• Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

Bekah

Bekah's Step Seven: Aren't Princesses supposed to DO something????

Recommended Posts

Week 4 Day 1:
 

Challenge Goal #1: 
Cleaning, Organizing and Decorating: (Flylady) 0/5
This week's "Zone" is the Kitchen. I did NOTHING yesterday, I helped the girl with school ALL day long. We did start a family breakfast time in the morning before J and JJ go to their respective locations for the day, but that doesn't count. OH MY GAWD I almost forgot. I got paint samples and a tiny can of primer for my room...to try some colors :D :D :D :D 

 

Fresh Meadow: 

MPC00090239-2.jpg

Water Fountain
MPC00090283-2.jpg

(Opinions about my color choices welcome...I am not sure that I am thrilled now that I have them home, the blue is different than it looked in the store...I am thinking about a different blue alltogether now, but its not on the wall yet, so we will see)

 

042397052859lg.jpg

 

Challenge Goal #2:
Quiet Time: (reading and using my earplugs and taking time outs when I need them) 2/7
This went well :) Luckily J reminds me about the ear plugs, because the kids would have died yesterday! LOL! 

Challenge Goal #3: 
Helping People: (ambassador duties 30 min 3x week, Scouts on Tuesdays + extra stuff if needed) 0/4
I have a Scout meeting tonight and am planning to do some Ambassador stuff here shortly. 

Challenge Goal #4: 
Learn something new: (yoga breathing and meditations) 2/7

Yesterday and today I tried a new breathing and meditation technique. Well, the breathing was the same, the meditation wasn't. Normally I read a daily passage and contemplate it. And I LOVE that, but it's not the stress releasing feeling I need and the quiet mind feeling that i want, so just stumbling around in my brain, thinking about what would work. I thought about how during my Savasana I envision myself as the Wicked Witch of the West melting away into the floor, with all my nasty character traits and mean selfish feelings, etc. and so I thought, "I really need to let go of controlling shit and go with the flow" and I thought about what would make me feel that way, and I thought about water, and how powerful it is (we just did a lesson in Abby's science class about Erosion and Weathering) and how really, if there was enough water, I couldn't control anything about it, and that made me think of how jellyfish and crabs and whatnot in the ocean get all pushed around back and forth with the tides and how even the water flow in the ocean is controlled by something else bigger than it (gravity) and so I imagined myself as a piece of sand/rock/shell in the ocean, and just imagined being pushed around by the ocean and never having any sayso about how things went, and just going on about my day like a hermit crab who lives through the same shit all day everyday and is happy in his little ocean existence. and that REALLY worked out well. :D So I really need to stop trying to find the perfect thing that someone else came up with, and use my own imagination because it seems to always fit better in the end anyways. Although I will do those contemplative meditations because they make me think outside my box with things, and I like that. 

Oh and tried to do some Sun Salutations, and my body was pissed off at me for the rest of the day. It is NOT ready for plank position, much less holding it! OUCH!!!! 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hum ..... can you do something with a little more gold .... I don't know why I associate yellow gold with you.  Picking colors is SO HARD.  I ended up with peacock in my kitchen once.  Loved the color, actually. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hum ..... can you do something with a little more gold .... I don't know why I associate yellow gold with you.  Picking colors is SO HARD.  I ended up with peacock in my kitchen once.  Loved the color, actually.

This was the color I wanted originally, but it was vetoed by J, and well, since he is letting me decorate the bedroom in rainbow brite, I figured I can live without the sunny yellow walls. I think Peacock would look great in some kitchens :)

imagejpg1_zpsf2adca29.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Week 4 Day 2 & 3:

Challenge Goal #1:
Cleaning, Organizing and Decorating: (Flylady) 2/5
This week's focus is the Kitchen. I did Tuesday's but not Wednesday's Mission.

Challenge Goal #2:
Quiet Time: (reading and using my earplugs and taking time outs when I need them) 2/7
Tuesday this was good, got my ocean sounds CD and put it on my Ipod and it was great! Wednesday, I was overwhelmed and overtired and just ugh, but I didn't get too pissy :)

Challenge Goal #3:
Helping People: (ambassador duties 30 min 3x week, Scouts on Tuesdays + extra stuff if needed) 2/4
I did 30 minutes of my Ambassador stuff and went to Scouts on Tuesday.

