Jump to content

Lil_Red_Devil's Escape From the Killer Hedgehogs!!


Recommended Posts

In the not too distant future, when all weapons have been removed from the world, a virus has caused a fundamental shift in the rules of nature. What were once proud predators have been subdued and prey animals have become ravenous hunters with super-speed. In the UK, the most fearsome new hunter is the hedgehog. It is such a successful hunter that it has, in fact, killed all other predator competitors and essetially taken control of the islands. With its small stature and disarmingly cute appearance, it can easily sneak up on its unsuspecting victim and poke it with a neurotoxin quill, reducing the poor sod to a pile of twitching, gibbering mush. And then.......it feasts. It takes a hedgehog a few days to eat a standard housecat (requiring regular poking with its quills to keep its meal from running away), so imagine how long it would take for it to consume a human..........yeah, it's messy and all kinds of unpleasant. But we do have one advantage over this vicious creature: it cannot climb. Thus, the human race now live in tree-based colonies and being able to make a swift ascent is essential to survival. Not all trees are created equal, unfortunately, and some do not have low branches that are easy to reach to start the ascent. The skill of being able to climb such a tree is the ultimate test that any human must pass if they are to be allowed to go out foraging for food. The number of foragers in my colony was brought down after a coordinated attack by the hedgehogs, so I have been recruited to begin the training as I'm quite an experienced tree climber. The instructors are harsh, telling me constantly that I am fat, weak, and slow, but I suppose at the end of the day no one wants to spend 3 months being eaten by a hedgehog. I hope I'm up to the challenge.

 

(I already sort of started this challenge because I'm a numpty and can't read a calendar, but to be fair, it has given me a chance to re-assess my goals so I've made a few adjustments)

 

Main Quests:

 

1) Lose 3% bodyfat - hedgehogs are drawn to the scent of fatty goodness so I need to lose some of the squidge, but as my body has decided that it's going to build some muscle (which I totally approve of) I've decided to measure my improvement with callipers rather than numbers on the scale.  My current measurements put me at 18%, which I know is a bit lower than what it actually is but consistency of measurement will be more important than the actual number for this.  I will aim to accomplish this by monitoring my diet and shifting my intake to include more lean meat and veg with fewer refined carbs as well as cardio training at the gym 2-3 times a week.  Potential Stats: +3 CON

 

2) Lift 75% of my bodyweight on the assisted pull-up - being able to pull yourself up into a tree without using your legs or feet is an essential skill for survival, so I need to build my upper body to match the strength of my lower body.  I can consistently lift 55% of my body weight in sets of 5 and my max lift at the moment is 70% but the form is a bit iffy.  Lifting an extra 5% may not seem like a big goal, but my arm development has always been slow and it has taken me 2 years to even get to this stage.  This goal will involve specific strength training at the gym 2-3 times a week.  Potential Stats: +2 STR, +1 STA

 

3) Do at least 30 minutes of yoga 3 times a week - flexibility and strength are the keys to speed when climbing, so I have to keep myself limber and ready to engage my muscles in any position.  This will also hopefully keep my new muscle growth healthy and supple rather than tense and bunched.  Potential Stats: +2 DEX, +1 STA

 

Life Quest:

 

I have recently moved to a new area to start a new job and finally have a work environment that has a lot of gals in my own age range.  However, I'm quite introverted and not very good at making new friends (especially women), but I have decided that for this 6 weeks I really will make an effort.  Therefore, my life quest is to have at least 1 outing every week with at least one of the gals from work.  Potential Stats:  +3 WIS, +3 CHA (this will be far harder for me to do than the physical training)

 

Motivation:

 

When I have children (still a few years away but it'll probably happen eventually) I want to be a good example for them and to be a mom they can be proud of.  I want them to have a mom that can run and play with them, who can teach them how to climb trees, and who looks like a superhero. 

  • Like 2

 Level 2 Hedgehog

LRD's Daily Battle Log

Previous Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Epic Quest

"Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark."

Link to comment

The Most Loathed:  OMG!!! Kill it, kill it, before it begins feeding!! ;)

 

Vengefulpear:  Cheers! :)

 

So far things are going well with the training.  My workout yesterday involved a 10 minute run to the woods, 30 minutes of climbing in the trees and another 10 minute run back.  My arms and legs are quite tired from it, as I did get a bit stuck at one point and was clinging to some vines on the side of a big tree for probably at least 10 minutes total before I bailed onto a nearby branch.  This morning I did 30 minutes of yoga so that helped loosen me up a bit.

 

As for making friends, I went out with the 3 gals from work to celebrate one of their birthdays with dinner and drinks.  Unfortunately we didn't go to dinner until 8pm which is later than when I usually eat, so the pre-dinner drinks sloshed about in my empty belly for a bit longer than was pleasant.  Thankfully the Thai food we had was amazing so that made up for it, and I managed to join in the conversation without too much difficulty (thank you Alcohol). 

 

Overall, things are getting off to a good start, so here's hoping the good times keep rolling!! x

 Level 2 Hedgehog

LRD's Daily Battle Log

Previous Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Epic Quest

"Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark."

Link to comment

Yay! That is an awesome start :D 

wow that sounds like a great adventure of running in the woods! I would quite like to live somwhere where I can just go and do something like that! 

Assassin Guild Leader  Trainee

 

STR: 2 | DEX: 2 | STA: 2 | CON: 3 | WIS: 3 | CHA: 3


Current Challenge: Vengefulpear Revives!

 

Level 1

 

 

High Score:

Level 7 STR: 14 | DEX: 10 | STA: 1 | CON: 12 | WIS: 6 | CHA: 4

 

Link to comment
 

Yay! That is an awesome start :D 

wow that sounds like a great adventure of running in the woods! I would quite like to live somwhere where I can just go and do something like that! 

 

Yeah, I'm quite lucky that the campus I work on has a large wooded area on it that I can go play in and not be seen by anyone except the occassional dog walker who happens to look up.  The good weather has also been handy lately (sunny weather in England, who knew??), as the bark has been able to dry and I'm no longer losing my grip on slippery, moss-covered branches lol.

 

This morning shall be more yoga and tonight the gym! 

 

The only hard part I'm having with all of this is convincing myself that I'm not getting fat.  It's a challenge when you feel the arms and shoulders of your shirts begin to strain and your jeans become tighter over your thighs, but my waist measurement hasn't moved from 28" (I traditionally hold my pudge around my belly) and my body weight percentage seems to be steadily creeping down, so why do I feel so huge :(  My brain knows that it's most likely muscle, but it's still hard not to think of myself as turning into the huge mass of bleh.  It probably doesn't help that women's clothing is in NO WAY designed to accommodate a muscular build.  My other half and I have talked about getting a sewing machine so that I can tailor my own clothes, but it seems ridiculous that society has decided that the only way a woman can get bigger is by getting fat.  It honestly makes me hate going shopping, I dread it like none other, especially jeans - try finding something in the women's section that fits a 24" thigh and a 28" waist......yeah, not so much, so I usually end up needing a belt or accepting that I will only get my knee half-way to my waist before I pop a seam.  GGRRRR!!!!..........Ok, rant over, back to yoga to calm my mind.

 Level 2 Hedgehog

LRD's Daily Battle Log

Previous Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Epic Quest

"Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark."

Link to comment

Great goals, I want to join you outside climbing trees but I am over on the grass practicing handstands at the moment. Haven't seen any hedgehogs but I did find a rabbit eating dandelions earlier.

 

The only hard part I'm having with all of this is convincing myself that I'm not getting fat. 

 

With the kind of percentages you posted, you are certainly not fat!

 

Sounds like you are doing a great job with this challenge. Keep up the great work!

Challenges 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17

Instagram photos of daily life

Battle Log

"I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become" ~ Carl Jung

Link to comment

Well, the gym didn't happen last night due to the need to have a serious chat with the other half, but better then than letting it fester.  Fear not, all is well and I'll be hitting it tonight, PLUS I did more yoga this morning so that's 3 mornings in a row, Yay!!  My best friend is coming to visit over the Easter weekend so I may not post any updates until Tuesday, but fear not, the battle against the vicious wee devils continues on!!

 Level 2 Hedgehog

LRD's Daily Battle Log

Previous Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Epic Quest

"Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark."

Link to comment

Quick update (you'll get a full account of the battle later I promise): re-did my bf% numbers, started the challenge at 17.58 and this morning I'm 16.51 so yay! I've met all my goals for the week so A's all around and my assisted pull-ups are making some good gains. Happy Easter everybody!!

  • Like 1

 Level 2 Hedgehog

LRD's Daily Battle Log

Previous Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Epic Quest

"Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark."

