anxious I have experienced it as sudden peaks that make easy to identify the feeling and work on it.

• Bad sleep. This goes on and off. Perfect sleep if I sleep alone, which is already a huge improvement. When accompanied it can happen two things: that I sleep good enough (sleep the whole night or with minor awakenings), or that I get obsessed before I go to bed about how much my boyfriend will move and snore and then I'm headed for disaster.

• Hair loss. Better. But not as good as I'd like it.

• Stage fright. I am getting the hang of it. It comes and goes because of different reasons.

 

Symptoms that hadn't improved at all and are starting to change now:

 

• The worrier. The worrier personality has resisted all my attempts to tame it. The other three are nice to me now, if we except the critic sometimes, but it gets easily redirected. Worrier has been tough, but it's lately responding to the meditation technique described above: I let the thought express itself, I look if there is an emotion attached -99% of times there is-, and then I let myself feel the emotion without identifying with it (e.g. "this is anxiety" and not "I am feeling anxious"), then I say to myself "it's a just a thought" and it goes away. Of course, the worrier is my most sticky personality so usually as soon as the feeling or thought goes away, it comes back again, but with time and patience everything is possible. The moment of calm in between is getting larger.

• Brain malfunction. Brain keeps on misbehaving when in a stressful situation, BUT now I can notice it almost immediately. I don't get caught for so long in the situation, I realise it is a fake point of view and though it does not stop I feel relieved because I know what my brain is saying to me or making me feel is not true.

• Jaw tension. I almost never get headaches now because of jaw tension, but there is still a remaining level of tension. Hope with my new relaxation exercises this will improve.

 

And now... let's talk about exercise.

 

I am not happy. I feel like this whole year has been an on and off period. It is true that the off periods were always due to something I could not have control over: flu, fevers, serious illnessess and broken or damaged toes. I feel I am doing my best and yet I am not having much progress. It's like with every off period I lose most of the effort done previously and I am constanly coming back to square 1, or at least going from square 10 back to square 3. I feel I am not getting good results. How is it that I have been working for a whole year and yet I can't do a simple push-up? I am feeling discouraged. I will be retaking my workouts this week because my toe seems healed, but how much I've lost this time? For how long I will be working this time? How much until next illness? Maybe the problem is I am getting sick too often?

 

 

On the other side, definitively 6 weeks challenges don't work for me. For some time I've been thinking about this. I've tried to adjust, but no. It's too long. It's a pity there aren't any other challenge options. And I don't think it would be fair to brag about acing a challenge after 4 weeks while other people struggle through the most difficult weeks, so maybe I'll do as I've done before and write things here in my battle log.

[Why not?]

First of all, it's awesome that you're doing so well conquering your anxiety! I'm really excited for you with that!

 

As far as the working out goes, I have to ask, what do you keep doing to your toes!?

 

Do you still do some exercises when your toes are out of commission, or do you stop entirely? That seems like a great time to focus on your core, do negative pull-ups/push-ups, etc. Also, when it comes to scaling the push-up, check out this video here:

 

[Lara]

As far as the working out goes, I have to ask, what do you keep doing to your toes!?

 

I must be the clumsiest person ever

 

I only swept across the video and seemed very interesting. I will take a calmer look to it tomorrow. One never knows enough about push-ups, it seems. Thank you!

[SymphonicDan]

It's really interesting to hear you talk about the various psychological improvements. You've done a lot of interesting experiments this year and learnt a lot. I sometimes get headaches that are probably from jaw tension, so thanks for pointing that out - I should pay attention to it!

 

And don't be frustrated about the lack of progress in strength goals - all physical goals are very fickle... sometimes you will try something hard and it will just work without any effort. Once I added 10kg to my squat in a week. Once I added 10kg to my bench press without actually working on the bench press. Other times you'll be stuck forever without no progress. I've been stuck at about 40kg on the overhead press for nearly 2 years. I still can't get that elusive 15th pull-up in a set.

 

When that happens, you should think about changing your training. For example, maybe you need to focus more on your recovery (more protein and sugars after an intense workout, more sleep, more water, stay warm etc.)? Maybe you should try some related motions to give your muscles some added stimulus (it could be that they've optimized themselves for the precise exercises you're doing).

 

Good luck for your future adventures, and I'll be here supporting

[Lara]

It's really interesting to hear you talk about the various psychological improvements. You've done a lot of interesting experiments this year and learnt a lot. I sometimes get headaches that are probably from jaw tension, so thanks for pointing that out - I should pay attention to it!