Challenge Goal #4:
Learn something new: (yoga breathing and meditations) 3/7
I did both Tuesday and Wednesday, and I also watched a video about doing forward folds correctly,Apparently, I'm too fat to do them correctly and actually reach my toes, so I have been doing them wrong all this time unknowingly.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok kids, we have a problem. I have gained 15 lbs since I had surgery...WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! Seriously, I am eating toooooooo much. I stress eat everytime J and JJ get in an argument (every fucking day at least once) and having been on the NG tube in the hospital triggers my brain and puts me into "OMG I am going to starve to death" mode, and makes me want to eat EVERYTHING, even though I know its not true, but not eating for a week at a time, when I am not choosing to do it that way, really fucks with my head. 

So, I got home from the hospital, and I ate, and ate, and ate, and ate. and I stopped taking my ADHD meds (they made my blood pressure go up and I was always sweaty and gross, even inside, so I hated it for that reason) and those kept me from eating very much...so my brain thought it was a smorgasbord, since I am FINALLY past the "I am a fat cow if I eat anything at all" mantra of the last 3 decades. I can eat brownies and not hate myself, and I have been doing exactly that. Not that I dont have my moments, but its nothing like it was. Sooooo now I am gaining weight again....and I don't want to gain weight again. I want to LOSE weight again....but paying too much attention to my food = total psycho spaz mode and I have yet to find a balance. I like the idea of intuitive eating, yet I WANT sugar, all day everyday. So not ready for that yet.

So my thinking is....sugar detox, followed by intuitive eating program? Good? Bad? thoughts? ideas? 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd probably agree with you, I think it's really hard to "cut down" on sugar, but if you can survive going cold turkey long enough to break it's hold on you, you'll be far more likely to keep off the stuff.

Intuitive eating? Not sure what you mean by that... Is that just eating when you're hungry, or something else altogether?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Intuitive eating (my version at least) kind of combines the eat when you are hungry, pay attention to what your body needs nutritionally, paying attention and understanding how your food affects you physically, emotionally and spiritually, why you eat what you eat, why you eat when you eat...and savoring the food and respecting it's impact on your body and mind. Kind of an Intuitive + Mindful eating mash up.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

and yes, I have to cold turkey sugar, or else. No "soda on Fridays" or "donuts on Sundays" nothing. I'm like a drunk in a 12 step program with it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Please take your meds. I know I hate it when someone tells me, but the fuckers are usually right. Okay, always right. I can't find the real me if I'm off my meds. I disappear and any work I've been doing for myself goes to shit. I know it sucks to HAVE to be on them... You know all this, I'm just reminding you that you're worth taking care of!!!!

I love to run, damn it!

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

but I HATE them....

 

/me stomps feet

like seriously, the not sweating and being super fucking hot all the time especially now that its summer, is amazing. I can actually walk to the bus stop and not feel like I took a bath in my own sweat...I never realized that it was the meds that were doing it, I just remembered back in the day, that I didn't HATE summer and never felt so damn hot, and thought it was because I got fat, but it was just that the meds coincided with my getting fat, bc now I actually wear clothes in the house, and have more than a sheet on my bed, because I finally get cold occasionally, rather than it being 50 degrees outside and I am wearing shorts and a tank top because I'm not cold and still sweating even then...and I don't need the meds to live, they just make things a little easier to cope, but the negatives from them far outweigh the positives. I mean, maybe when I am in school, I will need them again...but for now, not going to happen. I

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

??? Different meds maybe?

Has your doc suggested different ones without the huge pain in the ass side effect? Sweating like that is not good for you. I don't blame you for stopping that nasty cycle, I would too. I just want you to be as healthy and happy as possible day to day. I'm hoping for you.

*big, dry, wonderful hugs for you* lol

I love to run, damn it!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

unfortunately, it's my only option medswise, the traditional meds are stimulants and my body doesnt tolerate them, and its the only non stimulant a ailable....so im stuck with the natural route or that med.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

unfortunately, it's my only option medswise, the traditional meds are stimulants and my body doesnt tolerate them, and its the only non stimulant a ailable....so im stuck with the natural route or that med.

Well crap!

So how are you doing with the change? Sounds like things are getting better. Not getting pissy as much, that's awesome. I wish I knew a great remedy, but i think you're right - it won't be as easy as meds. I'm hugging the stuffing out of you as I type. Yes, I'm that talented! lol

I love to run, damn it!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

the med change? the school change? the move back in with J change? there are so many changes, I cant keep up! LOL! 

I have been off meds since February, so nothing new there. I'm just getting fat and my brain gets mushy most days. 

