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Zenaxavoir

Nax completes the pre-reqs.

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Aaaahhh, the week 6 apathy. I think I had less than 3 coffees on one day since my last update, and met the sleep goal once also. No alcohol, maybe once? Or not at all. I don't know what happened to Lumosity. I was rocking it all this time and then just...stopped. Part of me is scared to log on again because my BPI will likely be crappier than it was before and I don't want to deal with the disappointment that comes along with it, knowing full well that it was my own goddamned laziness that caused it.

 

ERMAHGERD the icecream you're eating in the picture! IT'S THE DUTCH FLAAAAG! WHY ARE YOU EATING MY FLAG! :'D

 

Anyway, it sounds like you had an awesome time! Congratulations on becoming first in the cosplay competition. That's really cool. Hurray! I'm sure your Loki-self had a good time too, being squee'ed at by fans. Haha! And I simply love that picture with mini-hulk having beaten you. It's just waaaaay too cute and it's awesome that you played along. Kudos to you!

 

Also, I just wanted to say a thing or two about you failing this challenge. Because you're not failing this challenge. May I just tell you that you're horribly wrong when you say you failed this challenge, because I think you have learned a lot about yourself and about how to do certain things. You've learned a lot of things that DON'T work for you, so you can remember you shouldn't try that anymore and start trying NEW things. This challenge has been very educational for you, you have definitely picked up new knowledge which you can use in later challenges. So don't tell me you failed this challenge, or else I'll make an angry silly face. Actually, that's not really handy to say, because I have this feeling you'll tell me you failed this challenge on purpose, just to see my face like that. >.> But you get my point, right?

 

As for the bullying, I feel you there. I've been bullied for 8 years straight in primary school, just so it could continue for 4 more years in high school, to end up in ignoring me for the last 2 years of high school. Since pre-puberty, puberty and adolescence are very important times in your life in the development of both body and mind, it can be incredibly hard to really believe that people like you for who you are when you've been bullied for all that time. But it's not impossible. There are always people who like you for who you are, there are always a few goofballs that like the same stuff that you do (like most people here on NF) and I am sure there are many many people who enjoy being your friend. I certainly enjoy the contact we have.

 

(pic)

 

Just remember that there will always be people who are there for you and who would love to be your friend. You've seen there are many people who don't think you're weird at that comic con, simply because everyone there is accepting and weird themselves. Haha! Let's just all be weird together. The more souls, the funner it'll be. So Nax, don't give up on yourself. Don't give up on people (to like you for who you are), don't give up on life (because you are going to rock, I know it) and don't give up on improving yourself, because you are a very strong person and I am very very sure you will find your way.

 

Now here are some hippie flowers, to cheer you up. (And as you're reading this, smile as wide as you can. It'll lower your stress and make you feel happier. Even if it's a fake smile.)

 

(pic)

 

It's just...ugh. I know what doesn't work, and I know that I have to try new things, but it's just disheartening sometimes when it goes on for so long. What if I end up running out of new things to try? It would sure be nice if something went really well every now and then. So far what I've noticed is that I can't complete things. Thesis, challenges, anything work-related. It's like I'm a long download: I always freeze or crap out around 90% and I have no idea why. Maybe the next challenge should only be 4 or 5 weeks? lol

 

I've also learned that I'm not such a good accountabilibuddy, mainly because I tend to disappear when things get less than perfect. What can I say. I'm always scared to come back and give people a reminder to be disappointed in me :P Speaking of disappointment (and laziness) ...I don't even think I have the heart to go through all my thread to calculate final scores. Ah well. It's not like I've ever done a final writeup for any of my other challenges, either. There's that unfinished business thing again. Woops.

 

Thanks to everyone for the encouragement btw!

 

The only thing I could hope to add to Haku's post is that even the fake smiles, when done enough, become real.  

 

Other than that, your costume looks amazing, the pics are wonderful (the kid-Hulk and the ice cream are my favorites) and you rock.  Plain and simple.  Kick week 6 squarely in the behind.  You got this.

