About boys and dating, PLEASE HELP!!

[Ba'sini'on]

Um...well this post will be personal for me, but I feel that NF is a safe place to ask for advice in this matter, so here goes.

 

Well first of all, I am a late bloomer when it comes to boys. If a handsome man rolled up in a awesome work truck, I would notice the truck before him. Don't know why. But now I'm actually starting to notice them and wanting them to notice me. But that's one of the problems, guys don't notice me. I come off as a friend rather than marriageable material. And then the guys who've chatted with me online (not NF men, their all gentlemen thank God!) only want to hang out in order to get in my pants. And these are gamers and comic book freaks (not worthy of being Nerds!).

 

I know I'm not pretty, and the guys I like are not looking for girls like me. But if I do meet a guy I like and he actually wants to get to know me, what do I do? What's a date usually like? What do I wear? Just anything you guys can tell me would help immensely!

 

I've never been on a date, and I'm not ashamed to admit it I'm a virgin. Being a Christian I believe in sex after marriage. So on a date how do I identify if a guy is trying to hint that he wants more? Should I just tell him straight up what my rules are?

 

I am so at a loss....

 

Also how do I look like a girl? If you look at my photos in my gallery you'll notice that pants and baggy shirts are a second skin to me. And make up is really foreign to also.

 

Please help!

[Flex Luthor]

I know I'm a guy and this is in the women's section but I'm here for one reason and one reason only.

 

This.

 

I know I'm not pretty, and the guys I like are not looking for girls like me.

 

My heart breaks for you. There shouldn't be a day that goes by where every woman isn't told she's beautiful. You are beautiful and the right man will see you for the beautiful amazingness that you are. I couldn't let that not be said. I'm leaving now. Good luck.

[Nedwin]

I don't think I'm pretty either, but I still found someone who wanted to marry me! haha

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, you know.

 

I had to look up make-up and hair tutorials on youtube. They're very informative and helpful!

 

I also wasn't looking for love when it found me, I was just enjoying hanging out with people and doing one of my favorite pasttimes (paintball). I have had a few friends who complain about how they can't meet the right person because they're HANGING OUT IN BARS. If you want to meet someone who has similar interests and goals and morals, you should hang out somewhere where you enjoy what you're doing. Comic book stores, conventions, paintball parks, regular book stores, the gym, concerts of your favorite bands, seminars, dog parks, ice skating rinks...whatever you're into.

 

It's no secret that dates can lead to sex, so if by conversing with him before said date you have not yet established his priorities, I'd try to work it in the conversation somehow. Wear something comfortable! Dresses and heels can be fun, but they're not the only way to dress up.

[Basement Cat]

I just looked at your pictures, and I have to say: of course you're pretty! You have such a charming smile! with your eyes a-twinkling and everything! It's usually pretty easy to tell if a guy only wants to get into your pants. They're pushy.

 

Don't be afraid to be straightforward. If they can't handle being honest and to the point, you don't want them! The best tip I can give you for appearance is to keep it simple. If you like baggy clothes because of the comfort factor, I would suggest going for a a nice dress. It doesn't feel as restrictive as tighter pants while still looking good. If you want to do makeup, same thing: a little goes a long way. A bit of lipstick and eye shadow and you're in business. Look on youtube, as Nedwin suggested.

 

If you want something more conventional, a good first date is going for a walk in the park or going for coffee and talking about things you have in common. Don't give up!

[katamac]

I know I'm not pretty, and the guys I like are not looking for girls like me. But if I do meet a guy I like and he actually wants to get to know me, what do I do? What's a date usually like? What do I wear? Just anything you guys can tell me would help immensely!

 

You don't need to be pretty, because you are beautiful. 

Despite what you may think, those guys that you like might be looking for a girl just like you. The assumptions you are making about the girls these boys like is based off of social stereotyping. Self-confidence is the sexiest thing you can have

 

Dates can be anything you want! There is no reason why a dinner out should be considered more or less of a date than going to Walmart and having nerf sword fights (my personal favourite). If there is something you enjoy doing, or a place you like being, that can be your jumping off point for a date.

Clothing should be what makes you feel happy, while still begin practical. There is nothing wrong with dressing up, but just remember that you don't want to create a false image, so be true to who you are. Try slightly dressing up what you would normally wear, there is no need to do a complete makeover. If in doubt, have a fallback outfit that makes you look and feel amazing. I highly recommend polka dot dresses!