 

And don't be frustrated about the lack of progress in strength goals - all physical goals are very fickle... sometimes you will try something hard and it will just work without any effort. Once I added 10kg to my squat in a week. Once I added 10kg to my bench press without actually working on the bench press. Other times you'll be stuck forever without no progress. I've been stuck at about 40kg on the overhead press for nearly 2 years. I still can't get that elusive 15th pull-up in a set.

 

When that happens, you should think about changing your training. For example, maybe you need to focus more on your recovery (more protein and sugars after an intense workout, more sleep, more water, stay warm etc.)? Maybe you should try some related motions to give your muscles some added stimulus (it could be that they've optimized themselves for the precise exercises you're doing).

 

Good luck for your future adventures, and I'll be here supporting

 

About the jaw, I learnt from my last physiotherapist that it tends to accumulate every emotional tension. When there is a lot the jaw starts to "trap" the muscles on the head and make them tense and then headaches appear. The most common jaw headache is one that goes from the base of the back head where it joins the neck and goes up through the whole scalp until the eyes. I remember he had a "headaches book" with lots of pictures. He told me to point him which draw represented my headache and he immediately said "ok, jaw". Then followed one of the most painful moments of my life when he put everything in place. It's the only time in my life I've been in the edge of fainting because of pain.

 

I guess then that I am in that feared "plateau" everybody talks about?  2 years stucked in your overhead press? O_o You'll throw a party when it goes up, I hope. I am getting my first push-up party, you bet.

 

I've changed my workouts recently to do other movements and as you say it seemed to be working. Then I just... stopped. I hope to get back on track next week and hope I won't be hurting myself in any way or getting sick. Other parameters are rather in control: I drink, I sleep, I eat and I am more in control of anxiety. We'll see.

 

Thank you for following. It's nice to have someone so advanced in training coming by. You have a lot of good advice to give and I have an example to follow

[IronGlider]

Hi! Just catching up on the last few pages, really sorry to here that you've had a rough few months, but on the other hand SymphonicDan said (nice to see you again bud!) you've made an excellent amount of progress in the past few months, and I'm sure you will soon see the benefits of all this hard work shaping up soon...

 

Also, whichever day you do achieve that push-up (and it will happen!) I'm going to be partying too, hell, I'm going to instantly make that day a funday too!

 

I hope to see you through your exercise plateaus too, I too have had an on/off year in this department, where I feel I haven't pushed myself enough, and in the process, I've lost my ability to do a proper pull-up! :*-(

 

We're going to work and see it that we can do what we set our mind (and body) to. Don't forget how awesome you are as well as the people you inspired! :-)

 

[Why not?]

I must be the clumsiest person ever

 

I only swept across the video and seemed very interesting. I will take a calmer look to it tomorrow. One never knows enough about push-ups, it seems. Thank you!

For the record, I was liking the second sentence, not the first haha

[Lara]

Hi! Just catching up on the last few pages, really sorry to here that you've had a rough few months, but on the other hand SymphonicDan said (nice to see you again bud!) you've made an excellent amount of progress in the past few months, and I'm sure you will soon see the benefits of all this hard work shaping up soon...

 

Also, whichever day you do achieve that push-up (and it will happen!) I'm going to be partying too, hell, I'm going to instantly make that day a funday too!

 

I hope to see you through your exercise plateaus too, I too have had an on/off year in this department, where I feel I haven't pushed myself enough, and in the process, I've lost my ability to do a proper pull-up! :*-(

 

We're going to work and see it that we can do what we set our mind (and body) to. Don't forget how awesome you are as well as the people you inspired! :-)

 

 

Thank you Iggy! Good way to start the day with a kind message like this one

 

I hope you're taking this challenge? Have you opened up a thread?

[Lara]

4 weeks challenges do work!

Putting exercise first does work!

Having a morning routine does work!

 

I can do push-uuuuuuuuuuups!

 

I can do bridgeeeeeeeeeeeees!

 

I've done lots of work without feeling stressed! Hyperinsulinemia seems to be out of my life!

 

I'll take a rest week and then plot another 4 weeks challenge!

 

[Guest]

push-uppppppppp

bridgeeeeeeeee

You're awesome!!! :D:D

[Lara]

push-uppppppppp

bridgeeeeeeeee

You're awesome!!! :D:D

 

Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!

When are you coming back? We miss you!

[Why not?]

Great work!

[Lara]

How am I doing?

I don't really know. I guess good.

