zenLara's journey

[WhiteGhost]

Love those hand sketches, especially after the simplifications

[Lara]

On 1/27/2020 at 3:26 AM, WhiteGhost said:

 Unfortunately the getting stupid and infuriatingly absurd advice from people is going to continue for like 10 years or so.

I remembered this conversation today. I was reading a comment on a research a psychologist did when he found himself with the opportunity to raise an orphan monkey. He started acting like the monkey's mom, carrying him everywhere, helping him to eat, playing with him, etc. and soon he began to see people were behaving towards him like towards any other mom with a new born, giving him advise on what he had to do, and what was right and wrong It was a damn monkey! Anybody had any idea of what to do, but he had to go through the absurd advice period like everybody else! Apparenly it was remarkable enough as to write it down as a chapter in his investigation 🤦‍♀️

[Mad Hatter]

To be fair, a monkey is close enough to human. 😂But you know what. I'm actually beginning to think that this whole thing is less about people butting in and being obnoxious (though there's that too), but more about child raising being a communal effort. It just doesn't come out right in our society.

[Lara]

On 4/12/2020 at 9:59 AM, Mad Hatter said:

It just doesn't come out right in our society

Agree

[Lara]

CHAPTER 15: COMING BACK?

 

Seems like Wolvie is one of those little kids that is active the whole time, which means she barely sleeps by day (luckily she does sleep long nights) and needs to eat A LOT. So even when I expected I would slowly come back to my regular life after a couple of months, it seems it's not happening.

So my challenge will be to do as much as I can with the ridiculously small amount of time I have for myself right now.

 

Things I can do even while breastfeeding:

 

- podcast in icelandic

- reading

- eye exercises (I'll explain this later if I find the time. Probably won't find it)

- neck exercises

- keep an eye on posture

- if walking (sometimes kid is a bit stressed for whatever the reason and appreciates being walked while eating), check and be aware of posture and gait

 

Other:

 

- walking outside. It's been hell here this summer, and the hours to go outside were very limited. Now the weather is better, making it easier for us to go out (in fact I've been today in the countryside for the first time since she's been born! Happy day!)

- yoga. For those unpredictable moments when she stands being away from mom for more than 5 minutes and mom has already been able to shower, eat, rest, and pump milk *sigh*

- cold showers!

 

There is absolutely no intention to do all of these every day, not even more than a couple of them.

Probably won't update until she's 25.

[Lara]

Finally an update!

 

Wolvie turned 3 months old yesterday, and has developed a whole set of skills: she can hold her head; grab things and lick them; cover herself with dribble; take her meals in less than 10 minutes (she can, but she won’t always do because, you know, boobs are warm and comfy), and she’s starting to drag herself when put on her stomach on the floor. She loves outside the most, but won’t accept the sling unless she’s asleep because she can’t look around, and she likes looking at the trees when we go to the country or to the park. She also likes grabbing grass with her toes which I find supercute.

 

Good news, I’m starting to have some more time for myself. Bad news, I have diastasis recti. I’ve ditched yoga (since I’m not sure of which poses I can do or not and anyway I had done twice in almost a month) and switched to Katy Bowman’s book *sigh*

 

What I’ve managed to do these past 3 weeks:

 

Checking posture when walking, specially when carrying Wolvie.

Yoga: twice.

Reading: 4-5 times a week.

Íslenska: listened to an easy podcast a few times. Found a beautiful lullaby to learn, then translated it and understood how depressing it is. But the melody is nice, so I learnt it, since the kid won’t understand the lyrics anyway.

Neck exercises: I’m not very regular. One week did a lot, then it decreased.

Cold showers: 4 on the first week, 2 on the second, 4 this week.

Walking: 1st week, 3h50; 2nd week 4h10; 3rd week 9h.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Enjoy Wolverinita. I hope the diastasis clears up.

[WhiteGhost]

Thanks for the update, it's nice to hear about Wolvie's progress (and how you are doing as well, of course)  

[Lara]

Since Wolvie began her sleep phase change, I've been short on sleep myself, and my life is on hold until this gets better, since any free time now is for naps. I'm still going outside in the evening and walking as much as she accepts being in the sling, but not much more.

 

Rant

Spoiler

- Doesn't she have a dummy? She should have one. Look, she is putting one of her fingers in her mouth. She needs a dummy. 

- You dress her like a truck driver. You could put her in a dress with laces sometimes.

- Can you believe they didn't even put her any clothes on for two months? Like hippies (40°C outside, 30° inside).

- You're spoiling her. Leave her alone in her crib. 

