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Trying to go Paleo and drag the family along


Asura

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I am just starting on my journey toward cleaning up my diet. I would like to go Paleo because it seems to make sense to me and seems like something that my family and I could do. We are currently in the process of ridding our house of all the processed and grain-based foods. We are taking it slowly, and it has been going all right. My two daughters (3 & 5) haven't really noticed anything (Yay!), and I am feeling pretty good. My husband on the other hand, is not doing so well. Every time that he eats a sandwich or burrito or anything that is non-Paleo and still lurking about our house, he has something to say about it being a staple and how he doesn't think he could get rid of it. This is a problem because he, almost more than me, really needs to do this. And his negative energy is pulling me down. I'm not sure how to do this without him being on board. Anyone else gone down this path?

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I really have to say, having been on a similar side of the fence (my boyfriend can be a pain in the @$$ to try and motivate about diet) that the only thing you can be responsible for is your own actions. I know how hard it is when the person across from you is eating fries and you're having a bowl of broccoli. I know it's upsetting when you're looking for support and not getting any. But you can't change who he is, his behaviour, or his choices. All you can do is provide him the education, and accept what he decides for himself. If you are having motivation issues then maybe these need to be addressed for your own sake - so you can continue doing something that's worthwhile and beneficial to you, without having to rely on others (even a significant other!) to guide you along the way. I'm not saying it's too much to ask for a little support and understanding - what are families for?

 

*GET ALL NON PALEO FOOD OUT OF THE HOUSE IF IT BOTHERS YOU* << extremely important! if you are tempted to eat something nonpaleo or if him eating it upsets you, why is it there?

 

Perhaps you can ask him to keep sandwiches/burritos/grains to out of the house and if he wants to eat badly, just don't tell you about it. The other thing is that although paleo works for a lot of people, for others it doesn't. If he is eating a caloric deficit he will lose weight, regardless of if it's paleo or not. Perhaps educate him in this, get him to eat the 'bad' foods away from you where it isn't tempting to cave into, and propose to him that if he wants to eat what he likes and consider it a staple, then to be 'healthy' and lose weight, it a) needs to be in moderation (so the body isn't getting too many ugly things from staples like fast food etc) and B) be within the calorie target of the day. Maybe if he makes a commitment to eating within a certain calorie range, this will be enough support for you to keep going with your journey.

 

At the end of the day, it's each of our own individual journeys and unfortunately, we can't change other people or where they are at on theirs, we can only encourage, educate, and finally accept their choices.

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*GET ALL NON PALEO FOOD OUT OF THE HOUSE IF IT BOTHERS YOU* << extremely important! if you are tempted to eat something nonpaleo or if him eating it upsets you, why is it there?

 

Perhaps you can ask him to keep sandwiches/burritos/grains to out of the house and if he wants to eat badly, just don't tell you about it.

 

I just wanted to address this real quickly with a question, but since when was this the definition of support? (As in, the way a supportive husband in this case should act.) To literally force someone to eat their food of choice outside of the house because it's not what you'd like to eat sounds to me like an absolutely horrific way of telling someone that their opinion on food and eating isn't as important as mine/the other person's.

 

The ultimate compromise would be that you have two different cupboards in the kitchen, one for your food and one for his, and that you both either cook for yourselves or take turn in cooking food for both people whilst cooking.

 

@Asura - To have him eat something that you don't want to eat does not mean you don't have his support. To be supportive doesn't mean you have to change in the same way. I support a lot of causes around, but I don't change to all of them. I support the friends that I have that are Paleo, LCHF, Fruitarians, [insert diet here] even though I don't follow either of those diets. I support gay rights and LBTQA even though I don't identify myself with them or change to become like them. Do you see what I'm trying to explain? I'm pretty sure he is in fact supporting you, since I don't think he's against you doing what you're doing, for yourself.

 

If he has strong opinions about not being able to get rid of grains, why should he have to? He's an adult, he can probably decide for himself what he wants and doesn't want to eat. Sit down with him and have a face-to-face serious talk about what kind of compromises you both (important point, both) can do to live a happy life together that incorporates both of your opinions and feelings. Whether that is having seperate cupboards and cooking for yourself, or doing something else - that's all up to the two of you to decide.

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Chubby Half Elf - Adventurer


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My bf and I have separate cupboards.  His being a closed one so that I can't be tempted.  This seems to work quite well for us.  He still gets his bread and cereal and the like but it isn't in my face 24/7.  Everything for cooking or healthy snacking is left out in the open--spices, oils, nuts, etc.  I think both previous points are valid, but I think the solution is somewhere in the middle.  No, your husband shouldn't flaunt burritos in your face (I hope he isn't acutally taunting you with them) but you also need to respect the fact that he isn't ready for change.  Find a balance that benefits both of you and you'll do just fine!  It worked for me.

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Even if he's just eating partially Paleo with you, that's still better than nothing. My kids have turned their noses up at a couple of things I've made this week (and admittedly, I've not enjoyed a few of them either) but I don't feel guilty for at least letting them try it. If/when your significant other is ready to tag along, I'm sure he'll let you know. For me, Paleo wasn't a decision I made quickly or without judgment - I don't expect my husband to be on board just because I am.

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Pixie Ranger Drunk on Tea~ (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

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I just wanted to address this real quickly with a question, but since when was this the definition of support? (As in, the way a supportive husband in this case should act.) To literally force someone to eat their food of choice outside of the house because it's not what you'd like to eat sounds to me like an absolutely horrific way of telling someone that their opinion on food and eating isn't as important as mine/the other person's.

 

The ultimate compromise would be that you have two different cupboards in the kitchen, one for your food and one for his, and that you both either cook for yourselves or take turn in cooking food for both people whilst cooking.

 

I'm sorry, i don't recall actually using the word 'support' at all in that quote? I was simply talking about removing upsetting things from the house, of course including a dialogue with the other person to ensure that they are okay with this. I did not condone simply taking control. I never said to 'force' anyone to do anything. I used the word *ask*. And, I was just asking why the upsetting items were still in the house if they were causing conflict and the aim is to Paleo-ify the house in total. If he's already agreed to eat paleo then what is the issue in getting rid of the nonpaleo food? As for working things out between them, that was purely a suggestion and what you said about the two different cupboards could be another one. In fact my family has a cupboard with all their food in it so I'm not tempted to eat it. I really think you've heavily misinterpreted what I've said.

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I didn't take anything out of the house, the lads and their Dad still have their few snacks, I still cook them rice and pasta, but I choose not to eat it. They are supportive of my lifestyle change and will eat my Paleo meals when served, but I never found it to be a big deal. They also gave access to all my foods, fruits, veggies and a lot of bacon and meat. The only negativity was from my mother who dare I say is the one who needs the biggest overhaul. I just told my family this is what I am doing, this is what I need.

I think once you decide to lifestyle change and not diet, whether the food is in the house or not will have no consequence on your goals.

You've got this, I know it can be hard without support, but that is why we are here. :)

Wait! What............?

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I'm sorry, i don't recall actually using the word 'support' at all in that quote? I was simply talking about removing upsetting things from the house, of course including a dialogue with the other person to ensure that they are okay with this. I did not condone simply taking control. I never said to 'force' anyone to do anything. I used the word *ask*. And, I was just asking why the upsetting items were still in the house if they were causing conflict and the aim is to Paleo-ify the house in total. If he's already agreed to eat paleo then what is the issue in getting rid of the nonpaleo food? As for working things out between them, that was purely a suggestion and what you said about the two different cupboards could be another one. In fact my family has a cupboard with all their food in it so I'm not tempted to eat it. I really think you've heavily misinterpreted what I've said.

 

The reason I reacted was that in my opinion it's not even an option to ask the person to eat their foods outside of the home, because like I said, I think it's an absolutey horrific thing to even suggest/attempt - but hey, that's just me! To each their own, and whatever works best for you is what you should do (goes for everyone in 99% of the cases really) :)

Chubby Half Elf - Adventurer


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So if you don't agree with it, then just don't agree with it. No need for inflammatory language/posts. If the OP doesn't agree with it, she doesn't have to do it. That's why it's called a suggestion.....

