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Calm in the face of Change (because change is scary)


apike

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I am capable of calm.

 

 

 

That's what this challenge is going to be all about. That and fixing my hip. And writing. And getting a bunch of other...

 

Ok stop!

 

 

 

 

1. I can handle new job stress.

 

Because my new job is going to be awesome. I'm starting on the Ides of March. Ok, that's a Saturday, but it's still my official start. In practical terms, that will be St. Patrick's Day.

 

I haven't figured out what exactly this needs to entail, so I need to fill in some details before the challenge starts on Monday!

 

Maybe I'll try some meditation? It'll almost certainly involve some sort of writing/reflection.

 

2. I can heal my long standing evil hip injury.

 

Keep tellin' yourself that apike. Maybe you'll start to believe it.

 

This has been a huge source of anxiety and frustration for me recently. Because it's been an issue for the last EIGHTEEN MONTHS. And it doesn't seem to want to go away, and I'm having trouble finding professional intervention.

 

My plan is to focus on mobility work. Since I have only the vaguest clue what I actually mean by that: Each weekend (including the one prior to the challenge), I'll go find a useful looking hip mobility exercise. Each weekday I will do the chosen thing.

 

Keep trying to gain strength, do stuff at gym. Finish using personal trainer pre-paid sessions, then start going by myself (worst case - do body weight at home). No specific goals there as long as I keep trying.

 

In addition, I'm trying physical therapy again. I'm scared, because I haven't had good luck with it in the past. I'm going to have to be a bitch and refuse to do any of the BS I don't believe will help me. Because I've done enough to know some things which I find useless, and I'm not inclined to waste my time on them again. So the goal there, I guess: don't waste time on stuff that isn't going to work for me. If I'm not learning something new, they're not helping me.

 

P.S. Also stop feeling so anxious and like my hip will never be a proper hip again. BecauseI refuse to accept that.

 

 

3. Keep on keeping on.

 

Keep writing. Pretty simple there - do something daily. Work on old project at least once per week. Work on new project at least once per week. All other writing can be whatever I feel like - just aim for every day. I'm getting a one week break between challenges.

 

Keep working on painting that study (the one that hasn't seen any progress during the last challenge). Once per week should get me back on track.

 

Keep doing plant stuff (those hundreds of seeds won't plant themselves, unfortunately). Once per week, and it should get done without too much fuss.

 

Keep working on that mental health thing. I have a new medication to try and for once I actually feel hopeful that it will make a difference! My new psychiatrist is actually listening to me, which is a nice novel feeling. I don't know... I think I just need to aggressively track how I'm reacting to meds, because I tend to lose track of what hasn't worked and why. I have a notebook set aside, so I just need to use it.

It probably doesn't even matter what I write down, just that I write something about how my brain is functioning.

 

4. I really want to try snowshoeing.

 

So do!

 

I just want to sign up for a class. Or rent some gear and just try to figure it out, since it's probably not that hard. The snow in the mountains has been great from what I hear, so it's probably a nice time to work on it.

 

I want to try this once before winter winds down. Seems so simple, but very hard for me. So I want to try and squeeze this in during this challenge (at least the official planning - the event itself doesn't have to be).

 

 

 

I started a group for mobility support: http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/44578-team-mobility-work/.

 

 

 

I don't think I'm going to put any specific grading criteria up. It wasn't very useful during my first challenge.

 

So basically everything is pass/fail, based on if I feel like I'm making progress towards my overall goals. Naturally, the exact details of my goals may have to shift around during the course of the six weeks, because Life. And while ideally I won't miss a single one of my daily activities, as long as I keep picking myself back up and forging ahead, I think I'll be doing ok.

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A. Pike

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Good goals apike! An 18 month injury must be so demoralising. I'll be sure to check in to this thread with anything useful I learn about hip mobility along my current challenge. 

Pip-Boy read-out: Level 3 Sentinel:  S(STR)- 3 | P(CON)- 6 | E(STA)- 7 | C(CHA)- 6.5 | I(WIS)- 8 | A(DEX)- 4.5 | L(LUC)

Scratched on the case are the words- "You don't need a reason to help people".

