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I know this is a loaded question, but has anyone ever experienced fit shaming? I feel like I get it from a family member in a passive aggressive way. She has struggled with her weight but refuses to do anything about it. She wants a quick fix. I've struggled with starvation and weight gain but have gotten it under control where I eat very healthy and workout 6 days a week. I'm pretty fit, but it's from hard work, not accident. I guess I just hate being "left out" because I live a healthy lifestyle that I DO NOT force on her at all. I would never judge someone for being overweight, although I know others do, but I don't want to be judged as an "annoying fitness nut" either. And if someone comes to my house I feed them whatever I eat, which 6/7 days of the week is super healthy, but yummy. </rant> :)

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I've known smokers who rag on non-smokers for being 'too-good' for a cigarette and so on. As far as I can tell, these folks feel bad about themselves and are trying to off load this bad feeling to others. I think it's extra bad with health and leanness because alot of people are following the USDA/medical guidelines and having no success so they try and fail over and over. Here you are eating stuff that they are told not to and being successful. It makes them extra frustrated and inclined to lash out.

 

The best revenge is to live well

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I get it from all the old fatty nurses that I work with just about every day I work. If I'm cutting it's "why are you getting so skinny?" and when I'm bulking it's always either "but you just lost all that weight" or "why do you want to be stronger/bigger?" Who the fuck asks why someone would want to be stronger? Seriously?

 

Know what? Fuck them. Let the weak pull that crab syndrome bullshit and try to drag me back down into their mediocre hell. When I ask them why exactly I should listen to them as I motion up and down their squishy bodies, blown knees, and sore backs they shut up for a day or so.

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Not fit-shaming, since no-one would mistake me for being FIT, but it's a very peculiar phenomena.  I've experienced a version of it, where people keep asking me "why I read so much", or somethings "why I read"?  I was reading in a bar one time, and the people at the table next to me COULD NOT FIGURE OUT WHY. 

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I've been there before. A few years ago, I dropped a lot of extra poundage, and then decided to do an experiment to see just how far I could get my bodyfat% down while still maintaining a healthy eating pattern and lifestyle (I was following the slow carb plan, so I was getting plenty of calories for energy, but still dropping pounds). A lot of people I knew would more or less try to peer pressure me into eating stuff that wasn't in my plan saying I was too skinny (even though I was around 140lbs at 5'6)

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I've been there before. A few years ago, I dropped a lot of extra poundage, and then decided to do an experiment to see just how far I could get my bodyfat% down while still maintaining a healthy eating pattern and lifestyle (I was following the slow carb plan, so I was getting plenty of calories for energy, but still dropping pounds). A lot of people I knew would more or less try to peer pressure me into eating stuff that wasn't in my plan saying I was too skinny (even though I was around 140lbs at 5'6)

 

 This is called the crab syndrome. When one crab starts making a break out of the bucket the rest of the crabs drag it back down. Fuck em.

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El Exorcisto - You're funny! Such passion lol. Nurses are the worst. My family member is a nurse.

Thrillho- I love to read! I take my kindle everywhere. Sad when people see a healthy habit like reading as bad. Go you!

CrimsonFist - The "too skinny" comment is so annoying!! It's like you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Raev- Hard work pays off! You can do it! :)

Most Loathed - you're right! I just hate how people get jealous if other people's hard work. You can't complain about not having what you don't work for (quote I saw online).

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Well, I wouldn't say "fuck'em." I'd say "understand them, and then feel good about yourself."

 

Studies have suggested that being overweight is actually contagious. Why? Because humans are social animals, and our brains are comparison engines. When a group of people are making unhealthy choices, the group is reinforcing that behavior as good (or at least, normal), to the point that the members don't THINK about it as a choice. Our comparison engine brains look around and say "I'm doing what everyone around me is doing so I must be doing the right thing." Or even better "He ordered a whole plate of cheese fries, but I am having a half order, so I'm not eating that badly."  

 

When someone in the group breaks those norms, when you make healthy choices for yourself, it makes other people who are not making healthy choices actually THINK about what they are doing/eating. And for some people, that can be uncomfortable.  It produces negative emotions for them (about their body image, about what they really want).  And when some people FEEL negative emotions, they EXPRESS negative emotions by attacking (sometimes subtlety/passively, sometimes more directly) someone else.  They externalize their negative emotions.  So it's fairly common, and you should feel compassion for them, because that negative energy is really directed at themselves.

 

Now this doesn't excuse the behavior, it doesn't make it "OK" to be a jerk, but it does mean that one should approach the situation with some understanding, and not get too worked up about it.  If it's a work situation, the best thing to do is just BE POSITIVE.  Just be happy and up beat. You may find that verbally expressing positive emotions about your choices "actually I like this salad" even makes them more true to you.  If it's someone you know better (a family member maybe) you may wish to address the problem more directly.  Just be sure to make "I" statements.  Focus on how the other person's behavior makes you feel, NOT on how they look or whether they're "wrong" just "when people make comments about what I eat, it hurts my feelings. I'm eating food I like and want to eat, and I feel judged when people criticize my choices." That sort of thing.  And then, just remain upbeat and positive.  

