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Starpuck

Starpuck: Kicking in the Burn

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First off, you put last week up because you do care. A real failure would be not putting it up, and pretending it didn't happen. 

 

Second, you completed one goal and exceeded another. That's a great week!

 

As far as eating, remember how much progress you've made. Was this a bad week in the context of March, 2014? Sure. Now compare this past week to a typical week in March 2010. Totally different, right? (Side note: I made popcorn yesterday the way I used to make it in high school, in a pan. I ate half of it and then felt sick. I used to make twice as much, eat all of it, and then look for what to eat next. As a snack.)

 

Focus on what makes you feel great, and use that happiness to push yourself a little harder in the other areas, and it will all come together :)

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WEEK 3 SUMMARY

 

PRIORITY 1: EATING   FAIL - I did not cook, I did not track my food, I did not eat clean very well (maybe 4 days out of 7) and I ate like a honeybadger Monday, Tuesday and Sunday.

 

PRIORITY 2: EXERCISE

  • Target goal of logging 5 sessions total per week, broken down as follows:
  • Strength Sessions – 2x/week 2/2 complete
  • Runs – 1x/week 1/1 complete
  • +2 additional workouts of any type Total 5/5 complete!  If I count each hockey game as a separate work out, then I am at 8/5

SIDE FITNESS GOAL:  Go to the boxing gym 1x/week.   Yes.  Went Wednesday.

PRIORITY 3: BUDGET   FAIL - I did not track my spending, and I also threw money around like I was making it rain.

SIDE LIFE GOAL:  Nope

 

 

I don't know why I should bother even putting this up this week.  I did nothing.  I managed to get workouts in, but outside of that, I don't even know that I TRIED to do anything.   And honestly, it's scaring me because lately, I don't even FEEL like trying.    I'm in a funk.   I have a thousand things to blame, to use as excuses.   And then I get pissed off that I am gonna fall into that trap.   I have always argued that life factors give people REASONS to act a certain way, but not the excuse to, and here I am, acting like a burned out, don't give a shit, overwhelmed, anger filled, quitter.

 

This morning driving into work, I thought to myself, "I honestly feel like I have been poisoned.  Like some wizard or sorcerer cast a spell on me, or some tainted blade cut into me and has infected me with a poison that is slowly turning me into an awful person."    I am getting frustrated and /angry/ over so many pointless things.   I am uptight, anxious, lock-jawed and growly.    I can't figure out how to break this trend.    Even things I like doing, are causing me stress and grr.  

 

I do not like this.   I want the anti-venom, and I want it now.

 

Maybe you need to eat something like fish. you burned a lot of calories and expelled a LOT of adrenaline this past long weekend. You could still be recouperating from it much like a reset from a lifting competition.

 

Tracking spending, check out Mint.com. It tracks all my spending for me and sends me an email when I go over. It doesn't stop me from over-spending but it does tell me when I do. It makes it much much easier

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WEEK 3 SUMMARY

 

PRIORITY 1: EATING   FAIL - I did not cook, I did not track my food, I did not eat clean very well (maybe 4 days out of 7) and I ate like a honeybadger Monday, Tuesday and Sunday.

 

PRIORITY 2: EXERCISE

  • Target goal of logging 5 sessions total per week, broken down as follows:
  • Strength Sessions – 2x/week 2/2 complete
  • Runs – 1x/week 1/1 complete
  • +2 additional workouts of any type Total 5/5 complete!  If I count each hockey game as a separate work out, then I am at 8/5

SIDE FITNESS GOAL:  Go to the boxing gym 1x/week.   Yes.  Went Wednesday.

PRIORITY 3: BUDGET   FAIL - I did not track my spending, and I also threw money around like I was making it rain.

SIDE LIFE GOAL:  Nope

 

 

I don't know why I should bother even putting this up this week.  I did nothing.  I managed to get workouts in, but outside of that, I don't even know that I TRIED to do anything.   And honestly, it's scaring me because lately, I don't even FEEL like trying.    I'm in a funk.   I have a thousand things to blame, to use as excuses.   And then I get pissed off that I am gonna fall into that trap.   I have always argued that life factors give people REASONS to act a certain way, but not the excuse to, and here I am, acting like a burned out, don't give a shit, overwhelmed, anger filled, quitter.