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Good goals apike! An 18 month injury must be so demoralising. I'll be sure to check in to this thread with anything useful I learn about hip mobility along my current challenge. 

 

Thanks!

 

18 months is a long time. It's one of those injuries where it doesn't really prevent me from doing most day to day things, but a lot of innocuous activities can make it hurt so it keeps me from doing things I like and from trying new things. I think it's in that realm of sort-of-healed but prone to re-injury right now.

A. Pike

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I am capable of calm.

 

 

 

That's what this challenge is going to be all about. That and fixing my hip. And writing. And getting a bunch of other...

 

Ok stop!

 

 

2. I can heal my long standing evil hip injury.

 

Keep tellin' yourself that apike. Maybe you'll start to believe it.

 

This has been a huge source of anxiety and frustration for me recently. Because it's been an issue for the last EIGHTEEN MONTHS. And it doesn't seem to want to go away, and I'm having trouble finding professional intervention.

 

My plan is to focus on mobility work. Since I have only the vaguest clue what I actually mean by that: Each weekend (including the one prior to the challenge), I'll go find a useful looking hip mobility exercise. Each weekday I will do the chosen thing.

 

Keep trying to gain strength, do stuff at gym. Finish using personal trainer pre-paid sessions, then start going by myself (worst case - do body weight at home). No specific goals there as long as I keep trying.

 

In addition, I'm trying physical therapy again. I'm scared, because I haven't had good luck with it in the past. I'm going to have to be a bitch and refuse to do any of the BS I don't believe will help me. Because I've done enough to know some things which I find useless, and I'm not inclined to waste my time on them again. So the goal there, I guess: don't waste time on stuff that isn't going to work for me. If I'm not learning something new, they're not helping me.

 

P.S. Also stop feeling so anxious and like my hip will never be a proper hip again. BecauseI refuse to accept that.

 

 

 

That hip injury is a blessing in disguise!

 

It has given you an opportunity to grow more patience (with yourself and others), learn to free yourself from worry and anxiety and become a more symphathic and compassionate human being. Don't miss out on this beautiful adventure. :peaceful:  

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Namaste, and welcome to the Druids, we are glad to have you here!

I will start by being difficult and state that I do think that grading helps, as well as narrowing down details on your goals. Unfortunately I'm writing on my phone and have difficulties posting links at the moment but have a look at what for instance Steve has written about SMART goals :-)

I really like your third goal - to keep on every day. "Simple" and easy to measure. What kind of projects are you working on?

Meditation is a great way to increase and nurture calm.

I have chosen to believe in myself.


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Namaste, and welcome to the Druids, we are glad to have you here!

I will start by being difficult and state that I do think that grading helps, as well as narrowing down details on your goals. Unfortunately I'm writing on my phone and have difficulties posting links at the moment but have a look at what for instance Steve has written about SMART goals :-)

I really like your third goal - to keep on every day. "Simple" and easy to measure. What kind of projects are you working on?

Meditation is a great way to increase and nurture calm.

 

I know what you mean about smart goals, but I'm still learning how to break things down that way. It's been hard to even break down my goals as much as I have so far, honestly. I've been feeling crummy lately, so I'm not really thinking very clearly either.

 

Other than thriving at my new job, I'm not really sure what I want out of it. Just trying to keep organized and reflective initially when things are hectic is going to be pretty important. I don't really know what exactly I need to do to accomplish that. Since my start date is about midway through the challenge, I may end up using the first few weeks to figure out exactly what I need to do to keep my head on straight. But for now - it's a moving target.

 

I have a similar problem with my hip. I'm trying to devise my own program on very limited knowledge of what I really need. I got The Pain-Free Program and Becoming a Supple Leopard (also Starting Strength) from the library. I also see a physical therapist tomorrow, so that may provide the structure I'm looking for - if it goes well.

 

My writing projects are two separate novels, one which I started last year and is starting to stall, and one which is very fresh and new, just a few weeks old. I'm using the week between challenges as a mental break from writing. Tomorrow I'm diving back in. I've never attempted to progress on two projects simultaneously before.

 

 

 

Also, my personal trainer fired me today. Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks that's not working very well. I'm kind of annoyed, but mostly relieved. I'm going to ask for a refund for the rest of my prepaid sessions, rather than trying to power through them, even though she offered that option.

A. Pike

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It's been a weird day. I feel kind of groggy and out of it, probably connected to medication changes. I was so tired, I just kind of fell asleep on the couch around 6. That is extremely extremely strange for me. I avoid napping because it makes me feel groggy, but I was just too sleepy to move. And it did, in fact, make me feel groggy.

 

1. Nothing has changed since yesterday on job stress. I still have no idea what I'm doing, or what I want to do. I haven't really had time or energy to think about it much.

 

2. I saw a physical therapist today. I have mixed feelings. She gave me one exercise to try at home (for now), and I need to go back in later this week. She suggested a possible diagnosis, as well as a reason it might not have been identified. I'm not sure - on the one hand it seems to fit, and on the other I would have expected someone to suggest and pursue that long before now. Plus, I'm almost 100% sure I won't want surgery, so even if she's right I'm not sure it matters much. I've had too many times I've followed through with surgeries I didn't really need and regretted it.

 

I asked her if I could keep doing my own thing at home, and she said to go for it as long as it wasn't causing pain. So I'm going to forge ahead with the plan outlined by The Pain-Free Program, because it sounds reasonable to me.

 

3. I did some writing during a brief lunchtime window. I only wrote about a paragraph. That was on the new project, so I just need to make sure that in addition to continuing to write I get some work done on the older stalled project.

 

 

 

 

I don't like how tired I've been, and that I didn't hear anything back yet from two different people I should have heard from last week. Hurry up people!

 

I think I officially suck at being patient. I have no idea how to work on that. How do you improve your patience?

A. Pike

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I don't like how tired I've been, and that I didn't hear anything back yet from two different people I should have heard from last week. Hurry up people!

 

I think I officially suck at being patient. I have no idea how to work on that. How do you improve your patience?

Well, when I had twin boys I needed more patience, when one was diagnosed with severe autism at 18 mos. I needed more patience. When it has taken him 8+ years to be toilet trained, I needed more patience. When my other son was also diagnosed with mild autism, I needed more patience. You grow more patience because that is the only thing you can control. Patience empowers you.   

 

 

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Yesterday was the first time I did the list of exercises from Pain-Free Program. Since I was learning what they were and had to keep looking up how to do them, it took about an hour. I tried to pay attention to how it felt as I did each stretch, which I tended to feel in lots of different body parts depending on which one it was (sometimes what the book said I was stretching, sometimes not). A number of them unexpectedly made my forearms and wrists feel it. At the end I felt pretty good, but my knees were sore.

 

Today the same set of stretches probably took closer to 45 minutes. A few of them were really bothering my right shoulder. I'll need to keep an eye on that. I also added in the exercise from PT. My current plan (which may be easily disrupted, since I tend not to take charge of conversation when I perceive authority) is to ask the PT to go over them with me, instead of passively reacting during my next session.

 

Today's writing was to go through my notecards for my old / stalled project and organize what I'm currently doing with the magic system. I have a general notion of how things work, but I need to really break down what the characters can do with magic, and what the requirements for casting spells are. Luckily a lot of it fell into a few overall categories, and several themes emerged. But I still need to decide how it works and is practiced, or there will be no hope for consistency. A lot of the magic is too easy to do, and it makes the whole thing seem like the story should be resolved with "well just cast a spell then". Particularly teleportation: they can just kind of go anywhere wherever so I kept adding false barriers to doing so.

The good news is that means I can spend the rest of the week working on whichever of the two projects I feel like.

 

Forward progress on my job, but only in the sense of having more of the paperwork done. I have still not given my two weeks notice, which will need to be either Friday or Monday.

