zenLara's journey

[Lara]

1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

Why on Earth would they live like that? 🥶

In my region the winter is short and quite mild, so until very very recently, houses were built without a heating system. This leads people to have to rely on oil or gas heaters, electric radiators, and all sorts of patches to make the house a bit more comfortable, but they usually end up being very expensive, so what people do is to close all doors and put a small heater in the room they spend most of the time, leaving the other places glacial. That said, politeness would suggest warming the house when you've got visitors, but apparently they didn't care that much. We got a small heater in our bedroom, but given that the rest of the floor was so cold, the poor thing could barely warm a bit the place.

Then, my brother, he is one of those naturally heat-sensitive people, so he doesn't really mind to live in a cold environment. At least he tried, but you can't expect to warm up a house with a catalytic heater and a small fireplace.

 

1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

Wow. I'm sorry. It's really awful how much negativity and BS you have to deal with.

 

1 hour ago, deftona said:

What the actual fuck. 

 

1 hour ago, WhiteGhost said:

What is wrong with your parents?   That is just awful. 

 

19 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Who pooped in your parents oatmeal?

To put it shortly, we don't have a good relationship. I decided to tell the news in person because I thought that would be the right thing to do on my side, and because my brother thought, naïvely, that they would be as excited as him.

My mother sent a message this morning to say that she might not have been very expressive, but that she is happy. That's really a big thing for her to say, so I'll take it.

[Mad Hatter]

12 minutes ago, zenLara said:

At least he tried, but you can't expect to warm up a house with a catalytic heater and a small fireplace.

Depends on the insulation and the size of the house, but ok, I see your point. Still sounds like torture!

 

 

[Lara]

3 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Depends on the insulation and the size of the house, but ok, I see your point. Still sounds like torture!

The house is one of those old farmer houses, so no insulation whatsoever, very big, barely no doors to separate rooms, and with a nightmarish distribution (they used to build the base of the house, which were a couple of rooms, and then they would add spaces upwards following no actual planning, what makes the whole house a mess). Anyway, it is over now! Last night I slept in my warm, cozy bed, and today I could eat some actual food (I'm not even going to start on that matter, and anyway I think some of you have already heard my complaints about how poorly my family eats).

 

Thinking about starting a challenge for the new year, although I'm not convinced it will get me anywhere. I could do something less related to activity, like a savings challenge, that could work.

[Lara]

I'm still not sure of a challenge, but will try to focus on two goals by now.

1) Save at least 15% of my salary every month. I might change my mind later, but I'm thinking of taking an unpaid leave after my maternity leave, so I'd have no income for a while. My savings account has been growing nicely these past months, but I'm still far from having the financial cushion I'd like to have in case I choose to take the leave.

2) Do yoga at least 5 times a week. Move everyday.

 

Also, for my reading challenge, and given that this year is the 100th aniversary of Pérez Galdós' death, I'm going to use it as an excuse to read all his Episodios Nacionales, something that has been on my waiting list for about 20 years.

 

Spoiler

Savings goal

January 27%

February 31%

March 31%

April 27%

May

June

July

August

September

October

(November)

 

Movement

January

· Week 1 3/7 (1:30 walk, 15 minutes yoga + 20 minutes walk, 15' mobility)

· Week 2 2/7 (20'+20' walk, 1h walk + 20'+20' walk)

February

March

April

May

June

 

Episodios Nacionales (46)

Currently reading Trafalgar.

 

[Mad Hatter]

Great goals, the reading challenge looks quite intense!

 

 

[Loveable_Bouncer]

8 hours ago, zenLara said:

I'm going to use it as an excuse to read all his Episodios Nacionales, something that has been on my waiting list for about 20 years.

Curious, are they easy to read for you?

 

Sorry for the cold not so edible holidays. I always find vacation makes it easier to remember loving home!

 

Hope you easily save enough so you can just choose instead of stress on taking a longer leave.

[Lara]

7 hours ago, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

Curious, are they easy to read for you?

If you're asking about the language, I'm spanish, so there's no problem with that. The style worries be a bit, though

 

15 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Great goals, the reading challenge looks quite intense!

Well, there's no need to read them all this year... 😅

[Endor]

17 hours ago, zenLara said:

maternity leave

😲 oh wow, congrats! When's it due?

[Loveable_Bouncer]

16 hours ago, zenLara said:

If you're asking about the language, I'm spanish, so there's no problem with that. The style worries be a bit, though

Hehe, that is helpful. I was also wondering is it a classic that definitely takes time to read for yourself. Or something you been wanting to have as an easy read but kept missing. 

Kind of like, is it one of those feats you have on your bucket list? 

[Lara]

8 hours ago, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

Hehe, that is helpful. I was also wondering is it a classic that definitely takes time to read for yourself. Or something you been wanting to have as an easy read but kept missing. 

Kind of like, is it one of those feats you have on your bucket list? 

It is a classic, one of those series considered a must, and I never gave it a try. So why not now?

 

22 hours ago, Endor said:

😲 oh wow, congrats! When's it due?