 

Wow, sounds like a serious case of the grouchy apathies...  Sorry to hear it, half-sis.  I know that kind of time feels pretty crappy, and it sucks major.  And I don't want to minimize how you feel, cause it's crappy.  And it can be therapeutic to have a gripe session and get it all out.  But notice....

 

Nothing is not....

   Eating clean 4/7 days.

   Busting one's butt making plays on people who are better than you because they started playing as preschoolers.

   Being distressed over seeing crapping thinking in yourself - if you were truly at zero, you wouldn't be distressed by your current motivational low.

   Posting and being accountable to your online friends to get feedback, encouragement, and ideas.

   Just showing up and doing workouts, over and over and over.

 

Don't miss the good stuff you're doing, Starpuck. The motivation will return!!!

 

You're my favorite Chicago girlie hockey player, and I'm rooting for you.    :peaceful:

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Wow, sounds like a serious case of the grouchy apathies...  Sorry to hear it, half-sis.  I know that kind of time feels pretty crappy, and it sucks major.  And I don't want to minimize how you feel, cause it's crappy.  And it can be therapeutic to have a gripe session and get it all out.  But notice....

 

Nothing is not....

   Eating clean 4/7 days.

   Busting one's butt making plays on people who are better than you because they started playing as preschoolers.

   Being distressed over seeing crapping thinking in yourself - if you were truly at zero, you wouldn't be distressed by your current motivational low.

   Posting and being accountable to your online friends to get feedback, encouragement, and ideas.

   Just showing up and doing workouts, over and over and over.

 

Don't miss the good stuff you're doing, Starpuck. The motivation will return!!!

 

You're my favorite Chicago girlie hockey player, and I'm rooting for you.    :peaceful:

 

 

that's one smart orc

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nothing is nothing.

 

nothing is sitting on the couch.

 

you did not "do nothing"

 

and half the point of a challenge- and logging- and people for accountability is to spell out all the good and the bad so you can see the ups and the downs.  If you only wrote the ups- what a boring read that would be!!! no one wants to watch a movie of all "ups".

 

our hero needs some personal character building adversity- makes victory so much sweeter!

 

head up kiddo- today is a new day to start fresh!!! well technically it's over- but that means- also- TOMORROW new day to start fresh ;) wink wink nudge nudge!

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“When a job goes wrong, you always go back to the beginning…â€

 

STARPUCK’S 19 DAY CHALLENGE OF MIGHTINESS!

or (Two Days Shy of a Habit)

 

We’re adjusting things mid-challenge here.  Nay- we are OVERHAULING things because that’s what Starpucks do when they are overwhelmed.   The sudden but inevitable betrayal of the Dinosaurs has left me with scarce few resources to deal with all that needs to be done, let alone working on leveling up my life.   So for now, we’re not saying that we’re dead in the water- we’re just in the beginning stages of an epic plan to get our ship moving again.

 

  1. Clean It – Ship ain’t gonna fly with junk parts, crappy fuel and no manner of maintenance.  Ain’t gotta be perfect, jus’ gotta get the mind in the right way of thinking.   Healthy foods.  Lots of them.  Just be smart.
  2. Log It – Clearly my worst eating happens as a response to emotions.   Angry?  Tired, Sad, Stressed?  EAT.  Oh, happy mood?  Excited?  Having fun?  Being social?  EAT.  Ummmmm no.   Find another outlet.   Write it down.  Vent it.  Share it with a friend.  But do not EAT those emotions.  
  3. Move It – This is third on the list because it’s the thing I have the easiest time with.   But, for sake of sanity.   No stipulations on how many of each thing.  No drawn out schedule that outlines where I will be working out every day of the week.   JUST MOVE.   Learn to be active on a whim.