For instance, I just tried to read an article about net neutrality and why its important and what its about etc. and I think I may have to read it another ten times before I can comprehend it, and I dont like it when my brain does that, and it does it daily now. Its like looking through a fog and everything is going super slow as molasses and just getting stuck and going the other way, and no one notices it but you. I hate that about my brain, it is worse because it wasn't always this way, it used to NEVER be this way....but now it is, and it sucks. 

The house change, eh its ok. As soon as one thing gets resolved, some other shitty thing takes it's place. The girl and school are working out well now after that adjustment, but now the boy is giving us trouble, when they move out, does it end? please tell me it ends. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh it ends. Well lessens anyway. The questions start up again and possibly the desire for help (financially and others).

I'm sorry about your brain. I feel similarly about my brain. I have different symptoms, but the fact that no one can tell or worse they don't believe it's your brain (oh just be happy already!), can be extremely frustrating. And I often just punish myself for my brain's malfunctions - that were created by others, not me. Why? How the hell do I know how shame works, but it does!

Well shit.

I love how brave you are. So that's something to hold onto. You are very inspiring even when times are crappy.

Hang in there, Rainbow Brite!

I love to run, damn it!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow! Thanks for sharing that Christ-Tien Jinn.

I'm going to pass that along to my friend who runs our local Headway group (for people who suffer head injuries)

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bekah

Hugs from me too!

You know this but I'm still reminding you, weightgain is no disaster. It's annoying and can be disheartening but you can lose the weight as well if you set your mind to it. I am certain.

 

Medicine or no medicine is not an area where I give advice. 

Take one (or four) steps back and look at your life from the outside and decide what is best for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok, I dont even know where we are challenge wise...is that a bad thing? I dont know! LOL! 

I had an amazing weekend, the first in a REALLY long time. Saturday was a really long day bc the boy had an audition for the youth philharmonic orchestra and it was an hour away (he is willing to take the bus there after school for the practice days, so that means he REALLY wants to do it...so I was more than willing to do my part, if he wants it that bad) and then we had to do shopping and more shopping for the food for the beach picnic on Sunday. Sunday I got up at 6:30am and made mac and cheese, a lemon cheesecake dessert thing and a strawberry salad. Then went to the beach with my whole family (like 20 people) and got totally hammered, and just had a blast. It was memorable, because it was maybe the first time EVER that J had a good time around my family, in the nine years we have been married, and the first time in almost as long, that I really enjoyed myself without any bullshit too. And to think on Thursday night, things were so crazy that the boy decided he wanted to run away (he's home, he just left in the middle of the night and we didn't know where he was, and he left a nasty note etc.). Shit changes in no time flat, yanno? 

I found a good couple of books and got them from Amazon: 


Holistic Home: Creating an Environment for Physical and Spiritual Well Being

 

Mindful Eating--A guide to rediscovering a healthy and joyful relationship with food

 

and then this is on my wish list: 

 

The Breathing Book: Good Health and Vitality Through Essential Breath Work

 

and we got some VERY good financial news that is going to probably push us into Babystep 3 (in the Dave Ramsey babystep method) and we also got some other amazing news that will allow J to be able to work part time and go to school full time so that he can finish in the next two years, since really that is our best option for future income, since I have been unable to find work, and he can't make enough without finishing his degree. So things went from pretty fucking hopeless and icky, to pretty fucking awesome in one week. Now if everything just actually goes well enough that it all STAYS this way until he graduates....then well, things will be amazing :) 

I also finally put some of the paint samples on my wall, and it turns out, I LOVE the second blue (pretty much the same color as this blue type) and didn't like the green with it, it was too yellow and needs to be more blue (I threw some of the more green-blue paint of that other sample on top of it, and like how that came out...LOL!!!) and we decided that an easy way to not have it all the same color is do contrasting colors on the walls, and doors (meaning the walls will be blue, and the bedroom door, the closet door and bathroom door will be green--and possibly the curtains as well) and I decided I want to do the same with the kids rooms, and so our hallway will be white painted, with each door a different color (there are six doors, between the closets in the hall, the bathroom door and the bedrooms) so it will be fun and colorful and everyone can choose their own colors for their room. 

So...there we are. 

Oh and Abby took her first tests for school over the weekend, and she got 2 B's and 1 A!!!! I am SO proud of her, because she has to work harder than anyone I have ever seen for school, and she is doing amazing, and its just sooooo wonderful to watch her succeed after struggling so much! 


So overall some VERY good things, and not much bad :D 

  • Like 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites