Building "festival body"

[thesmilingone]

Hey! Here I go again

 

So over the course of the past few months, things have gotten worse than ever around me. That's a nice intro, right?

I have been diagnosed with a host of lovely conditions as a birthday present in February:

• PCOS
• insulin resistance
• metabolic syndrome
• hypothyroidism
• gluten- and lactose intolerance

I'm mostly convinced that IR and MS are a consequence of PCOS, which is a consequence of me going through severe eating disorders in the past. It might not be 100% true, but it is easier for me to think it is so.

 

Anyhoo, I decided to take things to the next level, for once and for all. I think I have hit the bottom, mentally, emotionally, physically and financially as well, so things can only be better from now on. But I also know that I have to work for it, and finally I am willing to kick my own ass.

 

Out of the "crew", I chose PCOS to be addressed first, as this seems to be the root of many of my problems. After thorough research, I decided to adopt a full paleo diet, combined with IF, because that is the way of eating that has worked for me before and best fits my lifestyle. I have everything I need by now to start leveling up my life, so tomorrow will mark the first day of my journey to my level 50. I'm setting short-term and long-term goals as well, which at the moment are the following:

1. Focus on getting my eating habits in check. Take the supplements regularly, and focus on eating real, whole foods. I actually crave green vegetables most of the time, so I'll start listening to my body and provide it with the best nutrition I can. My body deserves the best, after all I've put it through.
2. Successful exam in June 2014 - I'm studying to become a Fitness Instructor, and after that I'll start to study nutrition and yoga, to be able to help people who are facing the same conditions as me. But if I want to be someone other people trust, I have to regain my health first.
3. Be in the best shape possible by August 2014. Because my best friend and I are going to a festival and I have a special someone to meet there... and I want him to drop his jaws when he sees me again

So, this is it.

 

I may have my vanity-related goals, but first and foremost, I'll focus on getting my eating habits and health in check. Nothing less, nothing more. I'm ditching the mirror and the scale as well, because these two tend to distract me. Health comes first!

[thesmilingone]

Day 1 went as good as it could. I ate to my heart's desire, loads of green stuff (salad, green onions, kale, spinach and algae).

I was missing a good workout though, but I still felt a bit weak, so I spent some time studying instead.

 

Also, I had one of the strangest dreams. I was eating chocolate bars all night in my dream, one after the other... and even in my dream I knew I should not be doing it, so I started to tell myself that I don't like chocolate and that it tastes like rotten fish. As a result, I got sick in my dream, and when I woke up I felt like I was about to throw up  

 

I guess I was overanalyzing food a bit...

[thesmilingone]

In today's news: yesterday two of my friends from the kettlebell group told me it looks like I have lost weight recently.

This was my reaction.

 

 

Wait a minute. I have been doing what I do for like... FOUR DAYS! And last time I met these people was a week ago.

Could it be true that I have found something that actually works for me?

 

I say, I was positively shocked, but let's stay on solid ground for a couple more weeks and see where this path takes me. I don't want to build any high hopes and set unrealisti expectations again. Been there, done that, thank you very much. Still, moments like these help me to keep going.

 

I'm still craving green stuff by the way. So I keep stuffing my face with salads, broccoli, brussels sprouts, green olives and algae, along with some root vegetables like parsnips and carrots because they look nice on the plate together... and because I love the taste of baked root vegetables.

[thesmilingone]

Still going strong here

 

I was able to keep to the dietary guidelines I set for myself, and things finally seem to work out.

 

A little background story: because of my contition, for 2 and a half years now, I was able to keep a very low carb primal-style diet (around 20-40 gs), lose about 5-7 kgs and feel amazing. Then would come a third week when all the world seemed to disappear in some kind of white fog, and I would feel lethargic and motivation and energy levels would sink beyond zero, and this triggered a one-week-long cycle when I would eat chocolate, sandwiches, all kinds of junk food and pastries, literally all day. I was unable to concentrate on my job, or go to the gym, and sometimes even to sleep or breathe... It hurt to move, at times I was not even able to leave the flat because all my body was one big bloat. Not once was I on sickleave because of this uncontrollable binge.

 

Once the week was over, however, I was able to return to the very low-carb diet, again for two weeks. And then it would start again. And being the obsessive kind of person I am, I would not realize that such very low-carb and very high fat diet may not be my way. I so wanted it to work, because I have read all kinds of success stories about people for whom this lifestyle worked miracles. I wanted to be one of them, so bad.

 

Today, I sit here typing, and I am near to tears because I feel such gratefulness, appreciation, and maybe even the beginnings of actual love towards my body. I have put it through so much, so very much sh*t during all these years, and it is still willing to tell me, show me, guide me towards the things it really needs. And for the first time in my life, I am listening to my body, I am willing to cooperate.

 

Tomorrow marks the end of the second week. I have been feeling the same old symptoms since yesterday: I was lethargic and quick to anger, I just wated to lay down and cry, and today's workout was not really going as I wanted to... I am a bit afraid of what is to come next week, but I also have a plan this time. I know that it is carbs that are needed, so carbs is what I am going to give my body - from root vegetables, sweet potatoes, maybe some fruit. So far my daily carb intake was somewhere between 30-60 grams, but as I started to see the signs on myself, I upped this to about 100-150 grams. I am really looking forward to see how things will go during the next couple of days.

[Nightside]

100_150 grams is still quite low so if that works for you stick with it, far better a slower train that gets to your destination than an express that goes off the rails.

[thesmilingone]

Thanks Nightside Thing is, 100-150 grams seem to work for me, because "normally" I eat a much lower amount. More carbs make my joints ache and my legs swell upp realy fast.