 

(gif)

 

I can make evil smiles. Or "laugh at other people having accidents on YouTube" smiles. Do those count? XD

 

The Mini-hulk pics were awesome lol! It started when I photobombed him and Batman posing next to each other. Then he photobombed me and Dr. Who. I wanted to take a pic with him too, and told his mom "Hey, let's recreate that scene from Avengers!" and laid down on the floor. Within 10 seconds, a big-ass crowd materialized to take pics also. It was wild XD

 

Next con: Animaritime in late June X) Already requested the time off work. Freaking scepter should be 100% complete by then. And I need to re-do all the little armor panels on my costume too x_x

 

Right. Back to NF challenge things. I've spent most of week 6 thinking of what my next challenge should be. The pre-reqs didn't work as well as I wanted to, so...maybe I didn't create my character properly? I hate to go backwards (again) but I'll probably have to if the foundation is all messed up.

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Pfff LOL As if we were to be disappointed in you. The only one who's disappointed in you is you. I'm not disappointed. Accountaibilibuddies doesn't mean to be disappointed in one another. It means that when one of the two is having a crappy time the other will help them get through it and make them feel good again, so they can continue to rock the challenge. Indeed, it is unhandy that you tend to disappear during the challenge. I know you're very busy, so that might be the reason. I can't help but also think it is partly out of shame. At least, that's how it feels to me. Are you afraid you will get bad reactions from people when you've done something wrong?

 

Don't forget that all heroes (and villains) had hard times and they thought it impossible to continue. They tried so many things to continue their quest or mission or whatever, and they just kept failing. Only at the end they learned something, which helped them to conquer their quest/mission/whatever. Seriously, if you watch films or read books, this is always how it goes. This is how those stories are put together. (quite technical) But it does show that they didn't give up when they had a hard time. They generally were CLOSE to giving up.

 

So do you see the connection of that with you? You have been so close to giving up, you still seem to be from what I read in your post, but you're never entirely giving up. I mean, you're still here on NF. It might just be that, just like in the stories, you're very close to learning that one thing that will help you be amazing at your very own quest. And I know it is hard to continue, but seriously, don't give up. Continue looking for new things to try. And if you happen to run out of them, there will be many people with new suggestions, or you'll hit bottom and be miserable for a while. In that state you also tend to come up with great ideas. So either way it won't be bad. I don't see how this could go miserably wrong, like you seem to think. 

 

And yes, you are lazy. So what? I'm lazy too. I tend to procrastinate all the time (doing it right now, I should be getting ready for the day and I'm writing this TL;DR post for you) and only get things done last minute. It's a bad habit. But I learned that if I give myself tiiiiny little jobs to do, I will do them. I learned to prioritise. Because I KNOW I will be lazy, and take time for myself to surf the web and watch films and read nonsense, I plan in time for myself. I have set times for myself when I'm supposed to do something, which can be as little as "fill in these papers", "take out the trash"... Things like that. I learned this works for me, so I am also doing this for my homework. First I plan what the best order is to work in for my homework and then I start planning my time with the order of my homework in my mind. 

 

I know you already tried that and that it didn't work for you, but there will be something else that works for you. You just have to keep your personality traits in mind (including being lazy) and with that idea find yourself a way to get things done. Thesis? One paragraph a day. Or one sentence a day. While you are sitting back with a delicious fruit salad or something else you enjoy. Working on your costume? Do it with nice music on (even a bit loud) and sing along and dance while you're working. Make it fun for yourself! As for the challenges... Make those fun for yourself too! Of course, they're challenges, so they should be a bit hard, but it's also important you make them fun. Plan in some crazy thing to do, which will be one of your goals. I dunno, something like hang gliding or face painting... Think of something crazy and fun which you wouldn't go and do so easily. Maybe a day to an theme park? With rollercoasters. 

 

Anyway, I think you get my point. Make things fun for yourself. And don't be too afraid of other people's reactions. We're all here for you and we want the best for you. 

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Thank you for the pictures, they are AMAZING and make me smile, and make me proud (if that doesn't sound too weird).

 

I was bullied for about nine consecutive years. In all sorts of ways. I fought an eating disorder. I was, and am, in general very different.

