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February 10th:

 

- I've put myself on the scale: 46 kilos 100 grams.

- "2 miles a day" (3.2 km) : 24 minutes. Mmmmm, that makes 12 minutes a mile, 8 a km.... Maybe the app doesn't work well? I mean, I was walking quickly because it was cold and I wanted to feel warm, but I don't have the impression I was going that fast. I'll try a different app tomorrow just in case...

- Meditation: done.

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February 11th:

 

- Workout. It turned out the beginner workout was too easy, so following kind advices from several rebellion comrades, I'll build a new plan for next week, a bit more difficult. But anyway, I did it, so I am stronger than yesterday! Mwahaha!

- Meditation: done.

- Writing about anxiety: done.

 

February 12th:

 

- Two miles a day. Ok, the app was not working correctly. I calculated distances today with google, and it turned out I made only 2.5 km on monday. Today I did the full walk and it took me 27 minutes. That seems more plausible, and it's still a very good timing.

- Meditation: done.

 

 

(Healthy) Calorie intake: the average calorie intake for this week has raised to almost 1800, which is 300 calories more than before. Good, good...

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February 13th:

 

- Two miles a day. Today it was not so cold and it smelled really good after the early rain, so I took it more like a walk, and made the 2 miles in 30 minutes.

- Writing about anxiety: done. And yesterday night I was able to quickly stop negative thoughts about the pupils concert taking place this afternoon (in which I'll be playing some piece a bit more difficult).

- Meditation: done.

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February 11th:

 

- Workout. It turned out the beginner workout was too easy, so following kind advices from several rebellion comrades, I'll build a new plan for next week, a bit more difficult. But anyway, I did it, so I am stronger than yesterday! Mwahaha!

 

Well done!

 

And especially well-done with squashing the negative thoughts about the concert! I took guitar and voice lessons a few years ago and participated in several "recitals" (along with a lot of 5-year-old piano students; it was fun  :D), but as nervous as I was about performing my pieces, I always imagined those things must have been much more anxiety-provoking for our instructors/accompanists  :)

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Merganser: Level 4 Anatidae Scout

STR 4 | DEX 5 | STA 5 | CON 7 | WIS 6 | CHA 2

Intro | Current Challenge: Train for Spain!

 Challenge 6: Back on Track...and Then Off Again | Challenge 5b: First-World ProblemsChallenge 5a: Make a Map | 

Challenge 4: Fly! (On a Bike!) | Challenge 3: Run!..(At All!) | Challenge 2: Stretch! | Challenge 1: Swim Faster! |

My Fitness Pal

 

"She was a woman who had wandered almost by accident into a life she had not quite intended for herself..." --Lawrence Osborne

 

"If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird 

of the family Anatidae on our hands." --Douglas Adams

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February 14th:

 

- Two miles a day. After a hard afternoon yesterday (concert), today I needed a walk to calm my thoughts and to ease myself a bit, so I took the "nice walk" approach and did my two miles by slowly walking and breathing and smelling in the air. 35 minutes of calm.

- Writing about anxiety: done. I made interesting and useful reflections about the concert.

- Meditation: done.

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I always imagined those things must have been much more anxiety-provoking for our instructors/accompanists  :)

In fact it is not usual to be so nervous when playing with your pupils, because the music you play is very easy, and the audience is very kind (parents, brothers and sisters, the old grandma...) and we are used to these situations. My problem with them comes from a work harassment situation I suffered these last years, when I worked with a crazy guy who distroyed my confidence til the point I stopped playing. After he was transfered I decided to quit that job: too many bad memories, bad ambience in general at work, and it discouraged me a lot to see that in almost 4 years of harassment I received no support from any of my colleagues or superiors. Now I work in a friendly environment and I am trying to rebuild my confidence little by little. It's hard, but I want to enjoy music again. And yesterday it almost happened.

 

I've used the word harassment, but I am not sure if it means what I think. Here we use the word "mobbing", which describes a situation at work in which one person is constantly criticized or sees his/her work constantly devalued. That's what happened to me. It has nothing to do with sexual harassment, but I looked for the word at the dictionary and it seems you use the same word for both types, that's right?

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In fact it is not usual to be so nervous when playing with your pupils, because the music you play is very easy, and the audience is very kind (parents, brothers and sisters, the old grandma...) and we are used to these situations. My problem with them comes from a work harassment situation I suffered these last years, when I worked with a crazy guy who distroyed my confidence til the point I stopped playing. After he was transfered I decided to quit that job: too many bad memories, bad ambience in general at work, and it discouraged me a lot to see that in almost 4 years of harassment I received no support from any of my colleagues or superiors. Now I work in a friendly environment and I am trying to rebuild my confidence little by little. It's hard, but I want to enjoy music again. And yesterday it almost happened.

 

I've used the word harassment, but I am not sure if it means what I think. Here we use the word "mobbing", which describes a situation at work in which one person is constantly criticized or sees his/her work constantly devalued. That's what happened to me. It has nothing to do with sexual harassment, but I looked for the word at the dictionary and it seems you use the same word for both types, that's right?

 

Ugh. Yes, non-sexual "harassment" is definitely a thing, too. "Workplace bullying" is also an appropriate term, as is, probably "creating a hostile work environment" or "creating a toxic work environment". 