 

Since I am going all out on this one.  I decided to put some big rewards on the table.   I had that brilliant idea of using my unspent ‘fun’ money for purchasing a tablet.  We’re calling this doubling-down.   21 days: must journal EVERY day, must move 5x/week (any combination) and must not let emotions dictate my food AT ALL.   If I manage 21 days and meet these 3 goals 100% - then I am taking my two jars of change and buying the tablet now as my reward.  Let’s do this.   No points for this thing.  Just me proving a point to myself.  Which I guess, in a way, actually, IS a point.  Huh.

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“..so I have. This is where we got da job so this is the beginning"

"take my love, take my land take me where I cannot stand"

"aaah! curse your sudden and inevitable betrayal!"

"When you can't run, you crawl. And when you can't crawl, when you can't do that ... you find someone to carry you."

"I like to move it move it, you like to move it move it"

And remember. You ARE the brute squad, not just on it.

Please excuse any errors. The monkeys are slacking

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I agree with the comments above.  Plus I will channel my inner Steve and say "One day of slacking is ok.  Just don't let it happen the next day."  I know there are times where that day is bad for whatever reason and it is ok to take a day off and rest.  But get up the next day and attack it because you can.  Because you want to!  I know from reading your posts that you are not the type to sit idle-ly by and let the world pass you by.  You take control of it and change it for the better.  Keep doing that!   

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It can be soooooo hard to know the difference between slacking and taking a needed break. Trust me, I know from experience. But, once you are ready to move on, the key is to frame it in the way that will make it work for you later. 

 

"That wasn't slacking, that was a needed break." 

I use that one when I start to feel defeated or if I start to hit that depression spiral. As I used to joke: "The only thing making me depressed is that I can't shake this depression"

 

"You didn't need a break! You were just slacking!"

I use that one when I feel myself starting to make excuses for everything. "I can't run because I didn't get enough sleep last night. I can't track because I don't know how many calories are in that soup." I give myself a kick in the ass and hit it double time.

 

And I love herring about your hockey. I was just talking with one of my old coaches the other day and missing hockey terribly. I had a couple of pickup games when an NHL player came out and schooled us. It was so much fun, and frustrating at the same time. When I played against him, it was like I was standing still. When I played with him, I would hold my stick out and he'd bounce it off of me and into the net. He called it an assist, but I know what really happened. 

When I was coaching soccer and we were playing a much better team, I always told my girls, "Watch and enjoy watching. Don't get frustrated.. get inspired." I figure the best spectator seat in that kind of display is on the filed/ice. It's like the advice of not comparing your level 2 with someone else's level 20. It's hard, but if you can swing it and appreciate where they are... you can be inspired.

 

Don't completely dump your goals, I think you are on the right track... maybe just a little derailed. It takes some work to get back on the track, but once you do it will feel awesome.

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Hey all, thanks for the support.   You guys rock.

 

It felt good today to not have a dozen extra "need to's" on my plate.   Work was a little less hectic than it has been and I felt the faintest chance to come up for air.   I didn't track food, I just tried to be mindful, and at lunch, when I wanted to work on some writing instead of getting my strength workout in, I told myself it was fine because I had boxing later.

 

And box I did.   Was very fun tonight.   Worked on our hooks and did a few rounds of combos with that.  Then went to several rounds of pad work.  I LOVE pad work because it makes me feel so bad ass even though I have no idea what I am doing half the time.  Plus, it looks like this. 

 

tumblr_inline_mqefctnwJa1qz4rgp.jpg

 

Then back to bagwork for speed punches, then 20 minutes of conditioning. 

Burpees with Broad Jump

Skater Strides between cones

Leg raises where you like lift your low back off the floor too (what are these called?)

Heavy Bag pulls - omg, two heavy bags, with speed ropes tied to them and you have to stand still and then haul them across the room like pulling a fire hose.

20lb ball slams

 

So yeah, I'ma say I ended up getting a strength workout in there anyway.

 

I did not have any moments today, where my emotions threatened to derail me food wise.   I did have burritos for breakfast but that was honestly a caloric choice over mood choice.   I really need to resolve my wanting HOT eggs at work.    Anyone ever try the cooking eggs in the microwave trick?  How terrible is it? :(    Lunch was turkey and edamame.   Granola bar before boxing.    Grilled chicken salad after boxing.   WW brownie and milk.    No out of whack moments.