I have given up or felt like a failure more times than I can count. I've been on welfare.....and so on and so forth

 

Do I feel sorry for myself? Sometimes

Am I happy now? Yes!

 

I decided to go to med school when I was 21 I think, I needed to fix my grades to achieve that, and it took time.

I got my first real friends (in Sweden) at about 30.

 

What do I want to say? 

Never give up! You are wonderful! Life keeps changing!

 

Gotta run, hopefully more tonight

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Pfff LOL As if we were to be disappointed in you. The only one who's disappointed in you is you. I'm not disappointed. Accountaibilibuddies doesn't mean to be disappointed in one another. It means that when one of the two is having a crappy time the other will help them get through it and make them feel good again, so they can continue to rock the challenge. Indeed, it is unhandy that you tend to disappear during the challenge. I know you're very busy, so that might be the reason. I can't help but also think it is partly out of shame. At least, that's how it feels to me. Are you afraid you will get bad reactions from people when you've done something wrong?

 

 

Oh, it's totally out of shame lol. Although this time around I did have the excuse of work. I can no longer go on NF during the day if I have to work. Sadfaces. I need to keep track of goals on a sheet of paper or something, instead of writing them down on here every day. That way I won't be all like "eh, screw it" if I miss posting my scores a few days in a row.

 

And yeah, BS from childhood again: whenever I'd come home with a bad test (usually math) then 1) my parents were furious, and 2) dad would make me re-do the things I got wrong and/or didn't understand. On evenings/weekends if necessary. Was there yelling and crying? Oh yes. Anyway, this also happened when I got decent grades, like something in the 70's. It's like, the only thing people focused on were the mistakes.Then later in highs school (when it was clear that bad grades were there to stay lol) I was always being asked "SO, WHAT DID YOU LEARN TODAY?" in a total accusatory tone every night I got home from school. Of course the answer was always "nothing" followed by people getting angry at me and then feeling like a failure. So I usually tried to sneak into the house and avoid everyone. The more I think about things, the more I realize that, wow, childhood was fucked up. By both bullies and by well-meaning people with piss-poor execution.

 

The sad part is that I always learned nothing in high school because I was too busy doodling, and back in those days I wanted to get into comics because I liked the art and loved to draw, and I was hoping to be a comic book artist. Buuuut I had no money to buy comics, and the few times I did and tried to mimic the art, people just laughed at me. Also, cue the whole "That'll never get you anywhere in life. Grow up!" ...and when I went to East Coast Comic Expo last week, one of the panelists (Ty Templeton, famous comic book artist/writer) essentially said that comics were really big now, and that some of the artists and writers were doing very well financially. So basically, had I followed my heart right from the start, I'd probably be fucking rich now. And doing something I like.

 

So yeah, totally disappointed in myself, with respect to both challenges and in life in general. Maybe I can draw things in my next challenge or something. I'll probably never make it anywhere now, but at the very least maybe I can draw some porn for people on tumblr for 5$ a piece?

 

pLVltEo.gif

Sorry, Loki.

 

I don't like difficult things. I like things where I can learn. So maybe I should just keep that in mind for the next one. If something is fun to learn, then maybe the whole challenge aspect won't be apparent and I'll be able to do it? Something that is more fun than actually challenging, but could still improve my life. I'll think of something...

 

Not sure I can relate to heroes who never give up, mainly since I tend to prefer the villains or anti-heroes in movies and books lol. They usually get their asses kicked (but hey, if the fans love you enough, then the writers will bring you back from the dead to make moar $$$!)

 

And speaking of giving up, I should probably give up alcohol. Like, completely. Or almost completely. Something like a 6-week abstinence period, just to make my tolerance drop to normal levels. I don't think I can do it for the next challenge since my birthday is coming up, and so is another con I'm going to, and I'll probably want to have drinks on those days. Maybe 6-weeks of mostly abstaining would be acceptable? And here I am writing this with a drink in my hand -_- I think the last day I was sober was the Thursday before last? Go me! /facepalm It's pretty safe to say that I'm an alcoholic, and I've looked into AA a little but was mostly met with bible and higher-power references, and their "100% abstinence or GTFO" and "you can't control your alcohol problem" philosophies just don't do it for me. Moderation Management and HAMS seem decent, so I might be browsing their sites in the near future. Ooooor do the self-hypnosis thing from the Mentalist book. Apparently it can be useful to get rid of problem behaviors. And will make me feel more like a Wizard.