Thank you! Should be born end june, if everything goes well (everything is going well by now)

[Lara]

On friday we received the results of the blood test for detection of trisomies and everything was fine. There was also the possibility to know whether it was a boy or a girl, and we decided to mark the box, even if it was only to get rid of one group of possible names (seriously, it is a nightmare). The test said it is a girl, and I wasn't prepared for the reaction I had to it. I think I have mentioned before that my boyfriend wanted a girl, and until friday, I thought I would be ok with whatever it was. My thought was, I just want a healthy baby and that's it. But at that moment I suddenly realised I had lately been hoping for a boy, because it would be easier for me to raise him, since I wouldn't need to face the challenge of not correlating the relationship with my daughter with the one I had with my mother. That very moment, there was a burst of emotions coming out. It was and still is difficult to put words to those feelings, but they were all related to my relationship with my own mother and how much she hurt me and the fear of repeating her behaviour. Suddenly, all the fears why I had refused to have children all these years came back, and I saw myself being a horrible mother for that girl. I felt how much she would hate me and push me away. There was a huge surge of feelings that needed to come out and I couldn't do anything to stop them, like they had been waiting for that moment. I understood how deeply hurt I still am, and the revelation of those feelings was so strong I felt my whole body scream. The strength of the emotions was such that crying wasn't apparently enough, and I ended up vomiting both breakfast and midmorning and have been sick in bed for a couple of days trying to recover. The good part of the experience is how much better I have felt afterwards. As awful as it was to feel the way I felt, it is as if something that was stagnant had finally moved and expressed itself, and only a few minutes later I felt released of these emotions and was as happy as ever about having a girl.

Bonus: the names' list is reduced to 3, mainly. There is one nobody here likes, so we'll probably choose that one 😇

 

By the way, clothes shopping is a nightmare, but I hadn't had yet the experience of going maternity clothes shopping. It's even worse.

[deftona]

You are not your mother, Lara. And that you can see so clearly her mistakes is all the proof you need you won't be repeating them. Congratulations on your little daughter!

 

 

[Lara]

18 minutes ago, deftona said:

You are not your mother

Must be the sentence my boyfriend repeats the most when we talk about these things.

I have really worked on the behaviour patterns I inherited from her, but there's still some fear remaining, which I think is quite natural. I certainly wasn't expecting my reaction, but seems it is something my body/mind needed to express somehow.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

As strong as the reaction was, I'm glad you got it out now and not later, when it would have been even stronger. 

[Mad Hatter]

I think you're going to be a wonderful mother.

[Lara]

22 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

I think you're going to be a wonderful mother.

Thanks. It was nice to read this.

 

I had an unexpectedly good day yesterday, and except for lunch, I was able to do regular meals that included actual food like vegetables, nuts, potatos, meat, and eggs, instead of being limited to toast, fruit and yogurt like these past weeks. Today I feel a bit muddled and energy levels are low, though. I can't wait for the moment when I'll be back to being myself, which according to everybody should happen soon because "2nd trimester is the best and you feel great".

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Yay for enjoying real food! 

 

Your awareness and wanting to love the child in this world will make you a great mom!

Even if you hit hard times, there is no way you will end in the same place because of your awareness. 

[Lara]

10 hours ago, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

Your awareness and wanting to love the child in this world will make you a great mom!

Even if you hit hard times, there is no way you will end in the same place because of your awareness. 

Thank you! I know that whatever it happens, I'll be doing my best.

 

By the way, I have developped the weirdest pregnancy superpowers. Not only I can locate things in an unknown grocery store by smell, but I have amazing reflexes. I have always been quite bad at that, but in the last months suddenly I stop all the paper balls my boyfriends throws at me (yeah, we do paper ball wars now and then), it doesn't matter if he throws them by surprise, or even if they come from a extreme visual point: I stop them ALL! It's amazing! These reflexes have also made me a great flies hunter which I guess must have been a very important skill for survival in other times?

[Mad Hatter]

Haha that's incredible! 😄

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Sra. Tanque had super smell as well while she was pregnant.

[Jupiter]

That's awesome LOL.

[Lara]

Week has been tough. Spent most of my energy at work, the rest of the time is consumed sleeping, napping, resting, and all their variations. Ended up feeling sad, because I can't literally do anything. Food is slightly better. Movement has been reduced to short walks. I'm tired of being tired.

Decided to make a list of things that would make me feel better if done, and I'm trying to do at least one a day. Yesterday I tidied up the bedroom, and it was a relief to see the place decluttered when I woke up from one of my naps. Also read a little bit. Today I saw a tutorial on animals' eyes, and worked on cats, frogs, and owls eyes. It was fun. Cleaned the kitchen and did the laundry too.

[WhiteGhost]

Adding my voice to those others that you will make a great mother.  One of the biggest factors in that is not going to be what attributes you inherited from your mother, but which one's you recognize and work to overcome.  No parent is going to be perfect, but actively working to avoid the mistakes your mother made will put in a much better position to meet the needs of your daughter.

 

As for feeling tired all the time, I have some bad news for you....  

[Lara]

This week was better! I still felt nauseated on monday, but then on tuesday it was like if someone had turned off the nausea and pressed the HUNGER switch . Spent 24 hours eating like there was no tomorrow, even needed to get off the bed in the middle of the night to eat because my stomach ached from hunger. A colleague at work told me this usually happens when the kid is going through a growth spurt, and I can swear it's true, my bump is suddenly bigger 2 days after (until now it was bearly noticeable, now there's no way to hide it, no matter the clothes).

Now I feel more or less back to my normal me. I still find it difficult to eat fish and meat (not during those 24 hours, though), but I've been slightly more active: did 10 minutes of yoga everyday, was able to go groceries shopping twice, have been drawing and playing a bit my flute.

 

I was supposed to receive a call from the hospital last week, regarding my appointments, but it never happened and it was weird. Then, on wednesday I saw on the news that a computer virus had spread through the whole hospital's computer system and everything was down. We drove there this morning and they seem to be managing more or less well. They're not giving new appointments unless you're really sick, but luckily the other exception are pregnant women, so I got my visits scheduled. It was the weirdest thing to see the girl at the desk consulting planners and handwritten documents, and needing to call the doctor to check the information she had was accurate (apparently it was not, because later in the morning I received a text message saying my first appointment is sooner than she said).

[Mad Hatter]

Yay for eating!

 

Good thing the hospital’s managed to deal despite the system being down, I can imagine many hospitals would end up in chaos in that situation.