 

But although the terms are "appropriate" for the situation, the situation itself is obviously never appropriate  :angry:  

 

Happy to hear you're in a healthier environment where you can regain your confidence, enjoy your music again, and have the energy for long walks, strength training, anxiety-vanquishing and tap-dancing  ^_^

 

(And the peace of mind to enjoy your rest days, too!)

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Merganser: Level 4 Anatidae Scout

STR 4 | DEX 5 | STA 5 | CON 7 | WIS 6 | CHA 2

Intro | Current Challenge: Train for Spain!

 Challenge 6: Back on Track...and Then Off Again | Challenge 5b: First-World ProblemsChallenge 5a: Make a Map | 

Challenge 4: Fly! (On a Bike!) | Challenge 3: Run!..(At All!) | Challenge 2: Stretch! | Challenge 1: Swim Faster! |

My Fitness Pal

 

"She was a woman who had wandered almost by accident into a life she had not quite intended for herself..." --Lawrence Osborne

 

"If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird 

of the family Anatidae on our hands." --Douglas Adams

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Ugh. Yes, non-sexual "harassment" is definitely a thing, too. "Workplace bullying" is also an appropriate term, as is, probably "creating a hostile work environment" or "creating a toxic work environment". 

 

But although the terms are "appropriate" for the situation, the situation itself is obviously never appropriate  :angry:  

 

Happy to hear you're in a healthier environment where you can regain your confidence, enjoy your music again, and have the energy for long walks, strength training, anxiety-vanquishing and tap-dancing  ^_^

 

(And the peace of mind to enjoy your rest days, too!)

Thank you for your words, Merganser. It was a really tough period of my life and I am soooo happy it's over. I have still to recover, but as you say, I already have energy enough to enjoy plenty of things and I hope music will too come back to my life.

Bisou!

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February 17th:

 

- Two miles a day: 28 minutes.

- Writing about anxiety: done.

 

February 18th:

 

- Modified beginner workout. 3 sets of:

 

Short warm up (jumping jacks, going upstairs and downstairs...)

10 walking lunges

5 inclined push ups

5 pistol squats

3 inverted rows

5 chair jumps

8 chair dips

15 seconds elbow plank

15 seconds elbow side plank

Mild stretch

 

February 19th:

 

- Two miles a day: 27 minutes.

- Writing about anxiety: done.

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Hi, Barfly,

 

they're are hard, I must say. This last time I tried to work on every exercise 3 times before I moved to the next one instead of doing 3 sets with every exercise in it. It turned out is harder, and I was almost unable to do the last plank... But it makes me feel great afterwards.

Two miles a day is easier to do, now that I have the habit of going out every morning. And spring approaches, making it even easier :)

 

Thank you for asking! :D

Have a nice day!

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Today I was going to start my cleaning workout, but it has been a very tough week, specially yesterday, so I think I'll move it to sunday and take my rest day today.

 

The rehearsal went rather well. I was tense but managed to play almost like at home: good sound, clean fingers, rhythm accuracy. After one hour I was completely calmed and by the end of the rehearsal I was enjoying it, so I will consider it a victory over my fright. The ambiance was very good, and I received compliments from 2 of my colleagues about my playing. I have yet things to work on, because there are still insecure or messy passages at the end of the piece, but due to organizational reasons we will not be rehearsing again until march the 13th, so I have a lot of time to work on my problems.

 

If someone is interested, the piece at issue is Prokofiev's Peter and the Wolf, and I am the f**** bird.

 

I have not meditated since sunday. It has been because of a lack of time (and some days lack of planning ahead) and it makes me feel bad. Meditation helps me a lot and I think it would be good for me if it was a priority again as it was months ago.

 

Writing about my anxiety is also helping me a lot, and I've already ordered Greene's "Performance Success" (my reward for attending the rehearsal), though it will take a while until I can read it because it was not available in Europe and  I had to order it from the States. And I had to choose the cheapest shipping rate, so it will take a month or so to receive it :(

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If someone is interested, the piece at issue is Prokofiev's Peter and the Wolf, and I am the f****** bird.

 

I have not meditated since sunday. It has been because of a lack of time (and some days lack of planning ahead) and it makes me feel bad. Meditation helps me a lot and I think it would be good for me if it was a priority again as it was months ago.

 

Nice!  :)

 

(And although you should get back to prioritizing meditation because it helps you so much, do not meditate on feeling bad about skipping it for a few days!  ;))

  • Like 1

Merganser: Level 4 Anatidae Scout

STR 4 | DEX 5 | STA 5 | CON 7 | WIS 6 | CHA 2

Intro | Current Challenge: Train for Spain!

 Challenge 6: Back on Track...and Then Off Again | Challenge 5b: First-World ProblemsChallenge 5a: Make a Map | 

Challenge 4: Fly! (On a Bike!) | Challenge 3: Run!..(At All!) | Challenge 2: Stretch! | Challenge 1: Swim Faster! |

My Fitness Pal

 

"She was a woman who had wandered almost by accident into a life she had not quite intended for herself..." --Lawrence Osborne

 

"If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird 

of the family Anatidae on our hands." --Douglas Adams

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100 cal- that's just an apple.

Yeah, but I need to be eating that apple everyday, and it seems I didn't do it. I'm not going to obsess myself with calorie intake, but I have to assure myself I don't loose weight now that I started working out. I am already in the limit of healthy slimness: 100 pounds for almost 5.4 feet.

If I go down that I know I will not feel ok, I've been there before.

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