I am practicing almost everyday and making progress, working out several times a week, I am up-to-date with my tasks at work, I am eating much better (quantity and quality), speding time outdoors and doing my anti-anxiety exercises, and yet the general feeling is I am not doing well. I sleep poorly, I can't stop my mind, and I feel anxious, overwhelmed, pressured, lonely and misunderstood. Yes, all of that.

 

I failed my last challenge and I am quite lost about what I could do to improve my overall feeling. 

 

Situation at home is not easy: my boyfriend accepted this job where he needed to work for around 12 hours a day during a month and then he would get back to a normal schedule, keeping the same salary (which is not much anyway). But we're almost end november and he keeps on working lots of hours, both at work and at home including weekends and it seems like there's no end. He has no life whatsoever, he only works, he's starting to be really stressed and he can't leave the position until june. It makes me feel very sad to see him in this situation, and the only thing I can do for him is to take care of everything at home: groceries, cooking, house chores, etc, which is quite overwhelming in the long run I must say.

 

I just want the world to stop and get off it.

[annyshay]

[Lara]

Well, I've been thinking a lot today about what to do.

Some ideas came to mind.

First: I'll take one day at a time. I won't be looking for longer periods by now; not weeks, not months, not -obviously- a whole challenge.

Second: everyday I'll try to focus on things that serve my well-being and hapiness at that moment. These things will be very different depending on the day and my state of mind and body that day.

Third: I'll keep on trying to spend time outdoors, to expose to sunlight and open air.

Fourth: I'll do one fun thing every day, no matter which type of activity. I could read some Pratchett book, or tap for a while, try to do a handstand as part of my workout, go out for a drink with someone, play cards... 

 

I don't think I need to worry about my workouts or flute practice at this time, I am quite hooked on what I am working right now on both fields.

[Lara]

Many things went wrong. I had something like a cathartic crisis and everything is much better since.

 

I've been doing a slow paced reflection on my ups and downs, and looking closer at those moments in which I feel better and those moments in which I feel worst. Those days when everything seems so easy that I do so many things without effort, and those days where every little task feels like a burden. I've been reading about the relationship between willpower and sugar blood levels, and all the physiological aspects of will. Everything comes to the same place everytime in my case: food.

 

So I am ready for a new way to focus things this upcoming new year. I will work towards goals only in 3 aspects of my life: good sleep, proper and enough food, and regular meditation. These will be the staples that will bring other things to my life. When I am well rested and I've been eating properly and enough, it is so easy to go outside and move, to walk, do my chores, work out, practice my music, to do a good job at work...

 

Also I've gone from one ocasional meditation exercise, 3-4 times a week, to twice a day, and wellbeing increases exponentially.

 

And we're past winter solstice: the worst hours of darkness are over. From now on, even if it's only a few minutes a day, light time grows everyday. Spring is one step closer.

 

So there we are. Now it's holidays, I've got a few family-visits busy days, and then 2 more weeks of rest before classes begin again. A nice time to make things work. 

[karinajean]

The insight about food is a very big deal! Do you have done thoughts on how to manage your meals and snacks, and are you thinking you will focus on a steady blood sugar?

I hope your holidays and break are lovely. I'm also tracking the sunlight each day - at my location we have 1 more minute of sunlight than yesterday, so lovely.

Sent from my iPhone while riding a unicorn through the cosmos.

[Lara]

The insight about food is a very big deal! Do you have done thoughts on how to manage your meals and snacks, and are you thinking you will focus on a steady blood sugar?

I hope your holidays and break are lovely. I'm also tracking the sunlight each day - at my location we have 1 more minute of sunlight than yesterday, so lovely.

Sent from my iPhone while riding a unicorn through the cosmos.

 

I'm thinking about it. On one side, as you say, focusing on a steady sugar level would help a lot, but I also have to focus on having always enough food at home and eating plenty of it at each meal. I think I'll take it one step at a time. Don't know how I will assemble this in a challenge yet.

 

It seems that now challenges are going to be 4-week ones, so it will match much better my pattern of work

[Lara]

Last year brought me my first push-up, my first chin-up, enough stamina to run during 20 minutes, lots of useful music practice, and more control of my anxiety levels.

 

What do I want for this new year?

• I want a cartwheel DONE! (assisted)

• I want a handstand DONE! 25secs against a wall, and 1 sec of balance without wall with straddled legs

• I want an L-sit

• I want more push-ups and chin-ups 5 in a row!

• I want a pancake and a butterfly

• I want better lung capacity

• I want calm and serenity so much better!

• I want sun YES!

Looking forward this next challenge.

 

---------------------

 

Challenge!!!!! http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/76205-zenlara-returns-to-the-basics/

[Lara]

New battle log!