- The baby is going to be at the table with us? Leave her on the couch. 

- You shouldn't hold her that much. 

- I don't see why you don't want her to wear shoes. They're so cute!

- What problem do you have coming to his wedding? She'll be 6 months old already (16 hours flight).

- That's not how breastfeeding works. I know because when I was a kid we had cows and calves and I know everything about it.

- I don't see why you don't switch to bottle feeding. Breastfeeding is so demanding. 

 

That's my FIL and MIL. Awesome, isn't?

 

 

 

 

[deftona]

Is your boyfriend as annoyed with all this as you are? 

 

(Nice to hear from you again, I bet she rocks the truck driver look)

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

It's physiologically, psychologically, and emotionally impossible to spoil a child that young, they are insane.

[Lara]

On 10/14/2020 at 6:27 PM, deftona said:

Is your boyfriend as annoyed with all this as you are? 

 

(Nice to hear from you again, I bet she rocks the truck driver look)

Yes, he is. He has always known that his father is a jerk, but he didn't expect her mom to behave like this (even when she gave us enough trouble during my pregnancy), and I'd say he is angrier than me. We've talked about it and we've decided to keep some distance for a while. They're trying to interfere in the way we want to raise the kid and that's something we're not going to allow to happen. We will make mistakes, but they have to be our mistakes.

 

She looks awesome, and I don't see the problem if people can't identify her as a girl. Who cares? Why is it so important? I'm receiving similar comments about why is she not wearing earrings "to make it easier to know". Apparently, "she will wear earrings - or whatever- when she wants to" can't be the answer.

 

On 10/14/2020 at 7:38 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

It's physiologically, psychologically, and emotionally impossible to spoil a child that young, they are insane.

They are "old school". They think the kid will soon start to manipulate us and that we will be forced to yield to her demeanour.  Also, FIL doesn't see the point to "sacrifice" so much of our time for her.

[KB Girl]

Hey I didn’t realise you were here! Good to ‘see’ you  

had to giggle a little bit at your “getting my life back” oh hon.... 9 to 12 months at least, especially when you’re breastfeeding. Sounds like you’re doing absolutely great- when ignorant people think you’re spoiling a baby then you must be doing something right

 

wish you lots of sleep! 

[Lara]

On 10/21/2020 at 11:28 AM, KB Girl said:

Hey I didn’t realise you were here! Good to ‘see’ you  

had to giggle a little bit at your “getting my life back” oh hon.... 9 to 12 months at least, especially when you’re breastfeeding. Sounds like you’re doing absolutely great- when ignorant people think you’re spoiling a baby then you must be doing something right

 

wish you lots of sleep! 

Yeah, I retreated to my old battle log, feels comfy here when I'm in between challenges.

 

Well, it wasn't that I expected my whole life to be back, but at least a small part of it, where I could move a bit, read... little things. I managed more or less well until the sleep crisis. We're still on it and scarce hyper-fragmented sleep is starting to have a huge toll on me. I'm cranky and tired the whole time. Around 8pm I'm exhausted and when I think the night is already there but that it doesn't mean anymore it's time to rest I feel desperate. It's like the days never end, they just happen in an endless line. It's been a month and I don't see the end of it.

 

Aside that, things are going great. The kid is awesome: she's fun, has always a smile on her face, her favorite instruments are strings (my poor flutist heart cries at this) and she's developing fast. Well, to be honest, too fast for my taste. My SIL told me, when Wolvie was 2 months old, that she was one of those eager kids and she would probably be on her feet before she turned 6 months, a comment which I laughed at. The week before she reached 4 months, she escaped from my arms, rolled to the couch, and sat on her own. WTF, she hadn't even been practicing. Three days later, sitting wasn't enough and she tried to get on her feet using the toys' box as support 😫 A week later and she's strong enough to stand by herself (but I don't let her), only that balance is not in place yet. I'm worried that all this, so soon, could be too much pressure for her bones or ligaments, but I've been told that the problem only comes if we force her to try things she's not ready to do, but that if she tries by herself it means she is ready and it's ok. Still, I'm a bit scared.

 

About nasty comments... That list I made, that was ONE day of comments. You can imagine. But, since then, we've retreated home, and haven't seen them again. And now, with the virus flying freely all over the country, I don't think we'll see them in a long while.