 

 

Thank you for the pictures, they are AMAZING and make me smile, and make me proud (if that doesn't sound too weird).

 

I was bullied for about nine consecutive years. In all sorts of ways. I fought an eating disorder. I was, and am, in general very different.

I have given up or felt like a failure more times than I can count. I've been on welfare.....and so on and so forth

 

Do I feel sorry for myself? Sometimes

Am I happy now? Yes!

 

I decided to go to med school when I was 21 I think, I needed to fix my grades to achieve that, and it took time.

I got my first real friends (in Sweden) at about 30.

 

What do I want to say? 

Never give up! You are wonderful! Life keeps changing!

 

Gotta run, hopefully more tonight

 

It doesn't sound weird XD And I want to get to this happy part of life that you've managed to find. It's like...

 

Step 1: financial dependence, misery, and all around blahs.

Step 2: ?????????

Step 3: Happiness and success!

 

Step 2 involves a lot of falling flat on my face so far -_- When did you get into med school btw? It used to be my goal, and I was totally motivated for the first three years of my degree, but then...I don't know what happened. I stopped wanting to be a doctor because apparently there's like 18h shifts and zero free time :\ The thought of going to med school is great, because I'd love to learn all those things. Ugh. I wish doctors here had more sane schedules. And that med school didn't cost 100k or more lol.

 

Do you have enough free time as a MD in Sweden? Like, enough for hobbies and relaxing?

 

Eeehhh, right, an extremely rough draft of my next challenge plans:

 

- Meditation/visualization of my character

- Stop drinking. GO GO GADGET SELF-HYPNOSIS!

- Draw things

- Read more (designate 1h for reading maybe?)

- Make mind palace. More on this next week XD

 

Maybe I should have a chat with mom about alcohol. 'Cause the 4L box of wine sitting in the fridge is making it kind of hard to not want to drink :\ I hardly ever buy any booze since I don't have much cash to spare anymore, but mom buys it all the time. There's that 4L box now, and all sorts of spirits in the liquor cabinet. It's never empty. Or maybe I should talk to dad since he's been alcohol-free for months now?  Ugh. I remember the days where if I had one drink I felt all guilty because fitness etc.

 

MAYBE I CAN POST BATHROOM MIRROR SELFIES TO SHOW NO-DRINKING PROGRESS. YES!

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PS, do the counting for the challenge. I need an accountabilibuddy for the next one as well!!

 

 

I actually went back and counted things. I was writing this out in the official "Druids Report" thread but then decided to put it here because, well, the reason is rather obvious.

 

I also added E, for effort, to my grading scheme, for things between 50% and 60%. It was originally supposed to be F, but I didn't want to fail everything.

 

 

1.1, Lumosity: 19/42 = 45.2% F

1.2, sleep: Was going for 6+ hours per night. Met this goal with 18/42 = 42.8% F

 

Vanity goals:

1.3.1, picking: N/A. It all went to shit in the last two weeks, and I didn't manage to record my results during those weeks either.

1.3.2, water: Was trying to have 6+ glasses of water per day. Met this goal with 14/42 = 33.3% F

1.3.3, sober: On weekdays, so this is out of 30 since I was allowing myself 2 drinking days per week. 16/30 = 53.3% E

1.3.4, nails: 14/42 = 33.3% F

1.3.5, brush/floss: This had to be before bed, and other times during the day didn't count. 19/42 = 45.2% F

1.3.6, colder shower: N/A. I didn't write down my results on some (okay, several) days, and I wasn't showering every day either. I think I only had a hotter shower twice in the last 6 weeks, so I'd say that's still pretty good.

1.3.7, relax face: N/A. this was only something to be conscious of.

1.3.8, quinoa: 16.6% F

1.3.9, wear retainer: N/A. Aborted this around week 2 because I was worrying it was scratching the enamel off my teeth.