 

Yes, you can give a suggestion, that's true and I'd never say anything different. I can also voice a concern with that suggestion, or point out that I disagree - that's why this is a forum, we're meant to share our thoughts and opinions and talk with each other. It has nothing to do with inflammatory language/posts. But that's starting to go a bit off-topic, and you're more than welcome to PM me if you have any issues with me that you'd like to resolve. I have no hard feelings, so I'm more than fine explaining anything that might've given you the wrong impression :)

Chubby Half Elf - Adventurer


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I am just starting on my journey toward cleaning up my diet. I would like to go Paleo because it seems to make sense to me and seems like something that my family and I could do. We are currently in the process of ridding our house of all the processed and grain-based foods. We are taking it slowly, and it has been going all right. My two daughters (3 & 5) haven't really noticed anything (Yay!), and I am feeling pretty good. My husband on the other hand, is not doing so well. Every time that he eats a sandwich or burrito or anything that is non-Paleo and still lurking about our house, he has something to say about it being a staple and how he doesn't think he could get rid of it. This is a problem because he, almost more than me, really needs to do this. And his negative energy is pulling me down. I'm not sure how to do this without him being on board. Anyone else gone down this path?

 

okay back to OP.

 

Here's the honest answer many of us have come to over the course of our various journeys (and insert exercise, diet, etc. in for paleo - it's all the same).

 

You cannot force your partner to change.  Dragging your partner along and making him feel uncomfortable will benefit neither of you. 

 

And yeah, I've been married a loooooooong time. 

 

The best advice has been given above - separate food.  Agree to disagree.  Ask him to refrain from commenting and you will also refrain from commenting on food choices.  Establish there will be no teasing, tempting, cajoling, or harassment by either party about food.  There.  Problem solved.  Honestly.  You can't make him do it unless you are willing to be miserable and fight a lot.  And that is no way to have a marriage.  It's okay to disagree and do different things.  Really.

 

As for him needing it... meh.  Again, same thing.  He needs to come to his own decisions. 

 

It's okay.  do your own thing.  You'll be fine and it's less stressful. 

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I AM going the distance

 

'Cause all I wanna do is go the distance. Nobody's ever gone the distance with Creed, and if I can go that distance, you see, and that bell rings and I'm still standin', I'm gonna know for the first time in my life, see, that I weren't just another bum from the neighborhood.

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Have to agree with cline here again. 

 

I think it comes down to saying hey, this is important to me and it is ok if you dont want to follow along completely but please help me stick to it.  That is how it ended up working for us and although my wife doesnt eat exactly like I do, she is eating bunch better than she did before.  We both are.  The support means a lot though.  Even having the SO say they understand and support the effort helps a great deal.  And I dont think it is unreasonable to ask at the beginning for them not to slurp on a burrito right in front of you but once you get going, it wont be near as big a deal. 

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A gentle reminder nerds, paleo does not make you righteous.  His burrito is as legitimate to him as your broccoli and turkey.

 

:peaceful:

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I AM going the distance

 

'Cause all I wanna do is go the distance. Nobody's ever gone the distance with Creed, and if I can go that distance, you see, and that bell rings and I'm still standin', I'm gonna know for the first time in my life, see, that I weren't just another bum from the neighborhood.

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A gentle reminder nerds, paleo does not make you righteous.  His burrito is as legitimate to him as your broccoli and turkey.

 

:peaceful:

 

 

Completely agree and most every burrito is aware that it is in grave danger in my presence.  :playful:

 

I'll clarify my remark to say that at the beginning if you are trying to avoid certain foods, it can be difficult if those exact foods are being consumed in front of you. 

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Thank you to everyone! I suppose that in my original post I should have clarified that he was wanting to do this as well. I came across looking needy and controlling. Not good, and not the case (thankfully for both of us). I have been on a different dietary track than him for over a year now, but this was something that we both wanted to give a shot. I think that the separate cupboard idea was fabulous! He has since been doing better, and I have come to see that we are just at different places with the adjustment, and he needs a bit more of a transition. Reading the responses on here made me look at things from a new angle and have made all the difference.

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