A. Pike

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Hey, I'm not sure of the exact nature of your hip injury, but I did this as part of my MobilityWOD challenge yesterday and thought that it might be of use to you. :pirate:

 

http://www.mobilitywod.com/2010/08/episode-02-dont-go-in-the-pain-cave/

Pip-Boy read-out: Level 3 Sentinel:  S(STR)- 3 | P(CON)- 6 | E(STA)- 7 | C(CHA)- 6.5 | I(WIS)- 8 | A(DEX)- 4.5 | L(LUC)

Scratched on the case are the words- "You don't need a reason to help people".

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Hey, I'm not sure of the exact nature of your hip injury, but I did this as part of my MobilityWOD challenge yesterday and thought that it might be of use to you. :pirate:

 

http://www.mobilitywod.com/2010/08/episode-02-dont-go-in-the-pain-cave/

 

Thanks!

I'm actually not sure of the nature of my injury either, other than the not-healing-on-its-own part. Doctors haven't really found anything conclusive either. I know a lot of things that aren't wrong. Like it's not broken. And I don't have arthritis.

 

Today I did some writing on new-project. I was really tempted to resurrect another half baked project, but I need to keep my limit at 2 right now or I'll never get anything done. I made some notes for that one so I can go work on it eventually.

 

The series of stretches took about 45 minutes today. It felt better today than yesterday. I've got a PT visit tomorrow, so we'll see how things are going.

 

I got some new job related paperwork taken care of today! Hooray for new jobs! I'm starting to get past the waiting-stress back to excited again.

A. Pike

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This morning I had physical therapy again. I think it went pretty well. She did some massage work on my leg that seemed to really target the problem areas without overdoing it. My hip flexor is really really really tight and knotted (much more on the injured side than on the left). Then she did some very gentle mobilization work, which she used leverage against her body or the table to produce some traction. My hip felt really good, and properly lose afterwards. She also went over the stretches in my book with me, and helped make sure I'm doing them right and confirming that they're a good idea (or at least not a bad one).

 

The downside was that at the end we added a new stretch. It was that really basic quad stretch I must have learned in elementary school - where you stand on one leg and pull the other ankle towards your butt. It really really hurt, and not in a good way. It left my hip feeling all tight and messed up again. When I stood on my right leg to stretch my left quad, the outside of my right leg hurt a bit. (This is not the first time I've noticed that my balance standing on one foot is off on that side). When I stood on my left leg to stretch the injured side my hip REALLY hurt. Hips are not supposed to hurt when you try to stretch your quad.

 

So I need to be really careful I stretch very very gently. I did the quad stretch again this evening before I started the routine from the book and I was much more careful. The left side seemed pretty normal, I could get my ankle all the way up to my body, and had to lean into the stretch to really feel it. The right side... not so much. I couldn't even really properly straighten up while holding it. I had to bend forward a little because it was too tight to even stand upright while holding it.

 

I followed that with a heel press, also from PT, then proceeded with the Pain-Free Program stuff. I am all sorts of tweaked today, because as I was getting up from the first stretch in the sequence, something in my left hip hurt (that sharp, acute pain) as I twisted. I was really careful as I followed through the rest of the stretches, but the only time it continued to hurt was the movement between different stretches.

 

 

I also suspect I'm getting sick. Not sure exactly if I am, but I'm starting to feel under the weather.

 

 

I did some more writing on my new-project (only a few short paragraphs), but at least I know sort of where the current scene is going, what needs to happen in it, and am working on it frequently.

A. Pike

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apike:  has your physio discussed foam-rolling with you? I've found it beneficial as a supplemental therapy for tight muscles and misaligned vertebrae. 

 

Here's a tutorial on making your own roller: http://homemadestrength.blogspot.com/2011/04/foam-rolling-is-for-church-moms_24.html

 

Can't hurt, might help!

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"If you get into trouble, you can always eat something, blow something up, or throw penguins." - Jim Henson

 

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Arrrrrrrrrrg. Things are not going too well, honestly.