1.3.10, less coffee: Was limiting myself to 3 cups or less. 24/42 = 57% E

 

ATVlsAY.gif

 

 

EDIT: Forgot about the quinoa goal. 1/6 = 16.6%. F

 

Aaaaand this is why I've always been terrified of going back and adding up scores when I crap out in the last few weeks ;P

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Oh, it's totally out of shame lol. Although this time around I did have the excuse of work. I can no longer go on NF during the day if I have to work. Sadfaces. I need to keep track of goals on a sheet of paper or something, instead of writing them down on here every day. That way I won't be all like "eh, screw it" if I miss posting my scores a few days in a row.

 

And yeah, BS from childhood again: whenever I'd come home with a bad test (usually math) then 1) my parents were furious, and 2) dad would make me re-do the things I got wrong and/or didn't understand. On evenings/weekends if necessary. Was there yelling and crying? Oh yes. Anyway, this also happened when I got decent grades, like something in the 70's. It's like, the only thing people focused on were the mistakes.Then later in highs school (when it was clear that bad grades were there to stay lol) I was always being asked "SO, WHAT DID YOU LEARN TODAY?" in a total accusatory tone every night I got home from school. Of course the answer was always "nothing" followed by people getting angry at me and then feeling like a failure. So I usually tried to sneak into the house and avoid everyone. The more I think about things, the more I realize that, wow, childhood was fucked up. By both bullies and by well-meaning people with piss-poor execution.

 

The sad part is that I always learned nothing in high school because I was too busy doodling, and back in those days I wanted to get into comics because I liked the art and loved to draw, and I was hoping to be a comic book artist. Buuuut I had no money to buy comics, and the few times I did and tried to mimic the art, people just laughed at me. Also, cue the whole "That'll never get you anywhere in life. Grow up!" ...and when I went to East Coast Comic Expo last week, one of the panelists (Ty Templeton, famous comic book artist/writer) essentially said that comics were really big now, and that some of the artists and writers were doing very well financially. So basically, had I followed my heart right from the start, I'd probably be fucking rich now. And doing something I like.

 

So yeah, totally disappointed in myself, with respect to both challenges and in life in general. Maybe I can draw things in my next challenge or something. I'll probably never make it anywhere now, but at the very least maybe I can draw some porn for people on tumblr for 5$ a piece?

 

pLVltEo.gif

Sorry, Loki.

 

I don't like difficult things. I like things where I can learn. So maybe I should just keep that in mind for the next one. If something is fun to learn, then maybe the whole challenge aspect won't be apparent and I'll be able to do it? Something that is more fun than actually challenging, but could still improve my life. I'll think of something...

 

Not sure I can relate to heroes who never give up, mainly since I tend to prefer the villains or anti-heroes in movies and books lol. They usually get their asses kicked (but hey, if the fans love you enough, then the writers will bring you back from the dead to make moar $$$!)

 

And speaking of giving up, I should probably give up alcohol. Like, completely. Or almost completely. Something like a 6-week abstinence period, just to make my tolerance drop to normal levels. I don't think I can do it for the next challenge since my birthday is coming up, and so is another con I'm going to, and I'll probably want to have drinks on those days. Maybe 6-weeks of mostly abstaining would be acceptable? And here I am writing this with a drink in my hand -_- I think the last day I was sober was the Thursday before last? Go me! /facepalm It's pretty safe to say that I'm an alcoholic, and I've looked into AA a little but was mostly met with bible and higher-power references, and their "100% abstinence or GTFO" and "you can't control your alcohol problem" philosophies just don't do it for me. Moderation Management and HAMS seem decent, so I might be browsing their sites in the near future. Ooooor do the self-hypnosis thing from the Mentalist book. Apparently it can be useful to get rid of problem behaviors. And will make me feel more like a Wizard.

 

 

 

It doesn't sound weird XD And I want to get to this happy part of life that you've managed to find. It's like...

 

Step 1: financial dependence, misery, and all around blahs.

Step 2: ?????????

Step 3: Happiness and success!