[WhiteGhost]

Being away from those toxic comments is really going to be a huge plus.  As far as being tired all the time...  That just comes with the territory of being the parent of a newborn.  It gets better, but when you aren't getting enough sleep it feels like forever

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

3 hours ago, zenLara said:

 

Aside that, things are going great. The kid is awesome: she's fun, has always a smile on her face, her favorite instruments are strings (my poor flutist heart cries at this) and she's developing fast. Well, to be honest, too fast for my taste. My SIL told me, when Wolvie was 2 months old, that she was one of those eager kids and she would probably be on her feet before she turned 6 months, a comment which I laughed at. The week before she reached 4 months, she escaped from my arms, rolled to the couch, and sat on her own. WTF, she hadn't even been practicing. Three days later, sitting wasn't enough and she tried to get on her feet using the toys' box as support 😫 A week later and she's strong enough to stand by herself (but I don't let her), only that balance is not in place yet. I'm worried that all this, so soon, could be too much pressure for her bones or ligaments, but I've been told that the problem only comes if we force her to try things she's not ready to do, but that if she tries by herself it means she is ready and it's ok. Still, I'm a bit scared.

We have found with Little Bit that the things we let her do on her own she learned faster than if we tried to coach her. I agree with the advice that if it's something she tries on her own it's fine.

2 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

Being away from those toxic comments is really going to be a huge plus.  As far as being tired all the time...  That just comes with the territory of being the parent of a newborn.  It gets better, but when you aren't getting enough sleep it feels like forever

This is absolutely true. 

[Lara]

2 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

We have found with Little Bit that the things we let her do on her own she learned faster than if we tried to coach her. I agree with the advice that if it's something she tries on her own it's fine.

We hadn't even thought of any of this yet, sincerely. I thought we were still weeks away from her beginning to sit.

But you reassure me in that if she's trying is because she's ready.

[KB Girl]

6 hours ago, zenLara said:

Around 8pm I'm exhausted and when I think the night is already there but that it doesn't mean anymore it's time to rest I feel desperate. It's like the days never end, they just happen in an endless line. It's been a month and I don't see the end of it.

I know how you feel, I'm really glad you still seem to be enjoying her regardless ❤️ it will get better! it will also probably get worse again.. but you can do this, you're really strong! it's awesome that Wolvie takes after you

The last two weeks we've been struggling with teeth and a stuffed nose, so my sleep has also been patch work.. when I wake up again and again this night I'll think of you and we'll have some distant solidarity x) who knows, maybe it'll make it a tiny bit better. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/B80PwpuHvKG/

 

[Mad Hatter]

On 10/14/2020 at 5:32 PM, zenLara said:

- That's not how breastfeeding works. I know because when I was a kid we had cows and calves and I know everything about it.

I'm sorry but this one absolutely cracked me up. 🤣I'm amazed you haven't punched anyone in the face yet and blamed in on hormones. 😉

 

Glad to see you around and doing ok. 

[Lara]

On 10/24/2020 at 9:51 PM, KB Girl said:

when I wake up again and again this night I'll think of you and we'll have some distant solidarity x)

Well, I did think of you 3 nights in a row 😚

 

On 10/25/2020 at 7:31 PM, Mad Hatter said:

I'm sorry but this one absolutely cracked me up. 🤣I'm amazed you haven't punched anyone in the face yet and blamed in on hormones. 😉

Give it time 😤

And, by the way, he actually talks to her like he would talk to a cow: shhhhheee, ieeeeee, tsss tsss, look here, ieaaaaaaa 😶

[Lara]

Thought of @Tanktimus the Encourager the other day. I remember you once told how you had made a small cut to your baby while cutting her nails and how you felt even when it was nothing. Same happened to my boyfriend this week. The kid barely noticed, a short expression of surprise on her face was the only clue (well, and the bleeding), but he felt awful for a while. Now he says he's never going to cut her nails again 😅

 

Sleep patterns are still a mess. There were a couple of good nights past week, that kindled a hope, but they're gone and I'm back to the struggle to get more than 4 hours of sleep every night *sigh* I do miss having a life.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Solidarity to boyfriend. I wish I could say something that makes the sleep deprivation easier; it's very rough.

[KB Girl]

11 hours ago, zenLara said:

Now he says he's never going to cut her nails again 😅

Mine still never does x) 

 

11 hours ago, zenLara said:

Sleep patterns are still a mess. There were a couple of good nights past week, that kindled a hope, but they're gone and I'm back to the struggle to get more than 4 hours of sleep every night *sigh* I do miss having a life.

Sorry to hear that

it is rather amazing what a person can survive though, isn't it? 

[Lara]

On 11/3/2020 at 11:22 PM, KB Girl said:

it is rather amazing what a person can survive though, isn't it? 

😫

 

Couldn't resist sharing this

[KB Girl]

is that yours?