 

1. Stress is causing a lot of problems. I have not figured out how to cope with it.

 

2. Hip is going pretty well though.

 

3. Writing is mostly going well, although I'm mostly getting a short paragraph per day so it's slow.

 

 

Friday I didn't get anything done. No time for stretches, writing.

This weekend I didn't get my seed planting done and I didn't get any painting done. So I didn't get to any of that within the first week.

 

 

I'm going to go do stretches instead of trying to explain further, otherwise I won't get them done tonight.

A. Pike

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I am definitely not coping well with stress. Or doctors. Or stress.

 

 

I haven't consistently done PainFree the last few days. One day I had PT late in the day, so I deliberately skipped it. Friday night I got nothing done again because my social life is important, but eating up more time than usual because of drama. Drama with a capital Llama. I've decided to continue with the current program from Pain Free for another week before I re-evaluate.

 

I haven't written in 2 or 3 days. I lost track. That's pretty abnormal, but is a pretty accurate assessment of my current mental state.

 

I still have no idea how to prepare or de-stress about the new job. Apparently I suck at de-stressing in general. I have no idea what I should do about it because "self care" involves investing in Pain Free programming, and I really have no energy or time to do much else. And while it can be somewhat relaxing, it's very time consuming and definitely not enough.

 

I haven't been sleeping well, which is part of why I haven't been writing. I'm going to try to do a little writing tonight, but I'm probably not going to be up for trying very hard. And Daylights Saving Time is kicking my ass, like normal. So I'm pretty much expecting not to function for the next week or two, which is terrible terrible timing, but not something I can really control any better than what I'm already doing.

 

So I'm feeling entirely overwhelmed and not a little hopeless. And I have to try not to think about that too hard or I start hating everything, which is why I've not been stopping in to post much.

 

In summary: this week sucked, last week sucked, next week is going to suck even more. I'm coping, but only barely.

 

A. Pike

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Things have been crazy.

 

I have no idea what's going on at my new job, or how to keep organized. I never did come up with a good way to reflect on things, and if I can't come up with something this weekend I'll get caught up in whatever is going on next week and I will never figure it out.

 

I am decidedly not calm, although I am feeling more positive.

 

Not handling the stress well at all, really, though. I've been so tired, and I've been in tears. I'm having fun but I don't feel good about the whole druidly ability to reflect and evaluate and keep my head on straight. Because I have no idea how to do those things at all.

 

 

I don't really know if my hip is any better. It's been feeling a little better, but only for the last few days. And it's possible that I'm just too tired to notice what's going on anymore. I've been mostly alternating days between doing the Pain Free Program stretches, and PT stuff. It just takes way too long to do both (closer to an hour and a half if I don't rush, and rushing isn't really any good). I've skipped a lot of days kind of randomly too.

I just wish I had some decent measure of better. Thinking it's maybe sorta a little better is not confidence inducing.

 

 

Keeping on? Not happening. I've written once in the past two weeks. To stressed and busy by far, because new job. I haven't painted at all. I'm behind on planting, although hoping to get some more done this weekend.

 

 

I've decided snowshoeing isn't a good idea right now. I don't think I can handle the stress of planning, but moreso I'm worried about if my hip can handle it. I have no way to answer that question but to try or to say screw it. I'm choosing the second one.

 

 

It all really boils down to stress, and my inability to deal with it in an even remotely constructive way. I did read a book this week, but I'll probably just read or play video games all weekend, to be perfectly honest. I don't know how to keep up with anything.

 

 

In some ways, I still feel like I've done really well. It's just that "really well" isn't really good enough, since that can include things like not crying at work and not completely collapsing in every possible way...

A. Pike

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Hello!  It sounds like you really needed the time off.  Do you feel any better after the weekend?

 

Ditching the snowshoeing goal is a good idea.  That hip comes first.  Though snowshoeing is LOADS of fun and you should definitely do it sometime when you don't have to worry about your hip.

 

Stress management is tough.  Is there any way you can carve out even a bit of daily time that's just for you?  Not for stretching or writing or anything you NEED to do, but just to relax?  New job stress will hopefully settle out soon and let you regain your balance.

Behave yourself, badly if necessary.
 

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