 

Step 2 involves a lot of falling flat on my face so far -_- When did you get into med school btw? It used to be my goal, and I was totally motivated for the first three years of my degree, but then...I don't know what happened. I stopped wanting to be a doctor because apparently there's like 18h shifts and zero free time :\ The thought of going to med school is great, because I'd love to learn all those things. Ugh. I wish doctors here had more sane schedules. And that med school didn't cost 100k or more lol.

 

Do you have enough free time as a MD in Sweden? Like, enough for hobbies and relaxing?

 

Eeehhh, right, an extremely rough draft of my next challenge plans:

 

- Meditation/visualization of my character

- Stop drinking. GO GO GADGET SELF-HYPNOSIS!

- Draw things

- Read more (designate 1h for reading maybe?)

- Make mind palace. More on this next week XD

 

Maybe I should have a chat with mom about alcohol. 'Cause the 4L box of wine sitting in the fridge is making it kind of hard to not want to drink :\ I hardly ever buy any booze since I don't have much cash to spare anymore, but mom buys it all the time. There's that 4L box now, and all sorts of spirits in the liquor cabinet. It's never empty. Or maybe I should talk to dad since he's been alcohol-free for months now?  Ugh. I remember the days where if I had one drink I felt all guilty because fitness etc.

 

MAYBE I CAN POST BATHROOM MIRROR SELFIES TO SHOW NO-DRINKING PROGRESS. YES!

 

I got in when I was 24.

The schedule depends on what specialty you choose. I have a 40 hour work week and I am on call one week about once every 4 to 6 weeks.

The work of course never ends so I have to be disciplined and get home on time.

Falling flat on my face is something I have done many many times......

 

Lets work on the alcohol goal together next challenge!!

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I actually went back and counted things. I was writing this out in the official "Druids Report" thread but then decided to put it here because, well, the reason is rather obvious.

 

I also added E, for effort, to my grading scheme, for things between 50% and 60%. It was originally supposed to be F, but I didn't want to fail everything.

 

 

1.1, Lumosity: 19/42 = 45.2% F

1.2, sleep: Was going for 6+ hours per night. Met this goal with 18/42 = 42.8% F

 

Vanity goals:

1.3.1, picking: N/A. It all went to shit in the last two weeks, and I didn't manage to record my results during those weeks either.

1.3.2, water: Was trying to have 6+ glasses of water per day. Met this goal with 14/42 = 33.3% F

1.3.3, sober: On weekdays, so this is out of 30 since I was allowing myself 2 drinking days per week. 16/30 = 53.3% E

1.3.4, nails: 14/42 = 33.3% F

1.3.5, brush/floss: This had to be before bed, and other times during the day didn't count. 19/42 = 45.2% F

1.3.6, colder shower: N/A. I didn't write down my results on some (okay, several) days, and I wasn't showering every day either. I think I only had a hotter shower twice in the last 6 weeks, so I'd say that's still pretty good.

1.3.7, relax face: N/A. this was only something to be conscious of.

1.3.8, quinoa: 16.6% F

1.3.9, wear retainer: N/A. Aborted this around week 2 because I was worrying it was scratching the enamel off my teeth.

1.3.10, less coffee: Was limiting myself to 3 cups or less. 24/42 = 57% E

 

ATVlsAY.gif

 

 

EDIT: Forgot about the quinoa goal. 1/6 = 16.6%. F

 

Aaaaand this is why I've always been terrified of going back and adding up scores when I crap out in the last few weeks ;P

 

You tried!

That's what counts.

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Wauw, you indeed had a tough childhood. I may not have experienced the same things (just different things that also made my childhood tough, but that's not relevant here) but I can certainly imagine what it must've been like for you and what mental scars it has left on you. But I think it is good to realise that NF is a safe environment. People here are not going to bitch at you, they're not going to try and take you down. People here are there to help you, they will try to motivate you, be there for you when you're having a hard time. And of course I understand it is hard to just open up towards a community, because you have never felt like you could open up before without being hurt. Believe me, I have some experience with that and am still struggling to open up towards the world, but I managed to open up a bit (especially here on NF that went fairly quick) and I'm really happy that I did. I feel safe here.