 

Tomorrow I am anxious to get into the whse gym for a workout.   That means I can go to friends house after and be all set to chill with some Big Bang Theory and then some D&D.

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Eggs in the microwave are pretty good provided you don't overcook them (which is true for eggs with any cooking method). Which, with microwaves, may take a little experimentation, but once you figure it out it's a fine way to cook an egg. Another option, if you like things in your eggs, is to make an egg monster (basically a big pan of baked eggs with veggies and stuff in it), then bring pieces of it to work and reheat. I was dubious the first time I tried this, I figured the eggs would go all rubbery, but they don't, they actually reheat quite well.

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Similar to egg monsters, make with omelet muffins. They reheat really well and are already pre packaged for travel

Please excuse any errors. The monkeys are slacking

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Speaking of eggs and microwaves and vegetables, have you seen the Epic Protein Frittata recipe from the recipe thread? I've made it the last two Sundays and then just microwaved a portion for breakfast every morning. Since my husband won't eat it (scary green things!) I just make half the vegetables and cover it with 10 whole eggs. So. Damn. Good. 

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Similar to egg monsters, make with omelet muffins. They reheat really well and are already pre packaged for travel

 

 

This is what my brain imagined when I said 'egg monster' but I couldn't come up with either the word 'omelet' or 'muffin'..... Either way, it's good, and good in the microwave too! You can even use a couple strips of bacon in the bottom of the muffin forms to create an edible bacon muffin wrapper (assuming you're a bacon-eater...)

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Hmmm, good ideas all.   And seems like I should not be so afraid to try the egg-nuking.    I know Hungry Girl has a bunch of 'eggs in a cup' recipe where she cooks up eggs in a coffee mug.    I'm gonna give it a go this weekend and if I don't botch it at home, will do it at work next week.

 

So today - I am brutally sore.   Omg, so brutally sore.   The boxing workout was a doozy apparently.   The sun has peeked out, but it's still a bit chilly, and tomorrow we're supposed to hit 60!  (Before going back into 30's for a fucking week.  GRRRRR)   

 

The other thing is I am totally exhausted.   Like, eyes crossing, I just took benadryl with vodka kind of tired/dozing off/passing out.   Which - is a food trigger for me.     I haven't caved in yet.    But this is one of those things that you can't just change your mindset on.   So I am unsure how to combat this one.   I am hoping the workout perks me up a bit.   

 

After that.  I am going to really really really try to catch up on everyone's threads.    This stupid RL getting in the way of my NF addiction is getting old. :)

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Today's workout. 

 

5 minutes jump rope

Bench Press - On a plyobox, with my feet held up lol, yeah, this is not going to work long term.   5x5 65# (lower than usual, but odd set up)

Squat - 5X5  95#

Push ups - 3X10

Weighted Step Ups - 3X30 20#  (Yay plyo box is GREAT for this)

Leg Lifts - 3X10

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Suggestion: take note of your home microwave's wattage vs work. Otherwise you might end up with spongey eggs. Or in my case, still frozen broccoli.

Please excuse any errors. The monkeys are slacking

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A Doni a Bluffin thing, putting eggs, vegetables, meat and those little muffin cups. Those are great to take to work, but they're tiny. :-) Or maybe my appetite is just too big. :-)

Nice job on the boxing. Sounds like you are kicking major pad. :-)

Sent from my VS980 4G using Tapatalk

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Soooo, my new 21 day thing lasted 1.5 days.   :(

 

I honestly feel a lot like this right now:

tumblr_mub5abz3uj1siz20po1_400.gif

 

With moments of this:

 tumblr_inline_mw2woeJ9d51s5ga3z.gif

 

 

I am constantly tired.  I think from stress.    I don't know how to stop stressing.  So I can't catch my breath.   With no breath, I don't feel like exerting any extra energy to do things I like doing.   Even hockey is very 'meh' lately.   It's like I want to come home and sleep.  Except my body sucks and it doesn't ever let me just SLEEP extra like that.   So then I'm tired, so eat shit food for momentary buzz.  Then crash.  Back to exhaustion and bad moods.  Bad moods lead to wanting shit food too.   Weather still sucks.   Next week.   Highs for Chicago?  32.   We're supposed to be 55+ at this point.   I'm still wearing a winter coat.    Every last little thing strikes a nerve with me that turns me pissed, angry, bitter or mean.    And I just don't have the energy to change it.