Link to comment

Mission 1:  Naked Bums

 

My first mission was to infiltrate a hedgehog feast and collect samples of their neurotoxin for the scientists back at the Home Tree labs.  This involved a great deal of stealth, as I had to get close enough to one of the monstrous creatures to remove a few quills, but without getting caught.  The only time a hedgehog is THAT pre-occupied is when it's feasting on fresh meat.  Thus, I put on my camo, readied my collection baggies, doused myself in hedgehog urine to mask my fatty smell and headed out to the trees surrounding the nearest village.  As twilight fell, a hunting party of hedgehogs returned dragging the body of a pidgeon they had managed to take by surprise (actually it appeared too fat to even consider flying, must have been hanging around a human colony with bread).  With squeals of delight, the waiting hogs pounced; this was my chance.  I shimmied down the tree into the brush and crawled forward on my belly towards the nearest prickly bum (hedgehogs can't turn far enough to see their own bums, so any missing quills will go unnoticed).  Reaching carefully through the leaves, I grasped a few quills and with a quick tug they came free.  The beast gave an indignant skreech and quickly spun around to find out what rude thing had interrupted its meal.  Seeing and smelling nothing, the hedgehog returned to its pidgeon leg, never knowing how foolish its naked bum would look until the new quills grew in.

 

Last week was a great success!  Here's the breakdown:

 

1) My body fat percentage continues to drop (measured this weekend at 16.5%) so that's awesome!  I can also feel the difference, as I have fewer squidgy bits, though the muscles I'm growing underneath is making my remaining pudge look lumpy? (Grade: A)

 

2) Went tree climbing on Tuesday and to the gym on Thursday so that's 2 training days for the upper body.  My lifts felt really good on Thursday, I was easily able to do 3 sets of 5 at just under 60% of my body weight so wee!! (Grade: A)

 

3) I did 30-45 minutes of yoga for 3 mornings last week and my usual tight spots (right hip, right shoulder) are slowly but surely improving. (Grade: A)

 

Life Quest:  Went to dinner with the gals from work to celebrate a birthday, and though some alcohol (hedgehog urine) was needed to help me blend in, the point is that I did it and didn't stand out as too much of a weirdo.... I think....  (Grade: A)

 

This week will be challenging, as I will need to fit my training into the second half of the week, but there's a department social and quiz night on Friday so hopefully I'll convince myself to go along and be sociable.

  • Like 1

 Level 2 Hedgehog

LRD's Daily Battle Log

Previous Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Epic Quest

"Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark."

Link to comment

Hey! I just noticed that you haven't signed up the guild form.

 

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1scdu8yMffc4-roz5twnonx8BHuvUsVpYN4uskgc4MAQ/viewform

 

It only takes a few seconds and will allow you to be eligible to the Most wanted assassin list and also be added to the Assassin phonebook so that people with similar interests will be able to find you more easily. Also, remember to subscribe to the announcement thread (button "Follow this topic", upper right of the thread), if you don't want to subscribe, make at least sure you read it once a week. It is usually updated on Monday/Tuesday to present the new mini-challenge and Assassin most wanted list.

 

Good luck with your challenge!

Nuala, level 13 Robot mistress of pain, Assassin Guild leader

 

First journey: The Rise and fall of an Assassin

#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12, #13

Second journey: Crawling back

#1

Link to comment

Hey! I just noticed that you haven't signed up the guild form.

 

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1scdu8yMffc4-roz5twnonx8BHuvUsVpYN4uskgc4MAQ/viewform

 

It only takes a few seconds and will allow you to be eligible to the Most wanted assassin list and also be added to the Assassin phonebook so that people with similar interests will be able to find you more easily. Also, remember to subscribe to the announcement thread (button "Follow this topic", upper right of the thread), if you don't want to subscribe, make at least sure you read it once a week. It is usually updated on Monday/Tuesday to present the new mini-challenge and Assassin most wanted list.

 

Good luck with your challenge!

 

Whoops :stupid: All sorted now, cheers Nuala!!

 Level 2 Hedgehog

LRD's Daily Battle Log

Previous Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Epic Quest

"Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark."

Link to comment

Mid-week update:  Well, things are going ok but not as well as last week.  I've only managed 1 session of yoga, but I went climbing yesterday for 40 minutes and I'm going to the gym tonight so yay!  I'll try to remember to do some morning yoga over the weekend because my muscles could do with some stretching.

 

My SO's job contract just got changed, so we'll have to make some adjustments to our schedules, including workout times and such, but I'm determined not to let it derail me!

  • Like 1

 Level 2 Hedgehog

LRD's Daily Battle Log

Previous Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Epic Quest

"Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark."