 

I've never been on a date, and I'm not ashamed to admit it I'm a virgin. Being a Christian I believe in sex after marriage. So on a date how do I identify if a guy is trying to hint that he wants more? Should I just tell him straight up what my rules are?

 

Before you go setting the ground rules for your date, make sure you have a solid idea of them yourself. Write it out if you need to, just make sure you know what they are. Looking for someone within the same faith might be helpful in this case? Ultimately being forthright with your values and rules is something you should not be afraid or ashamed to do. If he respects them, then you are on the right track

 

I'm not sure what your personal stance is on online dating, but from personal experience, it can be beneficial, even if it helps build up your confidence. My best friend met her fiancé online, and they have been together now for almost 3 years. 

 

I'll end my little blurb with something my professor told me on a really bad day.

"You are an intelligent, attractive young woman and your potential is only limited to your will to succeed." (I keep this stuck to my mirror, it might annoy me sometimes, but I know it is true!)

 

 

[Ba'sini'on]

Oh man, you guys made me cry! The good kind though, thank you for getting my confidence up!

 

Nedwin: What tutorials do you use? All I have is Michelle Phan, I love her stuff but I think I should broaden to others. Especially with hair, I have really straight, long hair and with a oval face it make it look longer.

 

I don't drink so no bars for me! I just love to be outside, climbing, running, hiking, or learning something new that's physical. I like the idea of paintball, shoot 'em up then they'll ask me out

 

Simon: Oh thank you!! *hugz*

 

SilverRapier: Hmmm a dress...I haven't worn one since I was 12. Damn, I need to get some money to go shopping or something. I still will wear workout shorts under the dress as a just in case factor, it's really windy over here

 

That sounds like a really nice first date.

 

katamac: I hope your right  OMG a Nerf sword fight! I would so love that!!

 

I've tried looking for Christian men at my church, but they are either TOO nice (annoyingly so), not active, or I'm just not attracted to them. But you guys are right, I should just put it out there what my stipulations are. They can take it however they want but it's my rules!

 

That might be something to look into, my cousin met his wife through online dating so there's something to it.

 

I want that made into a poster and on my wall!

 

Thank you guys so much! I'm going to spend today practicing make up techniques, I really like the 40s style. Now just to find out what to do with my hair. I just want to be more feminine, sure I'll still wear baggy comfortable clothing, but have the awesome ability to transform into a lady! And as much as I hate clothes shopping, it has to be done. Dresses here I come!

 

Hey when do guys usually make the first move for kissing? First date, second? I've never been kissed so I don't know what to expect. Will they ask for permission or just try to kiss me?

 

And what is it with the guys getting all huffy when you reveal you can actually play video games? Seriously, just when I'm getting along with a man and then I beat him at Halo he just shuns me!

[chammy]

Hey when do guys usually make the first move for kissing? First date, second? I've never been kissed so I don't know what to expect. Will they ask for permission or just try to kiss me?

 

And what is it with the guys getting all huffy when you reveal you can actually play video games? Seriously, just when I'm getting along with a man and then I beat him at Halo he just shuns me!

 

"First moves" happen whenever the initiating person feels comfortable trying. A friend of mine had a girl tell him she doesn't kiss on the first date, and I've gone from all sorts of time frames between "first date" and kissing/sex/etc.

 

Pro-tip: You don't have to wait for the guy to try if you don't want to. Asking for permission depends on the person - I've had both happen. I've also been impatient and asked "So, why haven't you kissed me yet?" - that happened on my first date with husband.

 

The guys that get all bent out of shape about being beat by a girl aren't worth your time. Sadly with your preferences it's likely that you'll deal with higher-than-average sexism, so you may need to work out a battle strategy.

 

Also, for more makeup/fashion/etc videos, I like xsparkage, vintageortacky, and makeupbytiffanyd on youtube.

[Nedwin]

As far as the makeup videos, I picked out a look that I wanted first and then searched for just that. "Make up tutorial for every day wear" was what I was going for. I can't access youtube at work, or I'd be more helpful. For hair, I wanted to start using my flat iron more, and really like the look of the soft waves, so I searched for "flat iron curls" or some such variant.

 

I had to kiss the guy I ended up marrying. He was just taking too long.

 

There are other options besides just your church for meeting dudes. Retreats, concerts, volunteering at a church camp, festivals, seminars...there's a big wide world out there!

 

I always wear shorts under my dresses and skirts. You never know when a sudden wind might occur!