 

Feel good about yourself, and don't let it get to you.  

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I had someone get upset with me yesterday when I wouldn't share in his bag of oreo cookies.  "I like to enjoy my life.  If you want to be miserable then fuck you.  What's the point of living if you can't eat what you want and have a little fun?"  I do eat what I want.  I want to eat food that will help me achieve my goals.  That's fun for me.  Improving myself is fun, makes life worth living.

 

I remember working in a warehouse and unloading trucks while this old fat dude sat on a swivel chair and told me "When I was your age I would've kept up with you.  But everyone gets old and fat.  You'll see."  I told him that no, I won't.  And I don't plan to.

 

People see you doing things to improve yourself and they lack the will or the discipline to do those same things for themselves so they put you down to feel better about their inability to manage their own lives.  I know someone that can't handle his money for shit, and he's always dogging on my wife and I about being tightwads.  "You can't take it with you, it's only money!"  Yeah, well I like to be able to afford to live in a decent house, have my kids wear nice clothes, and have money in the bank in case of an emergency.  But you go ahead and be a free spirit while you drink my beer and eat the food I bought and cooked for you.  Ass.

 

El Exorcisto is amazing and I agree with everything he says.

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Action Offends The Inactive


by Chris Shugart


 


Action.jpg?1390251573

 


You're not imagining it. When you decide to better yourself, you'll be immediately surrounded by people trying to stop you. Action, it seems, offends the inactive.


 


They'll usually be subtle about it. Offering you foods that work against your nutrition plan, often presented as gifts or treats. Expressing false worry about your supplement usage, your food choices, and the number of days you go to the gym. They'll find plausible reasons for you to cheat on your diet or skip a workout. They'll encourage you to be discouraged. They'll even get mad at you for how your positive choices are affecting their lives.


 


If anger doesn't work, they'll bribe, they'll mock, and they'll carefully plant seeds of negativity. All because you've decided to be better, to be more.


It's the story of the crabs in the bucket. Put a bunch of crabs in a bucket and some will try to crawl out and avoid becoming dinner. The rest won't try to escape, but they'll reach up and pull the others down.


 


When you set a new goal, physical or otherwise, you have unintentionally pointed out other people's weaknesses. Their faults and shortcomings. Their inability to plan and lack of desire to express one iota of willpower. They sit around and want. You have royally pissed them off by doing.


 


Piss them off anyway. Offend them anyway. Crawl out of the bucket and find new friends and better relationships.


 


Remember, action offends the inactive. And that's their problem, not yours.


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Well, I wouldn't say "fuck'em." I'd say "understand them, and then feel good about yourself."

 

Studies have suggested that being overweight is actually contagious. Why? Because humans are social animals, and our brains are comparison engines. When a group of people are making unhealthy choices, the group is reinforcing that behavior as good (or at least, normal), to the point that the members don't THINK about it as a choice. Our comparison engine brains look around and say "I'm doing what everyone around me is doing so I must be doing the right thing." Or even better "He ordered a whole plate of cheese fries, but I am having a half order, so I'm not eating that badly."  

 

When someone in the group breaks those norms, when you make healthy choices for yourself, it makes other people who are not making healthy choices actually THINK about what they are doing/eating. And for some people, that can be uncomfortable.  It produces negative emotions for them (about their body image, about what they really want).  And when some people FEEL negative emotions, they EXPRESS negative emotions by attacking (sometimes subtlety/passively, sometimes more directly) someone else.  They externalize their negative emotions.  So it's fairly common, and you should feel compassion for them, because that negative energy is really directed at themselves.

 

Now this doesn't excuse the behavior, it doesn't make it "OK" to be a jerk, but it does mean that one should approach the situation with some understanding, and not get too worked up about it.  If it's a work situation, the best thing to do is just BE POSITIVE.  Just be happy and up beat. You may find that verbally expressing positive emotions about your choices "actually I like this salad" even makes them more true to you.  If it's someone you know better (a family member maybe) you may wish to address the problem more directly.  Just be sure to make "I" statements.  Focus on how the other person's behavior makes you feel, NOT on how they look or whether they're "wrong" just "when people make comments about what I eat, it hurts my feelings. I'm eating food I like and want to eat, and I feel judged when people criticize my choices." That sort of thing.  And then, just remain upbeat and positive.  

 

Feel good about yourself, and don't let it get to you.  

 

I still say "fuck em." It must suck to have a life so devoid of meaning that you feel compelled to drag someone else down into your private hell as they try to climb out of theirs. Anyone that wants to in some way, subconsciously or otherwise, try to shame me for doing better for myself isn't worth the air to argue with. I'll spare enough for a terse "fuck off," but that's about it.

 

I don't want to understand them. I've always looked up to the people that have done better than I have at anything, and sometimes learned something from that. Someone that would suppose they are superior to me for being fat, lazy, and judgemental? They are the last class of beings I want to understand.