 

I think I might just quit out the rest of this challenge.   I feel like I've not only failed it already, but it's making me angry that I can't seem to get back on the track.    Maybe I am too OCD, and doing too much.   Maybe I just need an honest break after a year of challenges.   I'm not sure.

 

I'm not going anywhere, because I really think this place is great and it HAS worked for me.  But I just have no willpower left.  In fact, I can't even find my want power right now.

 

So.  I'm gonna keep checking in.  Maybe something will turn, or click, or the planets will align better or something, and I'll get a big fat dose of motivation and energy.    But at least this way, if I take a legitimate break, I won't feel like every post on here is one of me confessing to blowing all my goals lol.

 

tumblr_m2wdq3Wsd41qzefq6.gif

 

We have hockey playoffs tomorrow.  Going to Wisconsin for an overnight stay and 3-4 hockey games.   And... I am trying real hard to get excited about it.   Hopefully, (and probably) once I get on the road with the girls tomorrow, it will perk me up.   Maybe this is the kind of weekend I need to get me turned around again.

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I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling good about what you're doing. That's a terrible feeling that's tough to shake, even (and maybe especially) when it's really not as bad as it seems.

 

I really hope you have a blast playing hockey. It blows my mind that people are able to keep upright on skates with any kind of consistency, much less to be able to do it while worrying about a stick and a puck and some people who you're supposed to pass to and other people you're supposed to either avoid or take the puck away from. I'll be cheering from afar.

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Step One: Breathe refind your center.

 

I think what may have happened is you've lost sight of your overall goal and thereby your motivation.

 

Go through your goals again and ask yourself why you chose them. Think about where you want to be, if your goals help you get there, awesome. If they don't, scrap them.

 

Goals are only as good as your finish line. Where's yours?

 

Maybe after a year you do need to take a break. You've gotten a lot this time around, a Crossfit box, competed in a seriously badass hockey tournament, invited to join the men's hockey team, are kicking ass at work despite the workload increasing and consistently hitting workouts

 

I can't speak for your food, or budgetting, but girl you're doing fine. Also, the weather sucks. I'm having a hard time staying awake with it's mood swings and I want to give Mother Nature a midol.

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A Doni a Bluffin thing, putting eggs, vegetables, meat and those little muffin cups. Those are great to take to work, but they're tiny. :-) Or maybe my appetite is just too big. :-) Nice job on the boxing. Sounds like you are kicking major pad. :-)Sent from my VS980 4G using Tapatalk

Note to self: do not make quickly inserted posts during work break by dictating on my phone and not proofing carefully. :-)

Sorry to hear that you're feeling so discouraged and overwhelmed. I can sympathize , that's how I felt most of the winter and why I took a break myself the last 9 weeks. But I found that for me at least, it was not a very helpful thing. Just not having the accountability, not having to touch base regularly with others about how I was doing, not getting support, etc. So I backslid with my eating and workouts, and regained some of my weight.

I don't know how you're doing with your seasonal affective disorder, but I know that mine affected me strongly. Your comments about the weather make me suspect it might be a factor for you as well. If so, I would encourage you to hang in there.

Do you remember my description to you about how to cope with a PHLABE several challenges ago ? I'm digging myself out of my SAD-influenced low by following those steps. Lowering goals, staying accountable, encouraging myself, etc. But there's nothing wrong with recognizing that you have less energy, motivation, focus, etc., and planning how to use what you do have as well as possible. It is discouraging to face higher goals with fewer resources, and always feel like a failure. Instead, hang on to a few core behaviors to help you Tradewater while the sun comes back, and just keep encouraging yourself on doing those few core things. That can help you to endure the rest of the winter without feeling like a failure.

I'm feeling for you, Starpuck, hang in there!

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