 

It's always fun to take yourself to the mall or Kohls or something and just try on different styles. There might something out there you like that you didn't realize!

[Guzzi]

I know I'm not pretty, and the guys I like are not looking for girls like me. 

 

 

I cannot disagree strongly enough with that!!!  And on both counts:

1. You definitely are pretty! (Bad girl!!!)

and 2. Guys are just as varied in their wants and desires as women are.  There are plenty of guys out there who will be looking for someone exactly like you.

 

The first thing to remember is to be happy and confident in yourself, everything else will lead on from there.

Big Hugs heading your way!

xx

[Ancalagon The Black]

I know I'm not pretty, and the guys I like are not looking for girls like me.

 

I am a guy and I liked looking at all your pictures. I think that you look perfectly fine.

[lolavictrola]

First off - if you start telling yourself that you are beautiful, you will start to believe it. You really will. I was 6'3" in the 8th grade. I've been overweight my whole life. To be perfectly honest, not that many men are interested in dating me, because I'm 5 inches taller than the US average man.

 

But guess what - I'm gorgeous. I love my eyes, I have great hair, and I have a beautiful, bigger, shape. My legs are long, I have a great sense of humor, and my singing voice is definitely sexy. 

 

So what if I'm not a dainty little girl? I'm a WOMAN. Rawr. And the men who like me love my curves, my height, and my attitutude.

 

I checked out your gallery, and actually laughed "She's cute! What is she worried about!". 

 

Find out what you like about yourself. Start standing in front of the mirror in your undies and SEE yourself. Nice legs? Good arms? Slim wrists? What do you have that's beautiful? It's not a sexual thing, it's about embracing how God made you - absolutely beautiful, and absolutely flawed (like everyone else!!),

 

Makeup tips:  http://www.youtube.com/user/panacea81  - Lauren on this channel taught me most of what I know about makeup. Watch her tutorials, and you'll start to pick up the basics.

 

The absolute basics you'll need (drug store brands are FINE) are, for your coloring (fair skin, dark hair):

 

-foundation (try covergirl or loreal, not the supersupercheapo stuff)

-a soft pink blush - think pink rose petals, not fuschia or brick.

-chocolate brown eyeliner (try to find a retractable pencil one, or just a pencil. Liquid is an advanced game).

-Dark brown or black mascara (always go for waterproof) (match your lashes. I have fair hair, but black lashes. Browns look weird on me for this reason). 

-a berry colored lipstick or gloss. Try for something a couple shades deeper than your lip.

 

 

Bonus points - get an eyelash curler. They look scary, but they really AREN'T. 

 

Let me know if you need tips. I love beauty junk.

[AmandaM]

One, you're adorable.  Very pretty.

 

Two, there ARE guys out there who are more interested in a girl's interests than what's under her clothes.  You want to know what drew my husband to me?  I mentioned in my online dating profile that I always carried my GameBoy with me.  

 

Three, I met my husband online and I suggest it to anyone having trouble finding someone.  It makes it easier to weed out the creeps only interested in one thing from the genuine guys, and there are sites geared towards pretty much any interest group or demographic you could think of.

 

Four, YouTube is a great place for makeup tutorials, and practice makes perfect!  My sister has impeccable makeup and she's been using YouTube for as long as she's been allowed to wear makeup.  As for clothes, don't go too far from your comfort zone.  Bring a trusted friend shopping with you and try a little bit of everything, and take home what works for you.

 

Five, dates can be anything.  One of my favorite dates was bowling and frisbee golf early in my relationship with my husband.  I met all of his crazy friends and I had a lot of fun.  Our first date was playing pool - badly, by the way.

 

You're awesome.  Don't let anyone let you forget that.

[Nedwin]

I'd like to add for the makeup that primer, concealer, and finishing spray have all been facesavers for me.

[Ba'sini'on]

chammy: Thank you for the YouTube recommendations! I subscribed to all of them and their awesome!

 

That sucks! It shouldn't be where video games are just for the guys, girls like to take headshots to. But that'll be a sign of a really good guy, he asks me if I want to play without me asking

 

Nedwin: LOL I kind of want that story with my future husband. I love a man who's respectful and patient enough to wait for the girl to let him know it's o.k. to kiss her. Means a lot to me.

 

Nice to know I'm not the only one with shorts under the dress on her mind

 

What's a finishing spray do? What brands would you recommend for all three?

 

Guzzi Girl: Thank you for the hugs! And thank you for giving me more confidence that I am pretty.