 

Anyway, to talk about you drawing... Amazing! Do it! Practice, get good at it and draw comics. It is never too late to change things, you know. You're still young, take your chance. Okay, you do have a thesis to finish, but if you do that and you have that certificate in the pocket you'll be happy it is over. You can do whatever you want. You will probably need to work a job at first, but in your spare time you can draw and you can make the most beautiful things. And just stick all of that online, make yourself a portfolio and start sending it to comic book publishers. They usually need artists. Heck, go and have an interview at Marvel? Why not? The thing with this all is that you should start seeing it as possible, instead of ruining this awesome thought by saying it is impossible and therefore not trying it. 

 

And even though you failed this challenge, please know I'm not disappointed in you, nor angry or whatever. I'm here for you to help you when you need it.

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I got in when I was 24.

The schedule depends on what specialty you choose. I have a 40 hour work week and I am on call one week about once every 4 to 6 weeks.

The work of course never ends so I have to be disciplined and get home on time.

Falling flat on my face is something I have done many many times......

 

Lets work on the alcohol goal together next challenge!!

 

Wh...whaaaat? Those hours are really great. Here (Canada, or at least in the NB province) it's not uncommon for doctors to work 60+ hour weeks. And if you're a specialist you can expect to be on call something like 3 weeks on, 1 week off, if not more depending on whether or not you're the only specialist of that type in the area. It's completely messed up. Being a specialist in Sweden sounds freaking amazing by comparison.

 

The med school type of learning is something I'd love--and used to love in my first 3 years of university. Anatomy and physiology for teh win! I don't know what hapened after year 3. It was probably a mix of "I don't want to be a doctor anymore because what is work-life balance, what do I do with my life" and the fact that years 4 and 5 had a lot more long papers and presentations, which both make me hate life. But I don't mind writing or public speaking normally? It's like, as soon as you attach a grade to something, it becomes less fun and more stress. Boo.

 

And yes to round two vs. alcohol.

 

Yeh, I did try...well, the last week probably doesn't count lol. Maybe this is just the part of life where I start to realize that failing things isn't the end of the world, unlike what I've been taught for the first decades of my life?

 

 

Wauw, you indeed had a tough childhood. I may not have experienced the same things (just different things that also made my childhood tough, but that's not relevant here) but I can certainly imagine what it must've been like for you and what mental scars it has left on you. But I think it is good to realise that NF is a safe environment. People here are not going to bitch at you, they're not going to try and take you down. People here are there to help you, they will try to motivate you, be there for you when you're having a hard time. And of course I understand it is hard to just open up towards a community, because you have never felt like you could open up before without being hurt. Believe me, I have some experience with that and am still struggling to open up towards the world, but I managed to open up a bit (especially here on NF that went fairly quick) and I'm really happy that I did. I feel safe here.

 

Anyway, to talk about you drawing... Amazing! Do it! Practice, get good at it and draw comics. It is never too late to change things, you know. You're still young, take your chance. Okay, you do have a thesis to finish, but if you do that and you have that certificate in the pocket you'll be happy it is over. You can do whatever you want. You will probably need to work a job at first, but in your spare time you can draw and you can make the most beautiful things. And just stick all of that online, make yourself a portfolio and start sending it to comic book publishers. They usually need artists. Heck, go and have an interview at Marvel? Why not? The thing with this all is that you should start seeing it as possible, instead of ruining this awesome thought by saying it is impossible and therefore not trying it. 

 

And even though you failed this challenge, please know I'm not disappointed in you, nor angry or whatever. I'm here for you to help you when you need it.

 

I actually tend to open up pretty easily. The demons and skeletons in the closet also need to be allowed out to exercise, otherwise they get fatter and crankier and just become harder to deal with. The demons, mostly. The skeletons just get osteoporosis and complain. And if anyone else finds anything I post to be helpful, great! Am I taking a risk by posting all this stuff? Probably, to a certain extent. But then again, if some jackass ever decides to act all high-and-mighty by pointing out all my mental flaws I can just be like "Congratulations, detective dipshit, you've read my threads. A+ use of a search button. Have a cookie." XD

 

My childhood probably hasn't been that much worse than anyone else's, but the more I think about things, the more I can attribute some dysfunctional personality traits to things that happened in the past. Now, to change these dysfunctional presonality traits. It's almost like trying to lose 300 pounds that have accumulated over many, many years: it will take a while :\

 

Drawing things will totally happen in the next challenge. I'll probably have to get a new phone, though. OOPS, DO I SENSE A SPENDING SPREE?