 

Today seems to be my worst day so far, I've been feeling exhausted and deconcentrated the whole day. And a voice inside keeps screaming "APPLES", so I'll just have some... I also consumed a lot of coffee today, and I had to "open" my eating window 1 hour earlier, because I was just getting crazy thinking about food the whole time. Strangely enough, I feel kind of calm in the midst of all this. No white fog, and I am conscious of my decisions, unlike before.

 

Maybe my inability to properly deal with stress is also at play right now. I had two practical exams in first aid today at school (I go to school on weekends, yeah...), which nearly made me throw up and faint. See, I have literally zero tolerance to stress, thanks to anorexia... my nervous system is a complete wreck, and when there is any kind of stress in my life, I react by instantly eating up everything in sight. I guess this is how mybody tries to protect itself from damage or harm, given that I put it through many life threatening situations lately. I have read somewhere that anorexics are very easily upset, because they have very very low body fat %, and that body fat acts like pillows for the nerves, i.e. it helps to keep calm and gives a sense of security to the body. I believe this is a kind of survival mechanism, so I try to find ways to better cope with stress. When I have the possibility, I take a walk or get into some yoga pose (this is really funny in the office, I do it in the toilet reserved for people with disabilities because it's spacious enough, and hardly anyone else uses it...), or grab my Girls - my kettlebells, they are   But it would have been a bit odd if all of a sudden I walked out from the exam or did a cobra to downward facing dog-pose among the dummy dolls, no? Moreover, I feel very very weak today.

 

Anyhoo, I think I'm doing good, no junk consumed. I try to focus on the quality of my food these days, not the quantity. I'll have time enough to regulate that once the bad days are gone.

[thesmilingone]

Everyone, I would like you to meet Darya, my best friend and companion for the following 30 days. We'll have tons of fun together, I can tell it by the look on her face. My kettlebell challenge starts tomorrow!

 

 

I've been having a hard time today, the little voice screaming "apples" yesterday switched to "bananas" today. Still better than all the junk I would normally shovel into my face with during these periods, but the amount is still too much and now I feel stuffed. Tired as hell also, but hopefully it will pass soon. I try to drink as much as possible too.

[thesmilingone]

Day #1 of 300 Swings a Day

 

It went like this:

First with 12 kgs, to grease the groove, two rounds of the below.

• two-hand swings, 20
• one-hand swings 10-10
• two hand swings, 10

 

• alternate hand swings, 50, only once

 

Then came Darya:

• two-hand 10
• one-hand 10-10
• alternate 10
• two-hand 20
• alternate 20
• two-hand 20

And there goes my first 300 swings

I also took a "before" picture, just to help myself keep motivated and stay on track. I'm looking forward to the "after" picture.

 

Food is still not 100% ideal, but waaaaay better than usual. I'm just looking to survive this week without ruining my efforts.

[thesmilingone]

Mmmkay, so I survived my "bad week"

 

I filled up on bananas and apples and grapefruit, and the occasional protein shake here and there. These helped me cut the edge off my cravings and I feel pretty good about it all. I am also kind of preparing for the next such week to come (because it will come, I'm sure, as it has always came for the past 3 years...). I'm collecting easy-to-prepare recipes and stocking up on healthy ingredients such as for chocolate chia pudding... OMG I actually can't wait to make that

 

Unfortunately, I had a minor operation yesterday, so I need to take a break from the 300 swings for a couple of days... I hope tomorrow I can go back to doing them, it's seriously addicting. When I am done with my 300, I feel like "Crap, was that it? I wanna do more"... so yeah, I'm missing it like hell, even though I only missed one day so far.

[thesmilingone]

I feel kind of devastated this week, I miss my kettlebells like hell. I'm still on involuntary "vacation" because of the operation.

 

Trying to figure out how to eat to satisfy both my body and my mind... it's a rough task for someone who has been at war with their body for so long. I notice certain patterns and feelings as reactions to certain circumstances, so I try to cope with them accordingly.

 

Nowadays I'm concentrating on WHAT I put in my mouth instead of how much. First things first, and I decided the quality of my food is more important than the quantity. I have time enough time to figure out the latter once I am 100% in control of what enters my system on a daily basis.

[thesmilingone]

Gotta go back to normal... Last week was not as disastrous as the previous "episodes" usually were, I simply ate waaaay more than I should have. I did not gain back 5 kgs in 5 days either, "only" 2 kgs in 2 weeks... And my mood swings were not as intense as before, normally I would have needed to go on a couple of days' sickleave just to recover from all the binge eating... So I guess the above counts as an improvement, right? Right.

 

My mouth is also healed, so I am back on track with my kettlebell swings

 

In a moment of "I'm fed up with this sh*t, I'm changing my life for good", I also decided to revisit a nutrition program at which I failed miserably before... not because the program was bad or unmanageable, simply because I did not have the determination and drive to stick to it. I now have a calendar, a thousand coloured pens to mark each attribute of my days, and a training and nutrition protocol for the following 30 days.

 

This will be phase 1 of my transformation, till 14th of May.

 

I already identified my Kryptonite: meal planning (and cooking) and the one and only character fault I am famous for in the whole wide world, my seven deadly sins all in one: I'm FREAKING IMPATIENT! Seriously, if you have ever met a person who was so impatient that they wanted to have everything done, preferably already a week ago... well, then you might have a slight idea of my personality.

 

Now, this is quite literally killing me, because given my conditions, no matter how hard I work, I will never lose weight as fast as any normal person would if they followed the same lifestyle as I do. An average person would lose 4 kgs in two weeks, while I am happy if I don't gain weight... So, yeah, I MUST learn to be much more patient.

 

I have to start planning my meals as well, gonna get to it right away. I have my meals for planned for a couple of days, but I know I function best when all is laid out for me for a longer time, so I'll just outline the whole week.