 

Ancalagon The Black: Aaaaaaaw how sweet, thank you very much!

 

lolvictrola: Wow! 6'3"?! And I though I had it rough being 5'8", shows how much I know

 

My best features: My eyes, I have really long and thick eyelashes. Makes me look like I'm always wearing mascara and eyeliner.

My hair

And I've always like my legs

 

Thank you for the channel, she's awesome on her tips! I can't wait to try some of this out when I get the stuff you suggested! Any other tips you have would be most welcome.

 

AmandaM: I keep hearing more and more good things about online dating, it makes me want to try it now.

 

That's another problem I don't have any friends besides those on NF who can go shopping with me. I need to find more girl Nerds.

 

Thanks to all your encouragement and suggestions I actually played around with make up, and took some selfies to see the real me. I don't have any foundation, cover up, blush, and just one lipstick color. But I made do with what I had. I bought a while ago a eyeshadow set that has 27 different colors and some brushes and just went wild with the tutorials.

 

I actually looked pretty decent for my first try! Practice makes perfect though.

 

And right now I have my hair in pin curls so I can get into the habit of styling my hair in the 40s look. If it looks right I'll take a pic with makeup on, and one without and let you guys see the result.

 

I'm actually getting more and more confidence about my appearance!

[Nedwin]

Which kind you get depends on your skin type and look you want to go for.

 

http://www.wikihow.com/Determine-Your-Skin-Type

 

http://fairytalehairandmakeup.com/styles/regular-makeup-vs-airbrush-makeup-vs-mineral-makeup/

 

I would love to try airbrush once in a while, but my tendency toward oily skin forbids it. I started off using Milk of Magnesia as a primer, but that ran out around the same time my foundation was running out and I ended up finding foundation that had primer in it. I'd say any of the finishing sprays from Target would work fine. I think my concealer is covergirl.

 

 

Edit: Adding this subreddit link cause I've only been looking at it for 20 minutes and have already gotten some great ideas  http://www.reddit.com/r/MakeupAddiction/

[Mad Hatter]

You might want to check out the making faces thread 

 

Also you're gorgeous! 

[lolavictrola]

Good for you! I'm glad that you're out experimenting. And you do have GORGEOUS EYES!!

 

A good beginner foundation I suggest would be the CoverGirl Clean - Whipped Creme Foundation. It goes on REALLY smoothly, can cover blemishes, and is hydrating. I have sensitive/dry skin, and it works beautifully. My mom has oily skin, and it works on her too!

 

Airbrush makeup is a pretty advanced move. I would table that for now and master the basics. You don't need any fancy sprays or airbrushes when you're starting out. Master a "clean face" (that barely-there natural look first) before you go into crazy gadgets!

 

Do you have a Sephora or Ulta near you? The salespeople in there are always super friendly and great with helping out and giving advice. They aren't mean girls! And, you know, shopping on your own can be a thrilling experience. I was always nervous to go do things on my own, but now I love it. In particular... going to see movies on my own! It's very calming and relaxing.

[lela gypsypunk]

First things first... The greatest love in the world is SELF LOVE.  You've got to love yourself first and foremost.  

 

 

 

 

I know I'm not pretty, 

Bugger this nonsense.  Just get that sentence out of your head as it's not helping you at all.  This is why you're attracting creepers.  They know that your self esteem is low and they'll go after that.  Yeah it's a process and it won't happen overnight, but learning to love yourself is an awesome process

 

If you want to change your style, take a trusted friend and explain to them you want their help clothes shopping.  Realize you don't have to change everything all once.  More form fitting clothes one day, and the next day, wear something you're used to wearing.  Mascara one day, the next, no mascara.  

[Ascalon]

First things first... The greatest love in the world is SELF LOVE.  You've got to love yourself first and foremost.  

 

 

Bugger this nonsense.  Just get that sentence out of your head as it's not helping you at all.  This is why you're attracting creepers.  They know that your self esteem is low and they'll go after that.  Yeah it's a process and it won't happen overnight, but learning to love yourself is an awesome process

 

 

So much this. Can't really help with all the girl perspective stuff, but as a guy the one thing I'd say is build up your confidence and self-esteem before you go looking for a boyfriend. If you don't respect yourself, others won't respect you either. Even the nice guys will subconsciously take advantage of the fact you have a low opinion of yourself - it's natural for people around you to take cues on how to treat you from how you treat yourself.