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Fit-shaming, but also anything-shaming really. If you do something that isn't sitting in a chair with one hand on the remote and the other in a box of cookies, there'll be someone to criticise you for being 'boring' or acting as if your behaviour is abnormal. I grew up in a family who believed all food came from the microwave in plastic tubs you bought 5 of for £4. My mother wouldn't buy fruit as 'you just eat it all.' My brother and I left home, taught ourselves to cook, took up sport, cycling, martial arts, and my parents took these as huge insults, like we'd turned our back on the family honour. How silly. What a waste of time. I don't know why you bother. My folks are practically alcoholics who mock our avoidance of drink (both of us will have a glass of something on a special occasion, but our party days are long over) - You're so boring. What is there to do if you don't drink? Go to a non-English-cuisine restaurant? This food is silly. This menu desn't make sense. This isn't real food. Why do you come here, it's so stupid. Why don't you eat real food? Off to the theatre? How stupid, you can watch people do that on TV for free. Oh, and she also thinks walking everywhere, as opposed to driving, is 'disgusting' and 'common', because people will think you're a prostitute. Yeeaaah. Bit mad, my mum.

 

It's sort of funny - often I'll tell her exciting things I've cooked or attended just to watch her spit venom about how preposterous it is to spend time on ones' feet - but once I wandered off into the world and sat amongst people at work - where you're forced to interact with a random selection of people, as opposed to a group of friends who will likely be of a similar type to you - I found it wasn't an uncommon personality trait. Exercise and clean eating are viewed with suspicion, mockery and insult. Whenever I displayed a modicum of intellectual capacity in my role, one strange woman would ask 'Did your husband teach you that?' Being short, being thin, being young; all come in for criticism. Creativity. Dedication to a sport or art. Wearing a particularly nice dress. Someone will be there, ready to have a sneer about how lame you are, and thus, how awesome they are for not being you.

 

Crab syndrome. Also Tall Poppy Syndrome; one poppy grows too tall, it must be snipped off. It's practically a national sport in England ;)

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Today my "fit shamer" brought M&MS to a get together and said in front of everyone that "A (meaning me) won't eat these but everyone else is welcome to them." She also mocked my Greek chicken salad. I, however, just smiled bc I ran 2 miles this morning and killed it in the weight room. I felt good about how I looked and she was sitting there criticizing me while she ate pepperoni pizza and sugar. Yuck, no thanks!

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories/encouragement. Nice to know in not alone. :)

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I'm kinda lucky in my workplace, I guess.  One of my bosses is a professional ultramarathoner, one is a medal-winning cross-country skiier, and one of them is the General Manager of the local nordic park.  We have a LOT of fitness people, and a LOT of not-fitness-people (we ARE engineers, after all) and we all get along pretty good. 

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 This is called the crab syndrome. When one crab starts making a break out of the bucket the rest of the crabs drag it back down. Fuck em.

this.

 

 

and I just call it "hating" because we all know 

haters gonna hate

 

often time women (esp guilty about this) rambling on about being afriad of the weights area and the mean looking muscle heads.

 

I HATE when people start going off about muscle heads and meat heads-and huge roided out body builders.

 

Those are often times the nicest people in the gym- first to help you when you get pinned- first to help you re-rack if you get stuck and teh bar's now on the rails- first to help you with a spot when you need it. 

 

It happens.

 

People give me the stink eye too- I wear fitted clothing and I have no shame- I'm there to work- sometimes it's out in the open and people think I'm showing off- I'm there to bust my ass peoples- that's it- get over yourselves.  
it unfortunately happens. 

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I can't believe some of the crap you guys have to deal with. My workplace is pretty progressive in the fact that a lot of people work out and there's some pretty good flow of ideas around training philosophies. Not everyone does, and doughnut day is on Thursdays, of which I don't partake. But there's not fit or fat shaming around here really.

 

In regards to your parents Tanuki, you are a far better person than I. I would've cut my parents out of my life long ago with that attitude. I have a really good relationship with my mom, but my father's take and approach to life sours me and we're more acquaintances than family as a result. It's not necessary around fitness, just life in general. Best of luck to you and congratulations on bettering yourself in spite of it.

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Like some others have already said, this doesn't just apply to fitness or healthy eating. People are often offended by the success of others, simply because they're reminded of their own failings. How often do you see someone persecuted at work for "Making us look bad" because they work hard and want to succeed, or a young girl being picked on at work by other women because she's dared to be "pretty".

It's the ugly side of human nature, and all you can do is either ignore it and rise above it, or call them on it, like El Exorcisto, and at least stop them doing it to your face.

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When I discovered a very low carb high fat version of Paleo and embraced it as my new way of eating, I lost a lot of weight. My mother told me at one point that I am "really way too thin now, it's almost sick" --- believe it or not: I had by that time the same weight as I had at the age of 21, when she told me constantly that I need to lose weight because "no decent guy digs fat chicks."

 

She always struggled with her weight and used to say to me that "we are just not meant to be thin."

 

I broke out, now I am the freak.

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She always struggled with her weight and used to say to me that "we are just not meant to be thin."

 

I hate this excuse, anyone can do it if they put their mind to it. I also have a few friends who are bigger dudes and have been their whole life. They always just want to "lose a few pounds but not be a skinny dude like you." because "Well I'm just a bigger guy" and when we go to the gym together I'm stronger than them.

 

Those things are just cop outs.

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