Link to comment

Mission 2: Cooking in the lab

 

I successfully delivered the quills to the lab, who said they should have some results on the neurotoxin analysis in a few days.  I'm eager to get back to training, but my commander says I'm to stay at the lab and bring him the results the instant they are available.  It's dull times sitting in the hallway, playing Whack-a-Hog on my mobile and occassionally stretching as best I can in the limited space.  Finally, early Thursday morning a mousy little man with thick glasses pokes his head out and silently hands me a file.  Excited to be able to get out of the grey box of boerdom and back out into the sun, I rush out and start scaling branches in the bright light of dawn.  I reach the commander's hut just as the sun hits his windows and rap on the door.  I don't know why I'm surprised that he's fully dressed and on his second cup of coffee, but he invites me in to review the data.  It appears that the hedgehogs are producing a highly concentrated combination of a dissociative anaesthetic and an alpha-2 agonist, which leaves their prey awake, but unable to move or respond to stimuli.  So even though they can probably feel themselves being eaten, it doesn't hurt and their brain is so fuzzed that they don't really care.  According to the report, we can reverse the effects of the alpha-2 agonist but not the dissociative anaesthetic, so if we recover anyone who's been poked then we can likely get them up and moving, but they'll be tripping balls and have no sense of self-preservation.  My commander looks disgruntled, but I think that's par for this course for this guy.  He tells me that I'm to keep my training light so that I'm fresh and can go on the next victim recovery mission.  I'm less than thrilled to be sitting out of training, but if he's ready to send me out again so soon then I must be doing something right.

 

Breakdown for Week 2:

 

1). My bodyfat was 16.2% so that's another week of decreased fatty goodness! (Grade: A)

 

2). I went climbing once this week and did assisted pull-ups at the gym once, though a sore tricep kept me from making any progress - boo! (Grade: C)

 

3). I did 30 minutes of yoga for 2 mornings, which is better than nothing but didn't quite make the goal.  (Grade: B)

 

Life Quest:  I didn't end up going to the quiz night as I wanted to at least get one gym session in this week.  I did, however, buy and bring in some Peeps and introduced my co-workers to the joys of Peep jousting, so I'm going to count that as a win! (Grade: A)

 

So overall, not a total failure of a week but it can definitely be improved upon this week :)

 

Random advice question:  The fat on my arms refuses to budge and it is exceedingly frustrating.  My abs, back, bum and legs are coming along nicely but my arms continue to look like plump sausages.  I can tell I'm building muscle under there, as they are slowly getting bigger, but they lack any definition, which is frustrating as they are the body part that is most often on public display.  I know target fatloss doesn't work, but are there any lifts or exercises that would be useful at increasing muscle definition? 

  • Like 1

 Level 2 Hedgehog

LRD's Daily Battle Log

Previous Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Epic Quest

"Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark."

Link to comment

 

Peep jousting?

 

 

Peep jousting? Lol

 

Ah yes, I forget that UK folk are unaware of the existance of Peeps and their mighty jousting skills.  To summarize, Peeps are technically a food product made up of marshmallow shaped roughly like a chick, dyed radio-active pastel colors and covered in coordinating colored sugar.  People typically give them to children at Easter, but really after eating one you realize that consuming them is at best unpleasant and at worst downright toxic, so experiments began to happen.  The most famous of which is the sport of Peep jousting.  Essentially, 2 people each pick a Peep of different color and arm it with a toothpick.  Then you put them in the microwave and watch them expand!  Whoever's Peep scewers the other wins!!  Let the bloodshed begin :)

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9crHoeVk_4

 Level 2 Hedgehog

LRD's Daily Battle Log

Previous Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Epic Quest

"Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark."

Link to comment

Time for a mid-week update!  Already this week is going better than last week.  I went to the gym on Monday and got at least a short workout in that included a warm-up on the ellipticle machine before going into my pull-up training.  Sadly, the gym music was so loud that my SO and I gave up a bit early to spare our sanity, but I still got the essential bits in.  I went climbing yesterday morning and took on a new set of trees that were far more challenging than they appeared, but I triumphed!  This morning I did 35 minutes of yoga before starting work and I'm back in the gym tonight for more strength training.  I WILL get myself up to doing a pull-up, I WILL!!

  • Like 1

 Level 2 Hedgehog

LRD's Daily Battle Log

Previous Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Epic Quest

"Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark."

Link to comment
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

New here? Please check out our Privacy Policy and Community Guidelines