 

The key to healthy relationships is definitely being in a good place within yourself. IMO damaged people always date other damaged people. Which makes sense - if you feel crap about yourself, you aren't confident approaching someone who has their shit together because you don't feel good enough.

 

If you feel good within yourself (and by yourself) you'll be so much more attractive to other people - especially other strong, independent people who also feel good about themselves. And you want to date those sorts of people - nobody wants a dysfunctional codependent relationship.

[Kung Fu Girl]

I second the advice:  Confidence is sexy.

[Thom Stépan]

Ok LostOne, you are gorgeous, pure and simple. One needs eyes to see behind the mask. Perhaps because of what you have shared here, I [and Simon above] can see your beauty. The ladies here are giving you great advice. Just know that there are guys who find you attractive got it?

[I-Jo]

You might want to check out the making faces thread 

 

Also you're gorgeous! 

yeah was going to say- there is a good thread here for these things.

 

Also I second Kung Fu Girl - Confidence is where it is. 

 

Because it's not dependent on anybody else- it comes from within.  Don't rush it.  it will happen when it happens.  You're adorable- keep doing what you are doing and things will happen when they happen.  

[Tinessael]

I'd say you need to relax - it is perfectly ok to be a late bloomer, and I found it from a personal experience it is even better - because you don't rush head first into emotional relationships with 13/14, but do it when you have defined yourself, know what you want (more or less) and thus are less likely to make silly decisions. 

Dating/ Meeting people should come naturally, in the end it is not THAT much different from making new friends, because the basis is still communication. There are no rules, no signs - just trust yourself that you will notice if it something for you or not and if it "clicks". 

Also: don't overestimate guys. They, as opposite to the female sex, don't have a plan. (Sorry guys). Their idea of "beauty" is something completely different from a female point of view, which we won't probably ever understand. I think it is often a sort of general impression that counts more, whereas women pay mostly more attention to the details. (Yeah I know, I am doing a horrible generalization right now). I mean, my bf thinks heels are ugly... so don't think you have to look girly.

[sea.bee]

Advice of the day from a dude: be you and be comfortable in your own skin. If you're faking it, the other person will pick it up eventually. You can't wear a mask forever.

 

Meet people that share some common interests. I met my now fiance at the dog park where we both spent hours every week. First we talked about dogs, then about ourselves, then we started dating, living together, and now we're getting married. I wasn't at the dog park because I was trolling for chicks. I just wanted to spend an hour or two in the evening with my dog. But we had a lot in common and she made me smile. And that's how it happened.

 

We didn't plan to date. We were really just looking for someone to have a decent conversation with while we watched our dogs play.

 

It's okay not to have EVERYTHING in common. If you want someone you'd never disagree with, take up cloning. Codependency isn't sexy. You're both going to need some things that are "my thing", not "our thing".

 

Sex is awesome, but it isn't everything. Don't sleep with a guy until you're comfortable with it. If he's worth your while, he'll understand and wait. Unless you're some sort of tantric sex master, you have to stop screwing eventually. For a decent lasting relationship, you need more than sex.

 

On the wonderful world of makeup: the things that make my fiance beautiful to me are the things that make her different. I think in a lot of ways, less is more.

 

About how to look like a girl, I assume you have the requisite biology that makes you a woman. Guys know you are one, even if you think they don't. Just try to be you, be happy, and let everything work itself out.

[Hazard]

Advice of the day from a dude

 

Dude's get to help too? 

 

In.

 

About how to look like a girl, I assume you have the requisite biology that makes you a woman. Guys know you are one, even if you think they don't. Just try to be you, be happy, and let everything work itself out.

 

So much this.

 

Women are not "this" or "that".  There's over 3 billion of you on the planet, and you're all different.  And there's over 3 billion guys on the planet, and we all have our preferences.   As one of you ladies previously mentioned, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  There's no such thing as "what guys like."  There's what he likes.  What I like.  What that other guy over there likes.  Etc.

 

If a woman likes wearing pants, she should wear pants, and she'll attract guys who like women who wear pants.  If a woman doesn't want to wear makeup, she shouldn't wear makeup, and she'll attract guys who like an unpainted face.  If a woman wants to dress as a ballerina every day, she should dress as a ballerina every day, and she'll attract guys who like it.

 

No matter how you choose to appear, or how you choose to act - if you're a woman then what you do and how you look is what a woman does and how a woman looks.  Be who you want to be.  Be happy with the person who you choose to be, and you'll attract guys who like you.