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If you open up pretty easily, why does it feel like you don't feel safe enough to post your failures too? I understand you're afraid of disappointing people. But it's good you're letting them out. 

 

Also, just to comment back on how you don't feel like you can relate to super heroes with the story-line thing... If you pay close attention, super villains go through a similar kind of process, so either way you can relate to it. :) Maybe this means it's time for more films to watch, to pay attention to how they fight to get what they want. 

 

What kind of phone are you going to get yourself? :D

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Oh, I have no problem talking about past fails, but the ones in the present are tougher because a lot of time I think others might think I'm not taking anything seriously. I guess it probably doesn't help that I tend to use humor a lot. Or try to ;P

 

But villains always end up getting their asses beat in the end lol. They're always kind of, well, evil, too. Why do I like all the bad people? :| Eh, I suppose it's all good so long as I don't become a politician.

 

I was thinking of getting the Galaxy S4, but it's still rather pricey. There's no way in hell I can get the S5. I have an older Blackberry right now, and it still works, but...I need somthing with a better camera and more apps. I will definitely miss the real keyboard, though, because fuck autocorrect.

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I'm talking about the present failures too. You're here on NF, you're taking it seriously. You beat yourself up about your failures, you're taking it seriously. You take the time to post about things, you're taking it seriously. Sweety (may I call you that?), there are many clues that you are taking this seriously. Be more like Loki (I do what I want) and don't worry so much about the opinion of others. You know you're in a battle to become a better you and that's all that counts. Ef the world, ef other people. You are you and you are doing your best. YOUR best. Your best is not somebody else's best, okay?

 

And hey, I do like lots of villains too in films. And you make me very curious about how it'd be if you were a politician. Hehehe. I think I'd have a lot of fun, seeing you as a politician. *giggle*

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Lol. If I ever start to truly despair about everything and decide to end my life, I'm going to become a politician. I'm assuming it wouldn't be long until I got assassinated if I were to get into a position of power and then decided to actually improve people's lives instead of bending over for the corporations ;P

 

Like the late, great George Carlin said:

 

 

You know what's interesting about assassination? Well, not only does it change those popularity polls in a big fucking hurry, but it's also interesting to notice who it is we assassinate. Ya ever notice who it is, got to think who it is we kill? It's always people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Jesus, Gandhi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, John Lennon – they all said, "Try to live together peacefully." Bam! Right in the fucking head! Apparently we're not ready for that. Yeah, that's difficult behavior for us. We're too busy thinking around, sitting around trying to think up ways to kill each other.

 

First up would be the education system, because that shit's so broken it's not even funny.

 

About failures: I usually just wait a little while, so that present failures become past failures lol.

 

Tasks for the near future:

 

- Re-making and gluing 380ish little armor scales for my costume, before June 27th.

- Talking to supervisor again about having too many hours. I wouldn't mind if I didn't have that thesis looming over me still -_-

- Re-making chest plate for costume

- Asking seamstress to modify costume sleeves a little

- Wash costume, somehow.

- Finish up next challenge post.

- Thesis. Whatever.

 

FFFFUUU I'M RUNNING LATE FOR WORK D: Hopefully I don't finish at like 5:30 today.

 

BBL.

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Yeah, that thesis seems to be like a dark cloud, hovering over your head. It's a nasty thing. Can I read what you have so far? :) I'm actually pretty curious about what you have written and what it is about. I always hear you talk about it, but have no clue what it is exactly. 

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Congratulations on finishing!

I don't talk about thesis, I have two of them around...

 

About the reasons you don't like medicine anymore: The sound like they are coming from your mind.

What does your heart say?

Would you move to Sweden or Germany(not good except for anasthesia) to live your dream with reasonable hours?

 

You have made some experiences in your history that can make you a great doctor because you understand what is going on inside your patients.

 

=)

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